Almost 3 Year Old with Behavioral Issues

It sounds like Trisana has gotten used to being the center of your attention when your oldest is at school and she knows that when Josephine comes home, she has to share you. When our kids throw over the top tantrums, we put them in their rooms so that they can scream it out and we don't have to see it. A lot of times they will actually fall asleep and get a much needed nap. By putting them in their room, they don't have anyone to put on a show for, so they stop. Keeping them around everyone else during a fit only adds fuel to the fire. The next time Trisana throws a fit, take her out of the "spotlight" and put her in her room. Remind her that you love her, but that her tantrums are not acceptable. When she has stopped screaming go and get her. If she starts up again, repeat the process. See how it works

have you tried church or a daycare once or twice a week? maybe she just needs some socialization with other children occasionally, perhaps is a little jealous of big sis getting to go to school and make new friends, projects, and such. i used to take my little one to daycare just so she could get the social experience and it really helped develop her personality in a positive way, of course it's a great daycare, still take her there sometimes just to visit even though she's in p.m. kindergarten now. also, i used to use super-long time outs but have found that short ones equal to their age (4 years old = 4 minutes) work best. they can stay quiet and still for shorter periods but if time out is too log then they become bored and fidgety and forget why they're there. (i babysit nephews with some occasional behavior conflicts) sometimes my 5-yr-old has to take her time out with me sitting right across from her with no tv or radio on and nothing close to her so that it's a true thinking period. then short sentences in a brief (2-4 minutes) discussion usually clears it up. hope i helped! -K.

I understand and respect your views.I also understand what it's like to have a screamer. I have used a small swat to get there attention. As long as it's used with a firm sense of this is a attention to your bad behavior it's never violent or cruel.

My 3yr old daughter does this when my five year old son gets home from K @ 12:00. I've learned that she and my son need a transition period to get back together. I get her involved in doing something right before my son gets home. I tell my son to leave her alone and play separetly while I fix lunch. After lunch, they are usually fine together, but if I throw them both together as soon as he walks in the door, then there are problems. Also, there are more problems at this time if my daughter did not receive enough mommy time when my son was at school. I work for half the time my son is at school and the other half is completly devoted 100% to my daughter. This makes the biggest difference for us. My daughter also has more anger and frustration than my son has ever shown and I know that most of it has to do with competition, not just for attention, but she just wants to do everything that he can do and just as good.

I agree with the fact that there may be something going on with who is in charge... or she really is enjoying "being the only one home" when sis is away at school? Have you tried to talk with your daughter? Has there been a recent change that occurred to set off the events? Many times when I change things up at home, my son does "go off". If I talk with him, it does help and even tho they are 3 years old... they are smarter than some give credit for. They know what they want to say and what they want to tell you - or may be afraid to tell you sometimes.

Hope this helps? ;)

This is all about attention. 3 year olds are very egocentric, it's all about them. Since your mother is in the home dad should do something special with the 3 year old when the 4 year old comes home home from school outside of the home and make sure it's just dad and the 3 year old. She needs to feel special even when the 4 year old is around. It can be something as simple as taking a walk down the street or going to the park, but it has to be their special thing. Now make sure all the adults in the house are on the same page when it comes down to discipline. If she sees weakness in one she will manipulate that adult. Whne she has her screaming episode, ignor her. As long as she is safe and cannot harm herself leave her alone. She is doing this for attention, even negative attention. When the tantrum starts act very excited and happy to see the nice 3 year old but do not pay her any attention. If she falls out on the floor walk around her as if you do not even see her and then acknowledge her when she calms down.

I agree with you that spanking is a last resort, and you don't want to use that too often. I used to teach 2-year-old preschool. Your daughter's behavior is normal for her age (almost 3). She's gaining a lot information and independence. She may be wanting more independence than she has. Josephine has more independence than her because she's going to school. Trisana may be feeling like she's missing out because the older one is getting something she does not have (going to school) causing the friction and the need to fight for attention. I still nanny preschoolers, and had this very problem last year. This worked for me: Give your little one a schedule. Since Dad stays at home maybe he can find her somewhere to go. I set my little guy up with free or low cost activities in his area. Most libraries have a storytime, and many start at 2 or 2 1/2 years of age. This is usually free or very low cost ($1-2 a week). Check your local recreation department or activities in your area. In my area, I have a library, nature center, and community center. All 3 of these had a variety of low cost activities available for preschool age children. If the activity you're considering says 3-4, 3-5, ask them if you can still sign her up since she's almost 3. If they meet her and think that she can handle the class they may let her in. Once she has somewhere to go and socialize, she'll feel like she's going to school, too. She's no longer left out of the fun or attention.

We have had tremendous success with time-out. We put our 3 year old in time out when she starts throwing a tantrum and tell her that she needs to sit there until she has calmed down. She sits in a chair in the middle of the kitchen. When it's over, she gives us a hug and everything is fine. I've read that it's also good to take a time-out yourself to calm down and let your child know that you both need some time to calm down. Recently when she defies us, we tell her that we're going to take something away if she doesn't listen. For example, a toy or her favorite video. It works! Good luck.

Could she be confused as to who is really in charge? My parents stayed with us for 3 weeks after my daughter was born (son was almost 4) and then for a month when I went back to work. While they adhered to our rules at times it seemed like there were 4 "parents" instead of 2 and I think it got to be confusing. Maybe she is acting out because she needs a little more order (of course this may not be true...I obviously don't know what goes on in your house:)).

I think she is tired. I always gave everything to the oldest child, then when he was done with it, he gave it to the younger one. I never took things away from the older child to give to the younger, because it just makes the baby react the way you are describing. I respect the oldest child first. They are more like the parent to the young child. It sounds as if you aren't respecting the older child, and have made a baby out of the younger child. Start respecting the older child and things will fall into place. My older child still guides the younger one.

V. - Yuck! Tough thing! The only thing I can think of is that kids this age often have a hard time with transition. It is a transition time when her sister gets home. Maybe you have to think of creative ways to ease the transition through routine, ritual. She goes from being the center of attention, to having to share it with someone who is more verbal and has news (of school.) Even if she gets all kinds of attention when her sister is at school, it's still hard to relinquish that when she gets home. Maybe give your youngest some structured activity time when her sister's away. Then, give her the opportunity to share her "news;" with her sister (of what she has done when she was gone away to school.) Include a craft of something tangible that she can show her to compete with the school work show 'n' tell, too...Good luck!

Oh V.!

Sounds like your daughter is having trouble going from having everyone's attention to having to share it with her sister. I agree, there needs to be some kind of transition time to get your younger daughter back into the swing of things when her sis comes home.

As for the tantrums. All kids have a currency of some sort.... something they treasure, like, or just HAVE to have access to. Find out what that is. Often, if time out doesn't work... taking away that currency when they misbehave does. It's the equivalent of their world falling apart basically. Kids quickly learn how far they can push the envelope...how long they have to cry or throw a tantrum until mommy and daddy give in. However, if the consequences are severe (in their minds) then you can modify the behavior. You don't have to resort to spanking and such. You just need to find out what it is that your daughter REALLY needs to have in her life (a stuffed toy, a particular snack, whatever it is) and then take it away when she misbehaves. Of course giving it back when she is acting appropriately again. It's kind of like taking the car keys away from an older teenager who hates to be driven around by their parents. ;-)

Good luck!