Age Appropriate Birthday Party

Well first, I have two kids, ages 4 and 2 (almost 5 and 3). The first birthday is always a biggy! No way the kids are going to remember it, it's more a celebration for friends and family to get together and celebrate. That being said, I had a big party for my son, but my daughter got so sick days before her first, it was just us four at the house.
For my son, at age 2 and 3 when he was in daycare and it was customary to invite the other kids to his party we would invite other kids from class and have bigger party. By the time my DD was 2, neither one was in daycare so we just had both his 4th and her second at the park with a few friends from church.
Now, my son vividly remembers his 4th birthday party, who was there and what he got. He also remembers his sister's 2nd party at the same park and what she got, so yes, your daughter will remember. The party size will also depend on whether they are in daycare or not and the season.
Do I think that at age 4 they need a "lavish" party, no. But, at that age, children LOVED themed parties. Parties are also special in that it is "their day". If you want a ballerina party, go for it, but don't worry about bringing in a hesitant friend for a joint party. Don't worry about the "big bucks either" as your daughter will not be balancing your check book any time soon! LOL. Keep it simple. Get a few inexpensive tutus, some magic wands and tiaras (walmart has them in the party section) and get some dance music (kids bop has some good ones) and let them party!! My son loves looking at his past birthday pictures.
Also, you can do this or not, it's just a suggestion. Both of my kids have their birthdays close to Christmas as well. TO MANY TOYS FOR ME!!! They have enough and I find it takes away from the meaning of Christmas by getting too much. This year we are going to ask for canned food items and diapers and such for the local food bank in lieu of toys. They can still have their friends over, eat, have cake, have fun and collect new memories, they will also each get "A" toy from us, but all the other stuff will be saved for Christmas.
Hope this helps.

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Some 4 year olds will remember this event their entire life, and some won't. Asking them to be taught a dance is a bit much. A dress up idea is great (no boys coming, I take it?), and maybe just a tea party theme along with dress up - that way you could do it on your own. Fairly simple, small foods- finger foods. Until kids are in grade school when they really develop friendships, just keep the party ideas simple, flexible and fun - get your daughter's input. It is not a competition with other moms! Relax!!

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Hi S. - If they are only 4, you could either have a teenager that takes ballet teach them a dance and pay her $20 or do it yourself. You could go to You Tube and look up easy ballet instructions or just google it and you could learn the dance easily. If you don't want to pay for Tu Tu's for everyone, you could say in the invitation that they should dress up like a ballet dancer since it is a ballet party or you can go to the website sugarplumprincess.com and they have tu tus for $36 a dozen - unless I'm reading it incorrectly - but either way, they are adorable!

I don't think she is too young (4 year olds LOVE ballet and dancing) and although it is close to Christmas .... that is when her Birthday is. I don't see anything wrong with having it anytime within a month of her Birthday.

Have fun!

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Hi S.,

I don't think 4 is too young and I think you can do it on a budget. You can find inexpensive tutus at the dollar store for all the girls. They can slip them right over their clothes or ask parents to have the kids "dress for the party" so you don't have to go through the expense of dressing everyone. Then you can provide a few dollar store tutus for those who forget to dress up. You can also find lots of accesories there too like tiaras, boas. Also if you want to keep the cost down, make your own cake or cupcakes (I do cupcakes with neon pink icing). My girls love it. You can decorate with marshmallows and sprinkles or have the girls decorate their own. And, look to your local high school or friends who may have teenagers who are dancers. I bet you could hire them at a fraction of the cost of a professional. At my daughters' dance academy some of their instructors where teenagers. Do the party at your home at your convenience and don't stress out about having a joint party? Do what you think your daughter will enjoy. It is her special day. If you keep the party small the girls will get lots of personal attention. You can do fingernail painting or just focus on the dancing. Most importantly have someone in your family videotape the party for her. She will love watching it back. My girls love to watch the dvd's of their parties. I've been throwing them huge backyard themed parties every year since they were 1. They are 5 and 7 now. I always do in at my house and always do it on a budget. Hot dogs and home made cakes. Keep the food simple and activities simple. Girls love the dress up but remember it doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive. They will have fun with whatever you give them. Put them in a tutu and take a picture, throw on some music and let the party begin. Good luck!

