Afraid MIL Won't Understand Why I'm Breastfeeding

First thing that comes to mind is I'm assuming you have support from your husband on nursing as long as you both feel you need to. I say let him deal with MIL. If she says anything to you, have her take it up with him, have him fight the battle, Or explain that its not her business, that its between him and you. Maybe thats the wrong thing but I sometimes think kids can talk more sense into thier own parents than an in-law. I could be wrong and this may be the completely inappropriate way to handle it, but Its just a battle I wouldnt want to fight, I loved nursing my son and was not about to let anybody make me feel guilty about how long I nursed him, My Best friend nursed her last baby for 2 1/2 years. The more mothers milk, the better I say.

Maybe you could by a book on it, and have her debate with the book instead of with you.

Good luck on this one, I know my advise is crummy but know I support you in your decision.

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My whole family is a little uneasy with me still nursing. My son is 16 months and only nurses in the early morning (4 a.m. and 7 a.m.). He has slowly weaned himself except those two.
When people look at me funny or question me, I just tell them that I am letting him set the pace. At a year he only nursed 4 times and now 4 months later he is down to two so in another 4 months he might be done or he can continue.
I also inform them that he hasn't been sick that much and when he does catch a cold he recovers in a short amount of time. I inform them that my pediatrician has attributed his excellent immune system to the fact that I am still nursing.
You may also point out that worldwide babies often nurse to the age of 2 or 3 due to the health and nutritional benefits.
If all else fails, just smile and say that you appreciate her opinion, but you want to do what you feel is the best for your child.
Good Luck!

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Get some pamphlets from the doc. or print out some info. off the inet about all the benefits of nursing!!!! Maybe you can avoid the topic all together if you nurse in his or you bedroom before nap and bedtime? Tell her this is what's best for him and this is what you're going to do. After that, I think I would just say "I don't think this is something we should talk about right now". If it comes right down to it, have you hubby talk to her. I guess it all depends on your relationship with her. Also, point out all of the two year olds (I see) walking around with pacifiers and bottles hanging out of their mouths!!!!You're doing what's best for your baby.

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I say do what you want to do and if that means continuing with breastfeeding, then do it! You may want your husband to try to casually mention something to her before she comes and that way she won't be "surprised". Many women breastfeed for 2 years and that's what the World Health Organization recommends. Chances are, that she won't even notice if it's only before nap and bedtime. Just go into his room, nurse him, put him down to sleep. Times have changed and more women are breastfeeding these days and many opt for extended breastfeeding. If by chance she does say something, you could respond with, "His pediatrian recommended that we continue breastfeeding." Then if she continues, say "I appreciate your concern, but we're doing this for his health." and try to change the subject. Just don't wean him because you're afraid of what someone else may think. It's you and your baby's choice to continue.
Best of luck!

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She'll have to get over it. It won't be easy, but try to stay strong. You're his mother and know what's best for him.

Good luck!

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T. - my mother and mother in law did NOT approve of my nursing either. Their generation was all about formula and it was NOT good to breastfeed.

I nursed for 13 months and I NEVER let anyone tell me what was best for my baby.

Stick to your guns and do what you want. It's your child, your home, your body and your good judgment.

To make things easier, go somewhere private when your child needs to eat. It will relieve the stress factors and give you some private time with your babe. If MOM brings it up, tell her it's your choice and your husband and doctor support you.

If she gets really nasty - ask your husband to talk to his mother. It's not your battle.
You are doing the right thing.

On a positive note - try to enjoy her company. Talk about her life, get to know her better. Take lots of pictures, have fun and be confident in your choices! You know that you are a great mom. Now, believe it!

D. in milwaukee

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first off i don't think you should feel like you need to make any excuses or explanations for B/f your son for how ever long you do. even though i didn't b/f my children past two months, i'm not about to tell anyone else how to raise their kids.
secondly, i'm surprised this hasn't come up in ANY CONVERSATIONS what so ever since you have known your mil.
if it comes up in conversation when she sees you b/f, don't take it offensive. you have already set up the scenerio in your mind that it's gonna offend her. so no matter what she says about it, you are already predetermined in your mind to take it offensively. try not to let it bother you. if you are certain in your values and stance on b/f then don't worry about what anyone says. even mils. and IF.. she is offended or upset. i would let your husband take care of any explanation if he feels there needs to be something.
either just in casual conversation when she mentions you b/f or IF your husband has to make it a point, i would just breifly with out tone, and excitement, that 'yeah, ya know, WE decided to let little johnny wean himself and WE have learned so much about how valuable b/f and the bonding is for both of us. '
if she gets offended by any reference to generations doing things differently, remind her that just because things are done differently by generations doesn't mean one is wrong and one is right for individuals. maybe try to ask her about her own mom and her views and how things were different from those two generations. sometimes asking more questions about them instead of telling the mils how things are gonna with this you, helps personalize things.
good luck. stay strong in your own values and what anyone says or thinks shouldn't sway you either way. even your mil.
be honest and tactful.

