Afraid to Get Pregnant After Miscarriage

Hi A.,

I would wait to get until after the move, if I were you. In fact, I would wait until your son is a little older. He's still a baby himself and you probably have to tote along things for him where ever you go. I'd wait until he's a little more independant.

As far as the miscarriage goes. I do feel for you. I've been there. My history: Pregnancy 1 - miscarraige. Pregnancy 2 - stillborn. Pregnancy 3 - another miscarriage. At this point I was ready to give up. I thought God didn't want me to be a Mommy. I'm not religious but I do believe in God. A couple that had a stillborn boy spoke to me. I tried again. Pregnancy 4 - a healthy girl!! I was so scared something would happen to her. She's 22 with a baby of her own! Pregnancy 5 - miscarriage. I was sad but it didn't depress me as much as the others because I had a baby. By this time, I adapted to the theory that things happen for a reason, reason's we may never know. Pregnany 6 - Another healthy girl. She is 19 years old now. Pregnancy 7 - a healthy boy! He is 13 years old.

A couple years ago a co-worker had a stillborn, her 1st pregnancy. She was depressed. I spoke with her of my past. It helped her, she had a healthy baby girl on Valentines Day last year.

Don't give up hope. You've got one child. You'll have another.

1 mom found this helpful

If you are moving within the next month, I would say for your own sanity, just hold off on TTC.... I found out I was pregnant 2 days before we moved into our first home, and I was a basketcase the entire time! For your own sanity, just get the stressfull move out of the way, do what you need to do, then work on TTC.

Miscarriages happen because there is something wrong with the baby, not because of something you did. I had two miscarriages before we had any children. It took almost another year after the second miscarriage before I finally got pregnant again and had a baby I got to keep. I am now pregnant with my second child, just started the third trimester. The things I have learned from these experiences are that it's not my fault, miscarriages happen. And in order to save myself and every one else around me from uncomfortable situations I never share with anyone, except my spouse and mom, that I am pregnant until after the end of the first trimester. One more thing I just thought to mention.... When I got pregnant with my first son I was terrified and worried the entire time because I had already experience two miscarriages. I hardly got to enjoy the pregnancy at all because I was so worried I would do something wrong. When I got pregnant this time I promised myself that I wouldn't worry as much so that I could enjoy my pregnancy a little more. :)

Hi A. my name is A.. I had a misscarrige a couple of years ago and I would like to share my experience with you and maybe a little advice.
I had my son in April of 1999 and when he reached the age of 1 1/2 we decided to try for a brother or sister. Are mind set was are son took place the first time we where together and we thought trying for another child would take place really quick and easy. I was wrong. I just got one negative test after another. We tried for 2 1/2 years and we came to the conclution we would try for another 6 months and then consiter fertility drugs. Then we got the good news. I WAS PREGNANT. I was so excited, I told every one. Then it happened. It was horrible. I was defistated. To try and make a long story short. I thought I needed to hurry and try again because it would take another 2 1/2 years. Had the miscarrige at the End of April in 2003, started trying in June and was pregnant by October. I was such a wreck worrying and I never was at ease until I was 4 months pregnant. If you are trying you need to just take it easy and no lifting. PERIOD!!! And that means your son. He is a big boy and he does no need to be carried and definetly if you get pregnant again. You really need to take your health in consiteration. As for moving there are always people to help. I moved into the house I am in now when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. I did apsolutly nothing. To make a good ending, that child we tried to hard for 3 1/2 years is a beutiful little blounde curly haired girl named Emma Shea and she will be 3 in July. Good luck and be carful.

I had a miscarriage when I was 9 weeks along with my first pregnancy. I was a wreck after that! I got pregnant immediately after and worried over everything. I am sooooo thankful to say that I have a healthy 20 month old daughter! I think it is completely normal to worry. Having a miscarriage is such a horrible experience that it really does traumatize you. I had a great doctor who really understood that I would be worried and took extra precautions to minimize my worries. Definitely talk to your doctor about your concerns. I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy!

A.,

I've never had a miscarriage. So I'm not going to talk about that. I'm gonna talk about you worring about everything.

Before you can get pregnant, take care of the kid you got now and all the other things that you need to do that you worry about you need to relax. Now, I know there's no true relaxation with a 20 mos old child, but you can steal some time to chill. I'm gonna suggest a sea salt bath. Now, think 1/4 cup for the following ingredients: sea salt, baking soda and Reallemon juice. If you want to add any other kind of scents to the bath, go for it!! Try to get the water as warm as you can while kiddie is napping and just get in it and think thoughts of things you'd like to do and how you'd like to do it and smile. ;) You'd be surprised how the worrying lessens, the body relaxes, and the more pregnant you'll get. R.

