Advice for a Solo Mom on Juggling Toddler and Newborn at Bedtime

Updated on July 31, 2008
N.S. asks from Santa Cruz, CA
6 answers

My husband is a firefighter, works 24 hour shifts, and is going back to work soon. We had our second child, a girl, on July 4th, and our first is a 16 months old boy. Our 16 mo old only started sleeping through the night reliably in June. I am so afraid of messing with his night time routine, which is a bath, some play time, then I feed him a bottle on my lap and then carry him to bed, kiss him goodnight, and close the door. My newborn has no schedule yet, but she is VERY fussy / colicky? if she isn't being held. So i wear her most of the time to keep some sanity for all of us. What I can't envision, is how I will give my son a bath and continue with the established bedtime routine while holding the newborn. I have a moby, peanut shell, and ergo, and can't figure out how to safely carry both kids. What have you done?

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L.M.

answers from San Francisco on

You can use a mei tai carrier like the Kozy carrier for high back carries even with an infant, so you can carry baby on your back while tending to your toddler. The Kozy was a lifesaver for me when I had an infant and a toddler.

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A.L.

answers from Sacramento on

my son is 19m and my doughter is now 1m so i feel your pain there.... one thing you could try for your night time routine you could try to hold them both in your lap to feed him his bottle.... my son loves to sit with me on the couch to feed my doughter throughout the day.... as for safely carring both kids i too have yet to fined a good one i have a mobywrap and i can get y doughter in that still on the frunt but more to the side and then very carfuly pick up my son if i have too but if i can get him to want something else thats its better.... i would strongly sugest that you maybe talk to some friends and family about helping out a little maybe checking in on you 3 a few hours out of the day and maybe for the first few days have someone there when it comes to naptime or bed time to help you get ajusted with everything....
good luck to you

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J.D.

answers from Sacramento on

I used two things. A stroller while the toddler is in the bath and pulled it right up to the bath so I could rock the baby. I also used the bouncer bed thing, sitting the baby right by me as I sat and watched the toddler.

mother of four

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T.B.

answers from Sacramento on

For me, the swing was a lifesaver for stuff like this. We had a portable one I could bring in the bathroom with us. My husband had surgery a couple of weeks after my daughter was born, and for basically three weeks I was on my own with both kids (although my son was a little older). My husband was home, but was on some pretty serious painkillers and could not carry the baby at all and I wasn't really comfortable leaving her sleeping on his chest or anything since the pain meds make you drowsy. One thing was that my daughter learned to be very patient since I could not always grab her up the minute she started fussing and she actually got the self-soothing thing down way faster than my son ever did. This had big payoffs when it came to sleep. She started sleeping through the night at 3 months, while my son was over 7 months, and even then it wasn't consistent. It is horrible listening to your baby cry, but when both kids need you at the same time, someone has to learn to wait, and I didn't feel like it was fair to my older child to always make him wait. When I didn't use the swing for my daughter she did enjoy short times in her bouncy seat. She did better when she could be in the same room with me, so as far as bath is concerned anything portable, sometimes I just set up a blanket on the floor so she could be close by. We also at this time started bathing my son every other night rather than every night unless he was really dirty. I would still wipe him down with a washcloth, but found we could get away without giving him a bath every single day. (Which had an added bonus of stopping his skin from drying out so much). The other thing that helped was laying everything out beforehand, so that his clothes were already picked out, towel was out and ready etc so that we could get through the things as fast as possible. It will get significantly easier within a few months, those first few months are the hardest.

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi Wow good luck! but I had a n energetic 2 yr ols and newborn an I slung the baby and used a light weight backpack for the toddler- Something that wil give you real support ergo is goo but the frame kin seem to be better-check at thriftstores if you can't borrow one they can be pricey-new L.

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J.R.

answers from San Francisco on

My kids are now 6 and 8, 20 months apart, but when my daughter came along, I felt the need to stay true to my son's schedule! My husband works nights and would leave the house at 4:00, so I understand how difficult having two little ones at this time of day can be. Even though my daughter didn't "have a schedule of her own", I worked to put one in place. Basically I would breastfeed her at 4:30, thus allowing her to fall asleep at that time of day, thereby freeing me up to be only with my son. Well, it worked for me, thank god. I had enough time to feed him his dinner, bath him, read stories and put him down to bed before she would wake up. The swing worked really well when she got a little bigger, and yes, this may sound strange, but I would place the vacuum cleaner next to her swing, and if she started to awaken, all I had to do was turn it on and she would simply fall back asleep. My pedi told me that the sound inside a woman's womb is equivalent to a 747 jet, so the sound of the vacuum was very soothing. It was actually quite comical to watch! This routine lasted long enough to allow my son the security he needed to know that he could still count on me during that time of day, and I was able to survive juggling two little ones at once. As soon as she started with solids, I worked at getting them both on the same schedule. By eight months, I was able to put them both down for bed at the same time, and have been able to continue that routine to this day!

I know this is a difficult time of adjustment for everyone in the family, so I wish you the best of luck. Trust me, you'll find your way.

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