Advice Needed for Our 9 Month Old Co-sleeper on How to Sleep on His Own.

Oh, my, you must be tired! I am a Peds RN, too! I can say, that many times if you wait out the cry just a few minutes (try this on your day off in case it backfires) they will go back to sleep on their own. You are doing the right thing by going in there quietly and not making much fuss. Try to keep yourself from turning lights on, making much noise, just keep it really low key. Also, make sure that baby isnt getting cold being by himself- co sleepers are used to other people's body heat. Get him a lovey- blanket( buy two of that same thing for extras), whatever you like and put him to sleep with it right next to him. He will learn to comfort himself. Also, during the day, be sure to allow him to comfort himself a bit on his own before running to him. So many times we go running, which only heightens the excitement, which defeats us. I am not saying like ten minutes :-) but, a quick look, a comforting "i see you, it will be okay", go ahead with what you were doing and many times they go, oh, mom didnt think it was such a big deal, so i guess i can go on with life. It won't be long and you will be through this. Trial and error and your sleep will return to normal. Good luck!

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Hi L.,

Pick up a copy of Secrets of The Baby Whisperer at your local library or bookstore. It will give you the technique to break the exact cycle you are experiencing. I used it to break my son of a pacifier habit (needing it to sleep) and it worked in just one night. That said, my son was 4 mos old when I did this and the author says the older the child the longer it may take to break the habit but it will work! The technique is called "Pick Up/Put Down". It feels like hard work going through the process and you really have to stick to it, that is key. It is worth it because it is successful! I loved the technique because it allows the parent to be there for the child instead of abandoning them (ie. leaving them to "cry it out"). Good luck! Hang in there, it can work for you, too!

Best,
J.

I am in the same situation. I am told persistance and consistence are the key.

Hi L.,

Sounds like we have a similar situation. My 10 month old daughter slept with us until recently. She is very active and was starting to crawl out of bed. So, for the last 2 weeks, I have been sleeping in a bed we put in her room. The first night was horrible and I almost caved in and brought her into our bedroom. However, we are now in week 2 and she has had 2 nights where she has made it through the night and I finally got to go back to my own bed. I purchased a video monitor, so I can watch her from our room.

It is sooooo difficult, however, I think it is better for her. She seems to wake more rested and can move around more in her crib and be safe.

I also work from home, so I am with you on needing to get sleep. My husband gets up super early everyday and works outside of the house, so I figured of the two of us, he needed the sleep more. I can catch a nap if I have to.....

Good luck, I totally feel for you!

Take care,
L.

Hi L.,
Co-sleeping is great in many respects, but if you are hoping to get back to semi-full nights of sleep eventually, you might think about starting him to sleep in his crib at night, nursing him in his room and then putting him right back into the crib. If he doesn't need milk during the night, keep doing what you're doing, only start "weening" him of the "visit" by letting him fuss for a few minutes before going in to him. Often, given the opportunity, babies will find their way back to sleep without us intervening, in fact, that would be the best "training"...getting him to soothe himself. Soon, he'll be able to grab his pacifier and direct it back into his mouth on his own. You might put a couple pacis in near his face so his odds of grabbing one are better. We co-slept with our first daughter for over a year and when we finally let her try it on her own, it was only about a week before she could do it. I thought, what the heck...I could have been getting sleep this whole time!? With our second daughter, I realized that we needed to actually give her the opportunity to get a good night's sleep and I went in, fed her and then put her back in the crib. She did very well with this and we've used that method with our next two kids with very good success. We still get lots of cuddle time in the morning when all the kids pile into our bed, but we all sleep much better this way. Our 13 month old is still waking up for feedings during the night, but I let her try to get back to sleep on her own before I go rushing in. If she's still crying/fussing after about 5 minutes, I go in. But often, at least the first time she wakes during the night, she puts herself back to sleep within a few minutes. I think I thought it was easier for all of us to co-sleep because the "kitchen was always open", so to speak. But in reality, I think she was only eating because the food was right in front of her! When we started looking at sleep as one of the major needs of the kids, we started "allowing" her to get better sleep by letting her sprawl out on her own in her own space. All kids need lots and lots of sleep. I would also make sure you're not keeping him up too late and just calling him a "night owl". My sister in law still does this with her 2 year old, and I'm convinced she's not learning to her full potential because she's dead-tired all the time! Their brains need so much sleep and plus, you need time with your husband or just to veg-out and recouperate!
Good luck...I"m going to bed now and getting my much-needed sleep! J. (mom of 4)

It sounded like you are saying that your son sleeps on his own now and wakes up once a night for his pacifier. Is that right? If so, I think you should count yourself very lucky! My daughter frequently wakes up at night and she's 3 1/2. If I read it wrong and he is waking up many times a night, well, that's different. Have you tried a white noise machine? I know that helps some babies.

Ah, going back to re-read, it does look like he is getting up frequently at night. What we did with our kids is to start small. We moved them to their own bed, but we had it in our room. That seemed to help a lot. BUT, we did this when they were a little older so we could talk to them about how big they were to sleep in their own bed. With our son, we just put his bed right in our room. With our daughter, we put her mattress on the floor next to our bed. But, like I said, we did this when they were older, maybe around 14 months old. We finally transitioned them to their own room about 6 months later after that.

It's not a bad habit and you will get through it. We did the same thing and my first child was very demanding at night. We put a single futon bed next to our bed and called it the big girls bed. When she got fussy all I had to do was reach over the side to comfort her. It ended up working very well for us.

Hi L., when I had my 1st child I received a great piece of advice. Always remove the pacifier as soon as she falls asleep. Otherwise they become accustomed to sleeping and sucking on it and as soon as it falls out they wake up as yours is doing.It worked great with all 3 of my children, but you need to take it out as soon as they fall asleep. Along with that I was also told to take it away completely at 1 year old and you won't have a big fight at that age. Hope this might help you.

