Advice on How to Handle a Back-talker

A friend of mine has a bottle of "sassy juice" that she uses on her daughters. It's a bottle of vinegar and sprays a little in their mouths when they are being sassy.

I completely understand where you are comming from. I have a six year old that does the exact same thing. She too is a very bright child that can read at a 3rd grade level so that is a very big disadvantage to me. She is my step-daughter and I have had her since before she was a year old so basically I am the only mother she has ever known. I also blame myself for the way she acts because my husband and I tend to give in to her too much especially when she was younger. I feel that this has been the biggest reason she seems to think it is ok to make little smart remarks and backtalk all the time. She thinks she is smarter than us. We had our second child in 2005 which is what made us realize what we had done when we could not give in to her all the time. This is when she became very mouthy. She realized now she is no longer the center of our lives and that she has to share our attention and affection. I too am at my witts end with her but I stick to what I tell her and the punishments I set forth with her. We have had our ruff times and I know that there are only more to come but I hope I can teach her that there is more to life and family than getting what you want. Only advice I have is to do what you feel is right and stick too it. As they grow I think they will become more understanding but getting there is the hardest part. Good Luck.

I'm having the same problem with my 6-year old. She talks to me in ways that I wasn't brave enough to try with my parents until I was 16-17. I have had to get very firm in her discipline and follow through. I also told her that little girls aren't supposed to act that way and if she wants people to like her coming to their house to visit, she will have to learn to mind. I'm just starting out, but now that I'm getting more consistant, there has been a little improvement. My next step is to have "Santa" send her a note telling her that she is already starting off on the naughty list and must work all year long to get off of it. We still have a long way to go, but at least there has been some progress! If you find anything else that works, please let me know!!!!!
Good luck to ya!

I agree wanting to make sure your child is not effected by the divorce. I had three when we divorced and he moved up norht to top it all off. I had to make my 2 6 8 know who was the boss and what was going to be expected out of them. they are now 14 12 8 and wow it takes a lot of work let me tell you. i am still reminding them who is the boss and who is the kid at times. I am like the other mom. You tel her she going to get punished then you better punish her or she will call your bluff EVERYTIME. Good Luck and it will all work out in the end.Main thing is KEEPING YOUR WORD...

There is something that she values. You have to figure out what it is and take it away from her when she gets sassy and talks back. You have to be consistent and do it every single time, not just here and there when you have had enough. If you don't take back control of the situation now, you will not be able to do it later. For my son it was trips to McDonalds. He was not allowed to have McD's if he smarted off or disrespected me. I also had to teach him when he was disrespectful what it was he was doing. If he smarted off, I had to mimic him and say "this is your only warning. If you talk like that again to me, you will lose the opportunity to go to McD's." Once I started showing him what I wanted him to stop, it got better quickly. Of course we had some work to do but it took a commitment from me to make a difference in him.
Good luck,
C.

T., I feel for you! I know being divorced is difficult, and I understand your wanting to make things easier for your daughter. Try this: When your daughter is being sassy, put her in time out and let her know that you do not appreciate her talking to you that way. When she is calmer and receptive, let her know how much you love her, but that you also love yourself. Tell her if she can not talk to mommy in a good tone, then mommy will not listen to her. When she begins to use better manners, tell her: "Thank you for being respectful" and give her a hug and kiss! It worked for me!
L.

I really dont know how to handle this problem but I also have the same problem, but it is with my 15 year old son, 13, 11, 9, and 3 year old daughter. They like to back talk and get an attitude every time they turn around over little stuff.

I had this exact problem with my daughter after her father and I split. Ironically she was about the same age. What I had to do, was to always do what I said I was going to do... I sat with her one day and I said to her, I am sick of this. I am sick of you disrespecting me with your sassy little mouth and I am not going to tolerate it anymore. I am sick of you not listening or doing as you are told. I am the mother not you. So this is how it's going to be from now on... I am going to speak once. If I do not get results, I am not going to repeat myself. You will have to suffer the consequences of your actions, in a manner that I deem feasible. The first week was a test of will, She wouldn't budge, but after she realized that I mean what I said (about speaking once), by week three... She was a reformed child!

Good Luck, I know it's not easy!

I agree with everyone,but make sure that you don't make her feel like she can't talk to you about anything. When I was a teacher I had A LOT of 4yr. olds like that. I'd say that more girls are bossy than not,I definitely don't think that it's your fault. She does need to understand that you are the mother,but she also needs to understand that it's ok for her to be independent and strong willed(with the right people...). Later down the road that will get her out of a lot of peer pressure situations and help her develop into her own person. I definitely think that you should take things away from her,even if you have to take everything but the essentials and make her earn it back. Don't ever make an exception or let it slide,react immediately and be firm about it. Also talk to her dad about it and if she goes to preschool,talk to her teachers about it. Some teachers don't talk to parents about discipline problems they are having unless it involves hurting other children.

