Advice on "Talking Up" a Trip to the Dentist

It is important not to push a child in regards to seeing the dentist. The mouth is a private place for most people, invasive really.

I work for a holistic dentist. At our practice, we don't x-ray 3 year olds unless there is a complaint (hurting teeth). We only x-ray adults every 2 to 3 years or if there is pain. 3 years old is really too young. When a child goes to the dentist at that age for a cleaning, all that is done is a light scaling on the teeth to remove any tarter (which at 3 should be none) and a polish. Not really necessary unless the child has sugar in their diet. We only do a "chair ride" and don't push anything. If you feel the next appointment is really necessary, try sitting in the chair with you child on your lap.

Honestly, if a dentist or whomever had to hold your child down to get in the mouth... I would question that dentist. Holding a child or an adult for that matter is not good. The only time I may condone that type of treatment is if there was a medical emergency for them to treat in the mouth. Children are intuitive, don't push them.

I am sure you are just trying to do what is in your child's best interest by getting their teeth cleaned, but is it really worth it at this age??

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I work for a general dentist who also sees children. One of the things that we find very helpful with little ones, is to allow them to watch their parents get their teeth cleaned. That way, it is not about them, they are just along for the ride. At the parent's appointment we let them just sit and watch, ask questions and even take a ride in the chair with their parent. When the parent wants to, we schedule a "happy visit." At this appointment, we only do what the child is comfortable with. We show them all of the fun things there is to do at the dentist. We have "Mr. Thirsty," the "water squirter," the "tooth tickler," and so on. We try a little more at each visit, and tell them that gets easier every time. Mom and dad are always welcome to come back with them. Sometimes little ones also respond better to females. A female dental assistant or hygentist may be able to get more done. Each child is different, but the dentist office should not be a scary place. In the mean time, do your best with her at home and practice good home care (brushing, flossing and flouride)! Tell her you want to show the dentist what a good job she is doing! Good luck!

I would find a dentist that she likes (one that specializes in children). Some dentists really know how to help children feel comfortable and take the time with them and not force them until they are ready. If you do things like hold her down, etc. she will be even more resistant. Also, if she has a bad experience, it could cause a lifelong problem. My 4 year old loves to go to the dentist (even thought he has had two fillings). I initially took him to someone who wanted to medicate him, strap him down, and not let me be in the room. No Way!! Hope this helps....S.

I agree with most things already said.

1)cancel the follow up with this doctor
2)go to the library and get some books out and video tapes. We watched a Barney episode about this and read a story about franklin and the book by mercer
3)make sure it is a pediatric dentist. There is a great one in Wilsonville right across from the memorial park - totally geared towards kids and makes it fun and not scary at all. We go to Dr Brandon in Tigard off 99 and Durham road. He is good but could be better. Our first visit was great but this visit my daughter was more hesitant but she made it through. I was with my daughter all the time and helped her stay calm. Dont go to a dentist that doesnt let you go with your child at that age.
4)They dont do much but clean teeth,give a flouride treatment and check the teeth. There is probably alot more in dentist speak going on but I am not aware.
5) Trust your childs instincts. Support her but let her know she will have to do this soon. Make an appt for 6 months down the road.

Good luck

my daughter hated the dentist also up until 3, which turned out to be her magic # and then she happily sat in the chair, had x-rays, and had her teeth cleaned. we had to have several visits to the dentist with her sitting backwards in my lap and lying down with the dentist getting a peek. no, she did not like it and squirmed and cried but apparently she wasn't so traumatized by it because she loves the dentist now. we do go to a pediatric one, drs. lubisich. i have also heard good things about under the sea.

i have heard that some dentists let you pop in just to let your child get used to the office, letting her play with toys and such, without having an actual appointment with the dentist. maybe your daughter would feel better if you do that.

i'd agree with the dentist books and videos also and let her play dentist on a stuffed animal.

good luck!

Hi--

I took my 3 year old to her first appointment with a pediatric dentist. The dentist sent us literature about the first visit and how they handle the whole process of working with young children. He said times have changed greatly and that they never ever force children to do something they don't want. The office staff want children to look forward to their dental visits and that is exactly what I witnessed. My daughter loves going there. At the last check-up we went in and saw a hygienist squirting small lines of water on the examination table while the two year old suctioned it up with the little suction device staff use in teeth cleaning. They were still doing that when our appointment was nearly over. That told me a great deal. That child needed to feel comfortable in the environment and the staff made sure that happened. It sounds like your daughter had a bad experience and this is something that needs to be remedied. If you speak with another dentist and one who specializes in pediatrics, it could really help. Not sure where you live, but we love our pediatric dentist Dr. Pike in SW Portland. Here is his website, but I am sure there are many other good ones out there as well. http://www.doctorpike.com/

Good luck!