I understand completely. I suffered a miscarriage also and tried for over a year to concieve. When I fianlly did I was a nervous wreck for the first 3 months. I think no matter what you are going to worry and we just have to pray that everything goes well this time. As far as carrying your son I would only do it if you have to. Remember though there are alot of pregant women who carry there other children during pregancy. I would talk to your ob to see what they recommend. As far as moving if you think you are pregant take it easy. Carry only the light stuff. I was pregant when we moved into our house about a year ago and was recovering from a surgery. I took advantage and let everyone else do the hard work and instead put away stuff as it was brought in. I wish you all the luck and hope when you get pregant you have a wonderful pregancy!!

OH sweetheart, I am so sorry. I have had 2 miscarriages and I truely understand. I was 13 weeks with the second one and it hurt like hel! You will worry while you are pregnant about loosing another one but it is well worth it all. Usually the body miscarries because there is a problem with the pregnancy and it usually happens early. After the first trimester you are considered to be in the "safe zone" in other words, if it's going to happen it usually has by now. Make sure you go to the Doc as soon as you know you are pregnant to ensure the best prenatle care for you and baby. If the doc does not consider you "high risk" you should be just fine to continue regular activities. Let your husband fuss over you while you enjoy the pregnancy. If he says no lifting then bow to his inner caveman. He needs some control in how the pregnancy is handled for his own peace of mind. Women tend to forget that the man went through the loss too. He can't feel some of the biological loss but the emotional loss is still very real. He has so little control and participation in the whole development process. Be a sweetie and give in to the overprotective instincts you all deserve it. Try not to worry about another loss and enjoy the miracle while it lasts. Remember that stress can couse problems so keep the worry to a minimum, you are not likely to have multiple miscarriages. I have a wonderful little girl that came after my loss and we are doing great you will too! Be well and feel free to contact me for questions or a shoulder. B.

Hi A., I too have had a miscarriage at ten weeks, it about killed me, I was depressed and wondered what was wrong with me. Being of a curious mind, I went to the library and got lots of books about miscarriage. After reading them and rereading them I came to some sense of peace. I then got pregnant again about a year later, and ended up miscarrying that one as well. Talk about going through it again, I just gave up hope of having children. Then about another year later, pregnant again, and sucessfully carried to term(she's beautiful). When my first child was about 1, found out I was pregnant again, but lost that one as well. Then a 6 months later I was pregnant again, but had a new Dr. who knew my history who got me right in and gave me some special hormones to make sure I didn't miscarry again.(Another beautiful girl) The worrying was agony. It was worse when pregnant than before getting pregnant. But my husband was somewhat(as well as a man)supportive, and having an understanding Dr. the last time made it alot better. But honestly, it's hard not to worry,just make sure you have supportive people around you. And my best advice is don't get your hopes up at first, it just adds to the worrying. You're still young, so don't worry to much. Good luck.

I'm so sorry! I can completely relate. I miscarried my first pregnancy at 10 weeks. I went in for a doctor appt and ultrasound. We found out that the fetus hadn't developed much past 5 weeks. My body hadn't expelled the pregnancy on it's own, so I ended up needing a D&C. My husband and I had just told all of our families too. The doctor said to wait 3 months or 2 periods until we tried to get pregnant again. We did just that and got pregnant immediately. I was SO terrified of miscarrying again. We didn't tell any family until I was 16 weeks pregnant!! I felt like a basketcase through the first half of my pregnancy. I worried all the time. I did have a job where I lifted 20 pounds consistantly. I had no problem with that due to the fact that my body was used to it. My doctor said that it would be fine to continue what I was doing too. My best advice would be to not worry too much. Stress isn't good for you or an unborn baby. Everything is in God's hands. Just be careful not to overdo the lifting. What gave me some peace of mind was my doctor doing an ultrasound at 7 weeks. Once there is a heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage drops dramatically. Hope this helps.

I had nearly the same experience, miscarrage at 11 weeks. I really wanted the baby for about 3 years! Immagine ther greif. Plus my mom had trouble having children so I thought that I might never have anymore. We named our baby and barried it. We waited a couple months then tried again. The first time I heared her heart beat it was such a releif. The rest of the pregnancy was normal, but it was trying emotionally. A miscarriage makes you aware of how fragile life is. She's almost a year now now and I praise God for the time I have with both my girls. The fear of losing your children doesn't always leave all of us, but through faith we can learn to go on with life. Most miscarriages happen for no reason and there is honestly no reason to think you will loose another one. If that happens it could be a medical condition, but it's rare. They told me that 1 in 5 pregnencies end in miscarriage. Keep trying and you'll get through it.

I miscarried my first child... So I know exactally how you are feeling, and when I did get prengant again I was a mess. I was afraid to do anything but eat and sit still. and I still stressed about that.... So I gained 80lbs, yup 80. and My hair fell out and my doctor yelled at me every time I went in, cause what I was doing to myself was far worse then anything else that was going to happen with my pregnancy on it's own.

My advice to you is you are gonna have to give this one to God. Forgive and let go of the first one, and understand that nature has a reason for letting for of some of the things we want so badley go. I am almost %100 sure that you had nothign to do with what happened and worring about it is going to make your next pregnancy misarable. I know it's hard but you just need to relax and trust that when it's right it will work out... You can't worry about it, I know it seeems imposible but but it is hard on you and baby when you do (hahaha so now you'll worry about worrying).

