34 answers

Always Feel on the Verge of Tears

I always feel like I am about to burst into tears, and do often. At times my head feels like it is about to burst, and the whining is like a cheese grater running over my brain. When it gets bad I yell, loudly, and say things I do not always mean to my children, who just do not seem to understand what it means when Mommy is in a bad mood. They fight, they whine, they drive me crazy!! I know that all that is normal for children their age, and do not want to be overly hard on them, but lately it seems I am having these bad mood days more and more often, and when I am not yelling I am crying. I feel like I just do not know how to get everything back under my control. My husband keeps pointing out how little I get done during the day, and my house is a mess, and the chaos is just eating at my spirit. And now that school is almost out I find myself even more stressed, because at least when the older one is at school there is not fighting! And than I feel terrible, because I do long to spend more time with him during the day when he is at school. I am just so frustrated and tired, very very tired, all the time.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all you wonderful Mommies for your support. I do think it is probably a chemical thing. I tend to be anemic which can make me tired, drained, and effects my sleep. I am going to start taking my Iron supplements again, along with vitamin D since we are just coming out of the Alaskan winter. It could be hormonal since I stopped taking birth control last year after being on it for 17 years, but I do not want to go back on it if I can help it so I will watch my patterns to see if I get worse around that time of the month. I also do need to take more time for me and to exercise, so I think I will start walking after my hubby gets home so I can get both. I have let my own spirit suffer, I can not remember the last time I meditated, so I am going to start scheduling time for that in to each and every week as well. I have never tried things like St. Johns wart, but I will look into it. I have bee on Zoloft in the past but I was one of the few that it made manic rather than level, so that is not really an option for me. Thanks again ladies, and you are right, I forgot in the chaos of caring for others how to care for myself.

Featured Answers

I don't want to scare you, but it sounds like you are showing signs of post partum (still) and it is just now coming to a head...I was in the same position (I am a single parent) and was having such anxiety that if my children would ask me something totally innocent I would just react and scream at them...not what I wanted to do...I was also constantly on the verge of tears...at any given moment I had a flood wall ready to come down...I would have even cried as I wrote this to you...I felt like I was drained adrenally and was extremely tired all the time...I now take cymbalta (30 mg) for a short term basis and it is really helping....I have calmed down, can respond to my children intelligently and get enough rest to be well rested and don't have that wall of tear ready to flood my face at any given moment....I know this is not the quick answer, it took me 10 years (that's how old my children are) to come around to accept that I no longer have time to do the spiritual things that would normally help me cope...like when I get steaming mad - I love to go for a brisk long walk and when I get back I am fine...it was a case of go in the room and cry and have my children banging on the door on the other side crying for me becuase they didn't understand what was going on with mommy. The medicine does not "tune" me out like the meds back in the day did...when I was younger, I took meds to help with depression of being very overweight and molested for most of my childhood...those just zoned me out so that I didn't have an up or a down...just numb...would pass right on through stop signs and not even realize til I would almost get hit....it isn't like that nowadays...but there is help...I wish you much serenity and hope that you can find something that works for you...

1 mom found this helpful

I take St. John's Wort and Vitamin D for the exact reasons you stated above. I can definately tell a huge difference between taking it and not. It is not expensive and is life saving!

More Answers

When I read your headline I automatically thought that this post was about depression before reading it. Now I'm not sure if I think it is depression. I say have a family meeting. Everybody get together and just talk. Talk about what your concerns are and what your needs are, but make sure everyone answers any questions asked (not just one person answers and then on to the next question). It is a great opportunity to learn about what your family members are feeling and what they want or need as well. Very beneficial! You'll probably forecast it being 20 minutes, but it can be hours of discussion that felt like 20 minutes. Do not underestimate children either. They use simple words that have a grand impact and you can't believe sometimes what you are hearing. Your children know when you're in a bad mood, and sometimes that puts them in a bad mood too because they are upset that mommy is not happy. Write down all topics you want to cover and all questions you don't want to forget to ask. Remember to remain calm and when you feel like yelling or screaming... stop talking. Think about how you can say it as nicely as possible. If you feel like you're on the brink of tears the next few days, after having a family meeting, then you need to talk to someone (a professional) who can help. I had postpartum depression and seeked help from a counselor. All I needed was someone to talk to who I didn't know, because I didn't feel judged and their job is to just listen. I didn't need medication, but it is always an option specially if all else fails.

