Almost-5-yr-old and New Gun Obsession

I have to boys 5 & 3 and I had to laugh at Mary's repsonse. I was very opposed to toy guns. but my kids made guns out of EVERTHING...legos, toilet paper rolls, their hands, etc... My husband finally bought them a toy gun and they played with them a lot in the beginning then it tapered off. I chose to raise the white flag in that battle and I don't think they will have any long term or short term issues because of it.

I have two boys and I'm no gun fan, but I have stopped fighting that particular battle. One reason is that I realized (after reading some research) that kids work through their fears with fairy tales and stories of good v. evil. It's psychologically healthy for them and relieves anxiety when they play out those things.

So we started with knights and plastic swords and then there were light sabers, and then a friend bought them a star wars blaster, which is basically a gun that shoots play laser bolts . . . and I realized, you know, this toy gun concern is idiotic and there are so many more important things to worry about! Like you, we have rules - no shooting at people, etc.

Seriously, I think people overthink this stuff. I wish I could prevent bad things happening to my kids by keeping a specific little piece of plastic out of my house, but that's just delusional.

My son started in on guns at about the same age. He is now 10 and is still very interested in guns. It doesn't help that Daddy has 2 handguns in the house under lock and key. He knows the guns are in the house but does not have access. We have however, established rules with the toy guns he had when he was younger and we have allowed him to advance to pellet guns. He may only target shoot under adult supervision. We have gone to a shooting range with real guns and have actually allowed him to shoot with a small caliber 22 handgun under close supervision. We feel that if they are taught how to handle the weapon, care for the weapon and treat it with ultimate respect, not fear, that the curiosity will not overrule any "laws" we may institute in the home.

Guns are absolutely not allowed in or around schools - even toys. They have a Zero Tollerance policy and will take drastic steps if one is brought to school. Our son is well aware of those rules.

My thought process is if we take the mystery out of the weapon, it will reduce the curiosity and increase the respect.

These are very different times from when we used play cops and robbers. When my son was 13 we had a very scary experience. He and a friend were playing with a friend in a different neighborhood. My son is black, the friends were white and they were playing with a pellet gun (guns were a taboo in my house). Anyway a patrol car went by and stopped them. They thought the black kids were threatening the white kids. To make a long story short, one of the officers was kind in explaining the situation but the second one said to me that if he had been the first one on the scene, he would have shot my son and he wasn't smiling when he said it. These are different times and we have all read of cases where children have been injured or killed. It's just not worth it, there are many other toys.

One more thing, when my older sons wanted to go hunting with their father I told them OK but anything they shot they were going to eat, in other words, killing things for food is OK, killing as a sport is not. I don't remember them doing much hunting. BTW, I grew up in a family of hunters and to this day I can't eat pheasant. I've had enough to last a lifetime.

I was also initially uncomfortable with toy guns and other weapons. But then it seemed so cruel to forbid something that my sweet, sweet boy was so attracted to. So we made a distinction between "pretend" and "real", and three boys later, feel very good about this decision. Our only rule was that they had to be careful to not really hurt anyone. Pretend play, which I agree does seem to meet some developmental need, was fine. We also explained that the schools didn't yet know the difference between real and pretend, so any weapons were not allowed.Their interest in weapons ebbed and flowed over the years, but all three of them grew up to be kind and gentle, now ages 10, 14, and 17. At this point, only my youngest has any interest at all in the video games. I almost miss the "violent" pretend play.

Nancy-

My son is 5 and he knows how I feel about the whole gun thing. although, sometimes I will hear him making shooting noises and using his hand as a gun but as soon as he see's me he stops! Not to be a snob or a fuddy duddy but in my opinion there are soooo many other things to play with today that to let a child play with a toy gun is just not right. But as I said that's just my opinion. One day the news was on and my son heard the loveley headline of somebody being killed by a gun and then the questions.... Yes, when we were kids we all played with toy guns but times are so different now that we can't always be there when our child may be influenced that guns are cool by friends at school and I think that by letting them know when they're at home with us that they are NOT cool is a good thing. Do I think that my son will continue to play with them when I'm not around? probably, but will he know in the back of his head that guns are not cool- I think so.

Good luck to you on whatever you decide- and have a great weekend!

Jackie

I think the whole gun thing is blown way out of proportion today. I used to have my dad's cap gun when I was a kid. My girlfriend and I used to sit at the end of the driveway & "shoot" at the cars that went by when we were about 10 or so. Neither of us ever had any issues when we got older and we are both law abiding citizens. My son is 6 and I do allow him to use this same gun that I had as a kid, he is only allowed to use it inside (because of todays society and the fact that it was made in the 50's so it looks more real than anything you can buy today) so can not use the caps for it as we enjoyed doing. I have spoken to him about real guns and that they are used for hunting & for the police to protect everyone from bad guys. He doesn't play with the gun any more than he plays with his trains or other toys. I really think it is all in teaching them right from wrong, kids are facinated by things that are forbidden so I let him play & make sure he knows real from pretend when it comes to guns.

