Am I Doing Something Wrong?? - Neptune,NJ

Dear J., I don't believe you are doing anything wrong. I have 5 grown but I do remember them all going through a clingy stage. Some as early as 9 months where I could not be out of sight. It should pass. Just continue being the great mom you are. Grandma Mary

Just wanted to let you know that I felt exactly the same way. My husband is the stay at home Dad, but only part time. No matter where I go my 13 month old crys like crazy. She is to the point that when I walk in the door from anywhere if she sees me I can't even use the bathroom without her crying. I feel all the time like my husband must think the baby doesn't want to be around him. The the good news is that within a few minuets of me being either out of the room or out of the house she stops crying and is her wonderful happy self again. So it will get better (I hope)

Don't worry, its just a phase. My son went through that too and still does on occasion. Its usually bad when he's tired, sick, or yes, teething. Don't be overly concerned and attend to her without overdoing it. It will pass. In the meantime, try to occupy her with something else to get her mind of of crying for you.

It's just a stage. Wait until she starts clinking to your hubby only and then you'll be saying 'OMG my daughter only loves her father. Why doesn't she like me anymore?'

It is a stage of development, but she may always have a preference for you, which is h*** o* both you and your husband. He'll feel rejected and possibly resentful, and if you both allow it to, it may cause an undo burden of care to fall to you, plus you may feel guilty that she gives you all her love and attention.

What I tried, and it worked a little, was to say that mommy, daddy, and you are all a team, we all need to work together. Sometimes mommy will put you to bed (give you a bath, whatever the task is), sometimes daddy will, we need to take turns and work together. Especially since you have a new baby coming, you need a strategy so that there will be some balance to the workload, or you'll be completely worn out. (or you can just assign absolutely all child care for new baby to hubby - difficult if you are breast feeding)

Good luck, you're not doing anything wrong, but having a clingy child can be challenging.

Hi J.. My daughter is 15 months and doing the same exact thing. I have learned to cook with my hand, holding her on my hip with the other. I put my makeup on with her sitting on the counter while she plays in the sink, she follows me to the bathroom when I have to go, to the laundry room, when I dust, clean, when I wash her bottles, she sits by the sink. When I'm not holding her at my hip, she's often holding on to my pants, literally. And even when she plays with her toys, she wants me near by so she can bring her toys to me back and forth etc. I know it sounds pathetic but I was told this means we're doing everything right. The baby loves you and feels safe with you and wants to be with you. My girl doesn't even want to be with her daddy when I'm around...hehe. Enjoy it (I know it's frustrating sometimes, trust me...) for it will pass. I was also told a lot of kids go through this clingy period between 14 and 18 months, and then again, when they turn 2 or 3. You're a wonderful mom and your baby knows it, that's all!!! So hang in there and congrats on #2!!!

J.,

This is all part of your child's growth and development. I used to think I contiributed to this behavior too until I read articles from babycenter.com. It talks about all ages and stages of developement. The articles are wonderful and I have learning so much. My 23 month old is more clingy, and tearful when I drop her off at daycare adn my parents, now than she was at your dtr's age!!!!!! Congrats on the 2nd pregnancy. ------M.

That clinginess tends to happen before developmental milestones- normal. Just meet her needs and she'll get over it.

Hi J.,
I have a 14 month old girl who's acting very similar to your daughter. We recently started her in daycare and thought that might have something to do with it. Our pediatrician says now's about the time many toddlers of this age start to act more like this. It's like an internal struggle they go through trying to be independent and dependent at the same time -- very confusing to them and frustrating to us. We've been assurred that as long as we try to reassure our little one, give her options for distractions, et she will get more used to being independent and less clingy.

Congratulations on your second baby and best wishes!

Hi Jen,
This happened to me with my daughter at just about the same age. We took a LOT of criticism from family about how we needed to put my daughter in day care, because at that age she didn't want me to leave the room if we were visiting in-laws and would cling to me and would only be held by me. It was h*** o* my husband especially and we both did sometimes second guess our decisions (for me to be a stay at home mom and attachment style parenting) but fast forward one year and my daughter is very self assured and easy going. Now she is old enough to understand that Mommy will always be right back and so she has no problems interacting with other people, even being left in church nursery or with grandparent for a while. Be patient with her and realize its just a phase. She will figure it out on her own, try to resist the temptation to send her to daycare or off with a sitter during this stage- I found with family and friends kids, it just made their separation anxiety worse ( not if they had been doing it all along- only if they started during this phase).
I had to keep reminding myself when my daughter went through this to try and enjoy being the center of her world- it doesn't last long and before you know it they are into other things!
Best of luck with your daughter and with baby #2!

