Am I Just Blind or Hopeful?

Dear M.,
I would so encourage you to try to reconcile for the sake of your child if this is not an abusive situation. Find a really good counselor-- if you are a Christian, I would highly recommend you choose someone who is a Christian counselor. Praying for the best for you and your family.
Hugs,
A.

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I think just about everyone deserves a second chance. I would take him at his word and let him back in your life unconditionally and just show him what he was missing while gone and encourage him to appreciate it. Counseling is definitely a great suggestion. Some second chances have led to the most wonderful relationships. If it happens again, make sure you take him to court for financial support- you don't want your son seeing you not stand up for yourself and he needs to support you guys.

By letting him back in you're teaching your son to forgive and love.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.,

Hope things are going ok. Basically, you are asking advice on a major life decision. I was thinking that you might like to get back with him and be looking for some outside guidance possibly due to non supportivniss on the part of your family who was there for you when he wasn't. Just a guess, but I know Moms and I am one too.

The betrayal is deep I would imagine. I have had a similar experience about 16 years ago. I was left with no recourse but court. I needed money and to go to school. See, he showed me he was unreliable.

Us Young Ladies have to stand on our own strongly and then we say yes or no and they leave, not us. Sounds so harsh, I know. If you can't make it with him without the worry of being left(you can't trust him now), then you have to set it up so you can be independent of him. And make him pay! Think of it as business. Get to know him again.
Counseling is always a good idea, if he is going to go and do the work. You get out of it what you put into it, and many younger guys say no. You should seek it for you regardless, I hope Christian, but do not be decieved into thinking he is soooooo in love with you.

Watch out no matter what he or anyone says. This man left you and a baby. That is biblically a sin.
If you are still reading this, then next, my friend used to say What's love got to do with anything and it is never enough. I didn't understand for a long time. YOU OR HE can love one another, but not have the integrity, accountability or stability to stay in the relationship. He might need to grow up or prove it that he has. Or is atleast trying.

You stick to your guns, and do some things for you and your self esteem. I recently changed hair colors and I feel like a movie star. Get educated, or beautified, treat you like a princess and let him know your expectation Will be higher.
Good luck.
Jackie(____@____.com)

M., HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEATS WOW!! I wish i would have married my highschool sweetheart!! Anyway i married someone else... and now im divorced, Sometimes men need a little i guess you could say "a wake of call" if you still love him and does the same.. Try to work it out.. Do not let him leave and come back leave and come back... if he really wont's to really make a Goal of it.. then you should try... BUT PLEASE PLEASE DONT LET HIM DO AS HE PLEASES!!! GOOD LUCK

T.

If you think he is serious and you want to give him a chance, then I strongly recommend seeing a counselor before you move in with him. A counselor will be able to get at the cause of his problem in the first place so it hopefully won't happen again. If he refuses to see a counselor with you, then he isn't totally committed. If you watch Grey's Anatomy, you'll understand this question. Is he the pig or the chicken?

If I were in your shoes, I would probably give your husband a second chance ONLY if he agrees to go to marriage counceling with you. If he really wants to work things out, he will do this with a very open mind. Sometimes it's hard to explain why people go through such sudden changes. I think that the hardest thing for you will be trying to forgive him (although you are totally entitled to be angry). You will probably have a lot of anger towards him for a while and that's okay. I believe that in the end, you have to do what is best for ALL of you. Your son is top priority no doubt. However you and your husbands happiness as a couple is just as important. Remember, the best thing that you can do for your son is to take care of your marriage! Good luck.

Leave while you can. I hate to be so blunt but for the love of GOd. If this man can leave and not see you but most importantly your son for weeks whats to say he won't do it again? Answer..... NOTHING.
He can't have his cake and eat it too which is just what he will be doing if you let him back. Find yourself an apartment. And just know that is better for you as well as your son that this happen now. Otherwise he is going to do it again in a few weeks or maybe even a few years. And it is going to hurt a lot worst then.
All you have told me in your email is that your husband left you in a very hard place during a very hard time. YOu have been a single mom to that little boy. YOu both deserve better. Sometimes you just need someone else to tell you that.