Advice on Discipline and General Concerns with an 11 Month Old

Well she is acting age appropriate.
She is only a baby... and kids, even until 3+ years old, they do NOT have impulse control, nor at will. FULL "impulse control" is NOT developed yet, nor at this age.

At this age, they are exploring... time-out's and "explanations" are not readily nor promptly understood by them, them being a baby... and not being an older kid.
Keep expectations age-appropriate...otherwise, frustration will occur, for you and baby.

Babies LOVE buttons, pulling, "hitting", tugging etc. They are still learning. Lots. Most all babies do this... which is good actually, because it shows they are developing on par. Babies do this.
In fact, I would be more worried... if a baby was NOT doing these things... and then that would be a developmental concern.

The reactions and behaviors will continue, until she is older... and more developmentally mature, to understand, literally, about social constructs and what is appropriate or not. Even 5 year olds are still learning this. Even Preschoolers as well.

A good book is: "What To Expect The First Year" and, "What To Expect, The Toddler Years", which you can find at most bookstores or online like at Amazon.

I think, you may be expecting too much, too soon.
Not meaning to be rude, but many times, the "expectations" upon a baby... if it is not in line with their development, will just lead to frustration. At this age, redirection and distraction is the things to do, with a baby.
It is not just "accepting" them doing something unacceptable or allowing it... but per their age.. you need to keep expectations in line with that..... and guide them. Not everything is a "punish" or "discipline" thing. As a baby changes... the parent has to adjust too. Sure, teaching them socialization/manners/rules.. but to me, that is NOT the same thing as letting them act up or allowing it. There is a big difference.

As for speaking/talking: they do NOT use language perfectly yet. And YES, they "babble"... this is a precursor to "talking." It goes in stages... not all of a sudden. Nor their usage of language nor their pronouncing things correctly, nor their articulation of sounds. Even "singing" is a precursor to talking... and reflects their GAINING language/talking.
She is so young... to have these expectations. Each child is different. Do not compare her to other babies.

Nothing is wrong with her. Your baby is NORMAL.

You can also teach her sign-language... for functional words. ie: hungry, drink, tired, eat, more, etc. I taught my kids this from 6 months old. And through repetition, they learn it. It is a good way to help them learn to "communicate" and to talk.

My daughter spoke early. My son did not. BUT, they are both very bright kids. "Talking" has nothing to do with "intelligence." Einstein, did not talk until 3 years old. And HE is a Genius. My son, even though he spoke later than normal, was assessed to be even Advanced in several areas, and my kids are both bi-lingual. So, talking early or not.. has nothing to do with intelligence NOR comprehension.

Also, at each age-juncture or age change, it tweaks a baby/child. When they are hitting major milestones, or having developmental changes, changes in cognition and motor-skills.. these ALL tweaks a baby, because they are adjusting, and it affects their sleep too. Its normal.
Your baby wanting to stand up in the tub... that is normal. Her motor-skills are changing, and this is how they "practice" their new skills/coordination/abilities. A baby CANNOT just sit still... like a 1st grader. They have fledgling motor-skills developing. Its normal. So you just practice baby-safety and baby proofing the home. Because they WILL explore everything.
"Discipline" at this age, is not real appropriate.

Think.... about what is their developmental skills, versus teaching them about their world. And, their emotions are NOT even fully developed yet, nor their ability to understand abstract concepts as that. So... you need to ALSO teach them about emotions... showing her pictures of faces and expressions and the words for it... ie: happy, sad, mad, angry, etc. My kids, I taught them that, so that it would help them express themselves. So, once they were about 2 years old, they could actually TELL me "Me sad..." , "me happy..." , "me mad..." and I would be so proud! Even "mad" feelings in a baby/kid are not bad... it is them being able to articulate and express themselves. I... do not expect my kids to be perfect nor to always have "happy" feelings... they are human...but the trick is to let them express themselves, to have self-reliance, to know themselves, and to express it, with Mommy... so that they are articulate and know themselves. I want my kids to express themselves. Even if they don't feel happy. I don't "discipline" for that.

