M.P. asks from Keene, NH on April 02, 2008
Advice on How to Handle Overbearing Parents/grandparents
Hello all! I am having the problem of having 3 year old twins at home and am currently expecting another little one in June. My 3 year old daughter is having an allergic reaction to something in our home and we haven't yet figured out what. Her grandparents are being a little overbearing that we need to do more to find out what is causing her to cough uncontrollably when she is in her room. Also, she had an ear tube fall out last week and is now experiencing drainage from the ear. After speaking with her otolaryngologist, he recommended that we put drops in her ears 3 times a day and to contact him again on Tuesday if the drainage from her ear does not stop. Her grandparents have put in their 2 cents worth that we should contact her local physician on Friday if the situation does not improve. I am getting very frustrated with the whole situation of grandma & grandpa not respecting any boundaries that this is my daughter and that I am already following the advice of one of her physicians. ANd being pregnant seems to have exacerbated how quickly I get frustrated. ANY SUGGESTIONS PLEASE????
So What Happened?™
Well, we ended up changing my daughter's pillow to a hypoallergenic one and that has done the trick regarding the constant cough. Now it is just a cough associated with a regular cold. As for the grandparents, we feel like we've tried everything in our power to get them to ease up a little and so far it hasn't worked. . . we're to the point of not answering the phone and dreading the nights they come over - just grinning and bearing it until they leave.
G.D. answers from New London on April 03, 2008
I'm not sure if the grandparents are on which side but someone needs to put their foot down and tell them to back off. YOU are the parents and unless you go to them for advice it would be great if they kept out of it and let you and the DR's handle the situation. Making boundaries is only going to help the situation. I will tell you right now what the problem is mostly likely! MOLD! You need someone to come in and do whatever construction is needed and to do it RIGHT the first time. I'm no sure if you've seen the show on DiscoveryHome or DIY where they come in, find the problem, and trace it back to the cause of the issue. Remove the problem and fix it right beyond any minimum code requirements. That sounds like what you need. But you still need to enforce the boundaries with the grandparents. My FIL has even tried to convince us to allow my son to live with them because he has issues in school! Yeah Right! They allowed my DH to drop out when he had issues! Set the boundaries and enforce them.
1 mom found this helpful
M.C. answers from Boston on April 03, 2008
I feel for you, M., because you are already stressed out enough about your daughter's health issues without having to deal with overbearing parents on top of that. Have you tried to talk to you parents about this? Maybe you could tell them that you're willing to hear their input, but will take your own actions and expect them to respect your decisions. If they don't, how about some consequences? It works for toddlers, so why shouldn't it work for parents? By the way, have you considered the possibility that your daughter has asthma? Mine does (it was worse at 3 than now at 5) and she would cough constantly in her room. We took the rug out of her room, put hypoallergenic covers on her mattress and pillow (they are easily available online), and regularly wash her linens and stuffed animals in hot water. It's been a big help. Good luck with everything!
H.T. answers from Hartford on April 03, 2008
I have worked at an alternative physicians clinic for years and the first thing we do with ear infections is take the child off of cows milk (and any other dairy products). Of course with overbearing parents who believe cows milk is the best food for children you will have ANOTHER battle. Refer to Dr. Frank Oski's book, "Don't Drink Your Milk". He is or was the head of the pediatric department at John Hopkins.
M.M. answers from Boston on April 03, 2008
I too have somewhat overbearing parents/grandparents who live 2 miles away. I have yet to figure this one out...However, my suggestion is go to an allergist and have your daughter tested for enviromental allergies and then you'll know and with the help of your allergist you'll know what to look for in her room and what to do. She may be allergic to dust mites who live in mattresses and pillows and comforters and carpetting in even the cleanest of households. She may be allergic to feathers ...thus down comforters and pillows may be the problem. But get her tested and you'll have the results in 20 minutes and have a treatment plan by the end of the visit....My now 6 year old son went for scratch tests when he was 2 and a half after the rast testing proved to be useless...
M.B. answers from Boston on April 03, 2008
I feel you...Both my husband's and my side can be very overbearing. At first I let it go but then it got to be to much. Tell them you are handling your daughters care and following the doctors orders and when you feel there is a need to seek more medical attention because the problems are not being solved you as her mother will do so. Just keep your foot down with them and let them know YOU are the mother and thanks for advice but you will do what is right each step of the way.
L.M. answers from Boston on April 03, 2008
Here is something that I have to remind myself sometimes, you cannot change what people do or say to you, you can only change the way you react to what people say or do. So focus on what you can do to let it go. You can listen, but then do what you know is best for your child! I'm sure they are giving advice with best intentions, and remember it is nice to have grandparents that are involved in your lives, and who care about you and your little ones! Good luck!
R.F. answers from Boston on April 03, 2008
What a tough situation! However, YOU are the child's mother and are doing all you can right now to help right the situation. As far as the grandparents are concerned....smile, nod, explain firmly but politely that you are on top of the situation and will let them know what you find out. End of discussion. If YOU feel that you need to call the dr. again before Tuesday then by all means do that but don't do it because you feel pressured by well meaning grandparents.
V.A. answers from New London on April 03, 2008
You need to tell the grandparents truthfuly and frankly that you appreciate their concern BUT ths is your child and will do what is best for her.
I have in-laws that do the same thing. Being truthful and up front is the best for anyone's sanity. If they do not like it.. oh well.. you were being honest and only wanted to express your feelings. It's better than holding it all in and lying to them and--- to yourself.