Am I a Bad Friend?

I wouldn't feel sorry for her or run to her defense, but that's just me.
What people do with their own lives is their own business, but she's been quite promiscuous from the sounds of it. Fun, fun, fun.....till the tables are turned on her.
Sometimes the only way to realize how much you can be hurting someone else is for the same thing to happen to you. Maybe she will get that lesson in all of this.
Seems to me she'd only make a fuss because it happened to HER.
If she really cared about the guy, she wouldn't have been cheating all along.

There's the saying, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."
I say that if you are the kind of person who thinks you can, then you might as well not be mad when someone else gets the same idea.
If she was my friend, and I can be blunt sometimes, I would tell her she got what she had been dishing out and if it hurt her, she should remember that hurting somebody goes both ways.

I don't think you're being a bad friend at all.
You might ask her why she sleeps around so much. Does it make her feel beautiful? Wanted? Needed? In control?
Surely she knows these other guys she sleeps with sleep with other people.
Her boyfriend is sorry. That says a lot about him. Her not being sorry for what she does may say a lot about her.

One of my best friends cheated on a guy that was so in love with her it was ridiculous. She blew the whole thing. He was so good to her and wanted to marry her and she tossed it all away for a fling with someone who wanted her for nothing more. She was sorry all right. Sorry when she got dumped by both of them. As if she did nothing wrong and THEY were the jerks.

Live and learn.
I wouldn't feel sorry for her though.

That's just my opinion.

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I am not sure exactly what you are asking. Is your friend all upset and emotional about her bf cheating on her? I think I would be tempted to ask her why she would be upset when he is only doing what SHE has been doing all along?
Maybe she will stop and think how HE would feel if he knew what she has been doing to him and will wake up and be a better person.
I think a really good friend is always honest and someone that be depended upon. Maybe this is your chance to let her know what you really feel about how she has been treating this man...and what it says about her.

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Well if that were my friend, I would tell her she aint' being 'nice' nor honest either. And she can't even fess up. TWO years of fooling around his back? What about STD's ?? Doesn't she ever think about that? That's a dangerous game to be playing. And to do that to other people, knowingly... is real mean. To say the least.

Anyway, I had a friend that was a roamer... and well I told her, she really ain't being nice and how dare she expect her "boyfriends" to be monogamous either. She was a "player" and really, that is a choice.
Not a "victim." They do it consciously.

all the best,
Susan

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Ummmm, no you are not being a bad friend but she is a bad girlfriend. She got exactly what she is dishing out. She is unfaithful so he is. Is she trying to play victim? If she were my friend I'd remind her about her indescretions and would tell her if you want to have a relationship with this guy then come clean, since he did last night. See where it goes from there. But I would not be the shoulder to cry on and I'm guessing neither will you.

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I don't know, but if it were me and I felt (as I do) that cheating is morally wrong in an exclusive relationship, I would have a hard time being close friends with someone who did not feel the same way. It's fine if my friends have different ideas about religion, different ways of raising children, whether they are SAHM or WAHM, etc. Different strokes for different folks, right? But when it comes to issues like whether it's okay to lie to the people closest to you, at least to me that's kind of a deal-breaker in a friendship. If she would lie to her boyfriend of over 2 years, why would she feel the need to be honest with you? That's the part I probably wouldn't be able to get over.

I guess also it would depend on your history with her. If you really feel like she's an okay person who's got her reasons for having been unfaithful and then not coming clean to her boyfriend, I don't see anything wrong with saying something like, "Well, maybe John was feeling like you had pulled back from him emotionally. After all, you have been spending more time with Steve lately... have you talked to him about why he did it?" Not really sure how that would go over. It seems like this is a scenario that is likely to repeat itself, given what you've described. Lots of drama there. Good luck.

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I do not think you are being a bad friend. I would not have been a good friend in that situation... the first time she cheated on her boyfriend he would have known about it!

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Personally I think you are not respecting yourself. What kind of friend is this that has no morals and is messing around on her boyfriend with not one but many lovers. To think she is even doing it on the same day she is with her boyfriend totally disgusts me. It makes me wonder what else this person does or even may do to you if push came to shove. Not the type of person I would want in my life because the drama that she subjects you to is obviously making you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you feel some need to keep her in your life which is fine, but if she expecting for you to feel sorry for her, I wouldn't worry about it if you don't. I hate to say what comes around goes around, but life has a funny way of circling around back on a person.

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Hmmm.......wonder why you're asking if you are "being a bad friend", when it is your friend's actions that are causing you to be uncomfortable? Some things to ponder.........Does she ever consider if coming to you about her affairs is causing any discomfort for you? Have you ever talked to her openly about her affairs, or more to the point, how her affairs (and/or, how she talks about them) affect your friendship with you?

You sound like an awesome friend, struggling with wanting to support her when she's upset, and yet not wanting to lie nor to compromise your own beliefs. I hope you can be as good a friend to yourself as you are to others. :-)

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Honestly, sounds like what she is hurting from is the realization that "she's not all that!"

