24 answers

Advice on Growing Girls

I have a 9 year old daughter. I dont know how to put this any other way, my little girl has boobs! However, she is a tomboy and absoultly refuses to wear a bra. I have bought undershirts with no bra. I have bought undershirts with bras in them. She hates to wear them all. I have tried and tried. This has lead to morning battles which ends in me giving in. Please any advice would be grateful.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you to all who responded. I appreciate all the advise. I am going to make one last ditch effort. I will take her to get sports bras... If she still wont wear them, then my battle is over. I beleive in picking my battles as well. She will still have her health and safety if she does not wear them. And at least i tried. Again thank you to all!

Featured Answers

I have the same issue. Try a sports top. It will smooth them down and she will have support for her activities. Take her shopping to pick what she would like.
Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

She's only nine. Don't create a battle until she is 14. With any luck it won't be an issue by 12.
Chill Girl!
Sharon

More Answers

Hello Nicole! I have an 8 year old, she doesn't have boobs but she's starting to show so I bought her some training bras after someone told her she was starting to grow boobs. My suggestion is that if she refuses to wear what you have bought her, leave her alone. Soon enough someone will point it out to her and they won't be as nice as you, then she'll decide on her own that she needs to wear something. I hope this helps in some way even if it's not the answer you were hoping for. Please let me know how it turns out. J.

1 mom found this helpful

N.,

I have 3 daughters and this is never easy. Try taking some pictures of your daughter after she is dressed the way she wants and then the way you want. Let her choose which is the most appropiate..

1 mom found this helpful

Dear N.,

Many young girls today are developing at a faster rate than what was considered previously "normal". The reason is that we have more estrogen in our foods (usually fast foods) and in the environment. You can continue to teach and role model good eating behaviors (more vegetables and less red meats), but your child has already started developing. The best suggestion is to let her wear the supporting undershirts (without the bras). Don't push bras on her because mentally she's not ready. None of her friends are wearing bras (that she knows of) and she's not in social settings (the girls locker room) to notice that she's not alone with this problem.

I had a son who constantly wanted to wear shorts during the middle of winter and without a coat too! He would always reply that the inside of the school building was warm. My reply was that it is cold when you wait for me to pick you up from school.I thought everyone would think I was a bad mother. Well, I noticed that this happened to be a school trend with other students and parents. I finally decided that he would change his habits once he became cold. He did! The point is that your daughter has to be ready for this change. She's mentally a 9 year old. Also, you can talk to your pediatrician about this situation; many are aware that young children are developing at a faster rate. Good luck!

A.

1 mom found this helpful

My first piece of advice to you is to change your daughters diet. If she is already developing breast at nine it could be this. You can help slow this down. Store bought meats (chicken is the worst) are pumped full of hormones to make their chickens better. What is the best part of a chicken? Breast meat. So they are given hormones that then get passed onto you when you eat them. Try to find free-range chickens they are a little more expensive, but I buy a whole one to cut down on cost and cut it up as needed. Also milk, by hormone free horganic milk such at horizons. The price is not that much different.
She is probably embarrased because maybe her friends don't have breast yet and she doesn't want to be the only one wearing a bra. Just give her time and wait for her friends to catch up with her. She wil probably tell you when she is ready. Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Hello Nicole;

Have you tried Sport Bras. You should sit down and explain to her why it is important to wear something over her chest. You are the mother. You do not let the child run the show it is ok to discuss what she wants and for you to listen to what your daughter has to say but at the end of the conversation you are the mother and you need to make sure that she leaves the house with something covering her chest. Especially if she has boobs. She will appreciate you later in life if she ever becomes a girly girl. She will not want to have sagging breast. So you need to put your foot down and make her put on at least a Sports Bra. If she is a tomboy explain to her that the sports bra or maybe you should say sports shirt is not a bra it is just something to hold her chest in place and explain to her why. I have a friend that had the same problem with her daughter and she introduced the sports bra to her daughter. Her daughter is now 16 and that is all she wears is Sports Bras. So, give this a try.

