Am I Crazy Not to Have a Birth Plan?

Updated on March 15, 2012
J.G. asks from Minneapolis, MN
36 answers

I was in the hospital yesterday (I'm 33 weeks pregnant) and I had some premature labor starting which we quieted and I was sent home. On the way out we were chatting with the nurse who asked kind of casually if I had a birth plan. I equally casually responded that I did not and she was kind of surprised.

In my life I've learned to kind of go with the flow and that if you have expectations of how things are going to go and they end up not going that way, you are far more likely to be disappointed than if you have no expectations whatsoever. I've already had a child, and heck, as a mom I know that things aren't likely to go the way you hope.

I know a few things for sure. I'd like an epidural and I'd like an episiotomy if necessary...but other than that I'm not going to labor to the Rolling Stones or wear my favorite nightgown, and don't get me wrong I am *not* putting anyone down who plans this stuff. It's just not me. I don't know how I'm going to feel if I'm going to want to walk around or if I'm going to want to puke.

But I realize there's a benefit to having some wishes written down. I just feel like I'll express my wishes in the moment. I feel like I will know if I need to get up and I will ask to get up or if I need to lie down and I will ask to lie down.

So, did you have a birth plan? Did you just wing it?

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So What Happened?

Wow, so many GREAT responses! I honestly hadn't thought about a few of these things. The professionals thought of everything for me, though I was slightly horrified when they rolled a mirror over to me for my first. I could feel what was going on I didn't need to see it also. Though, I wouldn't consider it traumatic to have seen it, I was glad when they inadvertently tilted it out of my view LOL! My labor was a quick and dirty 2 hours with my son, pushing was 20 minutes of that. They had to take my son to help him start crying because he was premature and gurgling but not crying. They brought him to me as soon as they could to hold but then he had to be taken to NICU for oxygen. I want them to take care of my baby and do whatever they need to do if they need to do anything and then I want to hold him. I have carefully selected my physician and I've developed a close relationship with her and I trust that she's going to do the best thing for myself and my baby. I've had other doctors that I tried out where I didn't feel so confident.

That's also interesting to hear that episiotomies aren't common anymore. My doctor that delivered my son asked me "Do you want me to make an incision or do you want to tear on your own?" I said "Do we have a third option?" and he said no the baby was coming too quickly. I opted for the incision and healed wonderfully. I shudder to think of the alternative.

Featured Answers

B.S.

answers from Lansing on

Nope, I'm like you just rolled with the punches. And....everything went fine....both times.

Good luck and Congrats!

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M.P.

answers from Raleigh on

No birth plan. Just winged it for both. My opinion is that a birth plan just complicates things. I have seen women on here completely freak out when their birth didn't go exactly as they had outlined their birth plan. Besides, to me, it seems like one of those things that you do for the first baby because you don't know any better. :)

4 moms found this helpful

⊱.H.

answers from Spokane on

Nope, no birth plan for me!

My first was an emergency c-section at 35 weeks so a plan wouldn't have worked out anyway. My 2nd was 2.5 weeks early and a c-section. I loved my ob and had faith that he would take good care of me and my babies.

3 moms found this helpful

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I had my bags packed and knew how to get to the hospital. But other than knowing I wanted an epidural, we didn't have much of a birth plan either. Worked out fine for us with both of our children.

7 moms found this helpful

L.F.

answers from Dallas on

I told my doctor that my birth plan was to let her do her job. She thanked me.

6 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

You don't need a birth plan if you want the medical interventions. The hospital will happily administer the epidural and give you the episiotomy you would like.
I think for the most part birth plans are for people who want to avoid the medical procedures as much as possible which can be difficult in a hospital setting. Once you're there you can't be sure who (doctor or nurses) will be taking care of you. It will likely be people you've never even met so having your ideas about what type of birth you'd like to have written down is a great idea.
It isn't about a favorite nightgown or what music you have playing it's about keeping the hospital staff from managing your birth the way they want. Lot's of nurses will push epidurals and doctor's will intervene medically without even telling the Mother. It's tough to express your wishes when you're in the throes of labor.

5 moms found this helpful

F.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I had NO plan with either pregnancy other than having a bag packed and ready to go. =)

4 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I have no idea what a birth plan is. When I was pregnant I planned to give birth, does that count? :)

Is this seriously your plan at the hospital or how to get there?

I have four kids, four very different labors, four very different stories of how I came about being at the hospital.

