Advice How to Explain My 9 Year Old About the Birds and the Bees

A friend told me about The Body Book. I haven't gotten it yet. I had to have the conversation with my daughter after a girl on our street decided to tell her all about it. She filled her head with so much misinformation that I had to spend the first half hour just sorting out the lies. After our whole conversation my daughter said,"so let me get this straight, a boy puts his private part in to the girls?" to which I said,"no, a 'boy' and a 'girl' do no such thing, Sex is a privilege between two grownups who love each other very much."
She had a lot of questions due to the elaborate story telling of the girl down the street. One thing that I did tell her was that sex was something beautiful designed by God, but just like all wonderful things, some people have taken it and turned it into something ugly. I told her that her body was nothing to me ashamed of because God made her and she was wonderfully made, but that it was something to be respected,not used or abused. My conversation may be different than the one you will have with your son, due to the nature of how it came up and the fact that she is a girl.
Good luck!
K.

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If you are looking for something from a Christian perspective, I would highly recommend a series called "God's Design for Sex" by Stan & Brenna Jones. It is a series of 5 age appropriate books (starting at age 3 or 4, I think) which explains sex in simple, but accurate terms and how God made boys and girls different for a reason and how sex is a gift from God. It has pictures, but they are tastefully done. I have the full set of books and I just finished reading one to my 7 year old son last night. The older kids books, which my 10 year old daughter and I are reading, are also designed to be read by both parent and child and they have some discussion questions at the end of each chapter. They also deal with some pretty tough topics very well (homosexuality, sex in movies, etc...). It's obviously a little uncomfortable talking about these things with your kids, but I'd much rather they hear to facts from me than get a bunch of misinformation from their friends.

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The book my Mom gave to me as a child and that my sister gave to her kids, and I will eventually give to my daughter was "Where do I Come From?" by Peter Mayle. It was very informative without being to graphic. Plus it was perfectly acceptable in the 70s and 80s which says a lot, since these days everything is acceptable on television these days. I don't think there is anything that would be even as graphic as what is seen on TV.

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I'd go to the library. They will be able to find you which books will be appropriate. I personally would just be honest and let him know he is old enough to know about some things. Give him the basics, the books, and then do a follow up session with questions answered honestly. Most parents will explain then ask for questions, but then when all that is thrown at you, you can't think of anything to ask, but days later you do have questions, but don't know how to ask. I would keep it open ended. Let him know you want to hear his questions. Trust me it is all better coming from you rather thatn his friends! Good luck and Kuddos to you for jumping in and taking an important role.

I am adding some comments here after I thought about my answer for a while. When I was about 13 and babysitting, I made the comment to the lady I was babysitting for that I wanted to have a baby too. I didnt mean right then, but when I grew up. She thought I meant right then and she said oh you do do you? and she popped in a video of her daughter's birth. She came quick and there was no time for the episiotomy and she was ripped opened. I saw it all in graphic color. Well, my mom freaked that she showed it to me without her permission and I never could babysit for her again. I remeber the video and I will tell you that video was the absolutely best birth control possible for me. I was 18 before I had sex and it was with my husband. I went through 11 years of infertility and once we adopted my daughter, 6 months after, I ended up getting pregnant. I still wonder if I mentally prevented getting pregnant out of fear of being a mommy and once I was a mommy, then my fear was gone and I got preggers. Something to think about when educating the young. :)

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Agelica,

Yes, that was 38 yrs ago that my 9 yr old son was asking. He approached me first and I was SHOCKED when he told me that he was getting an erection. I responded that his body was changing and that was natural.

That is when he and dad started going fishing and hanging out alot together in order to have their MAN TO MAN talk ALONE.

I acquired several books from the library that showed graphic photos so that he would understand. Though scan and see how much you want him to know. Be HONEST and STRAIGHT FORWARD with him and leave that DOOR ALWAYS OPENED if he has any FUTURE questions. You might not be happy with somethings he has to say but LISTEN then show your disatifaction but DO NOT GET ANGRY because he will not share any more with you.

Also, for my boy and girl (when she started her period) I took them to planned parent hood where they have FREE condoms and explain that if your going to PLAY wirht fire you need to protection yourself not just against pregnancy but vereal diases and these stay in your system for LIFE.