There is a difference in a baby/child exploring and trying to understand their world... and a baby/child that is just being "defiant" out of being "naughty." A baby, is a baby... and at this stage, should not "be" all perfect about things. It is guiding them... not just using "discipline" or punishment for everything... you have to gauge it. Explain... things... with the actions. Show them... then when they are older... you have "rules" and consequences and teach them about manners.

Again, your baby is only about 1 years old... still SO young. Them learning about all these things, will take all of childhood. So, discern their abilities/uniqueness/talents/misunderstandings... and guide them. Using "no" and punishments across the board for everything, will not work. It will stifle them. Or it will only teach them that they cannot express themselves or question things. "Perfection" is unattainable....but rather, I tell my kids "just try your best.... for who you are..." so they are proud of themselves, and not comparing themselves to others all the time..
Again, with time, and as they get older... this is something good to teach a kid.

Sorry for rambling! LOL :)

All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with the earlier posts. Your baby is beautifully normal. If you want some good books on discipline (which i understand comes from the latin -- "to teach") I highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Discipline Solution" or Dr. Sears' "The Discipline Book"...

Enjoy your loved one.

1 mom found this helpful

It sounds like most of the problem is because she wants more attention.
About the bath issue when she starts that behavior switch her to a shower. When she hits, do you grab her hands? remember eye to eye contact. You can also use fake tears I found it worked well. When you talk to her do not use baby language talk to her just like you would talk to an adult. Don't give in! GOOD LUCK

Just another note to say she's normal! Kids at one year should have 4-5 words in their vocabulary, so she's right on track! I'm a teacher too so I understand that "need" to have a kid who's on track, but don't worry, she's doing great. My daughter used to do that TV thing and it drove me bonkers!! She eventually grew out of it...in fact, most of these really annoying things they do between about 10 months and 20 months, they grow out of. Also, I wouldn't stress so much about how much time to put her down after telling her no, etc., I think just as long as you're doing it consistently, she'll get the message (even if it doesn't seem like it). The only thing that I would encourage you to look into more is the sleep thing. If it doesn't bother you then don't worry, but I need my kids to go to bed at a certain time so I can regain my sanity. I also second that you should get signed up for Parents as Teachers ASAP! Finally, my advice on books to read are anything by Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and/or Foster Cline. I do not believe in spanking or physical discipline of any kind and these books are really on track with how I want to raise my children. I used these ideas in my classroom for 7 years before I became a mom and now I use them with my 2 year old (and have been for quite some time) and they WORK! It is hard because you really, really have to be consistent and calm and that can be difficult but if you use these techniques correctly, they will work. Good luck!

Hi,

When my son went through this exact same phase of hitting, pulling hair, taking off glasses we simply put him on the floor and walked out of the room. We stayed away for one to two minutes. Sometimes he would follow us, sometimes not. He stopped hitting and pulling within two weeks. I still battle with him on the glasses thing, and he is 3 now. I just figure that when he and I are playing, I take off my glasses.

As for the television. Do you have cable or satellite that you can use to turn off the system? Our cable allow us to turn off the receiver, and then when our guy hits the t.v. button, nothing happens. He got over that one really quick. Teach her to use the cd player. Our boy had it mastered by about 13 months, and puts music on for himself all the time. It is a WONDERFUL alternative to t.v.

I know it is a pain, but start showering with her if pulling her out of the tub doesn't do the trick. She'll miss her bath toys pretty darn soon.

As for language skills. Does she make any other sounds? My boy panted like a dog every time he saw a dog and the doctor told us that was as good as a word. Our boy was also slow in speaking. By one he had only 5 or 6 words. We bought a book and used very basic sign language with him for about five months, which helped him communicate some things like more, hurt, sleep, bath, etc. They are super smart, but development physically doesn't go at the same rate as mental. When our boy started really speaking at about 19 or 20 months, he was speaking clearly, and in 10 and 12 word sentences. And other adults could understand what he was saying! So, she'll speak when she's ready.

I can't help with the routine because we are very blessed with our boy being fairly even keeled on that front. I understand that a schedule is the best, and to keep trying.

She's perfectly normal. You just need to relax a little bit more, take a deep breath, and have fun!