Having a birthing plan sounds like herding cats, kind of pointless. Then again maybe I don't understand what it is but clearly I didn't have one. But hey! they all came out so I did accomplish the end game. :)

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

NO you're not crazy. I had no "birth plan" for either of my pregnancies. I just winged it. It was fine. I never felt like anyone was trying to force a decision on me or I didn't have ample time to think about what was going on. I had my daughters at two different hospitals, both times I felt well-informed the whole time things were going on, and very much part of the process. Don't worry about having a birth plan, especially if you are a go-with-flow personality anyway, and you plan to take it as it comes. THAT sounds like your birth plan to me.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

I tried to have a birth plan all three times, but anarchy prevails in these things.

bring conditioner.....and your own pillow

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

Birth plans....I haven't read the responses you received but there are benefits to having a birth plan. When you get to the hospital, you give the birth plan to the nurse and that way as your labor progresses you are not "bothered" repeatedly with issues that are already stated in your birth plan. For example, some women are dead set against pain medication or any other type of intervention like having their water broken and in the throes of labor, you should know from experience that you can get to a point where you'll say anything you really didn't mean because the pain is so intense. Women in labor are vulnerable and you would want it clear, if it was your wish, to not have interventions. Your birth plan would clearly state those wishes. Birth plans are not meant, however, to be cut and dry or set in stone type of things. Every woman knows how unpredictable labor can be so the plan should be created knowing that you will have to be flexible. Maybe you want to breast feed and you don't want any bottles, artificial nipples, or formula to be given to your baby. Your birth plan would state this information. Maybe you don't want to use the hospital supplied diapers and wipes because you've brought your own, again, your plan would state this. Maybe you have a doula and you would state this as well. In the event of a c-section, you may want your husband in the O.R. with a still camera taking pictures of the birth (which, if you have a c-section, you should ask if you can have a camera in the room. I have pictures of my babies born by c-section)...your birth plan would state this. Of course, it helps if your spouse is equally vocal about your wishes too because birth plans can easily get misplaced or "forgotten" about so make sure your husband knows what you hope for, what you expect, and what your wishes are too. Maybe you don't want visitors in your room during labor, your birth plan would state this as well. Don't want student nurses working on you or your baby? Your birth plan would indicate this too.

Do you need a birth plan? Yes and no. It's really up to you as long as you know and realize that things can change very quickly making the "plan" useless. And making decisions "in the moment" can potentially leave you with regrets later on, especially if you felt coerced into something you didn't want.

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A.R.

answers from Houston on

I wung it. :) It turned out to be a scheduled c-section but like you I am not a planner. I couldn't muster the reserves. The focus is on having the baby and not how I got there. Good luck and many well wishes.

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A.F.

answers from Fargo on

My birth plan almost resulted in the death of my son. My doctor was TOO respectful of my wishes.
With my daughter, I didn't have a birth plan and my doctor and nurses were kind and considerate and informative in each stage of labor. I was always being updated and asked what I wanted. It was fabulous!

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

Yes - you are crazy to not have a birth plan. I did the "just wing it" for my first birth and got the textbook - hospital protocol - awful birth! I followed the directions of my doctor and the nurses - including lying in bed, hooked up to IV and fetal monitors and accepted the catheter and epidural when told to... then had to accept the c-section and that protocol as well.

For my 2nd birth, my (NEW) OB had me write a birth plan, then she reviewed it with me, suggested a few things that I had not thought to include, and signed it and had the baby nursery sign off on it as well. IT was already in my records electronically at the hospital before I got there. I was able to eat and drink throughout a 42 hour labor (not hospital protocol but my OB allows and ENCOURAGES this), I was not confined to my bed, I had my own nightgown, I had a wireless fetal monitor, showered when I wanted to and used a tub for pain relief when I wanted to, did not have the baby cleaned up before nursing (we are mammals and babies know their mothers by their scent which is a major reason why there are more problems today with women trying to nurse), nursed for the first few hours before any shots/blood draws, eye ointment, etc, gave my son his first bath myself, had my birth photographed, had my doula with me the whole time, never went to a recovery area, had my son with me at all times - he never went to the nursery and all "procedures" that we allowed were done in our room with us watching.

I almost took the hot, wet cloth they offered me after my son was born to wipe myself down but my husband remembered that I did not want that and he reminded me. I have a hard time remembering anything in the midst of hard labor. Also, if you have any wishes that are not normally allowed at the hospital, you can negotiate that in advance. If you are in the heat of the moment and decide you want to delay clamping but it wasn't discussed before, they will not "let" you. Too bad, too late.