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My in-law forces opinions on me constantly!!! I have finally have been able (it takes practice!) to just either ignore her or say something like "well that's what we're doing".
Applied to nursing- I too nursed my son until he was 15/16mo old - just tell her you understand but you have decided that you are going to continue until he's ready. You really do not have to worry about her- so what if she thinks it's gross- you prob. don't agree with her not nursing her children!
If you must you can explain the health benifits of nursing longer- but in the end (in my experience) it really just comes down to "this is what we've decided"- you obviously didn't just accidentially nurse him this long!
Good Luck!

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I nursed my 2nd son until he weaned *not by choice...pregnancy kind of killed my supply* at 26months. I say screw naysayers. It's your choice how to raise your child.

Your MIL was raised in a generation that thought Formula was best. if your MIL has issues tell her that breastfeeding is best for a child under 2 an even beneficial for longer than that. The average age for weaning in most of the world is 4yrs old, so you don't think there is anything wrong with nursing longer than a year.

Congratualtions on a succesfull nursing relationship BTW :-)

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Relax and enjoy your son. My son is 18mo and I still nurse him, mostly at bed times' and morning. My husband thinks we should be done by now but my son is not ready,I nursed all four of my children two were a year and one was 15 mo and now 18mo. When the two of you are ready you will stop but...untill then love every precious moment. If your mil feels like she should say something take it graciously and nicely say I hear what you are saying thenks....:)
good luck and remember you are a great mom...

L.

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First of all, let me say GOOD FOR YOU for continuing to breast feed your child after the first 12 months.

I say breastfeed him as you normally would. IF she does say something (and that's a BIG if, she will likely not say anything and just give you a disgusted look, which I suggest you IGNORE) say to her, "Your son and I have done a lot of research and found that continuing to breastfeed "Joey" is one of the best ways we can make sure he is getting ample nutrition and protect him from several illnesses."

Again, GOOD FOR YOU for continuing to breastfeed! My son is 7 months old and is still exclusively breastfed.

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I still nurse my son; he is 19 months old. When my parents or in-laws are around, he and I nurse in private. He also only nurses once or twice a day, so it is not a big deal. Discuss with your husband before she arrives your plans for private nursing. Also, if she makes comments, have your husband ready with answers as to why it is still beneficial for your son and you to nurse. It really isn't her business. Just try to remain pleasant and offer her education about it.

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Hello i am a mother of 1 and he is 20 months and i nursed him till he was one ish ha ha anyway i couldn't pump for some reason, i had him on a strict sch. and i knew going into it that it was what i (we my husband also) wanted to do no matter what ANYONE had to say about it, my dad is my best friend and he wanted to feed my son so bad so everytime we were around my dad i had to hear it it was tough but i knew it was what was best and it's what i wanted so don't live your life worring about your MIL but if u are worried let her know befor she comes or ask your husband to do it

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She might surprise you. My MIL was shocked that I nursed my kids after they had teeth. She was then shocked that my 3rd child was still nursing at 20 months, but when we went to visit her for a week she really came around. Like your son, my daughter was only nursing before going to sleep. I guess that sounded reasonable to my MIL, because she was actually pretty supportive. If your MIL does find it weird/gross, hopefully she'll have the good manners to keep her feelings to herself!

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I totally agree with everyone's advice to you! My son weaned himself from the breast at 11 months, but I would have nursed for as long as he wanted. My MIL hates me and always thinks the worst of me. I've learned to just ignore her. I'm her son's wife and the mother of his child. Since she can't respect that, I've decided that she's just not worth worrying about! I really hope your issues with your MIL aren't as bad as mine though! Happy holidays and best of luck to you!

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It sounds to me like your MIL has issues, please don't make them yours! If she comments, smile graciously and say, "Just look at your beautiful, healthy grandchildren!" and walk away. Karma will eventually catch up with her. Also, have you wondered why the approval of this woman appears to have you in such a state??

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I know it is hard, but do not worry about MIL!!! Just do what feels right. I nursed both of my kids (one each) till 18 months. It is perfectly acceptable to nurse as long as you want! (Provided they aren't in school I suppose!) Good luck~

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I understand that you feel that you'll need to explain why you're still nursing. However, you listed reasons here that obviously put your son's needs first. Also, your husband should be enlisted to help deflect the questions, if he's agreeable. If not, here's what I do in such situations: First, remember that this woman is your husband's mother and your son's grandmother. You don't want to do anything disrespectful or to cause problems. But, you also need to remember that YOU are your son's mother and the only one who can make the nursing/weaning decision. After taking a deep breath and keeping that in mind, I simply DON'T ANSWER! It works like a charm. Don't say even one word. You can look at her, or not. She will be, at the very worst, only mildly offended for a couple of minutes. It's amazing what silence can do. We all feel a need to fill it with talking but if you just don't answer she'll end up filling the silence by talking. If she repeats the question rather than backing off, I'd say something so unrelated that you make her realized you're NOT going to discuss nursing.

