Already Anxious About Having a Newborn

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and I have similar fears about starting over. We also planned and were very excited when the test was positive but since then I've thought about how my almost 3 year old son will have to share time with the new baby. How will he react? How will I care for him AND a newborn. With him I snuck naps anytime he shut his eyes. This time I can't do that because if the baby is sleeping that doesn't mean my son will be sleeping too. I'm also sick right now from this pregnancy and I'm thinking wow, this is just the beginning of the pregnancy, I have so far to go! My mind is going a mile a minute but then I try to calm myself and remember that I made it through the first time so I can do it again. My son loves babies and should be a great big brother. I've always wanted two babies and now that's where we're headed. It's all going to be fine and work out.

I didn't have diagnosed post partum or depression after our first born, but was a lot apprehensive about having #2 and caring for our 2 yr old. He was ALL boy... running, climbing, into EVERYthing, didn't want to be held and VERY independent in every way you could think of -- except going to sleep (was smarter with #2).

Like you, our son was about 3 weeks shy of being 3 years old when his little sister was actually born. Something my husband kept reminding me over and over all along... he is 2 NOW... but when the baby comes... he will be almost 3. That is a huge difference in growth and development for your eldest. I was horribly sick with both my babies... all the way until birth. A lot of your anxieties are very normal. Try to remember that your daughter will mature quite a bit over the next several months and may be a huge HELP to you after the birth.. not just draining energy and attention that you don't feel like you'll have. Even trips to the grocery store (a nightmare with my son alone) were manageable with the 2 of them, once the baby finally arrived. We also had the potty training DOWN and COMPLETE, so one less hassle. :)

Do continue to be aware of your tendency for depression and make sure you receive proper care for that. But please DON't over worry NOW about things that may not be at all like you are worried they could be.
Congrats on #2!

Breathe.
The fact that you are feeling ill may magnify your anxieties. I know that when I am very tired, I can get over whelmed and sometimes a little panicky but when I'm well rested, I have more composure.

The fact that you sought help and received it after your first baby is great news. You know what you need to do and where to go in case you have a relapse.

The baby years can be trying, esp. with a toddler but you will get through. We ALL get through it. And those years are temporary, they aren't forever. Some days last forever but a few years from now, you will look back and wonder how time went so fast.

If you sit and consume your self with thoughts of what could go wrong, your situation will not get better.
Positive thinking...POSITIVE. Think of all the good things, all the great things of motherhood and quit thinking of the hardships.

Get out, go for walks, clear your head, get some time away from your little one and get some mommy time. I know its hard but let hubby know that you need this time. Even if it is curling up with an UPLIFTING book or something in your room.
Positive, positive, positive.

Hi B.- I wont lie to you, the second takes a while to adjust to, but you WILL come through it. I think its natural to feel some anxiety. I had a horrible second pregnancy as well, but the birth was much easier. I missed the bonding time I had with my first, but strangely enough feel more bonded to the second. Ultimately, you dont know how its going to be, how the 2nd will sleep, etc. I have two pieces of advice for you and I hope they both help make the transition easier. First, start referring to the baby as OUR baby and make your first child as big a part of it as you can. If they see the baby as theirs, it lessens the jealousy and makes it easier on you. Second, as with the first, its all about priority. Forget the house. Cleaning will have to wait and your man has to be informed now that the ball game is not only changing, but you will be playing a new sport that EVERYONE has to take equal part in. Start now functioning as a family/team and you may feel more support that will lessen your stress. Take a breath, be calm and have faith. You will be just fine.

No you are not. When I had my third child my second was only 15 months old. I was on birth control when I got pregnant and she was a complete surprise. I spent months crying. Then I had morning sickness pretty bad. Then my husband deployed and was gone from 8 months pregnant to when she was one month old. I was anxious, worried, stressed, depressed. It was difficult having a 4 year old, 15 month old who could barely walk, and a newborn. I turned to my friends and family. My family was 12 hours away and wasn't much physical help, but they were someone to talk to. I made it through it all in the end, and relatively well. Just hang in there. Lean on others for the support you need and don't be afraid to ask for help or let others in on how you are feeling. One day you will look back and realize it was okay. Others on here gave you great advice too!

Hi B.-

I was diagnosed with postpartum about 12 weeks after my first child was born. I suffered during those 12 weeks and didn't know what was wrong with me. Same as with you, I took a short course of meds and was back to myself. I wasn't terribly worried when I got pregnant with number 2 but was definitely aware of what might happen again.

I was very surprised that I did not have the same depression/anxiety with the second. I did have a bit of the baby blues and it made me nervous that it was happening again, but I tried to stay calm and it passed quickly.

I know a large part of my anxiety the first time was the unknown and the fear of taking care of a tiny person. I didn't feel that nearly as much on the second time. I knew that I could do it and even if I made mistakes, my son would be fine!

I know it's hard but everyone is right when they say to try not to worry now about what might happen later. Just be aware and make sure you have a support system. Your husband will be able to help you better knowing what you went thru last time. Don't worry - you'll be great!!!

Set up a support system for yourself now. For when the child comes. People who will bring you meals, people who will hold baby while you shower, people who will take the 2 year old away for playdates, people who will wash your dishes. I don't know if you nursed with the first child, but if you nurse with the second child, you sleep with baby in your bed or in a bassinet or something nearby and you more or less roll over and feed him/her. No getting up, turning all the lights on, getting all the way awake. Have Dad do the night time diaper changes, you nurse in the bed. It could help with the lack of sleep.

I have to add in with what a lot of other moms said--I had HORRIBLE PPD the first time, and when my second was born I was amazed at how much more quickly I adjusted. There was much less of a learning curve, I had a support system in place, and I had worked through a lot of issues that caused the first depression--including getting my hypothyroidism treated.

So please do check your nutrition right now, get any support you feel would be good (massages, etc), set up plans for anything that makes you anxious (babysitter once a week after the baby is born, freeze meals ahead--whatever makes you feel good) and relax!

The day-to-day schedule will work out. If nothing else, put a video in for your daughter during baby's naps. It won't hurt for a couple of weeks until you get a system going. And the second one will sleep right through the normal noise of your house--they're hearing it now!

It will work out! Remember to tell your caregiver too :-)

R.

What about seeking counseling now? Pregnancy should be a time for enjoyment, not fear. Maybe just talking to a counselor a couple times a month to help deal with your anxiety may be a big help, this way you will be proactive instead of just reactive.

I had a lot of problems with Anxiety and depression with my first child (now 3 years old). I had no problems at all with my next two babies (now 2 years old and 6 months old). Stop worrying and enjoy being pregnant. You should only have one more month of sickness left.

hello mommy.
no you are not the only one, think about something who give you joy and happiness when you think bad and BREATHE.

XOXO

REally ,really really it is nutrition.
The best I have found is Weston Price.com- they have sane advice about nutrition- if you only have enough of anything for one your baby gets it- that is for survival of the human race- so your job is to make sure you have enough for both, and often harder with the 2nd because of what you gave to the 1st.
Depression is usually Vit B having been deleted. Sometimes, minerals. Check With Standard Process Whole Food Supplements for a local practictioner to see what you actually need, I am pretty sure you'll be able to find them on the internet, if not send me a msg, and I'll hunt up the phone number.
Well done for being concerned, that will lead to a solution.
Best, k

No you aren't so stop beating yourself up. If you continue to be stressed in advance, please talk to your doctor. I don't know what kind of insurance you have, but some pay for some in home nursing a couple of times a week, giving you a break to nap, shop, whatever. If you have any family that could help out for a couple of weeks I would use them. Best of luck to you, and try to enjoy :)