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My friend did a ballet party for her daughter. She does not have lots of money so you just need to stay in your budget. If you have both of the girls parties together or not, it really does not matter. You just need some friends help with this one (or be crafty yourself). She got tulle from a craft store and had her friend make tutus. The girls might have their own leatard (sp? i have boys), so have them wear them but have some on hand if they don't own on. Also we made the long "dance" ribbons for the girls. Use pink or purple ribbon and a "short" dowel rod (you can find them at a craft store). Hot glue the one end of the ribbon to the rod, make sure that you rap it around a few times adding glue as you go so the ribbon is secure. As for teaching them a dance, go to the local high school or find someone at church that knows dance and come up with a short dance for them. They will normally not cost to much if any. My friend also had her little sister paint their faces if they wanted that. And since the girls already had a bar with mirror in their room, she took their picture at the bar. You can also get or make picture frames for the girls to take with them. Remember to send their picture with the thank you card!
For the cake, you can make the cake. One round 9" pan and one 8" pan. Color the icing pink. Between the layers, use some more tulle to make the cake look like it has a tutu on.
The invitation, I made those with a stampin up stamp of a ballet girl and the invition was a tri fold with a square over lap in front. Once you opened the inviation, you got all the info that was printed in facny writing off the computer.

It was fun for me to help with a girly girl party. So if you need more help or if it doesn't make sense let me know!

I hope that this helps! Good Luck!

PS since it is around Christmas time, you can make it into a Nutcracker party. Just a thought!

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If the husband of your friend is not on board for such a party and for the date you planned then you might want to do your daughter's party separate or you have to adjust.

I am sure the kids have a blast having a ballerina party, mine did at four. But you do not have to go all out in expenses to have a fantastic party. The kids don't care if you spend $30 or $300, they will remember the fun and love cake.

Ask them to come dressed up in tutus or leotards, perhabs a few extra or make some yourself inexpensively and the kids can take them home as party favor.
You do not need to hire a professional, do it yourself or ask an older child/teenager perhabs to be the ballet teacher and to show them a few positions or make a fun game out of it. My 8 year old one loves to teach younger kids and they have a blast. It doesn't need to be perfect.

Xmas time is tough for birthdays and lots of times people are gone between the holidays. But if your heart is set on it, go for it.

If still want to do a joint party you have to be open for compromises.

I think that backing out would be difficult on your relationship. I think that you should only do what your friend can do. If you were to pay more than her, she might feel uncomfortable. If she is a good friend, then you don't want her to feel bad on her daughter's birthday. I think that what these girls will remember from this day is that they got to have a birthday party with their friends, not that they had some extravagant party.

Have the party, just do it on a smaller scale. Call an area ballet studio and ask if one of their more experienced ballerina's would be interested in working during the party. There are many party crafts, games, decorations, etc. you can do (or recruit friends and family to help with) that will help keep cost down. If you'd like some ideas, like this or others let me know. I'm trying to get started with party planning and am looking for a few people to help me. i'm not looking to be paid; but am looking for a little more experience and feedback.

I would probably wait one more year. Think back to your childhood and what you remember. I personally have no memories at the age of 4 but I do remember a lot about the age of 5. My husband does have a few memories at 4 but they are very minor things and vague. I'd wait a year; then everyone will be happy. If the combo party ends up being a problem, just do your own next year. I'm sure they'll understand.

I agree that going solo is appropriate, and you aren't the one backing out on your friend, she backed out, so don't worry about offending her. There are ways you can do it and keep it less expensive than originally planned but still fun. You could make "tu-tu's" the take-home party favor and buy a lot of inexpensive toy ballerina tu-tus from Walmart or Target (also check the day after Halloween and you may be able to pick up a bunch cheap). Also, for an "instructor" call individuals who teach dance or ballet at the Y or local rec centers like Clay Madsen. The individuals might not mind making a little extra money but not charge you an overly large fee.

4 is old enough to remember, but keep in mind that planning things neatly won't work with 4 year olds so don't overdue and try to have everything "perfect."