I'd recommend maybe going to a pediatric dentist (if you aren't already). They really do make it more pleasant and they really know how to work with kids.
You can practice playing dentist at home. We do that all the time.
Also, try keeping you spirits about it up beat. Most dentist wouldn't force a child to do anything and should make it fun. My two year old was a little apprehensive the first time, but the dentist was so good. She showed her everything in the office and told her what they were doing. Let my daughter look in a mirror while the dentist "counted her teeth" and helped pick out special flavored paint (flouride) for her teeth.And they took her picture for her photo album, gave her stickers and a special toy from a magic box.
We just went for my daughters 2nd appointment (6 months later) and she was so excited to go that she went all by herself. Told me to wait in the lobby for her. She will be 3 in two months.
Maybe taking a special stuffed animal or blanket or toy car might help too.
With this all being said, some kids will always be apprehensive with going to the doctor/dentist/etc, so just be encouraging, explain that it is important to do these things and be honest with your child about what the doctor/dentist will do and just be as supportive of your child as you can. We have all been scared at one time or another and just having a supportive caring person with you can be the best.
Good luck.

Most kids are pretty intuitive. If your "talking up" was a little too cheerful and enthusiastic, your daughter probably thought she was smelling a rat. Plus kids are quite reasonably resistant to having strangers put fingers and tools in their mouths in a strange environment.

Seems you could do two things. Prefereably, since she's so young, back off on the return appointment if she had no obvious problems, give the issue a few months to cool, and reintroduce the subject with books, videos, or whatever resources you can find. Puppets can be good, both to help her know what to expect and to let her express her feelings. Meanwhile, just keep quietly educating her about the importance of healthy teeth, and mention once in awhile that the dentist is a friend who will help her mouth stay healthy.

Alternatively, just be honest. If there's some urgent reason you can't put this off, tell her that lots of kids feel scared of the dentist, but they turn out to be okay. Tell her that she must do this, that she doesn't have to like it, that it's important and necessary, that you'll be right there with her, that it can't wait (if indeed it can't). Tell her what's going to happen in some detail, since fear of the unknown is way scarier. Be firm, gentle, patient, and extremely calm. She will still resist, but your firmness and calmness may be something of an emotional anchor during the procedure.

Afterward, thank her for her cooperation and take her for a treat. (Don't bribe her with a promise of a treat beforehand, however. Bribes backfire, if not sooner, then later.) Over the treat, talk over her experience with very calm, accurate observations. If she seemed to be in pain at any point, don't discount her pain, or she'll trust you even less the next time. Just observe that the discomfort only lasted a little while and now it's gone and her teeth are healthy.

(I wrote comments above before seeing all the recommendations for pediatric dentists. What a concept! I was born too early for that wonderful innovation, and so was my grown daughter.)

I just took my daughter (2 1/2) to my dentist Bellingham Bay Dental and she loved it. She was not sure at first but they sit her in the chair and play these cute little videos with animals brushing their teeth. plus the ladies there are sooo sweet! my daughter had a great time, got to pick out a little toy and now keeps asking me if she can go back. it's totally worth it to find a the right dentist.

Bellingham Bay Dental is in Fairhaven so a little closer to Mt. Vernon if you think the drive is worth it.
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-Brandi

I would put off the next visit also. I am sure the fact the dentist held your daughter down to look in her mouth has caused her even more anxiety for the dentist. Is it a pediatric dentist she is seeing? They are set up for children more than a regular family dentist. My son goes to a Dr. Karole Wilson (there are two more dentists in her office just as good too) and he loves going there.

I have a 6 yr old and 10 yr old and they were both scared to see the dentist when they were toddlers. My dentist said it isn't really necessary that they get cleanings until they are 5 anyway, so we never pressured them to do anything they weren't comfortable with. With my daughter he asked her if he could see her teeth, she said no, so we didn't make her.

However, at the age of 5 they both did great. They were still nervous but after a few minutes of talking with the dentist and sitting in the chair they were fine. My son didn't let them use the spinny brush until he was 6 though - I think the sound of the machine scared him.