Always remember that you are a great mom! The first step is seeking help and you're doing just that. Don't take a step where you don't know where you're walking, because that's how you end up lost. You're on the right path, just stay on it. This wonderful network of moms have helped me through so much. It feels good to know you are not alone :)

My heart goes out to you! If you ever need someone to talk to I'm just a click away!

2 moms found this helpful

First - You're not a bad Mom. Staying home is hard. We can't all be a ray of Sunshine everyday. Take a deep breath, start your day with a shower. Refresh yourself. Make a list of a few reasonable things you want to get done - and start there. Feel good about yourself when you accomplish it. You're being very hard on yourself and it sounds like you're overwhemling yourself thinking of everything you need to do, and you don't like that you are doing.

Secondly - Call your doctor. Make an appointment for a full physical. Have them check your thyroid, your iron levels, your vitamin b12. Any number of difficiencies can cause a problem -- and we all know as a Mom it's easy not to eat right, or to ignore early warning signs of an issue. If everything comes back normal, then I would look at the possibility of depression and talk to your doctor.

Third - Get some excersize. Join the YMCA, or a local gym with daycare. Start a yoga class. It will get you socialization, good endorphines, and time to focus on you. At the very least start walking - take the kids with you if you have to. Go to a park with the kids and walk around while the kids play.

Take some time and figure out whats causing the issue. You'll make it!

2 moms found this helpful

I don't want to scare you, but it sounds like you are showing signs of post partum (still) and it is just now coming to a head...I was in the same position (I am a single parent) and was having such anxiety that if my children would ask me something totally innocent I would just react and scream at them...not what I wanted to do...I was also constantly on the verge of tears...at any given moment I had a flood wall ready to come down...I would have even cried as I wrote this to you...I felt like I was drained adrenally and was extremely tired all the time...I now take cymbalta (30 mg) for a short term basis and it is really helping....I have calmed down, can respond to my children intelligently and get enough rest to be well rested and don't have that wall of tear ready to flood my face at any given moment....I know this is not the quick answer, it took me 10 years (that's how old my children are) to come around to accept that I no longer have time to do the spiritual things that would normally help me cope...like when I get steaming mad - I love to go for a brisk long walk and when I get back I am fine...it was a case of go in the room and cry and have my children banging on the door on the other side crying for me becuase they didn't understand what was going on with mommy. The medicine does not "tune" me out like the meds back in the day did...when I was younger, I took meds to help with depression of being very overweight and molested for most of my childhood...those just zoned me out so that I didn't have an up or a down...just numb...would pass right on through stop signs and not even realize til I would almost get hit....it isn't like that nowadays...but there is help...I wish you much serenity and hope that you can find something that works for you...

1 mom found this helpful

Hon, you need a break!

And your husband needs to stop telling you the house is a mess. Your job is harder than his, and your job NEVER ends. Can you imagine how much more relaxed you would feel if you only had to watch your kids eight hours a day, and had a break for lunch? But you aren't a daycare worker--you are a mom, and that job is three eight-hour shifts every single day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year.

I don't know how old your kids are, but if only one is school aged, then your job is even harder. And that means you are tired, tired, tired, and for good reason.

How might your husband take a little of the chores on himself? If he believes your "staying home" means "laying around all day," how can he be convinced otherwise? My husband was fortunate, when my daughter was small, to have one job end 1 1/2 months before his new one began... and he became stay-at-home dad. He just about went insane. Now he makes no cracks about the house, for he knows all too well how hard this job is.

