Am I Going Crazy

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. But from personal experience, I don't think it's too soon. A year and a half ago, we had a full-term stillbirth. Our son died during labor on his due date. We waited six months to try again, but I wish we had started sooner! The good news is that we have a healthy 14 week old son now (in addition to his 4 1/2 year old brother). I think 4 months is plenty - because it's not as if a new baby is going to show up tomorrow. You don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant and then you'll have another 9 months to go. I hope this is helpful. I'll be thinking of you.

S.

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S.,

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost a child to SIDS she would be 17 yrs old in a week if she was still with us. According to the information that I got when she passed they SUGGESTED waiting for at least a year before having another child. So that you'll have time to morn. But I believe you need to do what is best for you and your family.

Dear S., First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the pain you must have gone through, and still are. As much as you want another child, maybe you should let your body and soul heal just a little while. There will be another baby to love, just give it a little time. You will be a stronger person for it and will be ready to love a different little person without feeling as much of the pain. Good luck and God bless. L.

You and your husband both need to be on the same page about having another baby . Have you spoke to anyone in the professional feild about how you are feeling ? Gynocologist ? Midwife ? Maybe they could help you with what you are going through . My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you all the best in life . K.

I am so sorry for your loss. It takes huge strength to cope with an experience like SIDS, and I am in awe of the power and grace that people who experience loss gain.

When to try again is a very personal decision, and is different for everybody. I would, however, talk to your OB/midwife about your plans and ask their advice.

I would also suggest finding out what local resources your area has. Many hospitals have a pregnancy loss (for any point pre or postpartum) support group, and it can be an wonderful thing to be with and speak with others who may be able to relate to what you are feeling.

Best,
M.

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. No, I don't think it's too soon. Your mind, body and heart know what they need and are telling you loud and clear. I can honestly say that I think I would feel the same way. It sounds to me like you have alot of love to give and need to find an outlet for it. Good luck in whatever you decide.
K.

Dear S.,

First, i am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have never lost a baby to SIDs, but I do know a little bit about grief and from what I know I'd just like to say that there are no right or wrong answers for you. You need to take things at a pace that feels right for you and your husband and your family. You are right when you say a new baby won't replace your baby boy, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to try and have as many children as you would like to try and have. Please reach out for support, from friends, family, and any grief support services you can find, but above all trust your heart. There is no cure for grief, but paradoxically, opening our heart up to love even more (i.e. having another baby), rather than shutting down ( i.e. not trying to love anyone else that much again) does seem to help.

You are NOT crazy. Only you and your husband can decide when it is the right time to have another baby. If you feel that you are emotionally ready then go for it. It is a very personal decision and only you and you husband can make the choice of when the time is right. So don't think you are crazy!

Sorry about your loss.

S.,
i dont think you are crazy. You know what is best for your family. Your 4 year old is grieving too and another baby to focus on would be a positive for all, if you are ready.
another child would be a gift to your 4 year old, im sure he/she is very sensitive to your grief. who is to say what is too soon, and what does waiting accomplish. you will always love your son and will never forget him, loving another child doesn't mean you love him any less, he would be grateful that your 4 year old wasn't an only child. I have friends that lost their second daughter to cancer at a very young age. they went through hell and struggled with the same decision. they ended up not having another,
but i feel for their daughter who lost a sister. i cannot pretend to know the grief that you or they feel losing a child, but they still have one child and their daughter will never have another sibling. i hope this didn't sound insensitve in any way, there should be no guilt in waiting or not having another child, you just sound like you are ready and it is what you want and i think your other child would be forever grateful. Good Luck and God bless your family

First of all, I am so so so sorry for your loss. I can not even imagine what you have been through.
If you feel ready, it is not too soon. No one can decide that except for you and it sounds like you are ready. No one will replace your little boy, but wanting to add to your life and family is wonderful, and you should not feel guilty about it. Another thought is how another child might help your older child. It may be good for him/her to see you happy and excited about a new little one coming into the picture.
good luck and do what you think is right for you.

OMG - I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I cannont imagine the pain you are in. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.

My thought is that you would benefit from a bereavement group - and Home Health and Hospice in Nashua has a wonderful program. There is no way through grief but through it.

Just get up every day and walk through it. It will never go away, but you will be able to function again.

As far as another child - you will know when it's time. And it doesn't seem to be now.

