S.G. asks from Manchester, CT on February 17, 2008
Am I Going Crazy
I don't know where to begin. Let me start here, I have a bright four year old and four months ago had a beautiful 16 week old baby boy that passed away from SIDs and my family is forever changed. I desperately want to conceive again and my husband and i have talked about it and we've been so emotional that i don't know if i'm asking too much to try again so soon. I don't know what to do but thought maybe i could ask some other mothers out there for help. Am i crazy? I love my children and think about my little boy every day. I know another baby will never replace him but i don't think its too soon is it?
2 moms found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Thank you to all the women out there that sent blessings and wonderful words of encouragement. Since then my husband and i have talked a lot about trying for another child and well we tried a lot. LOL but unfortunately I took a home pregnancy test this morning and it came up negative. I counted the days and am pretty sure that I should be due today but maybe I'm wrong. I pray to God to every day that he strengthens my family through our trials. I will keep everyone posted if anything should happen.
S.C. answers from Boston on February 19, 2008
First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. But from personal experience, I don't think it's too soon. A year and a half ago, we had a full-term stillbirth. Our son died during labor on his due date. We waited six months to try again, but I wish we had started sooner! The good news is that we have a healthy 14 week old son now (in addition to his 4 1/2 year old brother). I think 4 months is plenty - because it's not as if a new baby is going to show up tomorrow. You don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant and then you'll have another 9 months to go. I hope this is helpful. I'll be thinking of you.
1 mom found this helpful
B.B. answers from Boston on February 18, 2008
I am sorry for your loss. I too lost a child to SIDS she would be 17 yrs old in a week if she was still with us. According to the information that I got when she passed they SUGGESTED waiting for at least a year before having another child. So that you'll have time to morn. But I believe you need to do what is best for you and your family.
L.L. answers from Hartford on February 18, 2008
Dear S., First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the pain you must have gone through, and still are. As much as you want another child, maybe you should let your body and soul heal just a little while. There will be another baby to love, just give it a little time. You will be a stronger person for it and will be ready to love a different little person without feeling as much of the pain. Good luck and God bless. L.
K.D. answers from Boston on February 19, 2008
You and your husband both need to be on the same page about having another baby . Have you spoke to anyone in the professional feild about how you are feeling ? Gynocologist ? Midwife ? Maybe they could help you with what you are going through . My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you all the best in life . K.
M.S. answers from Boston on February 19, 2008
I am so sorry for your loss. It takes huge strength to cope with an experience like SIDS, and I am in awe of the power and grace that people who experience loss gain.
When to try again is a very personal decision, and is different for everybody. I would, however, talk to your OB/midwife about your plans and ask their advice.
I would also suggest finding out what local resources your area has. Many hospitals have a pregnancy loss (for any point pre or postpartum) support group, and it can be an wonderful thing to be with and speak with others who may be able to relate to what you are feeling.
K.B. answers from Portland on February 18, 2008
Gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. No, I don't think it's too soon. Your mind, body and heart know what they need and are telling you loud and clear. I can honestly say that I think I would feel the same way. It sounds to me like you have alot of love to give and need to find an outlet for it. Good luck in whatever you decide.
S.B. answers from Springfield on February 19, 2008
First, i am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have never lost a baby to SIDs, but I do know a little bit about grief and from what I know I'd just like to say that there are no right or wrong answers for you. You need to take things at a pace that feels right for you and your husband and your family. You are right when you say a new baby won't replace your baby boy, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to try and have as many children as you would like to try and have. Please reach out for support, from friends, family, and any grief support services you can find, but above all trust your heart. There is no cure for grief, but paradoxically, opening our heart up to love even more (i.e. having another baby), rather than shutting down ( i.e. not trying to love anyone else that much again) does seem to help.
J.H. answers from Boston on February 19, 2008
You are NOT crazy. Only you and your husband can decide when it is the right time to have another baby. If you feel that you are emotionally ready then go for it. It is a very personal decision and only you and you husband can make the choice of when the time is right. So don't think you are crazy!
Sorry about your loss.