Advice for Starting My 1 Month Old on Babywise

Here's the thing -- baby's have their own schedules. You can try and try and try to make them follow yours and you may have some success; however, when it comes to growth spurts, teething, developmental milestones, all bets are off. If the Babywise thing isn't working for you, that's ok. Chances are your son hasn't read it so he doesnt know to follow it. ;)

Rocking a newborn will not hurt him. If that's what it takes to make him fall asleep, go for it. Some take more effort than others. You're wise to avoid CIO at this stage. He's way way too young for that.

Not to rock your world, but Baby Wise's author is not a pediatric expert by any means. He's a minister and one who has fallen from grace so to speak with many churches. http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm Also, I don't know if you're nursing or not but Baby Wise dosen't allways work well with nursing since that is a supply and demand and not necessarily a schedule thing. If you're comfortable looking at other approaches, you might consider Happiest Baby on the Block (wonderful book btw -- it will save your life!), or Happy Baby, Happy Sleep (something like that, I never read it) or No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley -- all of these books are written by peds or child deve experts. Also, the Dr Sear's baby book is fantastic.

good luck and congratulations on your new born! Don't worry too much about schedules, just enjoy this time because they grow up way too quickly!

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I would be cautious about implementing the Babywise method because it was condemned by the APA. I guess some babies were literally starving to death and suffering from major dehydration (that required hospitalization) when put on the schedule suggested in Babywise. And, regarding the CIO method of sleep training, even Dr. Ferber (the doc who first propagated the method) says not to start until the baby is 6 months old. At 1 month old, in my opinion, a baby is still looking to you for security and adjusting to a loud, cold world where he/she feels hunger and discomfort. A 1 month old can't yet distinguish between a need and a want. I don't know if that's the best time to teach the little one that his/her needs won't always be met.

There are a lot of other great parenting books out there, none of which has been condemned by the APA. (Babywise is the only baby book they have ever condemned.) I personally like the Sears library of books, but I know there are many other books that work well for people. I would humbly suggest that you browse through the baby section of your local bookstore and find another book that might work well for your family. I know it is difficult to go without good sleep, especially those first few months. Just remember it passes (relatively) quickly and that every other parent empathizes with you. Just shower your baby with lots of love and everything will work out.

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Scrap 'babywise' and try 'mamawise' -- that is, your God given instincts. While some babies may respond well to the babywise system, each child is created unique and a standard approach will not always work. How can you tell your baby when he/she is hungry? You can't. I would suggest reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. Listen and respond to your baby's cues.

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J.,

I am not a Babywise fan...have several friends who like it/swear by it...and there are others, like me, that feel like it minimizes the most important part of your child's development - bonding/attachment. A schedule will come, but what you cannot get back is the initial bonding/trust that a child only gets through the meeting of his/her needs. While you are fretting/worrying about getting the schedule right (the Babywise way,) you give up your own mother instints and freedom to hold your baby when you want to and/or when they need you to. If a schedule is what you need...that's great, my only suggestion/advice is to make sure the "schedule" doesn't become a priority over your child. (That made sound insane...but I have seen that happen and have had friends acknowledge that was their experience with Babywise.) ENJOY this gift...in a matter of NO time, he/she will be in Kindergarten, and you'll wish you could sit and hold/rock him/her once again.

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Welcome to motherhood! It is a constant marathon--diapers, feeding, (lack of)sleep, constant worrying, repeat...
A one month old is too young to do any scheduling and to even think about CIO. He was cradled in your womb for 9 months, so naturally he needs to be next to you and to know that he is safe. Babies go into their own rhythm and I would say that around month 3 you can probably start to get him on a night time routine--bath, book, feeding, sleep. There are so many growth spurts the first year, developmental milestones, teething, etc, that you can't really expect to have him on a 3 hour schedule right away. Besides, if he is breast fed, then I would suggest feeding on demand and not by the clock. I would recommend researching into the whole cry it out method; most "CIO experts" recommend 6 months to start to implement it, since before that it can cause brain damage.
I would invest in a baby wrap, sling, or whatever baby carrier you prefer, because that sure makes life easier.
Good luck!

