Africian American Hair

Updated on January 15, 2010
K.O. asks from Williamson, NY
24 answers

I am trying my best with cute simple styles with my almost 3 yr okd adopted froim Ethiopia. Hair Care is such a struggle, I have creams, even vegatable oil to help me get it manageable. Normally after a few min I can get a wide brush thru the thick head of hair, its almost like lambs wool. She puts up such a struggle, like I am killing her. at this point I can manange maybe 8 pony tails, or if lucky a little puff of of her bangs, I have to lock my leggs over her , she keeps moving her head fast side to side so I make no headway. I even let her play with the cream in her hand or give her candy that is hard to unwrap so she will sit still. I hate the idea of cutting it off, I imaging her growing up with beads and braids like the little girls I see today. I do not want her to look like a boy.

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So What Happened?

I am trying to calm down and not make hair care such a fight. Everyone gave me wonderful advice and made me look at my struggle a little more positive. I did her hair for New Years Party and as a reward I painted her fingernails. She really liked that, then I made a big deal and took a photo of her. I posted it on my profile. She still fought some, but not as much, I did play a video for her and plan on getting more pretties ect. we do not have a big budget. I do not think she ever had her hair worked with, since when we adopted her, it was less than a 1/4 inch long. Now when wet it reaches her just about her shoulders. Thanks to all the great ideas.

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L.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,
Have you tried leave-in conditioners?

And, the best way to avoid all that trouble is to braid it, in cornrows, even if it's just 2 rows - it's quick. This will reduce the frequency of doing her hair and the less she has to sit down for a new hairdo, the less impatient she'll get.
Good luck.

L..
Helping Moms Work From Home.

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M.N.

answers from New York on

My niece is is half Latino and half Haitian and my sister went through this as well. I bought her a set from Carols Daughter. It came with shampoo, a thick conditioner, and three styling products to help with manageability. It also came with a big wide tooth comb which in itself was a huge help. It gets through the snags much more easily than a brush does. I like their products because the emphasis isnt on making hair straighter but keeping it natural, just more manageable. THey have styling tips on their website as well.

http://www.carolsdaughter.com/

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K.P.

answers from New York on

So it begins, the love/hate relationship with hair. This is a part of self esteem where little girls of color learn to loathe or love their hair.

Learn to treat her hair like it is valuable/priceless. Take your time be gentle. Learn to love her hair. Check out Fotki and search Natural Hair, Nappy Hair, or Kinky Hair or go to U-Tube and look at this and other videos about hair care (this one was great): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVgdf6W6el8

Separate her hair into four sections, then work at gently combing or brushing through hair from the ends working your way back to the scalp. Instead of vegetable oil, try extra virgin olive oil, jojoba oil, almond oil, coconut oil, shea butter with essential oils for a different scent (rinse out the olive oil but the others can be left in the hair. Other natural products which work lovely on the hair for conditioning are honey, mayonnaise, plain or vanilla yogurt. Also try Castille soap instead of regular shampoo be careful not to get it into her eyes though but if you must use a traditional shampoo, I would recommend Baby Magic Shampoo works well and has a pleasant scent.

Curly kinky hair can be dry so conditioning is very important. Hope this helps you and your new little one. Let me know and congratulations on being her mom.

Wanted to add a special note to you: "African" Braid shops are usually unlicensed and often braid hair too tight which can do permanent damage to the hair system and at night wrap the hair in a silk scarf or use a silk pillow case.

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J.R.

answers from New York on

Well, as an African American woman I can say it can get quite expensive to visit a hairdresser every time you want to get her hair done, so I applaud you for wanting to learn how. My hair is natural, so I do not recommend relaxers. When working with the natural texture, make sure you do not comb or brush dry, have a bottle of water, detangler or leave in conditioner near by, and use a wide tooth comb. Start combing from the bottom to the scalp to untangle and work in sections. When she gets older you could find African hair dressers in your area to put extensions in her hair, but I do not recommend that at such a young age. You could email me in private and I could send you a few links to learn how to handle her beautiful curly, kinky hair.