I was seperated from my 1st husband when my two older children were 2.5 yrs & 7 mos old, and we divorced almost 3 years later. Getting them to mind me has always been a challenge, since they are influenced by so many other people, such as their father, childcare personnel, babysitters, teachers, other children, etc. They minded me well enough until a year & a half after the seperation that I moved in with my mother & step-father. My mom started out not backing up my disciplining, so the kids learned that if I said no, they could just go to her and get what they wanted. They didn't dare sass me at that point, though, because even my mom didn't tolerate that, but my mom & step-dad fought in front of them a lot, so they learned to insult one another. I scolded & punished them for this all of the time, but it would never stop it completely. I remarried last year, and had a baby last spring, so now my older 2 kids (now ages 8 & 10) are jealous, and always competing for my time. That's when their sassing started. At first I tried to be patient about it, and just sternly told them that wasn't an appropriate way to speak to me or their step-father, but they started getting in trouble in school for speaking this way to the teachers as well. I quit my job of 5.5 yrs and started home-schooling them a couple of months ago, hoping that being with me more would improve their attitude. It has helped, though they are certainly testing their limits with me, but it will take time to reverse the resentments & bad habits they have picked up from others and each other over the years. It's hard for me to distribute my time between all 3 kids, but if I make an effort to show I care and love them, but still expect a certain level of behavior, I think everything will turn out okay, and they will grow up to be decent human beings.

First, I would talk to her and tell her that she was not allowed to talk to her mother or any grownup in that way. I would tell her that the next time she did that I was not going to allow her to do something that she enjoyed doing. like, watch t.v. or go to visit her friend or play outside or play with a certain toy, etc. You have to be consistant until she believes what you say. Tell her she has to respect her parents. Sometimes children do this to get more of their parents attention. Best of luck with her.

I completely agree with the mom who said that you have to find someting that gives you 'leverage', like for my son it was video games. His game time was limited anyway, but when he talked back, or something else that he knew was not acceptable, his game time was either shortened or completel lost. You also need to be consistent. Mean what you say and say what you mean. It may take a little while but it will work. You just have to be strong and remember that in the end it will make both your child's life and your life much easier.

I am the mom of 4 kids (18, 16, 11, 9), and I know that kids are hungry for parents...not friends. While my 16 year old daughter would rather go to lunch and a movie with me instead of her friends alot of the time, and we have a special relationship (and most would look at us and say that we are friends), she also knows I am her mom, not her friend. Letting your daughter know what is acceptable and what isn't is vital, or it will come back to haunt you in her teen years. Being consistent as a single parent is extremely exhausting. Having a time-out spot and following through on a consistent basis, until she knows you mean business is key to dealing with this. I guarantee that, no matter how mad she gets when she doesn't get to do what she wants or talk to you in a disrespectful manner, she will be thankful to you if you stick to your guns. Pick up a book or DVD program that might help, "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman is really good, and the book by Super Nanny may be helpful. Her mouthy attitude is her way of saying, "PLEASE do something! I need a parent to tell me what to do to feel safe and secure!"

your situation sounds so much like mine, my baby is almost 4 and she has a quirky comeback for everything, but there is a difference beetween us- so far i haven't wanted to do anything about it- i guess i want to know exactly the things she is saying and exactly how she is treating you, is she demeaning you? if not then could it be like a friendship? she sounds too smart for her own good, like a mature little girl, my daughter wows me with her attitude, but yet annoys me as well, where is the line? i guess i have more questions for you than answers

I have noticed that each of my children respond differently to different punishments. My oldest son, for example, tried to back talk me once. With him I sent him to his room and told him to wait for me. After fifteen minutes, I went in to his room. I told him that when he is mouthy it is being disrespectful to his mother. I asked him if he knew what the word direspectful meant. He said no. I told him that being disrespectful meant that he did not love me enough to talk nice to me and that it hurt my feelings. He has not back talked sense.

With my daughter, she thinks she is the princess. I have to constantly remind her that I am the boss and she is not. When she mouths off to me, I swat her on the rump. The talk did not work for her. Then I make her do a horrible chore she hates doing, clean the bathroom. It straightens her up for a bit. She has a problem remembering what she did to get in trouble.

My youngest son looses computer and video game priveledges. I have the talk with him too and remind him how that hurts Mommy's feelings.

I would have to say though that for the most part, I do not really have a problem with my children back talking me.