My daughter seemed to be the EXPERT on SEX in mmiddle school and I was SHOCKED how uninformed her friends were that their mothers were afraid to talk to them. When were their mothers going to talk to them when they got PREGNANT ? She was a chatter box with me in everything that was going on.

Now as adults as we have our conversations they are so glad that I was sooo OPEN WITH THEM.

M. Ruiz Torres

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I purchased the book "What's the Big Secret?" for my six year old daughter and I to read together. It's by Laurie Krasny Brown Ed.D and Marc Brown - he's the creator of the Arthur books. It's a nice style and uses drawings to explain body parts. It's better if this type of information comes from your sons parents so he feels he can ask questions. He'll get the facts and then you can explain your feelings on waiting etc.

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Our church has some age appropriate infomation and I'll bet yours does too. Also go to the Dr. Laura website and I think she recommends some age appropriate books on sexual reproduction. Don't forget that while explaining the "mechanics" involved its also a good idea to set forth the right moral background in which to discuss the former. Good luck : )

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Hi A.,

There is a great book called "Where did I come from?" It's old but very "cute". (It's what my parents gave me when I was a kid.)

Also there is a fabulous program called AIM for Success. It's run by a woman who has spoken at our PTA meetings each year. She has scripts and explains what to say at what age.
I think she is out of Dallas and has a website.

www.aimforsuccess.org

Good Luck

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I have the perfect book for your! My ex would not explain sex to our son, so I got this book and it went smooth as silk!!! Detailed but not graphic, good pics showing how things really look and simply, yet accurate words. I read the book and then sat down with my son and we read/skimmed it together. I did leave the last chapter about masturbation out!

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys: A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons
by Lynda Madaras, Area Madaras, Simon Sullivan (Illustrator), Jackie Aher (Illustrator), Martin Anderson

I got it at Barnes and Noble. there is a girls version too. I used it with my daughter. It is a really great book!!!

D.

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When my child was 5 we had "the talk " but I was blessed with abook from a friend that I could read to her . Check out ur local book store or library, i am sure u will find one there . God bless , G.

I've already had that talk with my 5 year old, thanks to some boys in kindergarten! I answered her questions truthfully. If I were bringing it up though. You might just try the honest approach. Hey, I know that boys your age are starting to talk about this at school, and I just want to make sure you know the truth and aren't told any lies...You might find a family friendly article in Readers' Digest that touches on it. I used those when I taught school. They are clean and yet touch on all sorts of subjects. There is a movie that I heard was good - though I haven't seen it yet, I believe it's called 13. I would approach the subject very calmly and matter-of-factly as he will read your uneasiness and won't ask any questions. It will be embarrassing enough for him, but worse if he thinks you are embarrassed as well.

Good responses.. but I just wanted to throw in there that you can add a good book to all that. My parents actually gave it to me when I was a kid. It's called "Where Did I Come From?" and it's a cartoon book about puberty and sex. It's a good way to elaborate on what you've told him wihtout embarassing him.. and you! :)

Yea for you. If you do not start communicating about
this to your son now, it gets harder as he gets older.
You and he will be more comfortable talking about it once
he knows you are there to answer his questions. I really
wish I had more specific advice. Good luck?

Just be honest. It's better for her to learn the truth from you than tales or half-truths from her friends. Encourage her to ask you if she has questions, in the future. (Just don't be too shocked at some of the stuff she'll ask or comment about. lol)

Now days its best to tell him the truth. I've seen kids as young as 8 get preg. only because they wanted to have a baby. You dont have to get into to many details. He may know more then what you think because of his friends but you can add you advice on it and teach him early about how to stay safe. Also let him know that sex is something that grown up do and that he should wait until he is married. Let him know that teens that do it cant are not old enough to take care of a baby if they have one. The best way to talk to him is starting the talk and then allowing him to ask some questions.

I have had my daughter talk to teens her age and older that have help her be scared of having sex and having babies. She is almost 12. I dont bring it up all the time but I want her to know that single parents have rough times and to let her know that it can put her life on hold if her ever did deside to have sex and get preg. The reason I believe I have to do this is because I was preg. at 17 and even though she sees that it was a little rough on me she doesnt see the whole picture on just how rough.

Hi '
i'd get on the computer look it up or go yo amizon barnes&nole sites put in your quisrtion they will help you find the right book for you ,,or therejust might be a web site out there for this
good kuck L.