As a last resort, if she asks when you're going to wean, just say, "Sometimes after the holidays." That could be a week later or a year and a half later!!

Good luck!

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I'm with most everyone else. Try not to worry about it. Relax and enjoy the holidays. Breastfeeding is a personal choice and if she doesn't respect that, it shows more about her. Don't stand in the judging dock and let her be the judge. I nursed my little man two months past his 2nd birthday. His immune system is great, he's big for his age, strong as an little ox and he loves his mommy and still calls me his best friend. (long may that last!)

I understand trying to dodge those looks and awkward moments with MILs. Try not to let it make you feel bad. It's NOT a bad thing you're doing and you know that. But, if she tries to say something negative about it to you, just say something positive back, like, 'This quiet time we spend together is so special.'

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Don't worry about what she thinks. It is your life and your family and everyone will have an opinion, but that's it-Trust me there are lots of things I did that my MIL didn't approve of- but likewise- there are many things she did in raising her children that I don't approve of. Ya can't make everyone happy- just continue to do what is best for you and your family

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T.-
My son is 22 months old & still nursing & my daughter nursed until 2 1/2 yrs. My MIL is the same way & did not nurse either of her kids. She has been pretty good about it though although I know she hasn't approved. You should always think about your child's needs before what anybody else thinks anyways. If she asks questions or seems confused about it explain to her your style of parenting & how bonding it is between the 2 of you. I think my MIL would have liked to have nursed her children & the disapproval was another form of guilt.

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There are a lot of advantages to breastfeeding that the generation up from us did not know about. In the 60's 70's and 80's the trend was still big on formula because as a society people were still trying to get over the 50's rage of breast feeding being barbaric.
My suggestion would be to explain the great, proven, benefits of breastfeeding--bonding time, added immunity and antibody support for your little one during the cold/flu season, healthier for both of you over all, etc. If she thinks it's odd or weird that is her problem and in no way should you ever subvert what you believe a good way to raise your children for how anyone else thinks--relative or not.

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I nursed my daughter till she was 18 months. And my grandma had a problem with over a year, and she always told me everytime I talked to her or saw her (which was often since we lived in the same neighborhood). I really didn't want to get in on the subject. I had to say that I was slowly weaning her off of each feeding, and I was decreasing her feeding time slowly also. Which was not really true, but since I told her it was very gradually and she eventually didn't bother me. Maybe it was not good to lie but my grandma is so opinionated about stuff that I try to avoid a war with her.

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Hi T.

I would not worry about your MIL, you just need to do what is best for you and if she gives you grief over it just politely say this is what we feel is right. If you want to get some brochures over the internet about this subject and let her read it, put it out somewhere for her to see it.

I hope this even helps, I dont know how close you are with her.

Sincerely, T. H.

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I agree with everyone else...who cares what your MIL or anyone else thinks! Nurse your baby for as long as you want and wean him off when it's in your timing (or his!). If your MIL is totally uncomfortable with you nursing him in the same room, then take him into his room or your bedroom and enjoy that time with him and let her spend the time with your other children. If your relationship with your MIL is anything like mine, then you'll enjoy having a little space away from her, just to get a break from each other. I love my MIL, but sometimes there can be too much of a great thing! :) Don't make the holidays any more stressful than they already are!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Are you breastfeeding for your child or for your mother-in-law? I guess if you feel the need to validate your choice to her you could explain all the benefits of breastfeeding past age 1....better than whole milk and no need to purchase it, makes vaccinations more effective, etc. Also, the World Health Organization recommends that mothers breastfeed for the 1st 2 years, and the American Academy of Pediatrics says AT LEAST for a year. Also, it may just take your husband saying to his mother "I'm so proud of her for being able to breastfeed this long." His opinion is probably the most important to her.

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Breastfeed feed him until he is 5 if you want to, although I think that might be a little old :). Who cares what MIL thinks he is your son so do whatever you think is best for him!!

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Please try not to worry. You are choosing to give the very best to your baby that you can, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. You can tell her this kindly IF she says anything, and if she doesn't say anything, all the better. Those are her thoughts, and you know yours are what's best for you and your son.

I nursed my daughter until she was almost 3 and son until 2.5, and I totally believe they have benefitted from it, as have I (lower risk of breast & ovarian cancer, less stressed, etc.). Here is a great website that talks about dealing with handling criticism about breastfeeding. Kellymom always has good advice, in my book:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html

Peace and kudos,
K.

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