Oh, and everyone looked at my birth plan and respected it - it had my doctor's signature on it. EVEN THOUGH it went against standard procedure.

Write a birth plan, discuss it with your doctor and know your rights. Educate your birth partner as well. You owe it to yourself and your baby.

C.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

What goes in must come out, sounds like a plan!

No I guess I didn't have a birth plan. Worked out pretty good, though. Probably I just got lucky all three times.

:)

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K.L.

answers from Des Moines on

I didn't have one with either of my daughters. With my second, my midwives actually kind of liked that I didn't have a plan. They said they would help me in any way that I wanted at the time...if I wanted an epidural, we would do that, if not...that was fine too.

I ended up not having time to even get an epidural...my now 6-month old decided to basically fall out in 20 minutes. I'm just glad I made it to the hospital!

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

No, I didn't have a birth plan, and it surprises me that the nurse was so surprised, because actually I have heard medical personnel express how "annoying" birth plans tend to be because is makes for an uncooperative patient, to some degree. Sometimes people get so stuck on their birth plans that they ignore the advice of medical professionals who deliver babies literally EVERY DAY.

I had scheduled c-sections for both of my girls and will for my next child as well (currently TTC), so it wasn't much of an issue for me, but even before I realized that I had to have a C-section, I didn't have a birth plan. We had attended classes to know what to expect, but that's about it.

Good luck!!

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

Just winged it... Didn't even have a bag packed... I will tell you a funny story with my first. I was only 21, so explains a lot already. I wanted my fist pictures with my baby to be great. So, I started having contractions at 2:00 AM, I took a bath, because the same thing happened 2 days before, took a bath and they went away. Well, they didn't, and I had back labor this time. Anyway, I was single at the time, living at my parents house, so I woke up my mom and told her I was in labor. I called my doctor, which we were about 45 minutes from the hospital. Anyway, mom was like, lets go, contractions were 5 minutes apart. I said wait, I have to hot roll my hair so I look good in my pictures, most mom's look horrible in their pictures. Well, needless to say, I too, looked horrible after 16 hours and 20 minutes of being in labor. All the curls were out, hair back in a ponytail, and no makeup on my face... I was exhausted, but so happy to finally see my little angel.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

No birth plan with either child. Told my obgyn my preferences during pregnancy regarding epidurals/episiotmies/etc, but I also understood that everything might not go the way I preferred depending on how my delivery went. Conveyed wishes to nurse at hospital upon her questions, and everything was done exactly as I wanted. I had no problems whatsoever.

I think birth plans are better for women who are more Type A personalities who like to stay in complete control of everything and who don't want epidurals or pain meds being offered. Sometimes birth plans can become overwhelming for hospital staff, when the demands of the mother prevent them from doing their jobs. Had a friend who would not let anyone speak a word. HUH??? My sister also had a birth plan (she is Type A), and after she spent 15 hours with back labor, she requested an epidural. She claims to feel like a failure because she couldn't follow her birth plan herself. I keep reminding her that her body couldn't relax enough from the pain to progress in labor because once she got her epidural, her baby was born 90 minutes later...

Nothing is wrong with a birth plan, but I'm not one to want to suffer in pain or doubt my doctor's opinions on what is best for me or my child when I'm trying to deliver a healthy baby. I TRUSTED my doctor to respect my wishes, but that might not be the case for everyone. Also, I knew my doctor would be the one delivering my kids, not another partner in the practice. :)

So I winged it twice, and wouldn't do it any other way if I had to again. You don't have to have a birth plan, and there's nothing wrong with not having one!

Good luck!

Good luck!

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❤.I.

answers from Albuquerque on

I didn't have a birth plan either, with all three. I knew I wanted to do it as natural as possible and with my girls I knew I wanted to try to breastfeed before they took them away (I had no luck bf my son and I thought maybe that had something to do with it). I just let my wishes known to the nurses since the docs don't show up until the last minute. With my daughter the doc didn't even make it in time, it was just one nurse and me and hubby. All my labors were super fast so even if I wanted pain meds I probably wouldn't have had time, who knows how it would have gone if I had longer labors.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I did not have a written birth plan. What I had was a midwife who knew that I did not want an epidural and I did not want an episiotomy. She and I were able to talk through things as labor progressed. If you trust your medical professional and are able to express your wishes and discuss things as labor progresses, I'm not sure what more is needed.