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They are only babies for a very short time. Hold him and rock him to sleep and don't worry about it!!! I rocked mine to sleep until they were too big to fit in my lap and now they both go to sleep on their own and haven't had any issues with sleep. (They are now 6 and 9)

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At 2 wks old, a friend gave me the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and it helped soo much. There's a book also that I purchased later. Try to get your hands on the book and/or DVD (library maybe?) ... it was an immediate improvement after I implemented their suggestions. Swaddling for one -- I originally thought she didn't like the swaddle, but the doctor suggested swaddling anyway and then rocking the baby on its side while shhhing in baby's ear. It worked instantly! We purchased the SwaddleMe blankets at babies r us and I used them at every naptime and every nighttime. She came to expect it and would start to settle down when I started swaddling her -- like it was part of the bedtime routine.
In addition to the swaddling, white noise was a big thing that we discovered that my daughter really needed in order to sleep longer. We still play a white noise playlist (purchased from iTunes) on a jambox in her room (she's 6 months old now).

There are lots of great suggestions in that book/DVD for young infants ... the doctor explains how for 9 months baby has been held so tightly in a fetal position and rocked with LOTS of motion inside the womb. And it was noisy inside there (white noise) so a newborn still wants those things - the doctor/author calls it the 4th trimester, how the first 3 months of a newborns life they want to still be inside the womb. That the outside environment is sometimes overstimulating for them.

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I used a modified to fit our family version of Babywise, too. However, I generally let ours get a little older. I wake them when I want them to eat, give them one on one attention, then rock them to sleep. When I do this for the first 2 to 2 1/2 months they tend to get into the schedule on their own. Sometimes mine have adjusted their own schedule a little. When they are a little older (the age depended on the child), I start making a point of letting them learn to get to sleep on their own. Some have already been in the routine, and some still needed to work it out. I would put them in their bed, then I would go in every 5 or 10 minutes, if they were fussing/crying. I did not allow them to get to the point of screaming. I would rub their back, and talk quietly. I generally try not to pick them up, however, I had some that had colic. I would make sure they did not need to burp. I have 6 children, and they are all able to get to sleep on their own. My littlest is only a few weeks older than yours. Sometimes he goes to sleep himself, sometimes he still needs help. With the circumstances that you had the first month, I would relax and give both of you some time to get into a routine. The biggest thing that will help start the routine is consistency. Enjoy the little one, the routine will come. Blessings

Another thing that I have learned with my littlest one is the value of swaddling. If he is really fussy, I can swaddle him, and give him his pacifier. I will make sure that he has settled down, then lay him down to sleep. He will often sleep 4 or 5 hours when swaddled.

Sounds like your son is a normal 1 month old. My daughter who is 4 mos. is still wanting to be fed every 3 hours during the day. She goes about 6 hours at night. Trying to get him to cry it out right now seems a bit soon. We didn't even do that with my son until he was a year old--until he could understand that he had to sleep in his own bed all night long like a "big boy". We also used a co-sleeper next to the bed so I could nurse easily at night. My daughter usually wakes up around 2am to eat and then we just both fall asleep together until I wake up at 5.

I haven't heard of babywise but I just wanted to say that at 1 month a baby can't fall asleep on their own. They need to be rocked, or feed or other way put to sleep. CIO is not right for a baby that age. He not crying for no reason and he won't get spoiled. You are doing the right thing, the first months can be difficult. Just hang in there, it gets better!

Hi J.,

We did babywise too with our son and you are right, 1 month feels too young to cio. You have to follow your instincts with this one. We really didn't start to let our cry until 3-4 months and then it was only for short time periods, say 10 minutes or so. But he was sleeping though the night about that time too, so I felt he was ready. It never really got much longer than that and now he is a super sleeper. Keep in mind what the book says about it being a "routine" not a schedule. That really helped me so that I wouldn't get depressed if I had a 'bad" day with it or if my routine got messed around. Just try to stick with the sleep, eat, wake cycle and follow your baby's cues. Oh, and don't get surprised when, down the road, you little one will be sleeping through the night only to hit a growth spurt at 4, 6 or 10 months ( or whenever he decides to grow) and wake up to eat again at night. . . . Mostly, just enjoy every second as it goes by so fast, mine is almost 11 months and don't sweat the small stuff. Motherhood is amazing!

