Advice on Santa Claus

Hey B.. I didn't read all the responses, but I did want to include my advice (so someone else may have had a similar response). When I taught Kindergarten and Second Grade, this same thing always came up. I always told my students, "I believe in Santa Claus, and he comes to my house every year. You can have your beliefs, but don't try to change others' beliefs. Some people believe and others don't." That would usually end the discussion. HTH and good luck!

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Ok, I am going to way in on this subject. My husband and I have always taught our children the true meaning of any holiday. I can still remember as a young child (even when I knew Santa Claus was not real)the magic that embodies christmas. It was such a wonderful time in my life, no matter what I got under the tree. I have a large family so it wasn't usually a lot. I have always tried to pass that feeling on to my children no matter what they believe. Let her decide on her own, if she believes he is real or not. Let her tell YOU what she wants to believe. On a personal note, we do joke that Santa Claus is really Satan Claus because some people really put more stock in the idea of Santa Claus instead of the true meaning of christmas, which is Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Do I hear an AMEN??

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I like some of the advice given like the one saying to make new traditions and such, but I have one real problem with the idea of whether Santa exists or not. He actually does- or at least did. The tradition actually comes from a real guy that made toys and brought them to children during the early Ren. period. We celebrate this man because he embodies the same lesson that God taught us by sending Jesus- the gift of giving. To tell your children that he is not real is technically a lie since the spirit of this once living soul lives on in the tots and parents that give those tots gifts. I also believe that it ruins some of the magic of Christmas. I personally intend to tell my daughter one day (when she questions) the (much simplified) history of St. Nicholas (and, no, I'm not Catholic) and ask her to share in that same tradition of giving my playing Santa to some other child in the way of Toys for tots or some other giving group. That way she learns the reality, a little history, and can share in the same excitement that I will every year for as long as my family is together. My best for Christmas! good luck.

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My little ones are still too young to know- but I like what my sister-in-law told her 2 girls. When they questioned it she told them that it is the "Magic" of Santa.
You have to believe in the magic-for Santa to come. I would probably still let her keep believing- and if she asks- then tell her the truth. You could also read the book the Polar Express and discuss it with her. Let her know you still hear the "Bell". Good luck with this and let us know what happens.
S.

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Wow, this is tough, and I am not there yet, but I think there comes a time when still telling her that when SHE is asking is doing more harm than good. I distinctly remember nagging my mom about that age (and yes, right before Christmas b/c my friends talked about it at school and church...). She sat me down and told me that "Santa Claus" wasn't a real person, but about the spirit of Santa and how important it is to give and make people happy, blah, blah, blah, and even though it was "ruined" for me that year, we turned it into a celebration of me being old enough to know the truth and I got to help do some special Christmas, Easter and Toothfairy things for my younger sister. After the initial crying about learning the truth and feeling lied to, I was actually proud to know my mom thought I was old enough to handle it and felt like I knew the "secret" from then on.

I know that may not be what you need to hear, but 8 is not too young to understand lying and she may resent you for making her feel stupid or naive around her friends if they already "know the secret". I think you should use it to your advantage to create a neat and special bond between you two this season instead.

Good luck with whatever you decide though...

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Hi B., I read your request and I am going through the exact same thing, my daughter is exactly the same age and she started with the same questions. I always tell her that families are different and have different beleives. Just like different food traditions, different religions, different prayers, etc. there are families that don't beleive in Santa and that is why some kids say that Santa doesn't exist, because their parents buy them toys.
I don't know if it will work for you, but just in case you get some other helpful advise please pass it on because I know I will be facing that question again before Xmas.
Have a great Holiday with the family!

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If she is asking, it is time to tell her. I have not had to face this issue because my daughter is only 20 months. However, I was in 4th grade when I finally found out that Santa was not real and my heart was broken because my mom had lied to me. I had asked my mom several times and she always assured me he was real. I was the last of all my friends to find out and I remember being on the playground and just arguing with my friends, trying to defend Santa and trying to prove that Santa was real because he came to my house every year. I remember riding with my mom in the car and telling her about all the kids that were saying Santa wasn't real when she finally told me the truth. I was in shock and started crying because I was wondering what else was a lie. I was also embarassed and felt like I had made a fool out of myself in front of my friends by trying to defend Santa. But I got over it and so will your daughter, so I would tell her.

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I will not argue with anyone about the whole santa thing, but my husband and I decided when our first was born, now 3yr, that we would be honest about santa and the whole christmas thing. As a christian we believe that kids should know what christmas is really about, it is NOT about santa and too many kids think thats what its all about. Even my 3yr old knows that christmas is Jesus' b-day and thats why it is special, not because santa is coming. I think that your 8yr old daughter deserves to know the truth. It will be good for her to know the true meaning. I mean we tell our kids all about santa and tell them the stories and take them to see santa, but we let them know the TRUE meaning. I think its good for all kids to know the truth. But it is your choice on when you tell her, this is just my opinion. GOOD LUCK!