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☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I had a birth plan - not formal and written down, but had a definite idea of how I wanted it to go. Well, my water broke prematurely and nothing ended up going as planned, so I think you've got the right idea!

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☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, I had a specific birth plan because I wanted to give birth w/out an epidural and I wanted to avoid a C section if at ALL possible. I was also planning on nursing and I was determined to make that work, too. So I put that all down in a birth plan and the nurses and doc at the hospital had it as soon as I hit the door.

Beyond that, we also had a doula helping us and she was our negotiator w/ the hospital, seriously. Some things that hospitals do are in place to cover their butts, period. I wanted to be able to walk around to encourage the baby to come faster, the hospital wanted to keep me lying down and hooked up to monitors -- for no medical reason, the baby wasn't in danger. Anyway, our doula handled all of that and compromises were made on both sides. In the end, it was a marathon (36 hour labor), but I did it!

Good luck to you in your baby's birth!

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C.P.

answers from Columbia on

A birth plan is really just a wish list. Since you cannot forsee the future, you have no guarantees that it can or will be carried out. But, it does help you to consider all situations. For instance, how long to you want to wait until you have the eipdural? What drugs are you willing to take if you progress too quickly to have the epidural? If you don't progress, are you willing to have pitocin? Are you prepared to be induced if needed?

If you labor and deliver vaginally, would you like a big mirror so you can see your baby emerge? Do you want to be able to reach down and help pull baby out? Would you like baby delivered and put right up on your chest, or do you want baby cleaned up before you hold him? Do you want to see the afterbirth? For pictures, do you have instructions to keep your...*ahem!* genetalia out of the frames/videos?

I expressed my wishes in the moment when I had my first, and had a good idea of what I wanted with the second. But for some things...it's just nice to know the details. I mean, really...I had no idea you could have a mirror (it was a tremendous motivator to see baby's head when I was SOOOO exhausted!).

So best of luck to you, plan or not!

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E.F.

answers from Kalamazoo on

Healthy baby, healthy mom. That was my plan...and it worked, both times!

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N.L.

answers from Boston on

I think it depends on what you want for your labor. It sounds like you probably know what you're doing and don't need one.

For me, I didn't want an epidural, so I wrote in my (very short and simple) birth plan that I'd prefer they not offer me one unless I specifically told them I needed it. A couple of times during my labor I started saying things like "Gee, maybe I do want the epidural," and the nurse and midwife would say, "Ok, that's absolutely fine, but you're doing really well. Why don't you see if you can make it a little longer?" And I ended up managing to the end without. That said, I didn't have any complications, so I was lucky. But yeah, I'm glad I had a birth plan.

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

no plan.. cause I know that you can want what you want but you get what you get..

You may want a natural childbirth.. but hte baby is large and not coming.. so you get a c-section.

you may want a quiet subdued delivery but mom has a complication and they send in an army of drs to help out. You just cant control what happens in labor. The ultimate goal is a healthy baby.. if there is any reason that mom or baby is in trouble.. then the plan goes out hte window and the drs do what they have to do.

I had a difficult 16 hour labor with a forecept delivery.. I remember the dr saying I think you can stillhave a vaginal birht but we have to use forecepts.. I asked if they could use the vacuum and they said no.. I was so tired by that point.. they could have said they were going to use a saw... they let me tear.. It was a painful 10 days of healing.

I had an easy 5 hour labor with 3 pushes for my second child. the dr said he was going to have to cut me. I had a minor cut with a couple of stitches and healed in no time..

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

My birth plan was - I wanted a tubal ligation if I needed a C-section - and I had the paper work all signed and carried it with me at all times. Apparently many hospitals will perform a C section no problem even if you are completely loopy on meds but will NOT do a tubal ligation if you have so much sniffed the epidural. No it makes no sense but why take chances.

Otherwise, I was on the same page as my hospital's standard protocol so I winged it. My only goals were healthy mother, healthy baby - not any sort of life changing experience. Any more than DH expected his Achilles tendon repair to be any more than a straight forward procedure to regain a healthy foot.

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I had a birth plan with my first, but not second or third.

What hospital are you delivering at? Some hospitals expect them more than others I think... with my first they kind of laughed at me as "one of those mom's" who had it all planned out... then with #2 they were surprised I didn't have one...