In my personal opinion, I don't think that expense is what makes a child birthday special. They either won't remember or won't appreciate large parties with large numbers of adults running around where the focus is really barely on them and parents are too crazed to give them the attention they need. However, a special day with just friends their own age (possible at 4 to do without parents in tow or if there are parents keep the number of invites smaller), a dance instructor, fun kid foods, and tutus sounds like it would be memorable to me.

Oh and I remember my 3rd birthday. Hamburgers with my two best-friends at a new McD's in town that had a playground! (I grew up in rural Mississippi so that was a big deal).

I think you should make a December baby girls birthday as special as you can as everyone deserves a special birthday and especially close to Christmas and as she gets older with school and such many people may be out for the holidays when she has her birthday, or in holiday mode and not birthday mode. Birthdays are special and 4 is a preschool age which they can remember, I wouldn't pressure the other mom though as if they are resisting and wanting something different for their daughter its their choice. Cost is a factor in all birthday parties, I would do what you can to make your daughter's birthday special even if its on your one budget instead of combining birthdays.
Invite the other girl by all means, but if you want to make it a ballerina party then do it. Northwest Rec has Dance at 11am for 3-4 no special dress required but outside there are picnic tables and a playscape for after the dance class lesson. My little girl loved the dance here and teacher. Its a free class for those who haven't been before, but if you call and explain your idea they may ask to pay a attendance fee for the girls and then you could have the party contining outdoors. Just an idea, Also Craigslist may be a way to acquire a private lesson instructor for your house if you post your interests there as well. Good luck, I say don't listen to party squashers do what you want to do, its your daughter and its only once a year that they have this celebration.

My daughter's going to be 4 this year. We're doing the same thing that we've done the last several years--a party with her friends and all their families. We find something inexpensive to make or buy for food (there's a place around here that sells good $5 pizzas, and we've done hot dogs before) and we just play in the backyard, eat cupcakes, and open presents. The decorations each year follow a theme that my daughter chooses. I don't really do games yet because she's not so good at participating in games right now. If she were at a party where someone were teaching her a dance, she probably wouldn't participate. I think age 5 might be better for a more expensive party. But, you know your daughter and her friends best. If you think she's ready, then have your own party, but I wouldn't try to talk your friends into it if they express concern because they really might not be able to afford it.

Hi S.,
My daughter is 6... she does remeber her birthdays... she remembers that we had a cake and we sang and we honored her on her special day. You need to ask yourself, are you spending a bunch because this is what your child needs or is it something you need.
I dont "share" my daughter's birthday with anyone - its her day.
T.

Yes, the husband is right!

I asked my daughter, now a dance major at Point Park University, whether she remembered her party at that age. Her response is insightful. What she remembers is the fuss being made, being the center of attention, music, colors, friends and lots of laughter. We both agreed that you don't have to spend lots of money to make a 4 year old feel special. And you don't have to spend lots of money to make a ballet party.

One idea -- I bet you could find a local teenager who attends one of the area dance schools to show up for $25.00 dressed in a tutu and do a little dance with the girls. At four point and squat and spin is about all they can do. As far as tutus for the girls --- how clever are you. They can make their own tiaras as a craft (I am assuming you will have the usual gaggle of moms) out of silver pipecleaners. And you can buy cheap tull and simple gather thirty six inches on a piece of elastic. 4 year olds are very imaginative and forgiving.

So -- lots of pink, shiny stuff and music, a few videos and one "real ballerina" -- a couple of cheap crafts and you are set.

She will remember if its fun, if you have fun . . . you don't need to spend a lot of money. And for a four year old don't overdo the numbers. She wants to be the special girl and most kids that age don't like huge crowds.

See it through her eyes, not an adult's and you can scale back your party. I raised two kids as a single mom, they are still the center of my life (son is in medical school there at A&M), and I loved the birthday parties. If you have fun so will she. Remember special to a 4 year old is a lot simpler than special to an adult!!! Keep that scale in mind.

Good Luck -- 4 is easy wait until you start doing pedicure parties!!!!

Lover of birthdays from Dallas

You will remember it fondly. Your daughter will only remember it in pictures for the most part.

