Advice Needed on Discipline

When he does it again take his hand and squeez it VERY tight, tight enought that you know that it has made him uncomfortable and tell him no. That tends to work a littl better than smacking their hands at that age as for some reason they think that it gives them license to hit you. Time out would also work if you have a good place to confine him. I personally would try to find somewhere other than his crib. I have never wanted my kids (3 all under 4) to associate there bed with anything other than sleeping.

My littlest one did the biting thing.I told her No and I put her in her crib for a time out and also put on some classical music. I let her sit there a little longer each time or until she stopped crying. It took about a week for her to stop biting.
Good luck!

K.

My son is 18 months... and at 12 months.. he understood when I was telling him not to do something. They then, start testing their limitations. I have a cousin that started her son on time out at 14 months for the same reason (when she swatted his hand, he started swatting back).... and he got the hang of it. When he'd get up, she'd just put him back.... you have to be consistent.

I'm amazed at how much the understand at such a young age! At 12 months my son would act out more in public... and push his limitations there more... because he knew I was less likely to punish him if we were out with other people. It's crazy! But this also made me realize that it's at this age that you really have to start setting the limitations... because once they realize they can get away with stuff.. it's all uphill from there!

I do swat my son on the hand... I'm a firm believer that spankings or (at this age) hand swats, are only for when they are testing you. When my son does something he KNOWS he shouldn't do... simply to see how I react... I swat him, because that's challenging my authority. I know it sounds kind of harsh, but they really do understand, and the more I reinforce my authority now, the less problems I will have later. I'm also a firm believer in comforting a child after you have spanked them... so that they understand it is the action that you reject and not they, themselves.

I really believe that the reason many people have problems with their children later on is because they just tell themselves "oh, they're too young to understand."... but they really aren't. If they realize pretending not to understand will allow them to do what they want... then they'll use it all the time.

Anyway... that's my opinion and my experience. My son is very secure and very loving, by all means we don't beat him, but he understands completely what "no" means.... and he tests all the time to make sure that we're going to stick with it.

Terrible twos?... Yeah, they're already here.

Good luck!

Everything is so new at this age and of course, they don't understand.

Depending on your views - you can pinch him back in the same place he pinches you - obviously not enough to cause damage but to let him feel a little pain, and you may have to do it several times in a row to get him to understand that it hurts and to be gentle.

Another option is "time out" sitting him in a particular place in the house - even if it is 2 feet from where you are and in a stern voice let him know that pinching is not acceptable. The down side to this is he may be too young to grasp the time out and start playing with his clothes, toes, lay down or anything that may not register that this is punishment.

Personally, I tried this when my daughter was little and it was just a little too young (by 2 she understood time out and it worked well. She would be beside me and do something inappropriate so I would place her 2 feet from me and make her stay - which she did not find fun. Even though it was only 3-5 minutes, to a little one that is an eternity.

She too went through the pinching and I would pinch her back and smile as she did to me. It did not take long for her to realize that it was not funny and we nipped it in the bud immediately. Yes I had to pinch her a couple of times as she got mad, but I told her in a firm voice "no" and "it hurts". She got the message.

Good luck and enjoy that baby. It goes by so fast.

I understand your dilema. My daughter is unbelievably stubborn so I would swat her hand tell her no and put her down. The next time I picked her up, she would do it again. She did this for a while. Finally I started pinching her back and saying "owie that hurt mommy. Don't pinch." After she figured out that it hurts, she stopped doing it. We had to go thru this with biting too. I tried everything I could think of before resorting to doing it back, but this is the only thing that has helped.

