Afraid That My Four Year Old Will Be a Target for Bullying!

First off, have you had him evaluated for delays? This may help him get the extra assistance he needs in school.

Have you enrolled him in summer school? This too may help keep learning fresh for him all year long so he can "catch up" a bit.

I agree that kids will prey on the slower, sweeter kids. Do everything you can to help him make friends BEFORE the school year starts, so that he has someone in his corner.

Martial arts classes may give him an individual way to gain confidence, learn to stand up for himself and realize that he is strong, even if he's a slow learner or hard to understand.

Once school starts MAKE PLAYDATES! Get involved in his class as much as you can. Encourage him to have friends over. Be the best house in the neighborhood to come play. Anything you can do to help him make friends, keep friends, etc. will only help him in school.

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How to "Discern" other people and social situations, is taught.
Kids do not have these 'skills' automatically.
It is taught.

From 2 years old, I began teaching my kids about people/their intentions/right or wrong/what is appropriate or not, and how to speak up in situations. Giving them the words or sentences to use and role-playing with them.
Sure, each child has their own personality. But, social skills/how to discern other people/kids, is taught. And how to speak up.
It is not an inherent skill in kids. But yes, kids can be and are mean. That is something, that kids do.

If he gets bullied in school, you also HAVE TO tell the Teacher. This also teaches a child, how to problem solve/that bullying is not right/and how to take care of it etc. A child, learns from their parent, per noxious situations.

If you think he needs help or has developmental delays/speech issues, then you need to talk to your Pediatrician as well.

When others Bully him, YOU do need to step in. Don't just let it happen. Correct the other kids... and show him how.

I do not tolerate mean kids, while out or at my kids school. I use my common sense and if in school, I tell the Teacher. Kids this age, do not have naturally occurring coping-skills nor do they know how to handle it.

At the worse, you do NOT want your child, to become socially frustrated or behaviorally aggressive either. Which some kids do, because they don't know any other way of handling the mean kids. And they become frustrated. Hence, they will be 'blamed' even if it is not their fault. For example.

Start teaching him.

The world is harsh. So you teach your child skills and aptitude for social appropriateness/right & wrong and HOW to handle problems. And of course, HOW to speak up, and how to tell the Teacher or you or whoever is in charge.

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It sounds like you are raising a sweet wonderful little boy....it sounds like if this continues he will grow up to be one of those men that most of us women dream about so good job on that part mom.
One of my little guys is really sweet and sensitive too. He is also a little more resistant to learning. He's only 3 1/2 but I can already see there has been more working with him to get him ready for school.
I think it is horible that someone would came to you and ask you what is wrong with him. Its people like that with no filter that raise children like that, that end up being the bullies and mean to others. im sorry either of you have experienced that.
I would look into some sort of summer program. In my area they have ones for just your child and others through the adult school for a mommy and me class to help get your child ready to start kindergarten. For some kids they learn better sometime if it is being taught by someone other than mom. Not that I think your doing anything wrong at all. Just for some kiddos they thrive on doing with a teacher more. I worked in my little girls classes since she started school and there are just kids that do better with different people. One kid would work harder or listen more to me than another mom or the other way around. Just depends on the kiddo.
Try not to worry so much about him being bullied right now. I would say start with a summer program if you can and see how he does. We also have programs through our city...if you have something like that try it. There great starters and a way to introduce school skills with you close by to help or just watch and see what he gets or needs a little more help on.
Also before he starts school talk to him about what to do if someone isnt being nice to him and let him know his choices. Keep teaching him to be kind and doing the wonderful job you are doing! I wish you and your little man lots of luck.

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Maybe, you could call early childhood intervention? If multiple other people are asking what's wrong with him, there might be areas where he needs more then your help. I think the only way you can really help him, is to also get help. There are things he could excel in and give him confidence, but I think bringing him back to a level playing field will help him more immediately. If one or two people make a comment, that's one thing...but from your words, I'm getting that many more have said something.

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First of all, J., you must take up for him first. He is a child and can't take up for himself yet. You must do it for him. How are you handling his bullying cousin? Are you letting them play together alone or are you with them while they play? What do you do when she bullies him? Are you afraid to discipline her, or do you tell her to stop, even if her mother is sitting there?

It is better for him to be with children his own age - not older boys. His sports should especially be with children his own age - tee ball, soccer, swim lessons. This is the best way to let him see "the real world". And it doesn't matter if he is uncoordinated, or not good at sports. Have him do them anyway.

It is okay if he is growing at a different pace. Some kids take time. As far as being slow, as you say, do you have extra help for him? He needs to be evaluated, if he hasn't been already. Do you have a speech therapist? That's the first thing you should get.

Early intervention will make all the difference in the world. The more help you can get him, the less likely he'll be a target for bullies. So work hard to get him all the help he needs so that he'll be school ready and so that his speech is a lot more understandable.

All my best,
D.

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J.,
The world needs ALL kinds of people!
And kids (academically) tend to level out in K.
It's OK for him to be sweet, sensitive and caring. The word could use more of those types, you know?

Repeat after me: "I will NEVER compare my son to other kids." It's a bad idea and generally will only result in your frustration.

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Talk to your pediatrician first. If multiple people are asking if something is wrong, something MAY be wrong. I KNOW it's not what you want to hear, but better to be sure that he's getting the help he needs if he needs it. And if he's fine, YOU'LL feel better knowing that. You can't protect him from the world, but you can make sure he has the tools to deal. Once you know where he is developmentally, you can take it from there. Hugs!