You have lots of great advice already, but I can't help but share our experience and what has worked for our daughter (who is now 19 months). We avoided saying "no" for minor discipline issues and instead used a noise like "uh-uh." It's a little harsher sounding and they seem to react to that a little better. We reserve "no" for major issues that are dangerous (trying to run away in a store, reaching for something hot, etc.). Our major thing right now is kicking during diaper changes. (I've got a foot to the face once and a few to the belly - I'm six months pregnant, too.) On the first kick, I hold her foot and say "uh-uh." Sometimes she gets it and other times she just laughs. I make sure that my face is stern and serious and I'm using a louder, more serious tone. My husband says sometimes I don't sound like I'm serious (that I'm too gentle-sounding), so I'm trying to master that part of discipline. :) If she continues to kick after I know I've clearly communicated to her, then I either hold her leg down so it's impossible for her to kick or I'll swat her thigh. I'm not huge on physical punishment, but reasoning with a toddler is just not age-appropriate and getting a belly kick or a nose bleed isn't my preference. :)

As far as language, our daughter could repeat a few words but I didn't think she really understood how to use them correctly either. Then at 15-16 her language just exploded. Now at 19 months, she says the words to everything she sees and knows. Whenever we drive by Applebee's, she sees the sign and says "Apple." Her little words never stop! Be patient, and read a lot. Our daughter loves books with lots of pictures and we ask her "where's the dog? where's the flower?" We pointed to them at first, but now she does. This helps her build her vocabulary and get object recognition. We also have two sign language books that she loves: Signing Smart is the series name. I found the first at Walmart but had to buy the second one online.

As far as a schedule, I got a copy of the schedule from her day care (she goes 2 days a week), and I stick to it at home - as far as meal times and nap time. I feed her and put her down for a nap regardless of whether she wants to or not. I give her the food at lunch time, and put her down for a nap at nap time. Sometimes she'll sing or fuss at nap time, but she'll eventually fall asleep. I've even started giving her a book at nap time, and I can hear her "reading" it but she falls asleep within 20 minutes. We do the same thing at night - she goes down about 7:30 or 8, regardless of whether she wants to or not. She rarely fights bedtime, though, although she sometimes fusses for a few minutes when we first shut her door.

I hope hearing what another mama does is helpful for you!

If she does something like hits, setting her down is good, and I wouldn't pick her back up for a few minutes, but instead of sitting her down in the middle of the room, I would take her to a quiet corner and sit her down in the corner. She's really too young to understand the concept of time out, but try it anyway. As for the TV, move the TV/DVD/Cable box up to where she can't reach. If possible, get a wall mount and put it where you can still reach it to dust/pop in a dvd, etc ... as for her speaking, she'll be able to distinguish the differences in mama/dada soon. Don't worry too much about that, she isn't even a year old, she'll get there, she isn't behind.

Hi R., your daughter is normal.

You had lots of good advice. My daughter will turn 1 on April 3rd (so they have only 3 days difference) and I may apply some.

She does the exact same things as your daughter. I will try the "still face + down" for the hair pulling and hitting in the face.

For the speaking, my daughter roars ("grrrrr") when she sees a picture of a lion or tiger, says "mmmm" at meal times and something that sounds a little like mama for me. No real word, all normal.

I'm teaching her sign language, as I did with my son. She now signs milk only, which is already some help.

As for the napping/sleeping, I'm afraid I have no idea how to help. My daughter is good with schedule and also we have a fairly strong routine (brushing teeth, dim the room light, changing diaper, pyjamas, goodnight to her brother and father, sleep sack, one new book and then our "good night" book, a kiss, in the crib, lights off)

Good luck!

Regarding the speech, I don't think I would be worried there. Once they get started, it just takes off and she will surprise you every day. I believe my daughter was in the same place at that age, with dada, hi, and bye. Mama she did one day (with my brother and sister-in-law) non-stop, and did not say it again for months it seemed. Right now, she says it constantly.
Regarding sleep time, I had a similar situation. Finally my husband said, "No more rocking her to sleep." The first night she cried for about 45 minutes (worst 45 minutes of my life, it seemed at the time), and since then she has went right to sleep, even pushing away during prayer time to get into bed.
(She is my first as well, so I can relate.)

Trust your instincts. Parenting is not a one size fits all activity. What may work for my children may not for yours.