OK. I know you probably don't need another opinion, but for anyone else out there reading this as I did...I grew up with guns, I was allowed to handle a gun and was taught how to, I shot a gun, and I knew that I could use it to protect myself if I ever needed it. I was never fond of guns as boys are. I never liked the noise. I was also a little scared of it knowing its power. But, I loved the idea of the protection. I have a gun and my kids are allowed to get all their curiousity out with it in my presence, following the rules. They should have no reason to be curious elsewhere, because they already get to handle it with me. I had a proud mama moment the other day. One of the rules is that if they ever find a gun at someone else's house, even if it is in the toybox, they are not allowed to touch it without notifying an adult first and making sure it is a toy. They spent the night with a friend and found a gun in the toybox. My son stayed with the gun to make sure his little brother didn't get it (6 and 3 years old) while my daughter (8) went to ask about it. I was so proud that they actually did what I had asked of them. When they are a little older and can actually pull the trigger, I will allow them to shoot it so that they feel the power of it and know for sure it is not a toy. Guns are a wonderful tool for hunting and for protection. If kids are allowed to be curious safely, they won't need to be so curious when you're not around! They'll actually be the experts. Anyone who can't handle a gun shouldn't have one in their home. But, everyone can have their kids touch one and ask all their questions in safety. It would be good for their kids. There are gun safety classes in community education programs, etc. and most people know of someone who could show them safely what a gun feels like, etc. It will help remedy the curiousity and accidental shootings, in my opinion.

I had 4 boys (youngest one now 18) and they always played with toy guns. Played cowboys and indians (I know that is a no-no nowadays - too much stereotyping), etc. We also had rules - no pointing at each other, no shooting the dog, etc...but to me it's a normal thing and they will play with it for awhile and move on. If you make a big deal out of it and he sees that it "gets you going" he will continue as it gets more of your attention - know what I mean? I may be old fashioned, but if you let them play with it, have rules with it that are enforced and teach them correctly then to me there is no problem. Teach them correctly and they learn correctly.
Just my opinion - I hope it helps a little.
R.
http://www.mythirtyone.com/yourbaglady

I know how you feel. When my son was younger I did not want any guns at all. I refused to let my sister buy him any-though she did anyway. Then of course, how can e not let them when we played ourselves. These days boys don't play cowboys and indians. But if you reinforce the laws you should be fine. I had the same rule, no pointing at people or animals. The gun was taken away for the rest of the day if he broke the rules. It is a great way to call it a law also. My son is not totally into guns now. I made sure he understood what a real gun can do. My kids all also know that though things might seem innocent, they can be seen as harmful. No toy guns or knives, no nail clippers etc taken to school or the park.

I didn't allow toy guns either, but they made them out of Legos! I found it to be a phase that they grew out of.

Look at what they are watching on tv. They are very careful not to have "guns", but there are some type of weapons in many cartoons. I spent a lot of time talking about how they were hurting people and it wasn't right even if they were "bad" guys.

Good luck!
M.

My 5-year-old has looked at a PBJ sandwich, said "Hey! This looks like a gun!" and did a make believe gun play. There's only so much you can do.

I refuse to buy any guns that seem even slightly realistic, but I can be persuaded into purchasing a water gun or a Nerf foam dart gun, always getting the one that looks the LEAST like a real gun. (For the Nerf foam darts, the whole POINT is to play a game of tag safely, so the "don't point" rules may have to be tweaked.) He's got a Buzz with a "laser shooter" and an Emperor Zurg that shoots foam darts.

Basically, I try not to make HUGE deal about it, but any gun play usually is accompanied by at least some warnings or mini-lectures. The main point I stress is that when kids play with toy guns, they might find a real gun and think it's a toy. And I've used Google to find pictures of real guns that LOOK like toys and I ask if he can tell whether the picture is a real gun or a toy. (One the google page, there's an option for "Images" that searches for photos.)

Then there's the whole "BB gun as a toy" that comes up in movies like "A Christmas Story" and "Home Alone". You might point out that people weren't always as safe back then - "They didn't even use car seats!! Can you BELIEVE it?!?" - and a lot of kids got hurt, so most parents don't give kids BB guns anymore.