Like several others, I would reccommend that you wait a few more weeks before starting Babywise. I tried it when my son was about 3 - 4 weeks and failed miserably. I tried it again at 8 weeks and it worked great. I really think that about 6 weeks is probably the sweet spot. It's not an approach that everyone likes, but my son responded really well. Per our pediatrician and my experience, the key is the schedule (feeding the baby and putting them down for their nap at the same time every day). Within 2 weeks of starting it, my son was sleeping through the night and was overall much more content and easier to manage. We did let him cry it out, but the crying only lasted about a week and then he started doing better. We continued a pretty strict schedule until he was almost a year old. He is 3.5 years old now and still sleeps great and naps great.

Hi J.,

We did Babywise with both of our children and they both slept through the night from 7-9 weeks old. Regardless of what's going on, you must follow the program and it will pay off. We were very strict with the schedule and never put our own schedule or needs first. My son is 2 and he has only missed his bedtime 5 or 6 times in his short little life but he gets 12 hours at night and he takes his nap at the same time every day. We work around his schedule. I think you're baby is at the perfect age to start the program. Don't let the crying bother you and it will work. Please email me if you would like to discuss in greater detail. Good luck!

There is so much negative research on the Baby Wise method. I really urge you to research it further. It was recommended to me too and I used it when my baby was a bit older, but greatly modified the program to fit our needs. Were I to have another child, I wouldn't use it. Neither would I recommend it to a friend.

I have a 7 month old son and here is what I learned... they will do what they want to do. At 1 month old your baby is just responding to his needs. He does not know or really care about what "schedule" he should be on. I found that if I took my son's natural schedule (he ate every two hours, played for about 45 mins, slept for about an hours, and then started all over) and worked from there he and I were both much happier. Make sure he gets plenty of calm time to eat so he will take in as much as he can and make sure you read his cues and help him sleep when he is ready but beyond that there is not much to do. As he gets older he will start to space out his feedings and going to sleep will be easier you just need to give him a little time to adjust to the outside world and grow.

All and all consider with the various books say as suggestions and do what works for your family. If something is not working don't stress about it just move on to the next thing.

PS. there is hope. At 6 weeks my son started sleeping 5 hours at night. It won't take long for your little guy to start sleeping longer at night either. A friend told me to just make sure you survive the first 8 weeks and not worry about anything else. After about 8 weeks it starts to get easier... I think she was right.

I believe the BEST thing to do for your baby is to LISTEN to YOUR baby and what he needs. I know there are alot of books out there to try to tell you what to do or how what you are doing is wrong. But I think that God gives us Mamas a great instinct and if we listen to it and our babies and pray about things, we will do it "right". I know babies need to eat when they are hungry, not when the clock tells them to be hungry. I used gentle ways of helping my kids/babies sleep at night and play in the day... but it CAN be done without crying. I loved all my time spent with my little ones when they were so young. They grow up SO fast and don't need Mommy as much as they do when they're so little. I will pray for you and hope you will follow what your baby needs. God Bless!

Your son is a month old. He is doing exactly what a one month old is suppossed to do. Forget the book and just meet his needs whatever those are. Feed him when he's hungry, hold him when he wants to be held, etc. You aren't going to spoil him. All babies need a schedule, but he is just too young to be locked into one right now. You'll both figure it out as more time passes. As for crying it out-don't. It is harmful for a young infant to be left to cry. His needs should be met quickly and consistently. I'm not sure what your looking for, but your son is a infant and is going to be very needy for many more months. Rest when he does, so you'll have the energy to take care of him when he is awake and make sure your husband is doing his part. Just because you're the mom and at home doesn't let him off the hook. Anytime he isn't at work, he should be doing his share. Everyone who has ever had a baby has dealt with this. Just rest when you can and enjoy your little one because this time passes so quickly. Congrats and good luck!