See what you can do to get some time--it could mean an hour walk while your husband is home with the kids in the evenings. Perhaps you could trade babysitting with another mom, and each of you get an afternoon off each week to do whatever (even if it's shopping without the kids or housecleaning).

I totally understand the messy house, but if you have little ones, as you clean, the house tends to grow all messy again, and very young ones often do not understand that you can't pick them up right now because you are doing dishes. Do you have a kitchen timer? Set it up with the kids so that they can see it, and give yourself a half hour twice a day, once in the morning, right after your oldest gets to school, once in the afternoon before dinner. Turn on some fun music, and fool the kids (and yourself) into thinking it's fun. Then clean, clean, clean--and when the buzzer goes off, the kids know they have you again (yet a lot can be cleaned in that time). Better yet, get the kids cleaning, too.

As to the fighting, I've found the very easiest way to stop it is separation. When my kids fight consistently on a given day, I put them in separate rooms to play, making it clear that because of the fighting they cannot play with each other the rest of the morning. Not only do they act nicer while playing alone (so that the separation can end), but they watch themselves when they are allowed together because they know more fighting will put them back away from each other.

I'm not sure any of these bits will help, but know that so many of us have been here... and it's so hard to keep it together. If breaks do not help, and if your husband cannot see ways to support you, counseling may be your only option. But you don't want the stress to push you into depression... and it can. Take good care of yourself, and I hope you find a way to achieve balance again.

1 mom found this helpful

Heather A. nailed this.
It might be that you need a break. Daily.
It might be more. Talk to your doc.
It might be that you can descended the food chain in your house and you need to put yourself back at the TOP of the list. You're a mother and a wife, not a maid and a servant! Family meeting time. Hubby needs to be on board.
Good luck!
If you're not taken care of, no one is taken care of and like the old saying goes: If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy!"

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that it could be a hormone issue or depression. Reading your post was like reading about my own life when I am having problems with depression. Sometimes my depression has been a result of hormone/birth control issues, so it could be that. I am very sensitive to hormones and it could be a simple thing to change that if that is your case. Everybody else has pretty much said everything I would say, so I will just repeat them: You are NOT a bad mom. Take some time for yourself to see your doctor and figure out what is going on. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

J.,
You are suffering from depression see your doctor, see an excellent therapist. Tell your husband you need support not criticism . There are all sorts of ways to deal with the kids whining etc. You could be dealing creatively with such problems and keeping up better with life if you weren't depressed. You will welcome back the person you once knew when you get better, Take care of yourself. It isn't selfish. IT is important for everyone in your family. You know that ad " who does depression hurt?" everyone.
That did not come out of thin air,
You deserve to have your joy back. You are a loving compassionate person you need to be able to get in touch with that value and live in it once more. XOXOXOOXOOX

1 mom found this helpful

Hey J.,

I know exactly how you feel!! I was going through this exact same thing and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Turns out I just needed a different birth control (too much hormone in mine was making me a little nuts)....

I would also, like these other ladies, suggest seeing a therapist just to have someone on your side. Its so hard being a SAHM. You have to do EVERYTHING.... and when ONE thing isn't done or in its place, "The house is a mess" talk comes up between you and your husband - as if you needed anyone to point out that there was something else you didn't do well.

Go see someone professionally who can hear you out. Someone you can vent to, and someone who may be able to help you a little more, if you need medication. I have been on antidepressants before for a short while, and I'll tell you one thing - they saved my sanity. I felt more calm, cool and collected, and was able to get back on my feet emotionally.

As for your house - please please please go to this website I'm about to list and give it a shot. When you first look at it, its a little overwhelming and you'll think its stupid. But just START it. Just get up tomorrow morning and START from the top with whatever they're doing that day and week. TRUST ME.

www.flylady.net

Best of luck to you babe, hang in there!

1 mom found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.