I also think what helped them both was that they went to daycare and a dentist came and made a presentation for their classes. Being in a group and learning about the dentist with their friends made it less scary. Perhaps check with the library to see if they ever have dentist presentations - or check with your dentist. A video or book may help too.

Either way, I'm sure she will do better as she gets older. It's like potty training - they will do it on their terms when they are comfortable with it.

are you going to a pediatric dentist? If not, maybe you should take her to one - ours has the most inviting and nonthreatening office (they have a television mounted on the ceiling for during the visit, let the kids meet "mr. thirsty", let the kids spray the water to test it, show them how the polisher will feel on their finger, etc...)Also, you can get books from the library (there is a berenstein bears one, and a maisy one I think...) I know a lot of moms who have girls (my older child is a boy) who talk about princess teeth, and tell their daughters that you can only have princess teeth (shiny and bright) if you brush every day and visit the dentist. Also, ask if they can give her a "goody bag" with her toothbrush and floss before she sits in the chair so she has something to hold onto...good luck!

Greetings L.,

My daughter (7yrs old) needed to have a cavity pulled. It nearly didn't happen because of the needle phobia, the sedation was a joke. So, the dentist sent us to a to a pediatric dentist. The best thing we ever did! The dentist is wonderful with children; especially emotional ones. The sedation was more effective for my daughter. She also loved the decor of the office & of course the the wonderful prizes to chose from. She has had to make 2 return trips and I've had no trouble getting her to go.

My advice is to try a pediatric dentist!

Good Luck~
Heather (friend of C.)

Pediatric dentist.
Books such as "Berenstain Bears Go To The Dentist".
Relax. Not the end of the world. Visit dentist's office without appointments -- just to say "hi", drop off goodies/magazines/etc, ask questions, maybe even arrange to meet a friend there so she can play in the waiting area with her friend while you visit with the mom for 1/2 hour or so, stop in just to use the bathroom, etc.
My daughter was nervous at first -- did the same things as your daughter, but with two older brothers and mom going, she got used to it over time. Now at 4 1/2 years old she's a pro! :)
Also, unless there's an urgent medical reason to, I would not hold her down. The feeling of having no control of an already unpleasant (to her) situations makes it so much worse in the long run.
Good luck!

It sounds like you've already received some good advice. It concerned me when I read that the dentist, or whomever, held your child down to get a look in her mouth. Or first dentist visit, for my 3 year old son, they didn't press the issue at all. It was all about getting him comfortable in the environment.

Speaking from recent experience, she may be picking up on any anxiety you or your husband may have about the dentist. I apparently have major dental anxiety, but didn't realize it until recently. Or she may simply not like having someone poking in her mouth...not an unreasonable thing.

In any case, find a new dentist. We went to a popular pediatric dentist and it was a disaster. Sought a 2nd opinion through a family dentist and we all feel much better. I learned it is important that you and your child have a positive relationship with your dentist. Maybe this dentist just isn't the one. One lady in another post said she interviewed several dentists until she found one she felt comfortable with. Makes sense to me.

If you are in Portland, I would HIGHLY recommend talking to Dr. Pike's Office. The practice is set up to make the experience fun and fear free. Call them, get advice and go check it out. He is one of the leading practitioners in pediatric dentistry and has written a book on how to set up a "no fear" practice for children. Plus, when you meet him, his hygienists and see the set up, you will get an appreciation for the level of care and thought that has gone into making it a great experience for kids. My daugther has loved it from day 1.

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http://www.doctorpike.com/

PS - the fact that they even held down your daughter in the first place tells me that's the WRONG place to take her! Change dentists - please consider Pike. His office is right off the 26W at Sylvan - easy to get to.

I took my kids to a kids only dentist, and they made it so much fun for the kids that they all did great! Definitely worth the extra cost.
Also, is there a friend or someone she looks up to going to the dentist soon? Maybe if she watched them it would help her.

A lot of family dentists are very good with children, you don't necessarily need a pediatric dentist.

You said you don't know why your daughter didn't want to go to the dentist--did you ask her? You shouldn't have to hold her down in the chair. Also, I'm surprised that they want to do x-rays--it wasn't until my daughter was 7 that her mouth was big enough to fit the bite wings in.

You probably should hunt around for a new dentist, but don't feel like it has to be a pedi dentist. And talk to your daughter and find out why she is so anxious!

You may want to switch dentists. I would suggest looking for a pediatric one.