Our kids (3.5 years and 23 months) are nowhere near being on a schedule. We've tried, and they have it down at daycare, too, but bedtime is a constant struggle. One's hungry, the other wants Mommy, etc. It's just a frustrating part of being a parent in our house.

As for the hitting, pulling, etc. That is normal, but I don't agree with accepting it's a part of her being that age. When our kids did it, we grabbed their wrists and sternly said "No". If it was hitting, we'd say, "No hitting". If it was pulling hair, we'd say, "No pulling hair". Then we'd ask the kids, "Do we pull hair? No"

You really can not reason with a child that young - time outs are really not effective for many, many, many more months. But, you can start teaching acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior.

Most importantly, reward them when they do have exceptional behavior. We're finding that the more we tell our kids how great they're doing, the more we're finding they're choosing not to be stinkers.

Talking won't happen for a long time if your child is average. Our son was past 2 when he really began to get recognizably verbal, and our daughter is almost 2 and is stringing 4-6 syllables together (earlier than her brother).

I think you might benefit from this website from the American Academy of Pediatrics and the developmental milestones they showcase at different ages:
http://www.healthychildren.org/english/ages-stages/baby/P...

Hi there. :) I have 2 boys ages 5 and 2.
Everything your baby is doing is totally normal and they will continue to do new things and find new ways of doing old things as time goes on. It's all part of them growing and learning.
First of all, don't be too hard on yourself and your daughter. So many people worry so much with thier first child (a sign of our times and of being a parent for the first time) that they can't relax enough to enjoy them. Then they are all grown up and your chance is gone.
Secondly, it sounds like you need some kind of reference point - I don't take anything 'books' say to heart but it really helps having some kind of general guidance. Get a couple of books like Dr. Sears Baby Book (covers the first 4 yrs) or even What to Expect in the First Year/Toddler Years.
As far as the dicipline thing goes, CONSISTENCY is the key. She is still so little what you are doing is fine - you just have to repeat repeat repeat until she gets the message. The TV should probably be moved in my opinion so she can't reach it - my boys were just (and still are) button magnets and that said, some battles are just not worth fighting. You need to baby proof your house so that your little one isn't constantly being told 'no' everywhere she goes. As far as the hitting etc. just put her down (remove your attention) like you are doing and walk away. If she cries that's ok. Go back to her and tell her 'no hitting'. If you pick her up and she hits again (or whatever it is she's doing that isn't acceptable) repeat the process.
I don't know about the standing up in the bath thing - I know I was careful with my first one but the second one walked at 10 months so I'd suggest getting a good bathmat and some interesting toys to distract here and wait out this period. The more she gets into playing 'with' things instead of being entertained by you the less standing up in the bath will happen anyway. Don't sweat the small stuff or the stuff that's going to change in 2 wks time anyway! :)
The sleeping issue I would say just be consistant in putting her down aruond the same time each night - she's still too little to give up naps. Ck with her daycare and find out if she's napping 2 times a day or once. Most kids don't give up a morning nap until between 14 - 18 months old. If she isn't getting enough sleep (even if that morning nap is only 20 minutes) she will be overtired and that will make it harder for her to sleep at night. Conversly if she is napping too long for one or both naps in the daytime she won't be tired enough to go to bed at night. She shouldn't really sleep past 3pm if you want her in bed by 7:30.
Both my kids did and still do wake up early - between 6 am and 7 am (my youngest woke up at 4/5 am for the first year - ugh) so they are in bed by 8 at the latest. One was a very difficult napper and one is a great napper. Just make sure she doesn't get too much or too little sleep during the day and be consistant with your routine like you said. Also, is she going to sleep on her own? waking up at night?
A great book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Great information on what to expect for sleep at different ages. And no, it's not a 'cry it out' book so much as age specific guidance. Worked for me anyway and I'm all about the sleep thing without leaving my kids to scream all by themselves for hours on end.
Hope that helps you. In the end, don't sweat the small stuff and try to figure out what that is. :) Parenting is learn as you go and it's tough when you are working. Take care

at this age, she does these things for play and as a response. for instance, the tv thing, is mostly her way of engaging you.

you can;t really discipline a child this age any more that you already are. what you can do, is distract. for example, when she hits, hold her hand down, tell her no, then make her pet your face or arm or whatever gently. teach her the appropriate softness and place that is okay. she is just trying to figure out her boundaries. redirect her by, giving her something else to play with, read a book, just do something to help snap her out of it.