Once you get yourself and your family through this very fresh and raw time, you will - believe it or not - be able to climb out of the black hole you are in.

Give it time. So cliche, but true. You will never be the same - but if you can focus on the time you had your child and the joy he brought you instead of the day you lost him, you may begin to heal.

Focus on those 16 weeks... Not the time since. And breathe...

And then, when it is time to have another, you will know.

God Bless you and your family. My heart is broken for you.

My condolences to you you are going threw a very tough time. You aren't going crazy at all. You are greiving and I don't blame you for wanting another baby. A friend of mine lost her little girl from SIDS when she was 3 weeks old and had a baby the following year. She looked at the new baby as a gift not a "replacement" that some people will think you're doing by having another baby so soon. She had joined a support group for other parents going threw the same thing.
I'ld definetely take a little time to make sure you're healthy physically, emotionaly, mentally that way you can take good care of yourself while you try to conceive and are pregnant. If you can take a little vacation and try to enjoy yourself.
I wish you the best.

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Having not been through such a tragedy, I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you. As for wanting to get prgnant again, I believe if you and your husband feellike it is the right thing to do, then you shouldn't worry about whether it is to soon or not. The baby you and your husband would bring into this world wouldn't be a replacement (as you said) but would be loved and cherished for the individual he or she is... and that is a blessing in itself. I say to do what is right for you and your husband together. Make sure you are both ready...

Good luck..

God bless you. You are not crazy. My husband and I miscarried when we were married just under 2 years, and we wanted to try again right away. We finally had our first child, a daughter...15 years later!!! Two years after that, we had another daughter.

As long as you and your husband are in agreement, and you continue to love & care for your 4-year-old, it will be OK. Just take your time (maybe not 17 years...) and God will lead you the right way. Don't stress. You also don't have to forget about your little boy. He will always be a part of your lives.

oh sweetie... i lost a little boy in my 7 1/2 mark of pregnancy.... so hard.... but thank god you and i had other children, they need you and bring you back to the world much faster than if we could just crawl into our beds all day. i got pregnant 3 months after i lost him, and we now have a beautiful little girl... she was very needed by everyone! even by the kids, and we know she does not replace Elijah, but she is our love! She has brightened up our world so much, and believe me, i still think about Eli every day, even more because i see her doing all these things and i think of what he would have been like... you have to follow your heart and do what is best for you, as long as you don't expect a new baby to "replace" the one you lost, it will all be filled with love... the best advice I got when we went to the hospital to deliver was"take of your heart" and I repeat that to myself every day.... You and your husband will know whn it is right. Good luck to you, and if you ever want to talk I am here.

i am so sorry for your enormous loss. Life can be so cruel. Do whatever helps to heal your heart and know you have a beautiful angel in heaven looking out for you....my sympathies to you....

Only you and your family know what is right for you and your family. You shouldn't listen to others' advice--talk with people who let you ramble on without telling you what to do. You do need to grieve, but everyone's grief is different and takes different forms and timelines. It might help to connect with other families who have survived the loss of a child. There are probably support groups in the area. My cousin survived the loss of her two year old boy, and I had two pregnancy losses that I grieved quite heavily. Both of us went on to form families, but it doesn't take away the sorrow of those losses. Time has softened the edges somewhat--I remember, after my last miscarriage, feeling "crazy". Everything seemed unreal and I found no comfort anywhere. I felt very alone. Surround yourself with supportive people who listen and don't judge, and you will find your own, best path.

You are not crazy? Maybe confused. I think you and your husband both need to be ready and in agreement. He is emotionally not ready yet, and you may not be either. Ask yourself if you want another baby as a distraction for your own emotions or are you really ready. I would seek counseling, if you have not already. You need to remember that you are bringing in another human being into this family and you want it to be a healthy family emotionally, don't you? Healing takes time. The stress of a newborn may bring out other emotions you thought you had settled. I would really think about this and how it will effect your whole family. How do the kids feel about it? It should be a family decision. You may think you are ready, but you have a family unit to take into consideration too.

How very, very sad. There is nothing worse than losing a child. You have to decide what is right for you. It's your life and no one can make that decision for you. After all you are the one that has to live with the decision. If you feel having another baby is what you want then go for it. That might not be the right choice for someone else but could be very well the right choice for you. Go with your heart. I am a mother of five, grandmother of twenty and great grandmother of nine, one we lost due to major heart problems. So we have an angel in heaven too.