It helps that most schools and camps that have a costume or dress-up day don't allow toy guns, swords, or other weapons even if your kid is dressed like a pirate, knight, or ninja. I also don't let him take toy weapons to friend's houses, saying that "Ms. Lisa probably doesn't let Jimmy play with those kinds of toys - lots of parents have stricter rules than we do." (Sometimes even if I know Lisa has more toy weapons than our house.)

Toy stores like "Toys R Us" have entire rows of toys in the boys section that are downright disturbing, (not to mention the fact that they have VERY few things out for the kids to play with, so the whole "visit to Toys R Us"
that seems like a fun idea just frustrates them), so I go alone or take them to toy stores like "My Storyhouse Toys" in Roswell and "Learning Express" where they have MUCH better selections and lots of things on display for them to actually play with.)

IF you think he's mature enough, you can relate true stories of children that have been killed by guns because they thought it was a toy or wasn't loaded. Sooner or later, it will come up in the news, or even better,you can probably find a few stories from people you know if the subject comes up. Here's 2: (1)My friend had a childhood classmate who got killed when he played at a friend's house. The father was a police officer, who was so exhausted that he crashed out on his bed that day with his firearm on the nightstand (instead of securing it as he ALWAYS did). He had taught his own child gun safety, but the neighbor's child thought it was a toy. (2) I told my son about a great-uncle who, when he was 8 ("much older than you"), woke up very early one morning found his father's hunting rifle and woke up the whole house when the gun went off. He didn't survive. His sister told me the story in her 80s because it was the saddest day of her life.

I actually missed your original request somehow. We used to try to keep our sons from playing with guns. We didn't even have a water gun. But then we moved to a neighborhood with a lot of boys, and water guns were a big thing. So we relented. No issue. However, when the boys got out my husband's toy gun from when he was a kid (realistic looking), a police officer actually stopped to check things out. I'm glad he did in case it was a real one. Good luck! Every kid is different!

Hi, I just wanted to say that for some reason, a lot of this behavior must just be genetic. We've never even exposed our son to guns or swords or any of that stuff but he's now 4.5 yrs old and must have picked up on it from others. Instead of guns, he constantly pretends that everything is a sword and that he has to battle the bad people so that his friends and family are safe. It can be anything from a utensil to a stuffed animal ---they all become swords for him . Guess, it's just a way of taking control of their environment. They have to listen to adults all the time. By using guns or swords, they've empowered themselves (at least in their minds) over their own reality.

Christina hit it right on!Everything she said was my thinking. I was really nervous about guns-but had to tell myself to learn how to protect and all about guns. I have a husband that was raised around them-I too was, but just made me nervous. I now have 2 sons and they are very cautious with them. My husband takes them to the gun club and teaches them how to handle them.

When my son was that age and earlier, we did not allow toy guns in the house. We did not play with guns and my son never really pushed the issue. However, I was aware that he played with them from time to time at different friend's homes. When I would hear that a friend had a "real" gun in their home, I would talk to their mom about it, forthright, and ask her how it was stored. If he played with toy guns at a friend's home, I told him I wouldn't keep him from doing it...he knew how I felt. We will still talk about gun safety, especially, since we had an incident in our town where a couple brothers were handling a gun and, by accident, one shot another and killed him.... really bad, recent story and a life lesson in our home.

Yes, any mention of guns or weapons in school is very taboo. Bringing one to school for show-and-tell (like the kid who recently brought a dead grenade to school for show-and-tell! What was THAT family thinking???!!!) can get you suspended, after the school evacuates!

Good luck.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing with him. My husband and I teach hunter safety and shoot competitively at targets on a regular basis, so our 4 year old son is around guns on a weekly basis. We knew as soon as he could walk that he would have to learn safe gun handling skills as soon as possible. By the time he was 1 he had a cap gun (without caps). Every time it got pointed near a person, it got taken away for the day. He is not allowed to pretend shoot any living thing unless it is an actual game animal. This includes "gun fingers". His back yard and the gun club are the only shooting zones. He may not shoot at the store, church, school, etc. I was a little concerned about him pretending to shoot once he went to school. He started preschool this year and his teacher only had to tell him once that he could not "shoot" at school, not even preted deer or targets. He was totally fine with that rule once his teacher explained it to him. As for the curiosity, the other rule he was taught is not to touch things that belong to others, without their permission. When we get guns out to clean them, we let him handle them then with him standing right in front of us so we have control too. He isn't big/ strong enough to shoot for real yet, but we will know when he is ready because he will have to prove he can be safe with his toy gun first.
Boys will be boys and there isn't much you can do to keep them from making guns out of anything they get their hands on so just make sure they keep them pointed in a safe direction.