I would say "no pinching," then put him in his room. As a general response to misbehavior, you might start saying something like "oh no, this is so sad, looks like you need some room time" and put him in his crib. It has worked really well for my son. We started it when he was around your son's age and now he's 22 mo. If he hits or something, I say "are you going to be sweet, or do you need time out?" If he says "time out" he will turn around and walk to his room without any further coaxing. Not sure if this is a typical response, but it sure is nice!
I will say that the VERY BEST parenting/discipline advice I've come across is in a book called "parenting with love and logic" by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.
We used to do spanking and learned quickly how ineffective it can be at changing behavior (I can't tell you how many have spanked for the same thing over and over and over again). Now, with a few words and specific action I get compliance, and if not, I'm not repeating myself and wearing myself out. I'm not saying I have perfectly behaved kids -- they're still children, after all -- but I have a lot of good, effective "tools" to handle their misbehavior.

I would try time-outs. We started them at about your son's age. You may have to hold him in place and I would only do it for about 1- 1 1/2 minutes. They eventually get the point.

Hi J.:

When you find the solution, let me know! My son is one year old, and has been doing this for a long time. Once he gets ahold of something, it's very difficult to get him to let go. Recently he's started to learn what, "Let go" means, but he won't always do it. I just started putting him down when he does this, and telling him that he has hurt Mommy. You can imagine he does NOT like that. I don't know if this approach works yet, but will keep you posted.

Regards,
K.

My daughter is 13 months old and she started the biting thing a couple of months ago. She would bite me and think it was funny. My pediatrician said to start timeouts in her crib for aggressive behavior, whining or temper tantrums. So, I did just that. I would first try having her look at my face and tell her "no biting" in a firm voice and usually, as soon as I let go of her she would do it again, so I would pick her up and tell her that biting was not nice and tell her she would have to spend some time in her room until she could be nice to mommy. She would scream for awhile and I would usually go and get her within a couple of minutes, but her Dr. actually said you should leave them in there until they calm down so that they learn to calm themselves. I had a hard time listening to her cry that long, so I went to get her after 2-3 minutes. Anyway, it seemed to work because I only had to do that about 3-4 times and she hasn't bitten me again.

Now that she is getting a little older, I can definitely tell that she is doing things just to see how far I will let her go. They are SO smart! You would be surprised how much your son understands, so I definitely don't think it's too early to start some discipline. Give timeout a try and see how that works. Good luck!

Time outs are needed but only for a min or two now if he gets up put him back and when in public, find a corner, I rather hear a kid crying b/c he's being punished than see him get away with it. I feel horrible for the kids who lack disipline. For the one who said thier kids test more in public b/c you are less likely to punish ... it's in your child's best interest to correct that. Might I suggest finding a sitter that you could have "on call" when running errands or going someplace fun and who ever is acting up be taken there immediately while everyone else goes back to fun times. It won't take but a few times of this. Good Luck.

I have the same problem. They all go through this. Its best to try time-outs if that works, great, otherwise try reasoning. Mine is a little older so now reasoning is working better than time-out. Try telling him that he will be a good boy if he doesn't pinch. Also try telling him that it hurts mommy and daddy. Try different things, one of these may get thru.

My kids did the same. Time out did't work for me untill around 20 months. But my little one would pinch and bite. And it really hurt. The pinching I would say "No' very firmly and hold his hand. It took about 1 1 /2 months to break the habit. For the bitting I would say firmly "no biting" and make him look me in the face. If I was holding him and he bit me I would put him down. I did take some time but I held firm b/c I didn't want him doing that in day care. Hang in there. by the way, I tap his hands for touching the power outlet, cords, going behind the TV. Things that can really hurt him so he knows the difference between punishments. Good luck!

They do all go through something like that.... when mine were little and they did something that hurt me I would fake cry. That they understood. Even if they did it again, because they don't have much of a memory it seems at that age, I felt like they were learning consequences.

i started little time outs at that age with my smallest son. i would put him on the couch for a few min. after a while of that he understood that he was there for that reason. it worked. and he did stop after two days... i hope this helps. you just have to do it every time.....good luck and have a blessed day

My son is about to be 18 months old and I'm reading The Strong Willed Child, by Dr. Dobson. He is the expert! It deals w/ your issue. Good luck! I understand what you're dealing with.

at his age you can use time outs. but only for his age in minutes. so for him being 16mths. you only sit him for 1 1/2 minutes. you can also try standing or sitting in the corner. i would do it for the same amount of time. i've been using these on my 2 yr. old granddaughter for about 6 mths. now. and she has gotten better with the biting , hitting , and pinching. but don't put him where he can see the tv. b/c he will try to get out of time out. and you have to be consistant with the time out, if he gets down put him back, and add 1 more minute. it takes a little while for him to understand but when he does all you'll have to do is mention timeout and he will stop.i have done this with my kids, and my grand-daughter and it works.

