Advice on My Husband Wanting to Adopt My 12 Yr Old Son

Hello M.,
I went through the same thing! I'm so very sorry but yes he would end up w/ his real father, he's got first rights and paying child support through the support agency makes it worse for U, UR son and UR husband. There are a few things that U could possibly do to help the situation. Can u contact his real father at all? Please let me know and then maybe I can help! UR more than welcome to call me on my cell @ ###-###-#### any time and no it's not a bother!! As a mom I can relate to UR fear and I hope I can help.
I don't want to get UR hopes up until I know.

It sounds to me like you have to give it a try. It also sounds like your ex will jump at the chance of not having to pay child support. All you can do is ask.

M., do what is best for the child. Does the child love his daddy? There is your answer. Morally what your exhusband is doing is totally wrong, but children usually are the ones who suffer. Let your son be the deciding factor, he is old enough now. Hope all works out

My husband adopted my oldest son when he was 9 after being in his life since he was 4. My ex was much like yours, but legally he had custody of my son, even though he refused to have him even visit him and rarely called (long story). When I told him I wanted custody and child support, he gave up all rights to my son and my husband adopted him. We did go through a lawyer, and it took several months for it to finally get done and we went before a judge.

If you ex has so little to do with your son, he may be willing to sign his rights away so your husband can adopt him, especially if you remind him that he will no longer have to pay child support and that if he doesn't, you will seek to have the child support raised.

Your son is very blessed to have a father who loves him so much, regardless of if he is the biological father or not. Your family is in my prayers.

H.

I went through almost exactly the same thing! My husband came into our lives when my daughter was 11 m old. 2 years ago (she will be 14 next week) he was finally able to adopt her and we did it all ourselves. We live in Lake County and I was lucky enough to find someone helpful at the court house. I also have a friend who had recently done it so she helped me through it.
Approaching her father was fairly easy. She had refused to talk to him for at least a year so he got the picture. I had explained to him it was something she wanted (she even told him herself) and it would relieve him of financial obligations. I then left the door open that IF she wanted him in her life we would not stop it; basically things would not change except child support.
In your case, I would write him a letter explaining why you want this adoption. Basically it is just a technicality that if something were to happen to you, you want to know his life would not be drastically changed. Give him your cell number or best way he can contact you directly so you can discuss it further with him AFTER he can think about it. If your son is mature enough (don’t push him to do it), he can write a letter too but make sure he does not point any blame at his father.
You have a rocky road ahead of you but it will be worth it. Let me know if you need any moral support. I completely know what you are going through!

Hey M.,
My advice is to speak with a good attorney. I had a similar situation a few years back with a now ex-boyfriend who wanted to adopt my two children. My attorney told me that in Florida there are now laws regarding how much a bio-dad has to be involved with the kids. Since the court had to track your ex down at one point to pay child support, and he's had no contact to speak of with your son, the father may have already given up his rights to the child by law, and not even know it. Also, your son's age and his wishes might play a big part too. It's possible you won't even have to speak to your ex, other than inform him after the fact that his parental rights have been removed, which would leave your son free and clear for your current husbanc to adopt.

Let me know how it goes, and good luck.
L.

M.,

Wow, it sounds like you have a wonderful family. I've not experienced this personally, but I have a fried that did. I believe the fact that her ex would get out of paying support was the reason she was able to proceed. But it sounds like your idea of increasing the support if he refuses is a good idea.

Good luck.

A.

This is such a tough situation all the way around. I was wondering if you knew you could legally change your son's name without a legal adoption and your ex would still be responsible for child support? I believe the only requirement on your part, as far as "notifying" your ex, would be an announcement in a newspaper. And does your son already call your husband "Dad"? I wish you the best...I'm in a similar situation and my heart goes out to you and your family.

My advice to you is he obviosly doesn't want to be a father and I'm sure he would be delighted to let your husband adopt her so he doesn't have to pay a whopping $225 a month child support for the next 6 years.The best thing to do is confront him . If he says no I would take him back to court for more money . It doesn't cost you a dime. Good Luck.Hey girl call me I can't find your #!!!!!

the beautiful thing about florida is that children of this age usually have a say. with what you have told us, it looks like you have a pretty good case against him. point being...your husband has been there...real dad hasn't. courts will look at that and they will take into account your child's feelings on the subject. try talking to a lawyer that gives free consultations just to see if you have a case and maybe call legal aid. i don't know if that's a state wide program but we've got it here i know. look it up on google or in a phonebook. good luck and i hope your family feels complete and whole soon.

You have a keeper in that husband. What a wonderful man. I have no advice (other than it may be worth taking on some debt for your son). You son's situation mirrors my own (except my mom never had any other children). Please do whatever you can to make this happen.

I think if your husband wants to adopt your son thats wonderful, but I'm sure your ex will say no, if he does go to court, the courts will most likely get the ex to sign the papers. but then your ex might say yes. just call him up and talk to him about how ya'lls son doesn't know him and that you were thinking about having your current husband adopt him. but make sure you tell him your 12 year old also wants this if he does.