The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" is excellent. you are right, he needs to learn to self-comfort and go back to sleep himself. I would try to let him go a while and see if he will go back to sleep himself. I think if you leave him do that for a while that within a week he will be doing it himself. Is he in your room? I would move him to his own room and then brace for a few rough nights and then peace.

We tried transitioning our son from our bed to his own around 9 months, too, because of advice from family members and that stupid Healthy Sleep Habits book. It took me forever to get our son to sleep in his own bed, then he would wake up scared and I'd have to go to him. I was getting no sleep and my son was terrified in his own room.
Eventually we just went back to co-sleeping, and if he woke up, I could calm him back to sleep (patting him on the back and cuddling) without having to get out of bed and losing sleep. He's four and my daughter is two, and they both share a family bed with my husband & me. We all go to bed at the same time (9pm) and we all kind of get up together around the same time. My husband, kids & I all really enjoy the time we spend together going to sleep (we read books & cuddle) and waking up (we tell each other our dreams or the days activities). Co-sleeping with a toddler will also make potty training easier. Most cultures around the world co-sleep with their kids until they are toddlers. I can't figure out why our culture is so set on separating our children from mothers' natural instincts.

Maybe he wakes up with a little discomfort from gas. Leave a night light lit so you can find the pacifier more easily and change him if wet. Usually a musical toy will put them right back to sleep. Don't be afraid to wake up daddy and let him take care of baby. He probably is awake anyway, he just plays the sleeping role because he knows you'll take care of baby.

L., we had a similar situation when our son was little. I remember how frustrating it was and being sleep-deprived only made me feel worse about it. I used to wonder if he would *ever* learn to sleep through the night on his own. He is six years old now and sleeps just fine :)

Out of desperation, I stopped responding to his middle of the night cries right away. I would wake up and listen to the tone of his cry. If he didn't sound hurt or distressed, I waited five minutes or more to go in and comfort him. When I did go in, I tried not to pick him up and cuddle him (unless he was sick or something). Eventually he learned how to calm himself and fall back to sleep without our help.

While it is probably very frustrating for you right now, take heart, he will learn to sleep through the night and you will feel well-rested again.

Hi L.,
We are similar to you in that we start our son off in his bed, but bring him into ours because it is easier on me with BF'ing. I'm hoping that eventually, as he gets older, he will wake up less and I can keep him in his own bed.

I would suggest trying to wean your child off the pacifier. Since this is triggering the wake-ups, if he no longer needed it, he might sleep better. It might be a tough week, but once it is gone, he may use his thumb (which he can find himself and is always available) to soothe himself instead. We just got rid of our paci- it's been a week. It really wasn't as hard as I thought, but our son only used it in the car and for naps/ sleeping. You can phase it out slowly- a little more each day, quit cold turkey, or cut a little bit of it off each day. I've heard that can break them of it too.

Let us know what you decide to do, and how it works!

T.

L. - We are in a similar situation with our 11-month old. Last month we bought a convertable crib and set it up as a toddler bed right next to my side of our queen sized bed. When she goes to sleep for the night we lay her down in her bed and there she can do her tossing and turning without waking hubby and me. If she cries out, she's right there where I can comfort her or pick her up and nurse her. It seems to be a good transition for me and my daughter since I wasn't ready to have her out of the bed completely, but needed more sleep and snuggle time with my husband. I also work full-time. This may not be a viable solution for you, but it has been good for us.

Good luck! Hope to hear some advice from you in the future on what worked for you!

Well you are already doing the right things. My daugher was the same and I did the same thing to get her to sleep on her own. Only difference is that I took the pacifier away. She was driving me insane with the thing. I was beginning to think Satan himself invented it to drive new parents out of their minds. At one point she got a really bad runny nose and wouldn't sleep so I gave her something to dry it up. That knocked her out and I was able to take the pacifier out of the crib and hide it. After two days she didn't even remember it.

The second child never gave me any problems with her pacifier except she would sneak in her room during the day and get it out of her crib. I would find her in her room hiding behind the rocker just sucking away. I talked her into throwing it away when she was two and though she fussed a little a few nights she's been fine without it.

I would find away to wean him off the pacifier and then keep doing what you are doing. Without the pacifier my oldest was sleeping on her own after one week.

I don't think this is a bad habbit at all- and it is natural for babies to wake in their sleep cycle. I would highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution," There is an entire section on how to get co-sleeping babies to sleep on their own and explains what ithe normal cycles of sleep are. Also, nudge your husband to take a shift evry now and again so you can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep!

You could start with this "side car" type of crib as a transition.

http://armsreach.com/index.php

Or if those aren't big enough, you could make your own crib into a "sidecar" by putting down one side and duct-taping the frame to the frame of your own bed.

There are also other resources on sleep here....

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Also, consider that maybe 9 months is a little young yet for sleeping alone and for not having a middle-of-the-night snack. :-)

Another idea is to put all of your mattresses on the floor. Our second son was a pretty restless sleeper and frequently waking me. We put our mattress on the floor and put a twin-sized mattress next to ours for him. Having that extra space for him helped.

I'm not a fan of the crying-it-out ideas, since I believe the sources that say that that teaches babies that people can't be trusted and can't be counted on. I also think about how I would feel if I were crying and needed contact with my loved ones and had them ignore my tears.

Best wishes.

I would try giving him alittle blanket..My son is 6 and he is still sleeping with it lol...we have tried taking it away but it doesnt work...he only sleeps with it thank god...But this will stop you from having to get up during the night. My kids stop talking the pacifier at about 6-7 months so I didnt have that problem with them...so good luck to you and I hope you can find some answers from her....