Are you going through all this work for you or your daughter. Most likely she will not remember it. She will just be excited to have all of her friends over. I had a party last weekend for my 4 year old and he was so happy to have his friends over and was so surpirsed that he actually got more presents other than what the family gave him. I think next year he will remember the idea of a Birthday party but not the actual things that we did. I agree with what another mom said, that you are setting the bar for which all other parties will be done in your family. Do you want to and will you always be able to put this much work and money into a party? Best of luck.

I personally do not think 4 is too young to remember. My sons girlfriend teaches dance at a studio here in New Braunfels. They start them out at 2 yrs. old. I do not know wht you actually had in mind as for the party, but this studio does do birthday parties. I am not sure of the price. You can go to the website and check it out. Its Axis Performing Arts.

Honestly, you might be able to do without the "hiring someone" to help cut costs, BUT...your daughters will most definately remember this. Why do you think it's so crucial for kids to be learning at this age? They absorb everything. It kinda sounds like cost is a factor here, but the husband is making up excuses due to the financial aspect. (Sometimes men don't like to admit that they really just can't afford something, so they'll find a "reason", logical or not.) Perhaps they just can't afford it and don't want to say that. Check and see if that's it and maybe you can find a way to cut costs altogether but still have a party. Doing it next year is always an option, but don't postpone it thinking she won't remember. Kids remember that darndest things and I guarantee that a party with friends (at that age) will always be a special memory for her! =)

Maybe you shouldn't do it together in the first place. I don't think that's the issue. If that weekend works for both of you then do. Others will just make adjustments and arrangements to have their daughter attend. She is 4, she most likely will remember it. Even if she didn't, you can do the backyard bbq anytime, you can't do the ballerina theme when she is 9 ya know. So take advantage of it now. It doesn't have to be expensive.

Ask the girls what they want to do and do that! They are old enough to know if they want a ballet party. I would keep the budget as low as possible. I wouldnt recommend hiring someone to teach them a dance...just picture 10 4yr old girls...they wont be paying THAT close of attention most likely..they are there to have fun and might even get a case of the giggles...maybe one of the moms knows a little ballet...you'd be surprised how inexpensive you can do these things if you want to! have fun..and i agree moving it up before the holidays will increase your turnout and wont interrupt the crazy holiday season as much.

in my opinion, they are still too young to have any long-term memories of a party. not to mention the fact that they are way too young to comprehend you spending a bunch of money on a party, so they won't appreciate it at all. they would probably be happier playing with balloons for a few hours! if you have so much extra money you can spend on a one-day event, why not open a savings account or purchase a CD for your daughter?

I believe four is a good age. They may not remember everything, but that is what pictures are for. There will be memories that you will be able to share with her about her special day using pictures and a video camera would be great. I remember being four years old and doing a Christmas program with my older siblings, I also remember running from my mom who was wanting to take a picture of me....we were playing and I remember it being fun. All kids are different, some remember being four, some don't. My earliest memory shocked my mom when I told her about it the other day. I was only 2. It is hard to tell if she will remember, but you know you will. All that matters is your daughter having a good time and feeling special on her special day. I would go for it, and if my daughters birthday were just a little earlier, depending on where you live (lol), I would join in the excitement.

While I can remember my 3rd and 4th birthday parties, not everyone can. You'll have plenty of time to throw your daughter lavish birthday parties. Wait a year or two to start spending that kind of money. In the end you'll be thankful that you did.

Aside from whether she'll remember it or not, you are now setting a precedent for, as you called it, "lavish" birthday parties. It's something to think about. Are you gong to want to keep this up?

Maybe you should plan on doing the party on your own. I would ask your friend if she would mind if you went ahead with the idea on your own. At 4 your daughter may remember the party, but it won't be all the lavish things. I wouldn't go too expensive on it. You might even be able to have a party at a dance studio. Also, and this is just my opinion, I think kids should have their own celebrations anyway and not joint parties. Birthdays are for celebrating their special day. You only get that once a year.

Save your money.4 is still to young to have that kind of party.Your daughter is still to young to remember that kind of party.Can you remember what kind of party you had at the age of 4?As far as you having a joint party w/your friend its easier to throw a party on your own and not have to worry how far or close to the girls b-day you should
have it.Have a good old fashion party and save the good ones for when she'll remember.