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G.B.

answers from New York on

I have an almost 3 yr old from Ethiopia as well. Her hair is very fine, not so thick..I use a great cream rinse for curly hair. I'm on the upper west side in NYC, where are you? My cell is ###-###-#### if you would like to chat sometime.

Best,
G.

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A.W.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,

If you are not familiar with styling kinky hair, you may want to consult with an African-American friend or a black hair stylist. I'm assuming that you do not have kinky or curly hair yourself, so here's a little tutorial on black hair care:

1. Our hair is naturally more porous and dry. Because of that it, is more susceptible to breakage than naturally straight hair. Our hair does need oil to keep it moisturized because our scalps do not produce as much oil as Caucasion/Asian hair. Vegetable oil is not necessarily the answer. Lightly apply hair oil (look in black hair care section of drug store) primarily to the scalp by sectioning your daughter's hair and using your finger to apply a little oil to her scalp.

2. Purchase a conditioner designed for black hair and condition your daughter's hair each time you wash it.

3. Her hair does not need to be washed daily. It will only dry it out and make it more tangled. Wash her hair every 5 days to 1 week unless it gets dirty from excessive sweating, chlorinated water or something like that. Use a gentle shampoo and follow up with a moisturizing conditioner.

4. Use a wide tooth comb when styling your daughter's hair. Section her hair into smaller sections when you comb it. Use a detangling spray designed for black hair. (found in ethnic hair care section of the drug store or beauty supply store.) Try to braid or twist your daughter's hair so that it stays manageable longer.

I have a two-year-old daughter and she still squirms and cries sometimes when I do her hair. Some of that can't be avoided no matter that texture of your child's hair. I hope this helps. Good luck!

A. W.

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M.B.

answers from Rochester on

K.,
Have you tried singing to her? letting her help with her bangs?

The fewer prepared things you use for her the better. Look up the area where she came from and see what they use.

Olive oil would strike me as the best because it is going to interact the least with her skin (in a negative way) and her scalp is what is going to get the brunt of all this attention.

Also, using a pick instead of a brush if you don't already. She'll have beautiful curls that will only get longer (I don't think they change as far as tightness) and less manageable.

But singing through it all might be a way to help her get her mind off the process.

Turning her to face you or have her sideways so she can see you during all this (doing one side of her head at a time actually sounds most ideal) I think will help a lot.

I wouldn't braid at this point unless you have enough to braid (over 4 inches - about the width of your hand to comfortably (for her) braid).

Good luck!
M.

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M.K.

answers from New York on

The best time to do her hair is right after you wash it. Youhave to make sure that you use a shampoo that detangles and leave the hair soft to begin with, use lots of conditioner. Use a comb with large teeth, and use a soft brush to get it all together. That will make it easier. You can also use a leave in conditioner, Paul Mitchell has a good one in a white bottle, Aveeda also has a good one.
Good luck!

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M.S.

answers from New York on

K.

I would think that you have two solutions to this problem.
1. take your daughter to a hair dresser specializing in natural hair or a braiding salon (all they do is braid hair with extensions or without). This option may be expensive and better left for special occasions.
2. Do it yourself. With this option you will need to utilize hair products geared for natural hair. I found a wonderful all natural line of products called Hairobics (check out the web site). I think you will be able to find the products you will need for your daughters hair and some advise on hair care for natural hair.
My biggest piece of advice is whatever style you do to her hair do it while she is asleep and tie a bandana around it every night. That's what I use to do. Good luck.