as far as talking, every child progresses differently. mine didn't start talking until about 2 and now he is a huge talker!

for her sleeping, try reducing her nap time

I did not read all of the responses that you have gotten. However I would join Parents As Teachers. They have helped me a great deal. I know that in MO they are on the chopping block due to the budget. I am not happy about it because if it would not have been for my PAT person I would not have known that my 3 year old son needed speech therapy. Now as for your daughter I would not say that she needs it. She is not 18 months old yet and at the age of one they are supposed to bable a bunch. My son hardly spoke at all till he was 18 months or so and then at 2 you still could not understand a word that he said and what you could understand were only a couple of words. As he got closer to 3 and should have been talking in sentences of at least 3-4 words he would say one or two.
My PAT person also helped me with disclipine issues and with sleep. However it helped that her son is only a week older than mine. At the time when I asked her about sleep issues she told me that I could change my sons name and put her son's name there. It is so amazing that our son's are so much alike other than my has a speach problem and hers does not.
Hope this helps some.
Good luck, disclipline is not an easy thing to concor.

For that age, everything she is doing is totally normal. The hair pulling, hitting, glasses pulling is all expected. Just be consistent. My son liked to grab the plants. I had a phrase that I used and would redirect him. For the physical stuff, make sure that you aren't reacting facially - they love that expression change. If you want to do the putting down when she hits (I didn't do this till about 18 months, the earlier hitting was resolved with stopping my facial expressions and telling him that he gives mama boo-boos when he hits), I tell my son that mama needs a time out because he hit her. He is almost two, so we use 2 minutes. I try to not make eye contact as I sit slightly away. He hates this. When the time is up (we have a timer), I go back over and ask if he knows why mommy had to go away. He gives me soft touches, my husband has him say sorry, I have him say please to get me out of time out, give me a hug and we go off and play. This may be a little over the 11 months' old head though.

Speaking, they are all different, and it can take quite a while to truly learn when to use what words. A friend of mine had her daughter saying applesauce at 10 months, and 5-6 other words. Others were far behind my son. She is just fine.

For sleep, I would say that if you do everything at the same time every night, what is she doing till 10? Have you put her down and she is just babbling till 10? If so, let her. If not, put her down and let her entertain herself, she will learn that this is bedtime. I believe that at that age, they should be getting 14-16 hours of sleep a day.

Do you sometimes find yourself looking at other mothers with well behaved children and feeling deep down inside that there is no way they had to work near as hard as you are having to for the same results?

I did, and my husband would always remind me that there are moments when people probably thought our child was the perfect child too.

Still, I think some of us are blessed to raise the future scientists. CEOs and Inventors of the world, the children who test everything, try everything - who won't settle for the norm even if it kills us.

Make sure she has toys that engage her creativity. You're judging her 'advancement' by her speech, but she seems to be more interested in the technical/physical part of development. Get her toys she can manipulate that are more for two year olds - play them with her so she can learn and be challenged.

The only thing I would add is that you need to trust your instinct - probably there is nothing wrong with her speech. My son was 13 months old when I first had him tested through Infant and Toddler Services and he wasn't saying much more than your daughter and didn't qualify for services, so I felt embarassed and didn't question it again. At two years old, I had him evaluated for something else and he was 6 months behind in his speech. I had just picked up on it earlier than the 'tests' did. He's four now and he still struggles with speech, so of course i feel guilty about not getting treatment earlier.

Don't worry about her in comparison to others, all kids develop different, but if in your heart you have concerns about her speech ask your pediatrician about an evaluation.

I haven't read your other answers so I apologize if I repeat. Your little girl sounds perfectly normal. My son did all of those things. She'll grow out of standing up in the bath. Get her some really cool toys that will distract her for the time being. She'll stop with the TV after she finds another cool thing to do. Maybe don't draw attention to it and she won't think it's as cool. She just sees that she gets a reaction when she pushes the button on top of the fact that it does something (turns the TV on). She's still learning cause and effect. I'd start getting her ready for bed at 6:30 and aim for a 7 - 7:30 bedtime.