S.,

This is a little off subject but...........

My second sons birthday is the day after mine, for years I spent my birthday preparing for his and I didn't like that. We began celebrating his birthday the week before the actual date, he LOVED it.

I was dating a man who's birthday is the day after Christmas. His birthday always got lost in Christmas activities. We chose a day months before and celebrated his "un-birthday" day. That way it was his special day.

Some people celebrate their child's 1/2 birthday with a party, instead of December they celebrate in June. On the actual birthday they just have immediate family for dinner.

First of all a four year old IS plenty old enough to remember things. I remember a TON of things when I was only 3. So never underestimate your 4 yr old! As for combining the party, if your friend's husband refuses and your friend ends up backing out, you can always do away with the ballet lesson or other extravagant things like that and just do the tutus and dress up and maybe have some cool ballet party favors and games related to ballet for kids to play - to save money....But hey, you could do this AND A barbecue - offer it and see what your friends say;-) But also be sure the two girls are ok with sharing their birthdays. It COULD take the fun out of it for their attention to be split and other friends invited...good luck!!

Weeeeeell, I remeber my 4th birthday >.> <.<

Based on my limited experience with neices, nephews and friends kids stop having "birthday parties" at a lot younger age than they did when we were kids, therefore if you want to "do it up" for your kids birthdays you have to do it when they are younger. We had pony rides at my daughters 4th birthday party last year and she still talks about it!

My 6 year old son this past year decided he did not want a party and we just went out as a family for a day of bowling and eating out at his favorite restaurant. My 8 year old nephew also elected not to have a party but just had his two best friends over and went miniature golfing.

I say go for it!!

K.

Have the party and do it by yourself. Birthdays are her one special day. Don't spend a fortune. You have plenty of time to prepare, but also realize people go away in Dec. so do not expect a huge turn out. I read somewhere to keep the number of children invited to the party to the age of the child plus one. So for a four year old 5 children should be invited. You may need to invite a few more if you think people will be out of town.

She is a summer birthday so as she got older we would sometimes hold them once school started so she could invite her new friends from school.

FYI, My daughter remembers all of her birthdays since she was 3.

Birthday parties before the age of 5 are usually for our own memories, not so much the kid. You will remember her birthday party and you two can look at the pictures together later and remember what a great time was had by all. Cut the party in half. Then it won't be so expensive. Instead of having the ballet lady come to you, sign her up for classes. Sounds like alot of fun, I wish I had a girl.

Go solo. This is your daughter's special day and she shouldn't have to share it anyway.

I think four years old is ok, she will probably remember it, especially if she has a really great time. Children start holding memories long term around 3 years of age.

Perhaps with it being so close to Christmas it really is a money issue for your friend. She may not want to reveal all their expenses to you and is trying to let you know that although great idea they can't help at that time. I do think that a 4 year old can tell you what they like and don't like and would probably love playing dress up for the day, but do you remember your 4th birthday party (I sure don't)?? And at this age she won't know what day her birthday really falls on so it wouldn't matter what day you do it. I know its probably disappointing to see your plans fall apart, but if you guys still want to do something joint, maybe go low key. A ballet bbq may sound corny to you, but your daughter and her friend may love being dressed up and eating hotdogs. Bottom line, make it a special day that your daughter will love, but maybe save the bigger themes for later. Hope this helps. ~M.

It does sound like it would be a fun party. However is also sounds like the husband of friend is not wanting her to partake in this. There are different kinds of parties and the party shop here has lots of things that would also go with the dance theme that you want to have. Check with the craft shops and see if they have die cuts that can also be used.
Work those into the cake and decorations. Your daughter can be the one with the tutu it is her birthday. The others can have something else that they can have to remember the party with.
The one husband is right though they are young and almost anything that they have will be grate for them. The other stuff will be more for you, yes they will remember but save the big party for when they are 6 or 7 more people and more to remember. This is a special day for your daughter not you it is her day to have special yes your also but mainly hers.
HAVE FUN ON THIS SPECIAL DAY. Good luck.

