Yesterday I received a phone call from one of my 10 yr old daughters friends mother. She started out the conversation with "I don't want to start anything, but..."the gist of the phone call was that my daughter apparently made a remark about the mothers weight to the daughter and it hurt her feelings. Then supposedly my daughter made comments at school the next day about the same thing. When I asked my daughter she told me she asked a question about her friends mom's tummy. She never said anything mean and she never said anything to anyone at school either. I trust my daughter is telling me the truth, but I still had her call the mother and apologize thinking it was the right thing to do. Well, turns out the mother never accepted her apology or said thank you, just lectured her about peoples differances and that she shouldn't make fun of other people. Ok, I can accept that, but she went on to tell my daugther that she probably won't have any friends now because of what was supposedly said. Now getting to my question, should I call the mother back and ask her why she thought it was necessary to say that to my daughter or should I just let it go. Appreciate any advice.
Thanks to all of you who responded. Great advice from all. I am happy to let you all know that the girls are all friends again. I did speak to the mother again and there were several points of miscommunication that were resolved. Again, thanks for all the support, everyone was great.
I am an over wieght person and if a child said something about that it possibly could hurt my feelings. Gives me no right to belittle a child. The way it sounds this lady is takeing it out of control. I would tell your daughter how some people can be rude. Try to explain to her that anything that lady said that was putting your daughter down is not right. As far as calling the lady back that is your own call.
W. - This is a no win situation. Hug your daughter, tell her you love her and make sure she knows she will most definetly still have friends. If the other Mom was comfortable saying those things to your 10 year old she will probably not be reasonable with you if you call her back. She may even go on the defensive and the situation could get worse. Use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter that not everyone including adults make good choices and once something is said it cannot be taken back. Good lesson for her as she will face these kinds of situations often in her life.
Then both of you should let it go. This is something many people need to learn to do. Keep it positive! God Bless
W., I believe you should most definitely say something. You probably should be P.C. (politically correct) but be sure to get your point across. Your daughters only defense is you, especially when your daughter is saying she wasn't mean. Even if this lady was having a bad day or has low self esteem that in no way gives her the right to talk to your daughter like that. However, one thing you don't want to do is keep escalating the situation.
Next time your daughter is on the phone talking to the other girl's mother I would be on the other phone line listening in the conversation. If by chance something is said that you don't like I would nip it in the bud, but first get your daughter off the phone.
If you're like me this will be on your mind until you've said your say!! She is the adult she should know better, and I would tell her so!
As my father says "never argue with a stupid person, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience". Not that I would call this overly sensitive and rude mother "stupid" but the saying still applies.
Let the issue drop, it is not worth the effort to make her apologize. My suggestion is teach your daughter how to pray for people that are unhappy with their lives and are unable to express themselves appropriately.
I personally would be asking or visiting to ask her to apologize to my daughter if she went that far. She is not her mother to go and take it upon herself and try and lower your daughters outlook and esteem that way.
This woman has some of her own issues and is taking them out on your girl. She needs to find another way to deal with it...
Completely up to you and I hope your daughter is okay from it all!
W. I can't agree more with the advice that Jennifer has given you. You handled the situation perfectly now move on. One thing about kids they are very honest on what they perceive. You did the right thing sounds like the other mother has some issues of her own that really don't have anything to do with your daughter.
Apparently, this mom feels so has such low self-esteem, she needs to belittle a 10 year old girl to feel good about herself. I absolutely would call her and ask her why, if she was so hurt by what your daughter said, would she purposely attempt to return the hurt by laying guilt on your daughter. Explain to her that your phone line is open for her to accept your daughters apology as well as apologize for her own behavior, but beyond that she need not call again.
~L.
Don't bother calling her or confronting her in any way, nothing you say will change her thinking and it could only cause more problems. Limit your child's time with this woman's daughter to situations where you can be there to supervise.