Someone else already mentioned the book "Where Did I Come From?". It's a cute book with cartoons & not overly graphic or overly detailed. My parents bought it for my brother when we were kids. I think it would be about right for a 9 year old.

My 9 year old is starting to ask more questions too. I have a copy of this book waiting on the top shelf of my closet, just in case.

I think the truth is the best thing to tell him. Try not to make it too serious, maybe only one parent, and know that he is old enough and mature enough to handle it. When I had the talk with my 9 yr. old girl, she was not shocked or grossed out because I approached it like it was a normal part of life that she would engage in when she was grown up. I gave her the general information about the mechanics of it and told her that if she ever had any questions to please ask me or her dad and since then she has asked some questions which makes me feel confident that she will always come to us because we tell her the truth.

B.

A good rule is to tell him what he asks. Sit him down and start the talk, but let him ask the questions. He'll only ask what he's curious about and you won't give him TMI.

Good luck!

My nephew was introduced to this concept through Nova's DVD called "The Miracle of Life". It is a beautiful video that explains conception and the development of a fetus in the mother's womb. You can get it at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/NOVA-Miracle-David-Ogden-Stiers/dp/...

Read the reviews and see if it is right for you.

Just keep in mind that the more accurate information he gets from you, the less he will pay attention to the inaccurate information that is available through his friends. And he will trust you because you told him the truth. You just have to judge for yourself exactly how much detail he is ready for.

Good luck!

My kids sat in a program at school at 9/10 yrs old (4th grade)for a girl talk (boy talk sessions were also going on). So I always felt that this would be a good age to begin with the basics. Your son is pretty much at that age anyway. I went to the book store and sorted through a number of books for girls. Some were more graphic than others. Just pick your style and level of his questioning.

Your child has had stories told to him by other children I would almost bet. Your best bet would be to get some books on the subject for the correct age group that will explain not the wild stories that I am sure he has heard. Kids have a way of changing things around let him read for himself the true facts. This is a natural part of life not something to be ashamed of. Good luck. I know that it is a hard one to come up with as a parent.

I agree with Michell P. I was only told that the boy puts his p.p. in the girls privates. Which left me with a world of questions but my mom seemed so annoyed that I had even asked. Explain your values to him and also let him know that he should not discuss it with other kids. Espically the younger brother. As he gets older I would also tell him about being gay, s.t.d.'s , pregancy, group sex. Everything you hear on t.v. because he is going to hear it too and warn him and teach him your values on these subjects also. But thats for an older child. Good luck.

OK it has been a while but let me see what I remember and can share in this situation. You can make it more advanced as you see fit. I hope this was of some use. these were the common questions with my answers.

1. On the subject of pregnancy...
Q- Where does God put the baby under your shirt or in your belly? How does it get out?
A- Mommies have a place in their body (if your child is ready tell them it's called a uterus, proper names of things don't freak them out if said matter a factly) for a baby to grow. It's kind of like a flower pot. You plant seeds and take care of them with water and food and soon they begin to grow, then they get bigger and bigger and taller and taller and soon they need to go into the ground or in a different pot so they can continue to grow. Well the baby is growing inside me. That is why I eat good healthy food, drink lots of water, try to get to sleep on time and or take naps. soon the baby will get to big to live in my body so will need to come out and he/she will push their way out and be born. Like the plants need the earth and air and us to take care of them, our new baby will need a home, a bed, milk, and us to take care of him just like Daddy and I have been taking care of you since you were born.

Q- How the baby get there? A Mommy and Daddy story...
A- When Mommy and Daddy got married they loved each other very much like this (give a big hug). Then after a while our love grew even Bigger (make your arms sprend out) and bigger like this (give a big bear hug) and we knew that we had soooo much love that we wanted to share it with someone very special. So Daddy and I prayed to God and told him we wanted to share our love with someone very special that was for us special. We promised to take good care of a baby, would help it grow, and learn, and learn about Jesus,( you now add what ever you need to add). So one day God answered our prayer and said OK I'm going to send you a special someone and then He told me right here (point to your heart or theirs) I was going to have a baby. Then before we knew it you were here for us to love.

this is a need to know subject. tell the absulute truth to his questions in terms a nine year old will understand without an infomation overload. Kids these days know more than we think.