Advice on Helping Kids Cope with Trauma and Grief

I headed the bereavement group at our church for three years... sudden death is the hardest to grief. THere are periods of everything ranging from anger to depression. Everyone is different but the fact remains that the patterns are similar. The being there well after the fact is of utmost importance. The first few weeks everyone rallies around and it becomes a blur but when everyone moves on back to their own lifes the family is left alone and that is when you will be most needed. THere are many groups that can help and countless books that help children grieve sudden death. M.

M.

Please have her contact the Yatooma's Foundation For The Kids. They are a local non profit and set up with resources to help families get through the process when one parent has died. The telephone number is 888-987-KIDS. Their web site is www.forthekidsfoundation.org.

This is part of their mission statement:
Bringing Tenderness To Tragedy and turning tragedy to triumph for the families of kids who have lost a parent by providing practical, professional, and personal assistance at each stage of the grieving and recovery process.

My heart and prayers goes out to the family. You're a good friend...

Blessings
B.
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I think it would be appropriate to refer these kids to the School Social Worker, Sandcastles is good, or Open Arms which is another agency that deals with grief. A professional intervention seems the right thing considering the event. I'm sorry to hear of this, for you, your friend and her family.
L.

I'm sorry that I don't have any great advice for you, but I can tell you that I'll be praying for you and your family as you minister to your friends.

That is so so tragic and heartbreaking. My sister-in-law's son had a similar experience when his friends' (at Brother Rice) mom and dad died in that explosion in---I think it was Wisconsin a couple years ago. They were there vacationing with the whole family for a big family reunion. The grand parents were there and were injured, but recovered and now take full care of the three children (2 teenage boys and a young just-teen girl).

My sister in law just poured on the sympathy, condolences and support in any and every way possible. She did not wait for anyone to show a sign they wanted to talk, she just asked them how they were, asked the kids over for days/nights at a time, went and cleaned their house, etc. The whole community just rallied around them in the same way. If I were in your heartbreaking shoes, I would do the same kind of thing and encourage my children to do the same. If they (her/the kids)don't want to talk about it, you will sense it and then can back off. And even if they don't want to talk about "it", they may want to talk about other stuff. And if they don't want to talk at all, they may still not want to be alone. So I would say create opportunities for your son and your friend/her kids to be together. If you sense she/they need alone time, you back off a little. It's a time where you have to listen...even if they are not talking a whole lot...trying to pick up on their cues. Prepared meals (for freezer) and cleaning (cleaning ladies) would be helpful. And cards with handwritten heartfelt thoughts are ALWAYS far more comfort than most people would think.

Also...my same sister-in-law's own sister-in-law just participated in a fundraiser in Canton for a wife/family that lost their dad. Is this the same family? My SIL said they raised $12,000.00. If this is the same family, could another fundraiser be arranged in November for the sake of Christmas? I'm just assuming it is the same family. If not, a fundraiser (obviously) is another suggestion.

You are right to remember that everyone grieves differently, but just keep supporting and taking their cues.
Our prayers are with them (truly).

My mom died when I was seven. Take your cues from the kids about how much they want help or want to talk.

My dad got remarried about a year or so after she died, so it was like everyone was moving on with life and I was still trying to deal with things, but didn't know how to express my thoughts....I went to a therapist for a few years afterwards, but it didn't do a lot of good.

I'm sure the older kids will have great stories to tell the younger ones about their dad, but remember that grief is a process and that process can really last a lifetime as the kids grow older because they will have their "I wish dad could see this" moments.

Your friend is really lucky to have someone like you in her corner.

M.,

I have been following this in the news. How very very sad.

The Self-Esteem Shop has a lot of therapeutic books on loss, books that would be appropriate for children to read with adults, and for adults to read about how to help children with the loss of a parent. The Self Esteem Shop is located on Woodward Avenue in Royal Oak. I think it is just South of 14 Mile. They do have a website, but I would really recommend that you drive over. They will pull books for you and you can look them over and make sure they are what you think is right.

Also, there is a place called Sandcastles that works with children who have experienced loss. They run groups and I think hook families up with therapists who are experienced in dealing with grief issues. http://www.aboutsandcastles.org/

K. G