Allowance and Sharing with Siblings

I agree that kids do not need to share what they've purchased with their money When I was 13 or so my brothers and I were living with my cousins. That's 5 children. Our rule was that we could buy candy and such but we couldn't eat it in front of the other children. Doing so would be inconsiderate.

Perhaps you're already doing this to encourage saving as well as illustrating that if one saves one can buy something more worthwhile to them than candy. Help each kid decide what they would like to buy that they can't buy with one weeks allowance. The 2 yo is too young to do this. Make a plan on paper. I listed the item and it's price at the top of the page. sometimes with a picture. Then decided how quickly I wanted to make this purchase which told me how much money I needed to save. Then each "pay day" I set aside that amount before buying anything else. I kept track of the money as I was saving it on that sheet of paper. With us, we could use our parents as a bank. This made it easier to save.

This might encourage less spending on food and candy. However food and candy can be part of the budget.

We lived with my Aunt and Uncle for 9 months and used this plan. I'm very grateful for the experience. Our parents didn't do anything like that for themselves or with us. Money was always a source of tension in my parent's house.

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From my perspective: You're giving them an allowance to teach them skills (money management) that will benefit them in the future. The way I look at it, "forced sharing" is not appropriate when they are using their own money. (When they are adults, would they be expected/required to "share" their sodas/candy/car, etc. with a co-worker or even a friend? No. Of course not. Sharing for adults is a choice. But if you teach the principal that you have an obligation to share everything you earn - I'd be worried that you are creating a pushover who won't be able to stand up for himself/herself.)

In my house, almost anything I buy is subject to being shared/taking turns. But if my oldest son uses his allowance or birthday money to buy something, that is HIS property. Period. He does not have to share his belongings with his brothers. (Now, if he leaves the item laying around in the living room and one of his brothers picks it up and starts playing with it, my oldest is not allowed to snatch it back. He has to wait until his brother voluntarily gives up the toy. If he wants to use his money to buy himself a hotdog and soda at Costco, those are HIS snacks that he bought with HIS money. If I wanted him to share, then I would need to buy the items myself. But to force him to share with his brothers would be incredibly unfair and I think it would teach him that it wasn't really HIS money.

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When my oldest came to me at 7 and asked for an allowance we helped her write a budget and she paid for her own school lunch tickets, school supplies and any gifts for friends birthday parties she was invited to(She learned to make many nice gifts at home). The rest of the children followed suit. They were not allowed to spend their allowance on candy or sodas, they could buy gum or popcorn. Candy and soda was allowed sparingly and had to be purchased out of monies earned doing extra jobs at home or somewhere else. Any purchases they made were theirs to keep and the choice to share was theirs. There were times they ran short because of choices they made but that was one of the lessons we wanted them to learn. For school lunches, they could also always make their own lunch. We started the allowance program as soon as they finished 2nd grade and that gave them some time to shop for school supplies with what they put away for them during the summer.
I've raised 5 children of my own and numerous foster children and it does teach them self worth in handling their money. Some do better than others but they all learned to live with the results of their choices and haven't come to us to save them. I.

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I wouldn't make them share. Teaching the children to share is a great plan, but everyone needs permission to not have to share EVERYTHING. Some things are off limits. If they all had to share, then one child could choose not to do his chores and not get his allowance, and instead just share his siblings' treats.

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Don't let them buy candy and soda. They will do better without that.

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I think that if you give your child allowance to buy things that they want, then it is up to them to share if they want too. Of course, it would be nice if they shared, and you could encourage that, but that is their perogative.

Good luck.

A.

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I'm not sure if I'm in a position to give you advice as thanks to our daddy I'm raising a spoiled brat who gets almost everything he wants. Well, he saves all "his money" and if I refuse to buy him something than he will "buy" it with his money. Daddy never says "no" and if I ask: "Did you get a toy again?!" he will say: "Daddy bought it for me with his money!". But if I was you probably I will call a "family meeting" and let them decide what to do and how to do it and just enforce theirs decision. Good luck!

