A.C. asks from Downey, CA on January 04, 2011
My daughter just turned 8yrs old. I don't know why she feels big...She has so much attitude and she gets frustrated and angry very easily. I try talking to her and explain to her she shouldn't be acting that way because its not good for her and it makes other people dislike her...It makes my blood boil because I hate when she starts arguing with me or talking back. She's Miss know it all so she thinks...Its really frustrating for me and for her grandma because she takes care of her and her sister after school and its a constant battle to the point that my mom has told me she won't take care of her anymore...I really don't know what to do punishing her doesn't work or taking her favorite things away. Should I be thinking into some kind of therapy???? She even makes it hard for her little sister and I just don't know what to do at this point...
1 mom found this helpful
S.M. answers from Kansas City on January 04, 2011
I wonder if she and her grandmother are having some sort of personality clash that is spilling over into other areas too. My mother and my youngest are like oil and water and they bicker all the time. I don't know who started treating the other badly first. Now my daughter is 10 and for the last year she has increasingly become difficult everywhere. I do believe my mother has created much of this mess.
S.H. answers from Honolulu on January 04, 2011
Have A New Kid By Friday by Leman
The book series by American Girl books... has topics/books on feelings and friends... you can read about it on Amazon. Just input "American Girl books" in the search bar. Its for girls this age.
Also, the "Tween" age is coming up.... 9-12 years old is the Tween ages. And at this age... its sort of a cusp age... my daughter is 8... and she and her friends are more 'emotional' lately.... changing cognition/hormones/feelings....
But, she needs boundaries... and for the adults to be consistent/firm with her.
Also, they need "bonding" too, still at this age. With Mom etc. At certain ages, it is still real important.... and is manifested differently per age.
My Daughter for example, when she gets all hissy-fitty... it is actually when she needs 'Me'... and to bond with me... amongst everything else.
Tell her she is 8... not a baby.
Sit down.. have a MEETING with her... talk, lay down rules, let her express herself too for any issues.... make it a 2-way street... but let her know, MIStreating people/family... is a BIG no no.
Give her chores.
Make her responsible.... as well, for being IN the family. Tell her, she is a PART of the family.... and she needs to learn that.
Does she have problems at school?
School work problems?
See what 'problems' she has or concerns...
Often, insecure people/kids... try to act all "big"... but they are not and are actually vulnerable/insecure.... inside.
Tell her you will NOT argue with her.
Sign her up for classes maybe. Marital arts, Karate etc.
2 moms found this helpful
W.M. answers from Bloomington on January 04, 2011
What kind of punishments have you been using? I have an 8 year old daughter, too, and they can be sassy. But I give her a warning, then follow through with consequences. The ones that work for her are no TV/video games, no computer, and going to bed early. For whatever reason, she's not respecting you or your authority. That has to change and she'll get in order. I highly recommend watching Supernanny. Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
D.K. answers from Pittsburgh on January 04, 2011
I would try a situation by situation brainstorming session with her.
When she talks back try to consider two things separately - first what she said/wants and secondly how she said it. Ex. you tell her to clean her room - she says - but you said we could go shopping/read a book/whatever. Is what she said reasonable (you did say that but it was before you saw the room disaster) but how she said it offensive (likely). Let her know the room needs to be clean, you do want to do whatever you said with her and ask her to come up with ways to make both things happen.
It will likely help if you do whatever she doesn't want to do with her and also if (are not already doing it) ask her to do it, not tell her. Once she has some ideas about how you will be able to do whatever it is, then help her ask nicely. 'Mom, can I clean my room later because we wanted to go to the park' or 'mom, can we still go to the park later?'
I think just talking to her about her 'attitude' is too big a global concept. You need to break it up into concrete doable steps for her. I think it will also help if you are open to discussion about reasonable requests. I try to break things into non-negotiable (pretty much safety), negotiable and ok to go with DS's request (eg - I don't really care when we clean his room and I just forgot I told him about the park so sure, once I model asking nicely, we can go to the park and clean the room later).
I also think it helps if you post specific examples when asking for advice :)
1 mom found this helpful
V.W. answers from Jacksonville on January 04, 2011
Anytime I read about a parent being worn out from arguing with their child, the first thought that comes to mind is "1-2-3 Magic".
Buy it, read it, do it. It is so simple. And you will stop letting your daughter manipulate you into arguing with her. She is a child, not just a "little adult" that you can debate and discuss and hold as an equal in an argument. She WANTS to be that, but she's not. YOU have the power to stop it in its tracks. Use it.
K.I. answers from Oklahoma City on January 04, 2011
I think you need to get an attitude with her the same as she's doing it right now, treat her the way she treat other people.....Also take all the toys, tv and all the thing that she like, just leave coloring books or books to read, my DD is in therapy once a week but for diferent reazons and talking with her counselor she told me that I was doing it right....
for example; one morning I ask her to pass me the hair brush and she make a noise , roll her eyes and trow the brush to me, I ask what was wrong and she says nothing with an attitude so after finish her hair done, we went to the kitchen and I Did exactly the same she did to me with her breakfast and then turn around and sit on the living room so she will have breakfast by herself, when she finish eating I ask her if she like the way I act ; she was very upset she say no and apologies to me, I told her that feeling is the same that I have when she does thing like that.....so maybe something like this will help her see what's shes doing.
And about the toys and all that, to be honest she never missed a thing, she has done beatiful art that she loves to gift her family, and thats one of the best things that hapenned, because now she apreciatte everything she has.
good luck! try first or talk to a counselor if you think is getting out of hands , don't let this pass by remember she's going to turn in to a teen soon and that is going to get worse.
A.J. answers from Williamsport on January 04, 2011
M.C. answers from Minneapolis on January 04, 2011
One thing I can think of not knowing the whole situation but just reading whatn you post, is you have the power not to argue. Be firm, your rules are the rules and that is that. If you start bickering back to her and start an argument you are showing her that their is a weekness that she can possibly penetrate. It will take time but she needs to understand that you are the boss! As much as it may pain you to do so you need to be a firm parent when it comes to discipline. Just don't argue, sure she may do something wrong but if you get into a "no I didn't do it" , "yes you did and it was wrong"..."but I didn't do it" "yes you did" type of argument you are teaching her that it is o.k. It needs to stop right away. Just my thoughts on the matter.
J.S. answers from San Francisco on January 05, 2011
Maybe try talking with her rather than at her (not saying you are but that can happen many times when children act up in such a way). Therapy may work, but it seems that girls are having more and more attitude younger these days. Here are a few discipline ideas that MAY work..or maybe you can ask on that site as well..? But whatever you do try to remain consistent and strong with your decisions...good luck!!