Almost 3 Year Old Challenging Behavior

When my son was about your sons age, he would try to kick and hit me sometimes. I would get in his face and remind him how disrespectful and hurtful his actions were. What seemed to help with him was we designated an area at home and at his grandparent's house that was his "chill spot." When he felt himself getting angry, he would remove himself from the situation. I made sure everyone knew to leave him alone when he went to his chill spot so that he'd have time to decompress.

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Dear A.,
-Is he in preschool? Did anything disturbing happen at home or at school that is shaking him up?
-If you are absolutely, positively, no-doubt-about-it sure that nothing emotionally stressful occurred that triggered this sudden change in behavior, than I would start with the pediatrician. Your son may be physically uncomfortable.
-He could have environmental allergies, mild ear infection, sinus infection, toothache, "growing pains", hernia, etc.

-How difficult is it for him to move his bowels? Just yesterday, I was thrashed hard by a 4 year/old cerebral palsied kid's flailing extremities and bouncing head when she was uncomfortable from constipation.
-Have you tried giving him any Motrin or Tylenol to see if there are any changes in his behavior?

-I have spanked each of my kids only once, maybe twice. They knew that I don't believe in spanking, but it was my need to hit them beause they made me angry. How did I develop a need to hit if I was angry? Because I was spanked when I was a child... Remember that you are teaching him to hit others.

-On a humorous note, this is a conversation that I had 3 times:
Child: "!@#$", or whatever.
I spanked the child.
Child sniffling: "But Mommy, I thought that you don't believe in spanking."
Me: "I don't."
Child sniffling: "But you just spanked me. How could you?"
Me: "I don't usually believe in spanking, but at the moment that I spanked you, I did believe in it. I feel better now. I'm fine, and I don't believe in spanking again."

-My philosophy has always been that the more a child is acting out, the more needy s/he is. The goal is to get to the bottom of it and nip the problem in the bud. Fix the problem, be consistent, and the behavior will follow.
-Good luck!

Late note - I just came across a posting from last year June, 2007: Go to ... http://www.mamasource.com/request/12084064502375514113

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Hang in there. Three is an age with a lot of boundary testing. The child wants to know how far they can push and still be loved. For you, that means being firm and consistent.

When my son yells during time outs, they get longer. If your son can understand time, you can make the time out start only when the yelling stops. We believe in spanking too, but only after a verbal warning so that the child can learn that the spanking is directly related to their action.

As I tell my husband, this is why God gives us three years to prepare for a three-year-old. Good luck!

Have you tried getting down to his level and asking him why he's upset and hitting you? Children of this age are capable of relating to talking and compassion much more than time out and being ignored. It sounds like he's trying to get your attention!! Explain to him that his behavior hurts your feelings and you don't want to be mad at him or for him to be upset with you.
Good luck!!

I just wanted to say that I'm currently in the same situation with my three year old son. It seems like all of a sudden his sweet demeanor was replaced with angry outbursts. I've been putting him in his room until he calms down and then when he comes out I talk to him about it. It works some of the time but not always.

I feel for you, and I hope you can get things under control. Basically, that's what he needs, is to know that YOU are in control, and that his behavior is unacceptable. Be firm, consistent, and tell him specifically what he can't do (one warning) and what will happen if he continues to do wrong. I used the "naughty spot" for my daughter (also three) and for three minutes, she sits there, and I do NOT give her any attention for crying, etc, I just make sure she doesn't leave the spot, and if she does, I calmly put her back without looking into her eyes. I actually only had to do this for a couple of weeks. Now, when I give her the warning, she stops before she has to go to the naughty spot.
Also, be sure to give him your attention for the good behavior that he does, and spend time with him (even just a few minutes doing an activity that he enjoys) to show positive attention. I know it's hard when you're working, but sometimes that makes all the difference. Good luck to you!

Dear A.,

Pay close attention to what you feed your son before his tantrums over the next few weeks. He could be very sensitive to food dyes or preservatives. Check out www.feingold.org. Feingold is a 30yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about petroleum-based artificial ingredients in our food supply. These harmful ingredients cause a multitude of symptoms including ADD, ADHD, OCD and many other behavioral and emotional disorders. It is worth the effort to change your diet! Best wishes.

L. B.

We have been having the same types of problems with our almost 3 year old son. What has been helping with us is moving his time out to his bedroom, where he is away from everyone else and all distractions and we tell him to stay in there to think about his behavior and why it is not acceptable. We also have a new baby in the house, so that may be part of our son's behavior issues. Keep working at it, it will get better. This is an article that helped us too. http://www.parenting.com/article/Toddler/Behavior/ending-...
and-arguments/6
Good luck!

Read Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman. It helped me even though I didn't follow it exactly. Every little bit helps. Actually NOT giving my four year old warnings and just giving him appropriate consequences later seems to work much better--the element of surprise! It's a quick read. Good luck!

Has it only been a week? If so, hold tight and stay firm. I understand how frustrating this can be...my just three year old son has a tendency to COMPLETELY ignore my warning, which inevitable lands him in either time out or a pop on the butt. Boys can be awfully stubborn. Give it time and be consistent; it sounds like you are doing all the right things. As long as you present yourself to be in control, he will eventually get the message that you ARE in control.
It can be sooooo frustrating and time consuming, and for me, sometimes, I begin to feel guilty. There are days when I feel like I've done nothing but yell at my kids. It can wear on you. But unfortunately, tough love sometimes has to be carried out.
Stay strong and good luck.

John Rosemond is my fave parenting author, and he has a column in a lot of newspapers. I highly recommend checking him out on his website, which has several of the latest newspaper columns; I get his books cheap/used on amazon, or maybe they'd be in the library. He believes in no-nonsense, creative parenting. For your son, he might suggest three strikes and you're out. Each time your son hits you or does something else intolerable, put him in his room for an hour. The third time, he spends the rest of the day in his room and goes to bed an hour early. It shouldn't take more than a few days (at most) of this, and he will behave much better. We turn the doorknob around on our son's room to keep him in there during such episodes (so we can lock him in - he wouldn't stay otherwise). I wouldn't have him where he could continue to scream at me and make my hair stand on end. I highly recommend at least checking out his website at www.rosemond.com. He is all for a rare, well-earned swat on the bum, by the way.

A.,
Try "catching" him being good. If he makes it before lunch without throwing a fit give him a star on the calender. Again, if he makes it to bedtime without throwing a fit he gets another star on the calender. After 2-3 days, or 4-5 stars he gets a special treat. Maybe keep a box of cheap toys or suckers or a "coupon" for a trip to the park.
Also throughout the day as he obeys little requests you make of him (you caught him being good), i.e. picked up his toys, did something without screaming, tell him how good he was & give lots of attention for the little act he did.
I'm not an expert but an expert did tell me this & it worked most of the time.
My kids are now 19 & 22 but I had to work while they were little. It gets tiring but they are worth it.Pretend like you're not exhausted in front of them!
Good luck!
LB

my kids didn't do this but i babysat and the little boy did this to his mom. Is it a demand for attention maybe he feels he isn't getting enough, does he want you to play with him? when my little friend went through this and did a bit of acting out for me i used my mean voice and said stop this right now you will not act this way. and put him in a corner, as his mom did no punishing,i had to stand behind hiim in the corner till he got the idea. I also added special time for he and i to play and do something special when he wasn't in trouble hope all is well . sounds likeyou are doing a great job and your kids are lucky to have such anin tune mom cindi