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Hi there and Merry Christmas! I have always told my daughter that there is a Santa Claus but never played it up. I put some presents under the tree with tags from "Mom & Dad" and some from "Santa". She is now 13 and although she knows that Santa doesn't come down the chimney she does know that I will always insist there is a Santa because we refer to Santa as one of the "Spirts of Christmas." The idea of Santa is real and although we are Christians and know the real reason for the season, there is no need to take away the fun of an extra spirit of giving. Santa was a real person at one time and his kind and sweet giving nature is what we celebrate in Santa Claus. When your daughter asks tell her that while the spirit of Santa is real, the actual person is not the guy in the mall. No lying just turning the truth a bit. Good luck!

Merry Christmas!
M.

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Wow B.! You have rec'd some very conflicting advice. I had no idea there was such a debate. Personally, the whole thing is very low key at our house. We have a 9 yo boy (3rd grade) and a 7 yo girl (1st grade). We have been asked the question since very young on Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. It has been our experience that they just want validation and not verification. They still want to believe so we confirm what they already feel. We realize one day they will tell us that we are not all of those folks instead of asking us. At that point we will validate that. I feel there is a difference. As someone else said, once the truth is revealed on one all the others will come to light as well in one fell swoop of realization. I know my kids and they will not be angry or frustrated at us for "deceiving" them. It's called fantasy - just like when my son plays Star Wars and my daughter plays Barbie.

In our family my kids know that Santa does not bring all the gifts under the tree. Since the very beginning we have told them that we struck a deal w/ Santa. He will bring them only 2 or 3 special things on thier list so that he may have room on the sleigh and $ to build toys for other kids. Our kids know that they are very fortunate and thier parents and other family members also give gifts so there is no need to get all the gifts from Santa.

We explain that all the mall Santas are Santa-helpers who Santa has personally picked and trained to "play" him while he is busy at this time of year. Our kids are also given a set amount of $, which they are beginning to match with their own $, to buy a gift(s) for those less fortunate. They feel like they are Santa helpers too.

Hi B.,

I had a traumatic experience years back when I was with one of my friends picking up her daughter from school (I was single at the time). This little girl had just found out the Easter Bunny wasn't real and her tirade went like this...."if the Easter Bunny isn't real, then that means the Tooth Fairy isn't real either and if the Tooth Fairy isn't real then Santa isn't real and if Santa isn't real then Jesus must not be real either" My heart sank! These were all the things her parents had told her were real. She, at 7, determined that all of these things she believed in and could not see were in the same category.

I actually consider that happening to be something that helped me out when I did have children. I told myself then, I would never tell my kids that Santa or any of the folk tales were true. We did tell our girls that some of this stuff was fun, some was silly, and some were just sweet stories. I would fess up now and explain that you wanted her to enjoy the imagination that you had enjoyed when you were a child and that you weren't meaning to deceive her.

She will figure all this out eventually whether you tell her or not. YOU need to be the one that tells her so she doesn't lose her faith in you! She will still enjoy Christmas!

M.

Hey B., you tell her he is real and only comes to the good boys and girls that believe in him. Tell her that the day she stops believing then he won't come and that's the reason why he's not coming to the other kids at school, they don't believe so that's the reason why their parents are putting out their christmas. As long as she believes he will come, but once you stop believing then I, you, will have to put our your, her, toys. It has worked with all kids I know that have been teased about it. Try it and let me know what she says. Good luck, and please ignore the ignorant person that responded that her children were not going to lie, and to tell her no matter if it hurts her or not. That person is cold hearted. It's about loving one another, giving and God. You let her believe as long as you can. It's best for her and her wonderful heart.

In my opinion you need to tell her the truth. She may be very angry at you when she finally knows you are being deceptive. I think that once they start asking if he is real, then you need to be truthful. I want my children to be truthful and not tell lies, so I feel that I need to practice what I preach. Just my opinion though :)

FUNNY! I also have an 8 yr old girl and she asked me this year, while we were getting costumes on to go trick-or-treating,"Mama, why do we celebrate Halloween when it's the devil's birthday?"! Funnier even more that we ARE christians! Wanna come to our church on Dec 22 for pics with Santa? :)

This may not help and her friends may tell her that you've done this also but there s a site that u can go to that cost I think 10 dollars and you can have them send ur kid a letter from santa. Maybe if she got a personalized letter from him it would make her feel more secure in believing.

I'm with you, I'd want her to believe as long as possible! I think what you've already used, the "if you don't believe he won't come" thing is pretty good. Also, could you use the 5 year old? Something like "if you have doubts don't spoil it for your brother/sister". I know I'm not much help but I did want to share a "keep the fantasy alive" viewpoint. My oldest is 7-1/2 and I'm hoping the mean kid on the bus doesn't spoil it for him this year! And maybe say that her Christian friends are entitled to their beliefs, but that doesn't necessarily mean that Santa doesn't come.