Stay strong, remember that children are a blessing and just let God and nature do thier thing. Best of luck

H.

I suffered a m/c very early on in my pregnancy. 3 days after we found out, I lost the baby. I can totally identify with how you are feeling. We were so excited that we were expecting and then just like that it was over. I was so devistated even though I wasn't very far along. We are going to try again soon, I feel like you do. I am so worried that I'll miscarry again. I know it's hard (I have to tell myself this too) but try to relax. They say the chances of having another m/c is small. Though that fact doesn't really make me any less nervous. I guess we have to just give in and have a little faith. Take care of yourself, everything will work out in the end.

A.

Well to be honest I MIGHT be going through one as we speak.....But you now I have to wait for an ultrasound and then I have more appointments to go to.....But I mean if I don't get to have this child mabye its still to early to have one I really dont now... OH, I am also 26 but I have children from my previous marriage as well. They are 9yr,7yr & 5yr. Or it could be cause I waited so long I dont now. My point is just CALM DOWN stressing doesnt help and keep good thoughts not bad, Remember they say the baby feels all through you, and yeah I wouldnt pick up any boxes either. I mean just relax and take it easy still you get to the second trimester...I really wish you the best of luck.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal for someone who has had a miscarriage. Usually the fear tends to calm itself a little once you've passed the stage where your miscarriage occurred.

I would suggest though- since you are moving soon- maybe you wait until after the move to actively start trying. Not that there's anything wrong with moving while pregnant, I did it twice while I was pregnant with my son, my husband was also deployed overseas during this time and also Sept 11- so I had an incredible amount of stress during that pregnancy- and my son has some delays that I can't help but wonder if it was partly due to all the stress I was under. So- while moving during pregnancy in itself is okay- as long as you don't strain yourself too much- if you're already that nervous about being pregnant again, you don't need the added stress if you can avoid it.

Also- one miscarriage- though heartbreaking- isn't an automatic indication of future pregnancies. Both myself and many of my friends have all gone on to have healthy children after a miscarriage.

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

I had a miscarriage and it was the most difficult thing for me to go through. but three monts later I got pregnant again although it was kind of rough for the first three months for me but I made it and now my son is 9. I have RH negative blood which means it is hard to carry babies with out the antibodies attacking it if you don't know what your type is check with your Dr. there is a shot I had to get after my miscarraige 20 weeks in to both pregnacys and after both births of my children. it is scarry and I know hard to go through but keep your chin up you have one baby you should have no problem having another.

A.,

I think after suffering through the loss of a pregnancy, this type of worry is pretty normal. I had a m/c, a successful pregnancy, a m/c and a successful pregnancy. The worry is horrible. You should discuss your concerns with your doctor. A good supportive doctor can be really helpful in helping you manage your fear through another pregnancy.

{{hugs}}
T.

I suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks as well. I'm pregnant now, and was very scared to conceive this child.

All I can say, for us...is that we prayed we wanted a child...made the decision to try for another one and just put it "out of mind" so to say... Our Dr. was very familiar with the previous miscarriage, and gave us guidelines to follow once I did concieve. I'm almost in my third trimester now!

It can be scary, and very trying emotionally. I'd say, give it another shot...and you may want to find someone to talk to professionally during this confusing time. I know it worked for me! Good luck!

A.~

I'm so sorry for your loss! I had the same experience with my first pregnancy. It was the worst thing I'd ever been through; I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I was absolutly petrified when I got pregnant a year later. Every cramp or weird feeling I jumped and wanted to take another test to make sure the baby was still there. SO, no you're not alone! My husband and I are religious and It took me a while, but I got to the point where I had to put it in Gods hands. I was afraid that just stressing over it was going to cause a problem, so I took it to God and asked for comfort in whatever happened. I know that the Lord knows what you can and can't handle. I couldn't handle being alone in the delivery room (I also couldn't handle my mom being the only one there) and as it turned out, my husbands was deployed in Iraq when I would have been deliving the baby we lost and I would have been in NC all alone. Also remember that your body knows if there is something wrong with the baby, if things didn't quite go together as they should (i.e. a severe handicap or other genetic defect). Your body recognizes that and will cause the miscarraige. Nothing you can do to prevent it and certainly not you fault. My suggestion with the move and holding your son is that your boby is use to you carrying your 30lb boy, so I don't think that sould be a problem, just try to avoind anything heavier. When you are pregnant and are getting bigger, you'll probably want to encourage him to walk more on his own cause I know I had a hard enough time getting myself around, let alone carry a baby! I really hope I've helped. Just know that things happen for a reason.
I had a heathy baby boy almost a year ago (10 days!) and we are talking about working on a second, and I'm still worried about a miscarraige. I don't think the concern will ever go away once you've experienced it. Good luck!
E.