18 answers

Advice on What to Write in My Estranged Stepdaughters Birthday & Graduation Card

We haven't seen my step daughter in over 4 years. It is a horrible situation. My husband and I are struggling in what to write in her birthday and high school graduation card. We are hoping that her mother's influence will lose effect soon and that she will contact us.

My husband faithfully pays child support & tries to contact her frequently but there is no response from my step-daughter or her mother. Her mother is the custodial parent and has cut off contact with my husband after the birth of our child together.

If anyone has advice on what to write please let me know. We are hoping one day soon that she will contact us or respond to my husbands attempts to communicate with her.

Note: *My husband will write the card as if it is just from him. Even though I care for my step-daughter dearly.

Thank you for any ideas that you may have.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you for all the amazing ideas. We literally cried when we read the responses. I feel for anyone else out there who is in or has had a similar situation.

As for the cards they are sent and my step daughter has to sign for them upon delivery. We are praying that one day soon she will contact us.

On a positive note we were able to find out from a friend that she will be attending college very close to our home. Right now she lives almost 2 hours from us.

Thank you all so very much!

Featured Answers

"I'm proud of the young woman you've become.
It seems like just yesterday I carried you in my arms.
I'll always carry you in my heart.
Remember that character is what you do when no one is looking.
Reach for the stars!
I love you very, very much.

6 moms found this helpful

The birthday card should just be a very nice thoughtful one with a nice gift card in it from someplace a young adult would love. That way if mom gets it instead she won't have any use for it.

As for graduation situation I think that writing a note in it would be nice. Telling her that she has grown up to be a wonderful young woman and other stuff like that.

Telling her that she can call him any time she wants would also be appropriate too. I think telling her if she needs anything she can call him. That does not say I will do it, it says call me and we can talk. Leave it ambiguous and not defined.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

All he can really say is that he's proud of her and misses her.
Make sure he puts his contact info in the card, the ball will be in her court.
Assuming she is graduating from HS and is now an adult, he probably should just say what he truly wants to say. She might be ripe for it.

6 moms found this helpful

"I'm proud of the young woman you've become.
It seems like just yesterday I carried you in my arms.
I'll always carry you in my heart.
Remember that character is what you do when no one is looking.
Reach for the stars!
I love you very, very much.

6 moms found this helpful

not sure if your doing this or not. But I would at the post office make it so the daughter has to sign for it. not the mother but the daughter in person. how do you know for sure she is even seeing anything you send? just a thought. my husband had an ex like this.

5 moms found this helpful

"Congratulations on your graduation, and happy birthday! We are so proud of you. We hope to see you soon. Love, Dad"

Keep it short and sweet. I wouldn't mention family drama in the card at all.

4 moms found this helpful

Beyond saying Happy Birthday and Congratulations on your Graduation... I would say that you both love her always.
And wish her the best, always.
And you are both proud of her.
And you are both always there for her, in heart and mind.

To me, there is no need to go into past references or past issues or past feelings in the card.
Just keep things, present, and nice and heartfelt.
No hidden agendas and no innuendos.
Just straightforward nice wishes.

And the card should be from both you and your Husband.
You BOTH sign the card.
Men can forget to say "we" and say "I" instead in writing the card.
So just tell your Husband nicely.

4 moms found this helpful

"Even though things aren't good between us right now, it's my dream that some day they will be better. At such an important time in your life, I really wanted you to know how much you matter to me and that I think of you all the time. I love you and I always will. My door is always open. "

3 moms found this helpful

Birthday card - Have a Very Happy Birthday (insert name). I (or we) love you and miss you!

Graduation card - Congratulations, I (or we) am so very proud! Good luck on your new journey into adulthood!

I mean you haven't heard from her in four years - her entire time in high school. What else can you really say since you unfortunately don't 'know' her?

Sorry I know these are bland examples, but unless you want to lavish her with words of emotion and care, there really isn't much else to say.

3 moms found this helpful

Write what you would if you weren't estranged. Talk about how this is the beginning of her life and how you wish her the best and hope to see her very soon.

2 moms found this helpful

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