I'd do more research about the episiotomy though... I think most doctors have stopped doing them. If you want one, you might need to talk about it before hand.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

I don't think birth plans are intended to guarantee you can wear a frilly gown or will have the baby coaxed out by a guy playing a pan flute. What I do think it means is that you are supposed to be somewhat guaranteed things will happen according to your wishes medically speaking during the delivery, such as you want to deliver in a tub versus in stir ups, or drugs versus natural.

With that said, my girlfriend who is an OB nurse at a major hospital in our area always half jokingly warned that without fail, all the moms who use a birth plan are asking for a guaranteed unplanned c-section. What she means by that, is anyone's guess, though I always thought it was her way of saying don't bother with them and to go with the flow because in the big scheme of things we can't really control the outcomes. So no, I don't think you're crazy to not have a birth plan. I think having a doctor and nurses you can communicate with and trust is more important.

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C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I had a loose plan. My midwives asked me about it and I said - "this is what I know I want" and I did write down those three things and put in the hosptial bag, but never pulled it out or did anything with it. Turns out some things went the way I wanted, others didn't. meh - no biggie. I still ended up with two gorgeous babies;)
EDIT - so no, you are not crazy - it fits your personality, so you will be just fine.

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M.L.

answers from Houston on

You don't need to have an official birth plan. But it is good to talk to the Dr and hospital beforehand about certain practices and preferences.

Such as, do they allow or do you want rooming in, will your husband 'catch' the baby, do they allow relatives in teh room or a video camera if you want, what are your thoughts on episiotomies and what is 'necessary' to you, do you want the baby brought to you for it's first feeding or do you mind if they bottle feed it, do you prefer external or internal fetal heart monitoring, will they allow you to eat at all or just ice chips...

For example, I relayed my preference not to have an episiotomy and then ended up having a vacuum delivery... where I SHOULD of have an episiotomy to make it easier, but didn't, because my Dr listened to my request, but we never talked about the instances of if it was needed or not.

It is wonderful to be flexible, but it is good to have your thoughts made known and to even see if your Dr is on the same page, and to know what is the common practice in certain situations. Not all decisions can be made or will even be listened to on the spot.

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J.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

i had an open one. it wasnt dead set because i knew that i may want to back out of it. i wanted to try and go all natural and hit 6 cm and decided an epidural would be quite nice. so i got one. i listened to my body and i didnt want to loose it and try to be as pleasent as possible. so i guess i kind of winged it by plan? does that make since?

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I sort of had a very general plan.
I told my doctor I was fine with having an epidural and it would be nice not to have a c-section or an episiotomy
BUT
the goal here is to have as healthy a baby as possible and if any emergencies pop up, just do what ever you've got to do.

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V.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Nothing in my birth plan actually happened. Not even the Dr or the hospital. When the time came, my hospital was full and my dr only had rights at that hospital. Everything else slowly sort of vanished, but by my own wishes not the drs orders. I didn't want an IV. I didn't want drugs. I didn't want an episiotomy (I read somewhere that natural tears heal better). I wanted a mirror. I wanted to touch the babies head as he crowned. (This is just a short recap)

At 7cm, I wanted drugs (Not an epidural but just something they could administer through an IV... The drugs didn't work, btw). So that meant I needed an IV. I couldn't push hard enough to get my son out (And trust me I was trying), so the Dr was going to do an episiotomy. My fiance remembered me saying something about not wanting one so he actually stopped the Dr and asked me if it was okay (Looking back I'm glad that he was paying attention and looking out for me... At the moment I wanted to strangle him). This was moment during labor where I was ready for them to perform a c-section right there with no drugs as long as it meant that the baby was out of me. I just nodded my head that yes it was okay, but in my head I was thinking 'YES! Cut me open, I don't care. Just make the pain stop'. Lol. The nurses were trying to encourage me to open my eyes so I could see the mirror. One of them even took my hand and placed it on the baby's head. But I was in my little bubble, trying to concentrate on anything other than the pain. So I kept my eyes shut tight (I feel safer with my eyes closed), and put my hand back on the bar on the side of the bed. Even my fiance... In the birth plan it stated that he didn't want to cut the cord (He was hoping that they wouldn't even ask him). But when the time came he was like, 'Ya okay, I can do that'. Lol

So ya... Birth plans are great... But so pointless. Lol

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A.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I did not have a birthplan and I gave birth just fine. So many woman have one, why I do not know. My friend Sandra had one, 13 pages long ( nuts huh lol??) wanna know what happend....water broke at Tagret, kid crowned in the Ambulance and she was out 3 seconds after arriving at the hospital.

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