Yes, the pat on the hand seems like it would work...except that they learn from what you do and hit back. So then what??

If you're holding him when he pinches, tell him no, and put him down. If he wants back up, tell him No pinching, it hurts Mommy, and pick him up.

If it's not when you're holding him, but are on the floor with a puzzle or something, when he pinches, tell him no pinching, that hurts, and stand up and walk away for a litle bit. It doesn't have to be long -- 30 seconds at his age is an eternity -- but the message needs to be that if he pinches, the fun stops.

And, when he doesn't pinch when you come back, lots and lots of love and kisses!! No better motivator...

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.

I'm sure you'll get lots of different opinions on this, in extreme disagreement with each other, but here's my experience.

If you just swat a hand randomly, in reaction to things your child does and without context, then, yes, perhaps you will "teach him to hit." But, honestly, no one needs to teach a child to hit. They all figure it out on their own, and whether they keep doing it depends upon reinforcement.

If you stop, calmly look the child in the eye, say "no pinching!"- perhaps pointing to the pinched spot for clarity - hold his wrist for control and swat the hand that pinched, (it needs to be sharp so it stings without injuring...you don't want to hit hard enough to hurt the child and you also don't want it to be something that doesn't bother the child at all), that will be much more effective than just swatting at the hand without the context. It's particularly effective if you can maintain eye contact (you may have to demand it at first) for a couple of seconds (at least) after the swat. If the child hits you back and you quit there, the child has won. But if the child hits you back and you calmly grab the hand that hit you, look the child in the eye, say "no hitting!", and swat that hand - basically the same sequence as the first time - the situation becomes totally different. Maybe the child takes you through one more round - or even a few, if the child is unusually stubborn. But if you keep your cool, avoid getting angry, look the child in the eye, and make the punishment consistent and unpleasant without injury, the child WILL soon realize that it's not worth it and he's not going to win, and stop fighting. Then, AS SOON as the child relaxes and stops fighting, give hugs and reassurance.

Note: the punishment does not HAVE to be a swat. Time out works for some children at this age but not all; putting the child down and turning your back or walking away works for some children at this age and devastates/panics others. I have a daughter who hated restraint (just holding her hands and/or feet, as applicable - whatever she had swatted/hit/kicked with - so she couldn't move them) much more than any sort of swat or other punishment. But I have a son who just took restraint as a challenge and it didn't bother him at all. You may have to experiment a bit to find a punishment that works - 1. you can enforce it consistently 2. your child dislikes it enough to change behavior 3. it doesn't cause them to panic or risk injury.

The important thing here is that the child HAS to learn that you are the parent/authority and he is not. If you can establish this early (when you have such a huge size/strength advantage that it is easy to establish without either you or the child being injured), it will reap HUGE dividends later. It's much harder if you wait until the child is 3 or 4 and is capable of injuring you.

In my experience (and I have one son who came to us from an orphanage as a hitter - he already had a sidearm at 15 months old that could actually hurt me if I let him catch me wrong) it can take a lot of patience and consistency, but this DOES work. Now people who know my son can't believe we had a problem with him hitting!

Just my $.02

this is very normal for a child to do he is playing, youll need to find something to show him that he is allowed to pinch, like a funny pinchable ball or something. don't punish him. this is very normal. both my boys did this, that is funny.

Watch "Super Nanny".

hi J.,
i had a super hard time with my daughter as well and spanking or swatting didnt work but time out in her play pen almost kills her (emotionally). she cries and she says she is going to be good. also i just mention time out when she is acting up and she straighten right up. good luck with your son..