People might be against this book but it really works great. I mean you can't take it so literally that you endanger your child but that is the way it was projected on here. I used it with both of my boys and it worked perfectly. I really didn't start it until they were about 6 weeks old. You will have to make your own adjustments for your own child and it doesn't have to be followed exactly every day. Having a schedule is wonderful both my boys are awesome sleepers. My 5 year old just stopped his napping for kindergarten but took one all those years. As long as you set a schedule for feeding and nap/bedtime it should work great. If you get off schedule with the feeding just try to catch up during the rest of the day. It will all fall into place. Good luck....

I never read Babywise, but did read the Baby Whisperer and implemented their methodology with our son and thought it was good. The book talks about the EASY method. Eat, Activity (diaper change is an activity!), Sleep, You time. As the kid gets older the time span between the activities get longer. I like it because it put your kid on a routine and they knew what to expect; however, you could set the time frame to the needs of your child. We did not use the CIO method until our son was 13 months. I did not feel he was old enough until then. He is now 3 and still the best sleeper and napper I know! He sleeps 10 hours a night and can take a 2-3 hour nap! Consistency and routine are the key and I think you can accomplish that without having an actual hourly schedule. Good luck!

I tried Babywise too but it really didnt work for me unfortunately. My son didnt sleep through the night until he was 1 year old. I had to do lots of rocking him to sleep. He just wanted to eat all the time! I believe every child is different. I think yours is a bit young yet and still has to get in a routine. I wouldnt try the crying out method at that young of an age though. I wish you luck and just remember this too shall pass!

We modified Babywise to fit his personality and our schedule. It worked wonderfully, but not really until the second month. There is such an adjustment from the "inside" schedule and the "outside" schedule. Don't let it get you down. It will eventually get where you want it to be, it always takes time to get a schedule.

Hello J.,

I too read Babywise and wanted to use some of the techniques with my son. For the first 8-10 weeks my son cried often when we put him to bed and had to be held/rocked a lot! So much so that I developed severe carpel tunnel in my wrist during those first ten weeks. Right around 10 weeks he started sleeping through the night and did not have to be rocked as often when put down for his naps/bedtime. After the first 2-3 months our son fell into a great routine and became a wonderful sleeper! He still has random times he fusses and fights to be put down for sleep but 95% of the time he knows his routine and does not fuss. Just keep in mind they will have growth spurts through out and won't always sleep as many hours as you may anticipate or as they did the night before. This only happened a few times through out the first 6-9 months for us. By the age of 10 weeks he no longer took a middle of night bottle. Go with your gut feelings. If something does not seem like the norm it may not be for a while. I promise it gets better and your little one will fall into a routine!

It does work. I've done it with both of my boys and both of them were sleeping through the night by the time they were 6-7 weeks old. And when I say "sleeping through the night" I mean like 8-10 hours. I didn't start it though until they were 6 weeks old and my boys were bigger. I would wait until they are at least 12-14 pounds or so. And the "crying it out" was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was so worth it. My boys are 9 and 6 now and both still great sleepers. The thing with the "Baby Wise" book is that you need to take what you want, and leave what you don't like. There are parts of that book that I didn't stick to, but the schedule is so important and it works so well...even into toddler-hood. And the crying it out...I only had to do that for 2 nights. (going in every 30 minutes and patting them to let them know that I was still there, but NOT picking them up...) and on the third night, nothing. They have to learn how to put themselves to sleep. Also, make sure that you keep the blinds open during the day and really dark at night, that way they learn the difference between day and night.
Good luck!!! And just know that it won't last forever.....although I know when you're not getting much sleep, it seems like forever!!!! Sleep when he sleeps and try to enjoy this time when he's little b/c it will be gone before you know it. :-)

I read what other mom's have said and respect their opinions and experience. I am going to say, however, that we have friends who did Babywise and we did not... at the same time, they are very near the same age, only days apart.

Our baby was happy and content. We watched for cues that she was hungry, etc and took care of her needs. (We didn't wait until she was in full-wail to meet her needs, as one mother suggested.)

