Hi, sorry to hear your troubles.... We too have an 18 year old in the house...isn't it fun?
We have had some of the same issues as you. Thinking she is so entitled to having everything HER way....well, we got pretty sick of that in a hurry. So, we wrote up a contract of the things we expected of her and what the results would be if she didn't agree. When we had a calm day without any issues, we sat her down and showed her the plan. We were open to her suggestions so she didn't feel we were bossing her around and even made some changes to include her input. (which by the way, has been a good plan for us - she just wants to feel grown up and we treat her with respect like we do any adult.)
Here is our list:
I WILL NOT:
1.Pierce or tattoo any part of my body while living at home.
2.Use drugs of any kind unless prescribed by a doctor.
3.Drink alcohol at home or any where and will leave any situation if drinking is going on, until I am of legal drinking age. Then I will be a responsible drinker and limit my use. I will never drink and drive and never let a friend drive while drinking.
4. I will not have anyone in my house while my parents are away without their permission.
5. I will NEVER sign any contract regarding ANYTHING without my parents knowledge (lease,etc)
6.Be responsible with my driving a car. I will not text, speed, drive reckless, etc. I am responsible for not only my own safety, but for anyone in my car and the people around it.
7. I will not Let anyone drive my car because it is NOT my car,it is my parent's car and I am borrowing it.
1. Either be a ful time student (12 credits) in college or work a full time job with medical benefits, while living at home.
2.Pay for my part of the car insurance and cell phone bill
3.Pay for my own books for college (she has a part time job)
4.Work hard in college and always do my best, even when it gets hard,and it will
5.Tell my parents about any problems that arise that concerns them such as legal or medical issues.
6.Be respectful to everyone in my home/family. (dress/act responsible)
7. Take responsibility for myself and the things I do.
8.Pick up after myself because my mom is NOT the maid
9.I will try my best to balance my life between family/fun/faith/work
I WILL RECEIVE (if I follow these rules):
1. Clean/safe home - rent free as long as I am a student
2. Use of a working car
3. Cell phone/internet/Cable use
4. Good food
5. Privacy, support and respect from your family
6. Help with cost of college as much as we can.
7. Medical/drug benefits
8. Love and support from an awesome family (*you get this no matter where you live)
p.s. We added another one later, stating:
"This boarding house closes @ 11:00 pm S-TH 1:00 am F-SAT (unless worked out in advance)
We had to add this because she missed her curfew right after our signed contract and was being a snot about it telling me on the phone that she WAS NOT coming home at the set time.....so, we taped the above notice to the door, shut off the lights and went to bed....and waited. She quickly discovered that we were not kidding and spent a long time trying to figure out what to do...I think she was a little shocked that we would really follow through. She did call us on the phone and asked if she could come in....YES!
So, there it is, all laid out without any question. (I'm sure we could have put in a ton more, but this was a good start.) She and my husband and I were OK with the plan. The trick is to follow through on things and DO take away the privileges as she messes up (and she will)
We do expect that she will make mistakes, but at least we are all on the same page and there are no questions as to what is expected.
Finally, we decided right after signing the contract, that we would look at her as a roommate and our home as a boarding house that her payment is to follow our rules. That she did not have to stay there, but the arrangement was a pretty cheap deal.
Good luck, hope this or at least part of this can help you!