Hey J.,

It is probably just a phase and it will pass. It is nothing you are doing wrong she is just feeling extra needy at this point. Both of my kids went through the same thing. Sometimes my husband would look at me so sad and say "Why don't they like me!!" They just wanted me and that was it. It changed over time, but I didn't fight it. If I was walking out of the room I would just talk to them loudly so they could still hear my voice even though they couldn't see me. One other good game you can play is peek a boo. Stand in the doorway and peek your head in call her and then disappear. After a while she will realize that even if mommy disappears for a few minutes she will return. It may help. Good luck!!

Don't panic, you are not doing anything wrong! Babies just love their Momma's! My son is 27 months old and STILL only wants his Momma most of the time! :)
Enjoy it while it lasts...
Lynsey

J.,

It's separation anxiety. She's 14 months old, not 14 years old. She'll get over it. PIck her up when she cries, comfort her, and let her know you're there. You might carry her a minute, you might carry her an hour. It won't last, so enjoy it while you can. She'll be 14 before you know it. My son has it very mildly, but I don't generally leave him for more than a few minutes, and at that with his Dad.

I did get in the habit of explaining where I was going and what I was doing, and getting a response from him as to what I was doing, and when he understood, he was able to stand and watch me go and do the laundry (too dark and skeetery to take him) without the waterworks.

There's a lot more, but not much time, you can msg me if you have any other questions,
Good luck,
M.

It is normal behaviour. It is called separation anxiety. Read up on it in child developmental books. It is a stage and she will move on.

this is absolutely normal behavior for this age - my son has gone through a few periods of time of the same thing but then he gets used to it and adjusts. he is 19 months now and still sometimes cries if i have to leave, prefers to be held by me than anyone else - and otherwise he is perfectly happy, healthy and sociable - it is a mommy clingy stage - i just try to think about how in 10 or 12 years he won't want anything to do with me and i should enjoy the moment now... you are not doing anything wrong. don't feel like you have to pick her up every time, but i think it is probably best not to make a big deal out of it or make her feel like she is doing something bad... good luck!

Hi J. ... nah, you're not doing anything wrong. What I've learned is that this is completely normal, and actually healthy because you're doing something RIGHT! I went through the same thing with my son at about the same age. Your little girls clings because you are her whole world right now, and she doesn't actually see herself as an independent being from you yet. This will pass, believe me, even though it doesn't seem like it, and it can get very, VERY frustrating at times--especially when you have dishes to wash or clothes to fold, etc. I think girls probably "come into their own" more quickly than boys--at least that's what "they" tell me--but just to let you know my side ... even once my son got over the real clingy stuff for a few months, it started again recently--but not even nearly as bad. For example, he still follows me when I walk away, even for a second, but at least he's not latched onto my leg LOL And, his favorite thing to say is "Mine" ... so we know he's realized the difference between his things and everyone else's -- finally!! LOL You're little one will be doing the same in no time!
Look at it this way ... yep, this is the bright side, Mamma ... you're doing such a good job that she's looking to you for everything--guidance, a playmate, a comforter. She'll learn her own identity before you know it! Keep up the good work, try not to stress out too much, and CONGRATULATIONS on Baby #2 on the way!

-T.

awe, the mama bug phase. My little one is 2.5 and still has these moments. It is normal. Just give her the love and attention that she desires, even if it is so very inconvenient, and it will pass. Then, you'll look back some day and want that cuddle and she'll be too busy to give it.

Don't worry it's very common. My daughter is 14 months also and sometimes she clings onto my pants if I walk away from her for a minute. It's a phase they're going through. Check out:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-socializati...

www.babycenter.com has many answers to parents everyday questions.

My friends tell me to enjoy it, before you know it they're teenagers and they won't even want to walk down the same street as you.

Good Luck!
Good luck!