S.,
First let me say, "Good for you!” I like the way you explained your situation and parenting style. My family chose to do the same thing, although I didn't have the support of my husband (but it all worked out in the end and we are more happily married today than during my daughter's earlier years. My daughter is 4 and has been successfully sleeping in her bed without me lying down with her for about a year now. It was a long process of getting her to that point. I was like you, I did not believe in the "crying it out" method, or the spending nights with others, etc. My daughter, like yours, is/was very verbal and intelligent for her age. We talked about what steps we were going to take and when. It was a very gradual transition. I actually think that she would have done just fine with moving a little faster, but I had attachment issues as well! :-) For you the first step will be to wean, then you will be able to focus your attention on the sleeping arrangement. It may be too much for your daughter to wean and to lose her comfort object (Mommy) at the same time. Also, try taking her to a store to buy a teddy bear or whatever she decides on, to get something for her to sleep with. The more a child has a say so in the transitional steps, the more successful you will be. I found with my daughter that I did a lot of the talking when she was 2, telling her how we were going to make changes, etc., but she didn't buy into the changes until she had some control over them. Finally, we decided that she would pick the time/date for her to start sleeping by herself and to be "a big girl". For a long time, from ages 2-2 1/2 we talked about making changes but never really did, it was always something, she would get sick and I would get back in the habit of sleeping with her throughout the night. Finally from 2 1/2-3 years of age, I started laying with her to go to sleep, but would then get up and go to my bedroom. My daughter was okay with that transition. During this time we did more talking about when she would start sleeping completely by herself. She said that she would after going to the fair in the fall. I also offered incentives for her once she had slept by herself for a certain length of time. We used a calendar to track her progress. I slipped a few times, especially on the weekends, which would send mixed signals to her. However, we finally made it!
The key is consistency on your part. Once you both decide how/when, then stick to the plan. You will be amazed by how well your daughter will do. Don't be too h*** o* yourself. I don't think that there is a magic number, like some methods suggest. You are the expert on your daughter, trust your instincts, and do what works for you both. You both will be fine and this precious time will pass by quicker than you realize, so enjoy it!
I don't know if this helps you. I wanted to offer hope. When I was trying to do the same, it seemed that I had a lot of external pressure to do it quickly and I had no support. Know that you are doing and have done the right thing for your daughter, no matter how the transition happens!
Best Wishes!