Advice Re: a 15 Month Old Who Hits Himself

My son (3 years old) bangs his head on the floor when he's angry or unhappy. He started it when he was 12 months old. He is certainly old enough to articulate his frustrations and he does, but when he's at his most emotional, he still does this. It's extremely upsetting.

Everything I've read or been told has said to ignore it, so that's what we've been trying to do for the past two years. It's difficult to not at least wince, though. It has gotten a lot better, but I think giving your son words and otherwise ignoring the behavior (while of course still making sure that he's not really injuring himself) is probably the best thing you can do.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My first son did this. We had tile in our home and he would hit his head repeatedly against the tile. He would hit his head against the wall too. Everyone would freak out and tell him not to do it. He was about one yr old. They would run to him to get him to stop.

I said to completely ignore him when he does it. Within a week, he stopped and he never did it again.

Hi S.,
Your son sounds perfectly normal to me. Your assumption that he is hitting himself to express emotions is dead on. I have raised 3 boys of my own, as well as being a preschool teacher (ages 1-5) for 13yrs, can tell you that this is normal, although exasperating and unpleasant for parents. Just keep doing what you're doing, trust me, he wont do it hard enough to really hurt himself, at least not more than once.

D.

He could be frustrated, in which case, it's good to label the feeling so that he can learn to express it in another way eventually. It could also be a bit of what they call "attention seeking" on his part. When you say "No" and he hits himself, you (no doubt) have some sort of reaction that he may find amusing and enjoyable -- after all, all eyes are on him now. If that's the case, then just ignore that particular behavior -- don't act shocked and don't say anything to him -- and the behavior will phase out soon enough because it will cease being fun and games for him.

With my son I noticed a difference in his response when I reacted differently.
When I just said "No" in an authoritative voice then he got frustrated and hit himself.
When I calmly said no and gave a reason (yes, even 15 mo. olds can understand) he didn't react as badly.
example-he's throwing a toy that shouldn't be thrown. "No throwing, it will break" or if he's reaching for the stove "don't touch, hot" simple explanations.
My mom warned me against this because she said that I would then have to explain my actions to him and sometimes you just need to tell a kid "no, because I said so". I haven't found this to be the case. In fact I think it has helped him be able to explain his reasoning better once he could talk. Also, occasionally, every once in a blue moon, I am wrong. He now has the reasoning ability to explain his side of it, and often I have to agree. I react out of instinct and say no, but he has good reasons for me to say yes, or we can change the circumstances so it can be yes. He's 9 almost 10 and a happy healthy boy. But that is many years down the road for you and your cutie.

Hope that helps,Good Luck.

My son did the same thing. He is now 19 months old and doesn't do it much anymore. I felt it was frustration because he could not communicate what he was wanting or feeling. I talked to his doctor and a developmental specialist about it and they both assured me it was common and nothing to worry about.

Our daughter did the same thing when she was 16 months. It horrified me. I cried seeing the marks she would leave on her face. I tried showing her that it's okay to be mad and frustrated but to hit other things. I read her a book "HANDS ARE NOT FOR HITTING" which she loved, but was too young to understand. Finally... when we completely ignored it. I mean not looked at her, not talked about it, didn't get upset about it, it magically stopped. I know it's hard as hell to ignore it when the love of your life is doing something to potentially harm themselves, but in the long run, it works. Good Luck!
S.

Hi,

my 15 month old son does absolutely the same! This makes me concerned but not very much. I am sure in a couple of months or so it will be over.

All the best,

O.

Sounds like you have a good idea for your son. We have to help our kids find safe/acceptable ways to deal with tension and stress. That sometimes means making new channels for communicating or releasing adrenaline. That's parenting. (Adults still need this kind of release...when someone angry throws something, stomps around, or yells an "bad" word or two.)
As he gets more verbal this kind of stuff will happen less. I had to teach my daughter to jump up and down when mad, for at least a short time, when under/around two.
Good luck!

Hello, In fact this is probably age appropriate for some babies. I have four adult children, did licensed daycare for 15 years and have 6 grandchildren. Some of these children did this and some did not. Our 15 month old grandaughter is pulling her hair. Of cours, we react and try to tell her that she is okay and get her to stop. Unfortunately, she gets the attention. Not that she isn't getting 150% of it anyway.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.