T.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi N.,
I was going to say the same as Renee... try a "sports" bra!
The "tomboy" in her will love the name and they are a bit more trendy than a regular ol' I'm growing up and I don't wanna bra. ;o)
I'd also suggest trying to talk with her about it. (also maybe a good time to begin the conversations about body changes, etc if you haven't already) Tell her she has options, but the one option she does not have is to not wear one at all. I don't know the relationship you and she have, but hopefully if you "put your foot down" and say these are your options, not wearing one is not, her resistance will wane.
Good luck and let us know how it all turns out. I have an 11 y/o son and my daughter is only 5, so I'm sure I'll be here for similar advice in a few years! :-O

1 mom found this helpful

I'm not sure how much actual "advice" I can give you, but I remember when my mother tried to make me wear bras for the 1st time.I was a huge tomboy too! All I can say is "I absolutely hated bras!" I remember them being really uncomfortable and itchy. It was somewhere around the 4th or 5th grade. I would wear it to school just to satisfy my mom and then take it off and stash it in my locker until the end of the day. To be honest, I really don't even remember when I started wearing bras all the time with no problems. It probably had something to do with my friends wearing them, so I fell in with the crowd too eventually. I would suggest the sports bras for now too because they are WAY more comfortable; just make sure they're not too tight. When she gets a little older, and "they" get a little bigger, she'll probably want the regular bras. I sympathize with you on this one because, after 2 boys, I now have a little girl. She's only about 15 months old, but I know how time flies and she'll be going through all that hard transition stuff before I know it. Good luck to ya and I'm sure you will both make it through it all ok.

R. W

1 mom found this helpful

how about a sports bra?

1 mom found this helpful

I have the same issue. Try a sports top. It will smooth them down and she will have support for her activities. Take her shopping to pick what she would like.
Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm a single mom too. My daughter is 5 so I have a way to go for bras but we do have dressing battles. She has wanted to dress herself since she was 2. I only have 2 rules when it comes to dressing...weather appropriate and no dress up at school. She comes up with some wild outfits, but she loves them and it makes her happy. My 2 cents...I'm not sure I would force her to wear a bra. I may not like the way she looks without one, but it isn't a situation where it is going to harm her if she doesn't. With my daughter anyway, I'd talk to her about it and let her decide when she is ready. Pushing it too hard it may take longer for her to decide she is ready. Someone else had mentioned picking their battles. As a single parent this is important for me just due to the stress level alone! My battles are eating right, having good manners, doing well in school, keeping her safe and healthy. Most other things in my world are flexible!
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Try to remember that you are there to help her and guide her. You giving in is not you loving her it is you allowing her control of the situation. You are the mom and you need to be stern. I absolutly know how you feel. I go thru battles with clothes, shoes, earings, you name it as well. I pick my battles also. Not all of them has to be my way. If it is not completely a NO then I will just be very clear about how I feel and tell her that I am allowing it though. I realize how hard it is especially for a single mother. I too am a single mother and I struggled and struggled. I wanted to make up for everything I could possibly make up for and more. So I really do get it. I finally realized that I am not loving her by her having control over the situation. It is like with anything if she gets mad and starts yelling at me and so on. I do not really have time for it. I started getting her up earlier and I would not let her leave the house unless she changed or put on a bra. I would actually get up at least an hour earlier every morning. I would have her go to bed an hour earlier as well. That is when it changed for me. If she had to go to bed earlier due to her fighting me on it, and lose television, ect.. It is following thru with the reprocusions for her choices that is the catcher. I too many times did not follow thru and so the battles continued. This worked for me the having my daughter go to bed earlier and no televison for the night and she did not get any televison until she started to do as she is told and not as she wants. It is me loving her by standing my ground on particular things that are important. SHe yells at me and she hates me and I am the worse mom ever, she does not want to live with me, she even packs to move. I still stand my ground and remind her that i love her and am here to guide her to take care of her, to keep her safe and help her grow. that is my responsibility and I am going to do a good job for her. I talk to her all thru her yelling reminding her that i love her and that i would never hurt her that I am helping her learn to grow. Hope this helps. This is my opinion.

1 mom found this helpful

Try taking her shopping for a "sports bra" at a sporting goods store. Depending on her size she may be able to fit into on of the smaller models. Being more of a tomboy, she might take to this idea. Good luck. Also, I know it seems early, but keep in mind that menstruation usually starts within 2 years of breast development. If you haven't already, you may want to start thinking about how to prepare your daughter for this big step. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Nicole,
I was sort of like your daughter growing up. I didn't want to wear a bra although I needed to. I would chose to wear clothes that hid my chest, blouses with pockets, heavier material shirts and blouses also worked well. During the winter months I'd layer my clothes or wear heavy sweaters. I finally decided on my own, probably about a year after I really needed one, to start to wear a bra. It's not always easy to deal with a changing body. I think I didn't want to draw attention to the fact that my body was changing. To me the whole thing was embarrassing. I hope this is somewhat helpful. Good luck!