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In addition to Early Intervention for help on his development you can also start to put into play strategies for coping with bullies. I would start to research how to handle bullies.

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the other moms had great suggestions for evaluations and early intervention. it's a good idea to get him as much help as you can, if it is needed. i just really wanted to say he sounds like a great little guy, and i have a soft spot for those sweet little boys, which mine is too. give him a big hug and keep on loving him. we are so lucky to be their moms!

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maybe your not teaching the way he learns. some people are visual, some people learn by writing it out, others can learn just by hearing something. my daughter knew all of her abc's and numbers thru 20 by the time she was 2. my son when i put him in daycare p/t when he was 3, didn't know anything. he is 4.5, almost 5, has a speech delay, and is very sensitve, cries easily, gets angry even more easily, and doesn't make friends easily. however, now he is reading like a mid-school kindergartener, and knows his numbers up to 100. my daughter didn't read until kindergarten and also didn't know her numbers until mid-kindergarten. i would suggest getting the leapster movies. they are educational and also fun to watch for kids your sons age. they are about $10 at walmart or target. they have abc's, numbers, phonics, etc. and if someone people compare my child to theirs (which is beyond rude) i would let them know they are rude, by saying "that's extremely rude of you to say something like that. what was the point of your statement?"both of my kids let people walk all over them. and it makes me angry, but i also don't want them hitting anyone, unless they are hit. they don't tell their teachers when kids push, hit, say something, so these other kids get away with it. i have always taught my kdis from the time they were little that there are people who are not nice, they do bad things to other people. it's hard to deliberately ruin a child's innocence with letting them know how the world is, but they need to be prepared for what is out there. i would just make sure that whatever school you put him in, there is a no bullying policy. my preschool told the mayor of the city he had to take out his kid because the child had bitten 2 kids. they do not put up with that kind of stuff.

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Oprah's words of wisdom: "You are enough." Your son is who he is and that is all he needs to be. He may or may not be head of the class and he may not have a million friends, but encourage him to do his best and befriend the kids who he feels most comfortable with. Just love and accept him for whoever he turns out to be.

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I know it's hard, especially when it seems that everyone else is doing it, but DON'T compare your son to other kids, or to a list of what he "should" be doing. Everyone develops in their own way and on their own schedule. Encourage him to do HIS best, but don't worry if his best is very different from someone else's.

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All children grow and develope at their own pace. You shouldnt compare one child to another.

Once he starts school, the school will work with you getting him the help he needs. They will give you the information you need to help him. They can refer you to Drs./Specialists if he needs them. I would teach him what bullies do and that he doesnt have to put up with being bullied. To walk away and tell the teacher or ask to talk to the principle and let the principle know what is going on.

If he has special needs then each year at the beginning of the school year you need to let the school know what they are, what you have been doing to meet those needs and how they can meet them at school.

Just love him for who he is. Be there for him when he needs you to. As for sports, there is bulling there to. My grandson is different, he has asbergers. He has facial tics and makes uncontolable sounds. The kids in his class has been with him since kindergarden. Two boys used to bully him until one day he told them say whatever you want to about me it dont bother me any more. He was taught not to hit, unless he was hit first, then he isnt to just stand there and let them beat on him. He was told to tell his teacher, or go tell the principle.

Kids in each of his classes, not because they were ask or told to, helps him get through the class, helps him keep focused on what work he needs to be doing.

He saw a nurologist and was put on medication for miagraines and the meds help with the tics. They arent as bad as they used to be.

Good luck with your little boy.

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If multiple people have asked you if something is wrong, perhaps they are seeing something you are not because you are so close. What does his pediatrician think? Also what does your mom thing? I would find out what services are available for diagnosis in case he has delays that should be addressed.

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I things that true!!

It's important to start "teaching" when they are very small.
But some kids just dont take to it.
The world is full of very many different types of people.
Let him be himself.
The world needs sensitive people.
He will find his niche.
In the meantime do the things you need to do to work on some of the things you think he lacks in. Role play is always good. Play school. You be the teacher, let him be the teacher. Teach him how to count money, it's an easy way to learn math. Read a lot, point out letters and words. Help him concentrate on things that DO need his attention.

I have a little problem with mature adults coming up to you and asking what's wrong with your boy and/or comparing him to theirs.....that is disheartening when we, as parents, should always support each other. I would take him to a pediatric neurologist for a complete examination and consultation with them to see what is needed to help your little guy be able to do his best in school. As much interaction with other children--sports, cub scouts, township activities if your town offers them--would be a tremendous help as well. He sounds like a wonderful little boy and, with your support, I am sure he will grow into himself and do just fine in this world.

Poor baby. I would talk to his doctor for sure and make sure he does not have any issues that can be addressed. For children to notice things he is not excelling in, it makes me wonder what those things are and how serious they are. You don't want him teased in school and this summer may give you the opportunity to help him. Talk to a doctor and get a referral of where to go next if the doc cannot help you or does not seem interested in helping you.
My kids are sweet too, not developmental delays or anything, but taught to be nice and not 'tough' so at times kids are mean to them. I just keep repeating that you don't want friends like that. You are amazing and you are going to be the one with all the friends in the end. I keep telling them that just b/c other kids are mean, doesn't mean they have to be mean, they just have to toughen up enough so that the bullying does not bother them. I teach them to walk away, get an adult, etc. Kids will be teased for everything unfortunately, their parents may be a type of bully and be where they learned that behavior. Their parents don't discipline the children when they see them being mean. It is sad. As far as your cousin, sit that little girl down and tell her 'that is not nice, you treat him nicely". If her mom doesn't care, you tell her yourself! Good luck