(you should let people know where you are located they may be able to suggest a hairdresser or braiding salon)

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R.S.

answers from New York on

Sorry for the late response - I have an African Americian son and have tried almost EVERYTHING - my miracle product is 1. Hair One, shampoo+conditioner for dry hair (found at Sally's or online) - you will be able to run a comb through when you're done! My second is KinkyCurly Knot Today - it is a natural organic product, found at places that sell stuff like that (I found mine at Whole Foods). Between these two, which, BTW, is all I use on his hair, nothing more, I have no more tears and protest (except when he wants to comb his own hair!)

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M.G.

answers from New York on

Ditto on another mother's comment. Go go carolsdaughter.com
Their products are natural and work very well on my girls' hair. You will find thorough explanations on how to use each product. There are also sets for children's hair. Check it out, and good luck. Once you get the right products together, all will be well. Oh, if you decide to go that route, make sure you purchase hair milk and any detangler. They are the absolute best. The prices are reasonable and the products last a long time.

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D.V.

answers from New York on

Happy New Year! JustFor Me, which is a hair product line or African-American children makes a natural herbal straightener that has worked wonders in my 3 year old daughter's hair. I used in October for the first time and Bree's hair has never looked more beautiful. It is not a relaxer, although they make a relaxer also for older kids, but yet makes hair manageable. You will love it!
Good luck!

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K.W.

answers from New York on

Hi K.,

You do have a challenge us black women struggle with our hair. Growing up my mother would wash our hair and add vaseline to the roots and the ends liberally to make it soft and shiny. If your daugter has very course hairthis is the best way to handle her hair is when its wet, you can twist it in small section and put bands on the end to hold it in place. This will usually hold out for up to a week. You do not have to was her hair as ofeten as you would was causcasion hair. Their are few ethnic hair supply stores that sells products that can assit you with better managing her hair. Good Luck and let us know how it works out.

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T.P.

answers from New York on

K., good luck-LOL. We (African Americans) are looking for the same answers. It is probably best to keep it braided-get someone to braid if for you. That lasts for about 4-6 weeks. In between, you can take her to a hair dresser to get it pressed straight, which will make it easier to manage. I have a hard time with my dauter's hair too. She is 8 now and she still screams like I am torturing her :)

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C.H.

answers from Orlando on

i SUGGEST YOU FIND AN AFRICAN AMERICAN HAIRDRESSER NEAR YOU, AND PLEASE DO NOT PERM HER HAIR. YOU NEED TO LOOK FOR NATURAL HAIRCARE DRESSER, OR THOSE PLACES WHERE THEY DO BRAIDING. I WISH YOU WERE IN ORLANDO, BECAUSE I COULD SHOW YOU HOW TO CARE FOR HER HAIR. YOU CAN TAKE HER TO THE PLACE ONCE A MONTH, AND GET HER HAIR BRAID. YOU CAN SALSO ASK THE PERSON TO COME TO YOUR HOME AFTER YOU ESTABLISH A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. YOU ONLY NEED TO DO THIS ONCE A MONTH. THE HAIRDRESSER WILL SHAMPOO, CONDITION, AND TREAT THE HAIR BEFORE RE BRAIDING IT. DO LET ANYBODY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL YOU TO USE KIDDIE PERM. SHE DOES NOT NEED IT. THE SOMALIAN, ETHIOPIAN, AND SUDAN HAVE SOFTER HAIR THAN OTHER AFRICANS. ANGELINA'S ADOPTED DAUGHTER FOR EXAMPLE, AND WILL NEVER NEED ANY CHEMICAL IN THEIR HAIR. i I FORGOT THE 3RD COUNTRY IN AFRICA, BUT THEY HAVE A STRONG RESEMBLANCE. YOU MUST HOLD THE HAIR BY THE ROOTS, AND START COMBING FROM THE ENDS UP. I AM FROM HAITI, AND BELIEVE ME I KNOW ALL ABOUT AFRICAN HAIR. I WAS ADDICTED TO "CREAM CRACK" FOR 25 YEARS, AND USE TO SPEND MY ENTIRE SATURDAY IN A BEAUTY PARLOR. I WAS FEELING PRESSURED FROM SOCIETY, AND CORPORATE AMERICA TO STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR. I WASTED SO MUCH TIME, AND MONEY ON MY HAIR. I USE TO CARRY MY BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER EVERY SATURDAY. I NOW HAVE DREADS FOR THE PAST 14 YEARS, AND I ONLY GO TO A NATURAL HAIRDRESSER EVERY 3 MONTHS FOR MAINTENANCE. MY DREADS ARE MODERNED, AND WELL MAINTAINED. I WASH MY OWN HAIR AT HOME EVERY WEEK, AND I FEEL FREE. DID YOU KNOW THAT BLACK HAIR IS MORE DELICATE THAN WHITE HAIR? YOU CAN WASH HER HAIR ONLY ONCE A WEEK, AND IT WILL BE OK WITH THE BRAIDS IN IT. K