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I'm too judgmental to call someone a friend who is able to betray someone that she's in a relationship with - especially if she claims to love him. I think it says a lot about her character and frankly I wouldn't feel like I could trust her on a deeper level. The question I would be asking is why are you friends?

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Absolutely not! Good for you! I think you would feel worse if you didn't follow your heart.

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I think you would be an even better friend to suggest she get help!! She sounds like she has some type of sex addiction to me. I hope she is protecting herself from disease. It seems she has major commitment issues, I'm not a therapist but it doesn't seem like she is capable of a healthy relationship.

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The only bad friendship is when the truth is not part of the equation. My friends know they can receive an honest, yet loving response to their questions and situations. If she cannot take it, then she is not looking for a friend but a "Yes Woman." Friends are here to help you grow as a person not just a sounding board. I say tell her the truth as you see it... Never allow someone to influence your honesty. It is her truth, although she may not want to see it.

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i am the same way. only i wait untill i am asked. most of my friends know if they ask they will get the truth. i wouldnt say anything.if he askes you about it i would say always go with your gut and he should go and confront her about it. but mostly i would stay out of all that hot drama.

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A.,
I don't think you are a bad friend at all. I would remind her how hurt she feels but at least he was honest with her unlike her actions. I also believe friends are suppose to be honest with each other, also let you know when you aren't doing things right, my friends have done that to me and I've done it too them.

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I don't think I could be friends with someone like her. How can you continue a friendship with someone you don't respect? I think that is the real question you should be asking yourself.

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Part of being a good friend is to share the good and the bad. I definitely wouldn't take her side with the, "he's a jerk business." I wouldn't throw it in her face that she's been unfaithful either (even though she is SO wrong!). Instead, I would talk to her and take the, maybe you guys should go your separate ways at this point. Neither of you have the feelings for each other that you should so why waste time with one another.

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I wouldnt have sugar coated anything. Treat others how you want to be treated. She got what was coming to her in my opinion. Sorry to be blunt. I hope they don't have any children :(

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What he did was wrong, certainly...but he tried to make amends. What she is doing is also wrong, but it seems to me as if she has no intention of doing the right thing. She can dish it out, but she can't take it. She doesn't have a lot of room to expect sympathy, really. And we all need some tough love sometimes. Maybe the hard truth is what she needs. I think you did the right thing.

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If she were my friend...I would dump her. If she does this to her boyfriend, what has she done to you behind your back? That's what would be on my mind. And I think he needs to know. You would want someone to tell you. I mean...it's only a matter of time before he "catches" something from her, if he hasn't already.

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No way, you're not being bad. My best friend of 20 years admits she has a double standard because she cheats on everyone but would never tolerate being cheated on. She knows how hurtful it is to others when they're cheated on, and when she has been cheated on in the past. She sympathizes when her friends when they get burned by cheaters, and hates the guys that hurt her friends etc. She's seen me through some bad burns over the years. She hates cheaters in movies and books....But she's a cheater! She doesn't hide it form me. I accept it. Some people just are. She never wants to get married, and I never introduce any nice, serious guys to her, and when people inquire about her, I tell them the truth.
form people like us. I'm not going to marry my friend, so I dont' care.
If she ever got burned, (which she hasn't since her first love-who cheated on her...hmmmm) she knows I wouldn't sympathize at all. I'd just be like, "Oops, that one got ya back!" I mean, maybe I'd sympathize since it hurts, but not in a situation like you're talking about where she cheated on that specific guy so much.
I wouldn't worry about how your friend feels about your response. You're not obligated to say any certain thing. Just be real if you're that close. You might even joke about it, like, "Are you seriously kidding me? You're mad at him? You cheated on him all the time!!! Ba ha ha."

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STAY OUT OF IT it is a sure way to loose a good friend.

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Be cautious......I had a "friend" like that, and in the end realized what a selfish, heartless person she was. And it came out towards me. She cheated on everyone she was with, but the worst part was she was married to these men. 3 total in FIVE YEARS!!! She would get me involved by using me as a cover, not even telling me and then her husbands would call me asking to talk to her and I'd be dumbfounded. One of her husbands was a complete psycho and threatened ME on more then one occasion. i'm not saying dont be her friend, but I'd think long and hard about it. Shes been dating him for 2 years and constantly cheating, how much can she care for this person? I wouldnt have alot of sympathy for her, but they obviously dont need to be together. Neither one of them can keep it in their pants so they should be single! I would simply tell her, obviously neither one of them really care about each other so move on. But I'd totally watch my back with this girl. Sounds like she'd throw you under the bus first chance she got. Who needs that?

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A true friend tells the truth, even when it hurts. You need to tell her that. If you didn't care about her, you'd lie to make her feel better and trash her behind her back like other people do but you are not that kind of person!

I'm like you, honest to a fault, but I've learned some tact over the years. Sometimes you have to sugar coat the truth a little and say it in a way that isn't so in your face, but no sense not telling the truth! Sometimes if you start by saying that you understand how she feels, but this is how you see it, that may help it not to sounds like an "I told you so" or another accusatory statement. Sometimes it's how you say it not necessary what you say.

Hang in there I'm sure she will come around and you can talk it out!

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