We are a christian house and we do the whole santa ,stockings etc. personally I dont want all our kids gifts to come from people they know. Santa embodies the spirit of Christmas , he is giving , caring , shareing, etc. Which is the whole reason we celebrate christmas because God the all mighty creater decided to bless us by giving us his son to borrow for a while. Its a season of giving and magic, the magic of what happens when someone is a little less selfish once a year. If she's questioning you then she already pretty much knows. I'm 30 yrs old and in my family we still do stockings from "santa" every year it's fun and still puts a little bit of awe into the holiday. It's fun to not have everything under the tree before christmas. I wouldnt out right tell her he's not real I would tell her that he represents everything that Christmas stands for. People careing about one another , giving and love for everyone. Every year I take my kids to the store and let them pick out a toy for toys for tots, and we go together and put it in the bin and I remind them that there are boy's and girls out there that don't have enough for Christmas. Maybe you could start a tradition like that so the spirit of the season is pushed a little bit.

Ask her what she beleives and thinks.It may be time to tell her even though we want the magic to stay a little longer.
she is going to find out anyway and you don't want her to question your honesty on things later.

Well, I'm in kind of the same position as you are in right now. My seven year old son is hinting right now that he doesnt believe in Santa anymore either. I will go with he's real if you believe and if you believe in Santa you will get presents under the tree. That's some advice I actually received from someone yesterday. I don't want to lie and say yes he's real, so I'm going to dance around it for as long as I can. His 12 year old brother still goes along with it for him. I think he was around 9 or 10 when he finally said he didn't believe anymore. So, go with your heart on this one. That's what I'm going to do.

You have brought up a very interesting dilemma. We were just talking about this last night. My husband doesn't want to lie to our child and tell her that Santa is coming to our house and honestly I don't want to tell her that either. BUT we are going to explain to her that other parents play along with this myth and let their kids believe in Santa. We want to tell her this so she isn't the one that is breaking the news to the other kids. At least not at the age of 4. We decided many years ago to keep the focus on the meaning of what Christmas is really all about. We do the same thing at Easter. It is highly possible that your daughter might already know what is real and what isn't, but you know her better than anyone else so you will have to decide how to handle this. We are going to be watching "The Nativity Story" this time at home. Last year we watched it at the movie theater on Christmas day. I also bought a play nativity so my daughter can play out the scenes. You didn't say what your beliefs are, so much of what you decide to do will probably be based on your belief system. I know when I was a kid the biggest thing that baffled me was when I attempted to give a Christmas present to a friend of mine who was Jewish and then they explained to me that they didn't celebrate Christmas. I was about 10 or 11 years old at the time. But the good thing was when we had a
Christmas party at school I was able to tell other people why my neighbors weren't there. They had their kids stay home that day or something like that.

I'm 44. I believe in Santa Claus (the ancient history says there was a real one so I go on that). I believe in the spirit of Christmas. I believe in the Holy Birth and all that goes with it.

Christmas is about feelings and sharing and having wonderful memories with family and friends. My mom still gives me a stocking, tells me to be a good girl or Santa won't visit (to which I promptly remind her that Santa still needs to send the elves over to clean my house like I asked for last year), she listens for the bells of the sleigh and has created a whole wonderful experience for us all to enjoy even though we're all grown up now. I plan to do this with my grandchildren if they should appear before I'm called home.

Research Santa on the web and his history. Have your daughter research it with you to see what all the fuss was about. You can't stop the arguments on the playground because all children come from different sets of families who believe different things, very much like the opinions on this discussion board. You can simply teach her to respect different opinions, religions, beliefs and give the playmate a hug and change the subject.

I am a Christian and also explain the real meaning of Christmas to my daughter. However, we also tell her about Santa Claus as well.

hmm..threaten your child that if they don't believe your lie, they will not get rewarded?? doesn't sound like a healthy parent/child relationship to me.
there are so many things about christmas that are wonderful, that have very little to do with a guy that comes down the chimney to give kids things.
When they are old enough to question, (critical thinking), they are old enough to be told the truth. By YOU.
Plug in another scenerio that deals with you telling your child one thing, and then them finding out that what you were saying was a lie, and that their friends actually know more/the truth than the parents.
Do a check as to why you don't want your kids to find out, is it really about them, or about you? Maybe you will feel like you lost something more than they will. Make believe is fun when they are young. It is lying when they are old enough to want the truth from you, and they deserve it.

My grandma told me at 8 years old that Santa wasn't real. I asked, "Is Santa real?" and she proceeded not only to tell me that Santa wasn't real but neither was the toothfairy or the Easter Bunny. As a child that was really devastating. I wish I had just figured it out on my own at a later age. Santa is fun for kids to believe in and I don't feel like you're lying to your kids. You're sticking with tradition. I'd just wait another year and when she is old enough tell her the truth when she asks. 8 is just too young in my opinion.

Hi B.,
I don't think it's a bad thing that kids have something to believe in so why not let them believe in something that is real, like Jesus. I think our kids should know the reason why we really celebrate christmas. I mean if Jesus wasn't born we wouldn't have a christmas to celebrate in the first place.
We are braking it this year to our 6 year old that santa doesn't exsist. Yes we still have the decorations and a few gifts but we want our kids to really know why we are celebrating this holiday. And it's about giving to other's not what is under the tree. That's just our household though. Good luck!