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J.H.

answers from New York on

Have no fear. there are a numer of African hair braiders in Bklyn and Manhattan who for a small fee ($40-60.00) would be more than willing to style your daughters hair. This will last for approximately 3-6 weeks depending upon the upkeep. Once she gets her hair done on a normal basis the less she will struggle.

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C.M.

answers from New York on

I recommend a good hair dresser. They don't charge as much for kids hair as adults and you can take her to get it braided once every other week or so, and you won't have to worry about it as often. If you want to send me an email I might be able to help you find hair dressers/braiders in your area.

Good luck!

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R.D.

answers from New York on

they have childred beauty shops that specializes in just doing kids hair...try it..it will save a lot of headaches...

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J.B.

answers from Rochester on

Try taking her to a hair dresser that is familiar with working with that type of hair and try to continue going to the same hairdresser. They can also do braids and whatnot that will last for a couple of months at a time.
Ask for tips on daily hair care that will make it easier for you and your little girl.

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J.H.

answers from New York on

First off i think you should consult an african american hairstylist, however, in the meantime you can try lusters pink oil moisturizer, instead of vegetable oil.
Als use a very wide tooth comb not a brush. Secondly u may need a little heat (blow dryer to release the kinks). It really sounds like she would best be suited for braids at this time which can last a whole week or two, to eliminate daily combing.

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T.N.

answers from New York on

Are you near NYC? There's a great salon in Hell's Kitchen called Hair Rules and they offer great advice for hair care for textured hair - even kids. Alternately, have you considered dreadlocks? That would be a great way for her to have manageable hair that can be grown long and there are salons that will do it for you and help with periodic maintenance. Professional braiding is another option if you like the beaded look but can't do it yourself.

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B.F.

answers from Jamestown on

Happy, healthy, prosperous new beginnings! Here's my recipe for lamb's wool hair... Like mines (-: get the leaf of an aloe vera plant--cut it open and use the gel as a conditioner, or a jar of aloe vera gel. This texturizes, restores vitality, moisturizes and allows you to manage to get through to the root with your fingers first. Then, brush it altogether and style it with small rubber bands etc., the key is to wait until she falls asleep and oops... There it is! Pink lotion works and so does soft and shiny pump spray. Lastly, use olive oil for everything else. Mo'hair, send us all a picture.

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A.P.

answers from New York on

Congrats on your little one! I'm no expert by any means, but if it were me, I would say the struggle's not worth it. But then again, I love the natural afro look on a baby girl, I think it looks adorable. I don't think she'd look like a boy at all, unless you dressed her like a boy. Don't forget you can add other accessories that are easier for you to work with in terms of her struggling--barettes or clips, a little scarf/kerchief in her hair, headband, etc.

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M.L.

answers from Dallas on

HI K., Congratulations on your wonderful new daughter!!! I googled "adopted child hair care" and tons of sites came up. I have a dear friend (white) whose adopted sisters used to want her to do their hair...she would pop in a disney movie (Baby Einstien is great) and do their hair.

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