Advice for Preteen/teen to Get More Active/involved

As long as you see that she does interact well with people when the opportunity presents itself, you probably shouldn't force her to do more. Some people feed off of being with other people and it energizes them...others actually use up energy when they are with others. She may need more alone time than you and that's okay. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her. She's just wired differently. It sounds like she's a "normal" healthy introvert. You don't want to start sending the message that there is something wrong with her. That CAN cause problems! Let her be herself, so long as she's healthy and wellrounded...and it sounds like she is.

1 mom found this helpful

I have raised two sons and two grandsons and they are all different. One son was not as outgoing as the other and one grandson too at the age of 12. Don't worry as when she is a little older she will get involved more. I say don't push her into anything. You can make suggestions but don't push her. She will get more involved as she gets older. Be prepared though that as a teenager she will not include you as much and start to distance herself from you. This is normal even though it is hurtful sometimes. She is just becoming her own little person and her privacy will become very important to her. She will resent questions about almost anything and see it as you meddling. However keep in mind whether they like it or not it is your responsibility as her mother to know all you can about who she is associalting with and where she is at all times. The three W's. Where are you going? Who are you going with? What time will you be leaving and returning? Soon you may wish ahe was more of a home body!

Everyone is different and she may never be the social butterfly you are. Maybe she is more like her Dad.

My husband is shy and it is a good balance in our own relationship. He is always very loving and a good father and husband. I would not worry about her. She will come into her own. It would be different if she were showing signs of deprssion but as long as she seems happy don't worry about it. She has to be herself and not what you want her to be or think she should be.

God Bless,
D.

I really don't see a problem with her being a home body. I say leave her alone as long as she has friends at school and is getting good grades. If she starts having problems then worry.

I understand totally. I'm an introvert and she probably is too. She enjoys her time alone just as much as an extrovert enjoys their time interacting with others.

My son was this way too! Just this past summer he begged me to let him play "tackle football" and I finally gave in. I am SOOOOOOO Glad that I did. He is physically fit, he has a passion for something that doen't require a remote control or game controller. Now he is 15 and he comes home from school does his chores and then is out until 8:00pm. He just got honor roll again since 4th grade. He is has made a complete turn around.
This is a faze, I think. I could be wrong but I think that 12,13, and maybe 14 year old introverts maybe be going through a faze.

Have them volunteer in nursing homes helping cutting meat, or arranging forks or spoons for easy reach. Just being a "dinner" partner can brighten a day for someone, and that is how you get to know some one.

Be happy husband is homebody. That is where you set the tone of your family. Be glad he isn't out with his "buddies" all the time, and never where you can reach him for help with the kids. Maybe, he isn't contributing physically right now, but he is THERE, and that is important for the kids. Start asking him to pick up or take some one, but don't ask him to wait, as that isn't going to happen.

GO TO CHURCH AS A FAMILY, AND INVOLVE EVERYONE IN SOMETHING AGE APPROPRIATE..

Just a question, has your daughter always been like this or is this something new for her? When she plays basketball is that by herself too? You also said that her father is also a "homebody," has he been like this her whole life?

A little about me:
I am 48, married and the mother of 2 grown children (away from the nest) and 2 stepchildren (1 in our nest as we speak!) I have a stepdaughter, step-son-in-law, 2 grandchildren (girl age 6 and boy age 4) and their 2 dogs. That is in addition to 2 dogs of our own. Our family that is living with us is temporary until they sell their house in Ohio. We just celebrated their one-year anniversary of living with us.

Try enrolling her in fun classes (yoga, pottery, etc) that perk her interest. She may enjoy the activity AND the other kids. Even if she doesn't make any great new friends, she'll at least be out doing something social. Another idea is to try to get her to form a book discussion group. She can enjoy her reading, but have it be something social as well.

what about some kind of volunteer work, maybe one day a week visiting the elderly at a nursing home, there are many that do not get visits from or have any family. I did that when I was younger and it was always enjoyable to listen to their stories. Plus it looks great on job and college application later on in life! If she is an animal lover, they are always looking for people to volunteer and play with the animals for their daily exercise. I'm sure the local SPCA or Humane Society wouold love the help.

If/when you figure it out, can you please let me in on the secret. My 13 yr old son is doing the same thing. He's not very social and has pushed most of his friends away. He'd rather sit home and zone out on the computer, video games or in front of the tv rather than go out and play, yet when we do manage to get him out the door, he loves basketball, volleyball, taking our dog for a walk. But he'd rather be alone and zone, and gets aggravated when we try to ask him why he won't go play with his friends.