I have to say that my friend's baby was stressed and constantly crying. Plus, my friends were constantly worrying about what time it was, how long it had been since the last feeding. The baby was crying, but it wasn't time to eat yet, etc. what to do. Everyone was stressed. After a couple of horrible months, they quit... started paying attention to their child instead of a schedule and everything smoothed out in about a week.

You should also understand that the "eat, poop/change, sleep, wet/change, sleep, wet/change, eat, etc." cycle is what it is all about at this age.

Respectfully.

Hi J.,
I did both of my boys with using the Babywise method. Both were adopted ages 10 days and the other 6 weeks. I started them as soon as they came home. Both did well, if they are fed and full then they will be content to wait until the next feedings. Please don't listen to people that have never used this method and say it doesn't work. Not true. Feeding by demand is not a happy place to be for a baby. They are waiting to the point where they are starving and crying for food. Having a schedule will in time help them to be content and know when that next feeding will be. As for sleeping I can tell you the longer you wait for him to work out his sleeping skills the harder it will be for him and you. Get him up, diaper him, feed him, keeping him awake and eating then try and let him have alittle wake time holding him and talking to him. Then lay him down to sleep again. Maybe you can try a swaddle to help him out. As for having the "diaper marathon" it's just busy now. In time your hard work will pay off and the time will slow down. I loved the concept of Babywise though I didn't follow all of the suggestions. I was a little bendy with all the rules. But I was straight up with the sleeping schedule being a problem sleeper myself until I was quite older. My mom would have to be in bed with me for me to fall asleep and it was awful to deal with the separation when I was older. Struggle is not always a awful and fruitless state to be in believe it or not. It teaches them to skills that they need in life even at such a young tender age. Bear that in mind when he cries himself to sleep, next time it will be shorter in length and you can be proud of him doing it on his own.
Best Regards and congratulations,
C.

I understand this works for some families but there is quite a few doctors that DO NOT support the CIO method. Dr. Sears, Dr. Karp, and Mr. Faye from Love & Logic. Children should be tended to until age 2 per some of their advice; personally I agree with this. One month of age is WAY TOO young to be sleep training that aggressively. This child needs to be nurtured and have his/her needs met. I noticed by 3 months my babies were on a more consistent routine, sleep, eat, play, sleep, eat, play, etc. At 6 months I could put pretty consistent times to those parts of our routine. Listen to your gut, it sounds like your mommy instinct is telling you that the CIO method is not right for you. Listen to that! It is amazing that every time one of my babies cried out and I thought I should let her be, I would always go in anyway and she would either have her leg stuck, a blanket on her face, or something that warranted me needing to help her. I am so grateful for the instinct God has blessed me with; us mommies have to trust that. Would it be nice to have a newborn sleep through the night? Sure, but the truth is, it is not appropriate to expect that. Enjoy those quiet nights when he is feeding---it only lasts a short time in the big scheme of things. When my second child went through a stage at 12 months, I read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and one suggestion in there helped, but that will be for when he is older---just thought I would share a resource in case you needed it later.

Hang in there and try to rest when he does....it will get better.

LL's resource list is AWESOME....we used Happiest Baby (find the DVD for a quick overview and modeling by the Doc himself)!!!!

Hi J., I used Babywise on all 4 of my kids. The 1st one was the hardest but I swear by it. Try not to stress too much right now about implementing "everything Babywise". Probably in a couple of weeks, you can get on a better schedule. The important thing during the day is make sure you are doing the feedings at the 3 hour intervals. The naps will come as your baby grows. Your goal is to get them sleeping through the night so waking them to feed during the day helps. If he doesn't sleep in the middle, it's ok...just keep the feeding schedule consistent. Eventually, you can let them "cry it out". I hope this helps. It's been 4 years since I last did it so it's hard to remember all of it! It DOES get better! Good luck!

Your baby is way too young to "cry it out". Everything you described seems very normal for a 1 month old. All I can say is the older they get the better it gets and the longer sleep intervals they have. Plus you will find that you won't have to change their diaper as often. The best advice I can give is to reach out for help from family and friends to give you a break. Unfortunately, your kinda on the newborns sched at this age. Good luck!!