I had my daughter's 2 yr old birthday party at our neighborhood community/pool house. It amazes me that she tells me that her birthday was there everytime she sees it. I just expected that she wouldn't remember anything... told myself that it was more for me than her... but obviously there is some recollection, since she always tells me she had a birthday and knows where it was. And occasionally she tells me brief memories of who she played with or what she was doing--which totally flabbergasts me because I keep expecting her not to remember anything.

In your shoes, I would throw my daughter a birthday party, even if its not the ballet theme (save that one for next year if its too expensive now). And I'd move the party up to the week before Christmas. Maybe a barbie party instead (everyone bring their favorite barbie... Buy some dress up clothes for them; that shouldn't be too expensive). Or a teddy bear tea party...? cake decorating party (everyone decorate their own cake?)

I've gone to joint birthdays... They're ok... However, birthdays are really important to kids and personnally, I think the birthday child should have that moment to herself. Its good for their self-confidence.

My grandmother gave me a huge 4th birthday party never-mind-how-many decades ago today (my birthday today) and I still remember it. Joint parties are great, but make clear to friends that gifts should be for the child they were invited for if they only know 1. I would say keep it smaller this year, but still do ballerina theme on decor and cake and birthday girl clothes.

I have a daughter turning one on Sept. 15, and I am not
going to have anything for her but a backyard barbeque.
She is too young to remember anything big. I think at age
4 kids do remember. You should still make her something
big.

My daughter at 5 had her birthday party at Ms. Stephanies School of dance in pearland. It wasn't that expensive. You might try that if you stay in the area.

I do princess tea parties for mostly 4 year olds. I do believe 3 yrs is a little to young, but 4-6 is the age for ballet and princess parties and when they turn 9 it is all about Hannah Montana for now.

Well, I just asked my 9 year old daughter if she remembered her princess party when she was 4 and she said no. LOL

C.

My son's birthday is the same day and it has been a challenge as far as guests attendance. He will be 13 this year. I have always tried to make a big deal of it since I've felt a bit sorry that it's so close to Christmas. What I've learned over the years is that he has fun no matter how big (cowboy party complete with ponies to ride & smores)or simple (cake & icecream with grandparents when I was expecting our 2nd child) or how many guests come. Some of the best ones have been with 4 or 5 people after we invited 20.

What he really enjoys is looking at the pictures of the parties. Sometimes he will go through each year and recall the theme as his way of remembering what we did.

I think you can do the ballet thing, but it can be done simply and will be remembered just as much as if you'd done it the expensive way.

I LOVE birthday parties too and here's some of the things I've done:
Pirate(son's 9th)/Mermaid(daughter's 7th) treasure hunt
Chuck E Cheese/Mc D's
Laser Tag (son's 12th)
Bowling (son's 10th- 10 pens get it?)
Princess party (daughter's 5th)
Cowboy party (son's 7th)-I don't think he remembers except for the picts.
MOvie out with friends
Son likes snakes, there's a guy that will come do a reptile presentation at your home. Our daughter liked it so much, she wants one of her own, but I told her I didn't know how many friends would show up! LOL

S

You can still keep the theme, but here's some ideas to make it inexpensive. Buy some tulle from WalMart, etc. (look in the remnants section first). Cut it into a rectangle. You can do a couple things to gather it....1) Draw a string through it and tie it in the back 2) Sew a piece of elastic at the top and tie it or 3) pin it at the back. They have their little tutu now. Get some instrumental music (piano) or tape one of the early childhood shows that has some cool dance moves and let them dance and prance! There's also Disney CD's for Princesses, etc. Blowing bubbles during this can give an illusion of magic.

Kids are there for the fun. The cost and how it looks are parent hang ups. :-) Take lots of pics and have fun!

I believe that at four they are old enough to remember their party. I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old and they both remember their 4th birthday parties. I think that if it is something fun and that they enjoy it will be something they will remember for life.

I have a theory that men just don't remember stuff the way women do. My brother says he can't remember any party he ever had. I threw my little girl a princess tea party when she was 4 and she remembers it, and the pictures are adorable! She's 9 now but still remembers.
K.