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I run it that things I buy are shared and things they buy with their allowance are their's and they can choose to share or not.

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B.,

My first reaction is to not make the kids share. They earned the money and that is how they chose to spend what they earned. I understand the feelings of sharing in the house, but these are still kids and don't quite grasp that concept fully. Let them enjoy their self chosen treats for hard work.

M.

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The way I work the whole sharing issue, is that if the kids are going to sit and eat their candy in front of the other ones, they need to share. Otherwise they can save it for later when their siblings aren't around. This seems to work pretty well in our home, and lets the kids have a little control in what to share and what not to.

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I'm not at a point where my daughter has an understanding of money, but I've read a book titled "Young Bucks: How to raise a future millionaire" by Troy Dunn, father of 7. He believes that allowances given for doing "chores" such as cleaning ones room, doing dishes, folding laundry actually teach a level of expectation that will harm children as adults. No one will pay them to clean their room or do their laundry when they leave the house. He will pay his children for special jobs around the house, but the book focuses on teaching them to start their own businesses and earn their own money. And then that money is theirs to either reinvest in their business success (buying more supplies for cleaning cars, more lemons for lemonade, etc) or just spend as they wish. It's a fascinating book and has a whole section of suggestions of business endeavours. He also discusses how to talk to your children about why they will no longer get an allowance. I recommend it to every parent!

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I just had to add one more tidbit. I would emphasize the respect issue as that is big in our house. My youngest has a miik allergy and can't have the usual ice cream treats. Out of respect for his feelings, my oldest has to wait until he is in bed or not around. I would say the same is true with treats bought with their own money. They are theirs but need to be respectful and not eat them infront of them unless they want to share a little. It just shows kindness/thoughfulness of others feelings.

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Personally I feel Like anything that comes into the house is for the family. In my house my kids do there chores because it teaches them the responsabity they need to function properly as adults. Giving the kids a allowence and letting them buy candy and soda does not teach them how to manage money in a responsable manner. As adults to many of us have spent our money fooleshly and have nothing to show for it. I personally teach my kids to do something with their money that will cause them to have more assests them liabilitys so that as adults they will be able to invest in the proper things and not be in debt as adults. I cringe in this day and age when I hear of kids getting alot of candy and soda, when the diabetic rate for kids is at an alarming rate of 3 to 1. If a child does buy something with their money and the siblings choose not to then the child should not be forced to share. Sorry if i sounded harsh a good book on how to teach your kids the value of money management is Rich Dad poor Dad.

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Ok, I see that you have already posted what you are going to do, but perhaps this might give you a glimpse into the future.

My parents never did allowance, with 7 kids, they just couldn't afford it. However, now we are all grown, the youngest being 21. However, my parents have had a problem with my younger sister and brother coming home for the summer (working and living at home before they go back to school) and they will buy stuff and put it in the fridge and label it to show it is theirs, like they are still at college with roommates. My little brother has even gotten bossy to my Dad telling him what to do. My Dad finally had it one day and told my brother that he is living in HIS house and that my Dad will do what he wants.

Not to say your kids will grow up to be selfish like this, but a few of us other siblings have to talk to the younger ones every once in awhile and remind them that they are living at my parents for free and being fed for free and that they shouldn't be so selfish.

I will say that when we were kids and went trick-or-treating that we did not have to share our candy, if someone asked us for a piece we would usually give it to them or trade with them.

Anyway, just thought I'd share that with you.

Good Luck!

I don't think EVERYTHING needs to be shared. I think every child needs some things that are their and only theirs - just like they need special parent time too. I only have one child and while is amazingly sweet about sharing, she doesn't have to share everyday with other children (except at school - which is coming up). However, if I did have multiple kids, I would not make them share everything with their money bought items. BUT, I would say that might change depending on the context of the day.

Read something the other day in my daughter's classroom - Fair means everyone getting what they need when they need it.

Also came across this article that I thought was really good:

http://www.parentguidenews.com/articles/February06/ItsNot...

Positively,
M.