Dear S.,
there are no words which can express the sorrow I feel for you and your family. I think you also have the right to have the desire to have another baby! You and your husband are the ones who make the choices in your and your childrens life! You do not have to answer to other people and should not worry about others peoples opinion. As long as your husband feels the same way about it, I'd say go for it. Keep in mind to not put yourself under pressure to concive instantly. Make it part of the healingprocess and see it as a step to also connect you even more with your husband. I send you best wishes to you and your family!

My gosh S. no you are not going crazy! You have just gone through the most horrible thing imaginable. I send you strength and support and want to reassure you that you are not crazy at all.

Good wishes to you as you grieve--A.

S. - I just wanted to express how VERY sorry I am for your loss. I have a 13 week old and cannot imagine what you are going through. I think you should do whatever feels right. Listen to the little voice inside you.
You already know that your little one is with God, and that are not trying to replace him, so I do not think you are crazy. Giving yourself as much time as you need is not crazy either. I am inspired and touched by your courage. I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my prayers.

My thought is that God plans the family and the joy children bring, is amazing. Relax, enjoy your husband and let "things" happen. Every event in a family's life changes us and makes us wiser and stronger. It makes us feel emotions we never have felt before and to want another baby is a natural way to show love and affection for our family, as well as fulfilling our desires. You are definitely not crazy to want this. Go for it!

S.,

I have to start by saying I am soooo sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I have not experienced this myself, but I know someone who did. She lossed her baby boy to SIDS and shortly after his services her and her husband decided they needed to get away. Well while they were away the concieved and not only did god bless them with one baby but he blessed them with three. YUP they had triplets. You and your husband are the only ones that can really decide when you are ready. I will say that if you are really contiplating it then you are probably ready. I'm not sure I helped but my heart goes out to you and i wish you the best of luck!

I lost a child In March of 2002 and in April of 2002 I conceived a son. I will never forget my son Tripp and we talk about him everyday. My heart aches for him every day still. I love my son Zach and I have a daughter who was 3 when her brother passed (at 12 weeks from SIDS> I don't think your crazy. I think you want a baby with you in your arms and you have enough love for another baby so if you feel it is a good time than try. You will never be replacing the child you lost no matter how many kids you have. Try to smile, I know it's hard.
L. A

No you arent going crazy. It's normal to want to have another child. Just take the time to grieve. I say when you feel it's time go ahead. You know what you can handle. I have cousins who have lost their children and have gone on to have more chilren soon after. They asked me the same question. Sorry for your lost.

M.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. While it's true that no other child will ever replace him,sometimes investing in a new life can be a very healing experience. Follow your instincts and your heart, they will tell you what is best for you and your family. Remember to be kind to yourself. Remember the love.

Hello my name is D., I am a 31 year old mom of 5 I have two angels in heaven and 3 here on earth. I lost my two children in a car accident 8 years ago. I had a difficult time as well, I wanted another child as soon as I could. I only had the two that I lost at the time so I was a mom with out kids. I wanted to get pregnant as soon as I was feeling better. And no, another child will never replace your child you lost but in some way it does help. It did me. I was at the point where I was alone I had noone to take care of to love the way I did my kids and I always wanted alot of kids. I got to the point of depression, I did not eat I didnt sleep I lost alot of weight and was just giving up. The day I found out I was pregnant I was so happy I felt like I need to take care of myself and my unborn child. I did that I pulled myself together. I think back now and my daughter saved me. she helped me in so many ways she will never understand. I was lucky enough to have two others after her. I still think about my two angels every second of every day and my living children know about their brother and sister. Alot of people will tell you to wait. Its your and your husband desicion you will know when your ready. I know my little girl helped me and I was lucky to be able to have other children to love and raise. I hope this helped you. I know that this was a pesonal decission I made but I thought Id tell you my story. take care and god bless you and ur family Im so sorry for you loss.

D.

first, let me express my sympathy. I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have any words to make you feel better. I wish that I did. and as the mother to an almost 3 year old, I can't imagine having to explain that to a 4 year old. :-(

now, I would say it is up to you and your heart..if you can handle it, and such, then I say go for it. but make sure that you are ready emotionally. maybe you can find someone to talk to, join a support group of people who have been through it...

lots of prayers for you and your family!