She's only nine. Don't create a battle until she is 14. With any luck it won't be an issue by 12.
Chill Girl!
Sharon

N. my sister was the same way. We are twins and she was the tomboy and I was a priss. The way that my mom got her to wear one was she told her that the bra help to keep them from growing to big. My mom was a DD and my sister did not want them that size so she wore one.

Hi Nicole,

I have a 12 year old daughter who developed early too. She did not argue about the bra, but I bought her the sport bras that are more like work out shirts, and sort of like a tank top, only tighter. Walmart has them in the girls bra section. Good luck!
T.

I dont have any girls, but I was a tomboy myself, although I didnt get boobs until I was like 13 I still wanted no part of the whole bra thing...My mom finally decided enough was enough and bought me a sports bra..I loved it, it flattened what boobs I did have out because I didnt want anyone thinking I had any.
It worked for me and to be honest up until I was like 15 or 16 years old I wore a sports bra everyday of my life!!!
Good luck!!!

I completely understand where your daughter is coming from on this one. I started developings breasts at the same age. I remember one of the hardest part about bras at the age is they are uncomfortable. Allow her to go to the store and find a sports bra that is completely comfortable for her. Honestly unless her breast are large even bigger baggy t-shirts will work to conseal them for a little while. At some point she will decide what is comfortable for her and what type of bra she wants to wear. I completely agree with not fighting with her about this right now. Let her know that the consequese of not wearing a bra is that your breasts are not a perky, but honestly allow her to make this choice, giving her the roght on this subject may make a big difference. Just an idea, it worked for me when I was a young girl:)
C. H

if she is truly a tomboy, get her an underamour or nike or reebok shelved undergarment. it compresses without being a "bra" or a "sportsbra" good bathing suits are also sneaky to wear under clothing. i have a 13 y.o. almost starting to develop. she wanted to wear a bra because everyone else did. even with one she, as the style still is, wears multiple layers. the layered tank tops will give the same effet as a bra at this age.

Hi, unfortunately I was very young when I "developed"--I honestly wanted to wear a bra because I was so embarressed and wanted to hide my chest rather than let it out there.
I would try to sit down with her and let her know she is developing into a lady at a young age and as a lady she needs to wear certain things that mommy wears. I dont know if that will help but possibly explaining to her why she needs to may. I also would suggest buying a sports bra for her- it might not be so uncomfortable or weird for her to try that. hope this helps!

Try a sports bra. A friend down the road when I was young refused to wear one also, so her mom got her a sports bra. Hope it helps.

i can understand what she is going through.. I was once a tomboy too, i grew up with 5 brothers and two older sisters who were on their own by the time i was old enough to understand what becoming a teen girl was all about. I wrapped my boobs with masking tape over my tshirt and mom did not know but as i got older they got bigger and they hurt so i had no choice but wear one. Today my boobs are pretty small and i regret i did that to them... My problem was solved when my mother introduced me to "Sportsbra" - they are flat and does not look like bras at all - all athletes wear them - im sure her peers know she is a girl but very tommish... i would introduce sports bra to her and have her decide which one - don't ask her, instead give her choices. don't force it too, let her decide when it's time to wear one, eventully she will have to get support of some sort or they will get bigger. Tell her that the more she has no support they will enlarge but if she wears a sportsbra then they will not grow as big but will stay flat. I hope this helps.

Hi. Sports bras came to mind immediately. But if the problem continues, perhaps you could talk to her doctor. If she likes her doctor then maybe she'll listen to her (or him?). At some point she'll have to wear a bra. (I think?) And like someone else said below, menstruation comes next. I know I hated "turning into" a woman, I didn't want to grow up! But I had a great doctor that I felt comfortable discussing my changing body with. Sometimes I was just embarassed that others could tell these things were happening to me. I was embarassed that they had to talk to me about it. Even talking to my mother was unbearable! I also had an aunt that I was comfortable talking to. Good luck!

Unless she's a B cup or larger - is a bra truly necessary? She's young, her muscle tone is good, her skin is healthy, let the poor girl just wear a regular tank top style undershirt & leave it be. There will come a time later when she'll want a bra, just don't burn the bridge so early on when it's not that important. Pick your battles, there's many wars ahead.

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