D.

Dear S.,
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. It has been many years since our daughter died of SIDS, but we went on and had three beautiful children who are now grown. But we still miss our daughter very much all I can say is you will never forget your baby and by having another one you are not replacing him. It is never easy to go on but I know you will with the love and support of your family and friends. I wish you luck and i will be thinking of you all.

L. H.

S. G, i can't say I understand how you have been feeling not having been through it but I just want to tell you as a mom how it hurts me to know how difficult this must have been for you. I think that the only important thing for you to consider is that BOTH of you are ready. Don't worry about anyone else but you and DH.

Dear S.,

I don't know what you should do, but I want to send you a big(((hug))) and you can see from all these responses how much love is being sent your way. W. W

You're not crazy.
Go for it.
Wish you the best.

Hello S., Please consider getting you and your husband to a grief counselor. I realize with the loss of your precious son still so new, you are unable to think clear through the chaos that such a loss creates. There are so many things I could say, but won't, in this context. You will receive many heart warming responses which may help momentarily, but I sense you need to sit with a grief counselor. These professionals are often folks, who like you, have suffered great loss in some capacity, or can connect you with some one else that has for one on one support. Just know that a loss of this magnitude is a family loss, and the whole family needs the nurture and nourishment that healing groups bring to them. Look under Grief Counselor in yellow pages. If you can't call someone today for you, then call someone today in memory of your son. Call someone today for the well fare of your four year old. Call someone today for your husband. Call someone today for your unborn child. Blessings to you while you heal...

In 'Lak ech (Mayan for "I am another you'). Nz

S.,
I have never been in your position, but feel that your heart knows when it is time to bring another child into your family. Also, just like your son going home to God, your next child will come when it is their time to be here. In the meantime, enjoy your four year old and allow some healing to take place. You are not crazy, you are a great woman who enjoys being a Mom!

Blessings,
V.

I don't have any advice but wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss and God Bless you and your family.

S., my heart goes out to you. You are doing wonderfully in honoring your baby boy. I think that between the three of you (yourself, your husband and God) you will find what's best for you. There is no right or wrong. You seem very aware of your feelings - keep it up girl! - and you know what is best. All the best honey, and I will certainly be praying for you. Much love to you and your family.

Hi Sarah. I am so, so sorry about your son.

I am not a medical or mental health professional; just a mom like you, but your desire to have another baby so soon after the passing of your son should be respected and is not one that should be influenced by anyone other than you and your husband. I believe in God and I believe He has a plan for us all (including your infant son). Often we have no control over what happens in our lives. And more often, the "big picture" isn't clear to us so we can't even begin to comprehend why we must go through pain and suffering. My heart aches for what you must be going through emotionally.

If it is in your heart to try again, then go for it. Saying that a new baby won't replace the son you've lost goes without saying. You are not crazy. You've just got a heart that's aching to share all the love it has to give with ALL your children. And if it's in His plan for you to have another baby so soon, then it will happen. (Let go and let God.)

My warmest wishes for you and your family. Take care.
L.

PS... here's a ((((hug))).

S., I think you should see how your doctor feels about your health and if all is ok-try again! I know you loved your baby son and he will never be replaced but another baby could be healing for all of you!

I wish you well and keep faith in your heart and trust in GOD!

First let me say how sad I am for your lose. No parent should have to bury their child. Having said that, I have read that you should give yourself a year from a tragedy such as this so that your mind and body can heal. Give yourself that time to rest and regroup.

Dear S.,

I am so sorry for your loss of your little baby boy, words can not express my sympathy for you and your family. I think that starting again would be a good idea for all of you so you can let your baby rest in peace and give life to another child.
you know you will never forget him so the quicker yyou move on the healthier and refocused you will be on starting again.

I am a mom with two beautiful boys but I have never lost a child so my advice is just i would do to move on but never forget.

my best to you. your in my thoughts and I will say a prayer for you and your family to pull through this sad loss.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby. I can't imagine what you're going through. Remember that what is right for one person isn't always right for another. If you and your family feel you are ready then you probably are. I'll keep you in my prayers S.. God bless.

-J.

S.-
I am so sorry to hear about your son!! How devasting for you... I don't have any experience with this, but I think it's important to focus on loving and supporting one another and your next baby will come just at the right time. Praying that God fills you with His peace and comfort!
Take care of yourself!