Advice About Possible Adhd in My Child

Updated on August 21, 2008
A.W. asks from Huntington Beach, CA
7 answers

I have a beautiful son who will be 5 in September. He has the biggest heart I know and loves life ALOT. He tends to get very hyperactive in the house and outside of the house. We have to keep him busy all the time and he tends to get aggressive even when he is just simply playing. If he doesn't get his way he tends to get very upset and lashes out at me or my husband or even his little brother. He gets very upset when he can't do somehing the first time. He doesn't like to fail. his tutor has told us that he is a very smart kid and is amazed by his memory ability. When we are in social situations My husband and I have to always tell him to calm down, keep his hands to himself, don't play so rough, talk nice etc. I'm exhuasted and can't get it out of my mind. I battle with him everyday because he is with me more so I could use some advice. Is he just a bit hyper and once school starts will its structure calm him down? Because he had no problems in school last year. Teacher loved him and had not one complaint. I just don't want to put him through something that he doesn't need. I love him sooo much and am brought to tears often. I just want the best for him and if he has some sort of ADHD I want to help him.

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C.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi A.,
I have been teaching for several years and your son sounds like a typical boy. However, you may want to look into dietary issues that could be contributing to his hyperactivity. Many ADHD symptoms are typically dietary related and if addressed, a huge improvement is usually seen. www.mercola.com has many articles on ADD/ADHD and how to virtually eliminate the symptoms. I have seen it first hand with many of my students. In fact, many that were medicated ended up going off the meds and their behavior was much improved. However, I will warn you it takes a lot of work on the parents part, but I'm sure the feeling of helping your son be his best will far outweigh the negatives.
Also, a number of my students were enrolled in Tae Kwon Do which teaches self control and self discipline but is also an excellent way to release excess energy. If you have not already considered this, perhaps this may be another outlet for you son.

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H.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Dear A.,
When my oldest son was in kindergarten, the teacher insisted that I have him tested for ADHD. He was very active and always on the go, but when he was tested the psychiatrist said his was not clinically hyperactive because he could concentrate when he wanted to. My question is if your son can do that? Can he concentrate on a book if he is interested in what is being read, game if he wants to play it, toys when he wants to construct something from? Because the teacher had no problem with him I do not think it is ADHD. It depends a lot on the teacher. My son was very creative and had gotten along fine in preschool, but his kindergarten teacher very structured and they didn't mix.

My second son, though not as hyper as his older brother was the one that got upset and really "throw a fit" if he couldn't do something like write a letter the way it was suppose to look, sometimes if the peas went into the potatoes, if I wanted him to wear something specific when we were going somewhere, or if we changed plans and he was looking forward to it. I felt like I was always "stroking him the wrong way." When I confronted the doctor about him, he told me that kind knew what they wanted and were usually smart (he got along well in school and was very smart and had a great memory too). They usually call this a "strong-willed" child and Dr. James Dobson has a book out called "The Strong Willed Child" that may help you handle him or decide if that is what you have rather than ADHD (or maybe a very active boy who is very, very, smart and therefore strong willed....a combination of both of mine).

I do not like medication, but sometimes they are needed with children who cannot concentrate and do anything in the classroom. I have worked in the school with some of these children and you could tell the minute they were in the classroom if the parents forgot to give the medication that day, also if they were outgrowing the dosage and it needed to be adjusted. Also do consider trying a diet that might help. Sometimes it is allergies and sometimes gluten can cause these problems too.

My suggestion would be to read Dobson's book and maybe try a diet and watch how things go when he gets back to school. See what the new teacher thinks. Most ADHD children need structure to function. Is your household routine structured? In other words do you have a schedule? My middle son did better with teacher who were structured, while the oldest needed to have one that allowed for creativity.

If you are in a medical group such as Kaiser or the like, you can have him seen by a psychiatrist, and then you will have a professional opinion. They are very good with the little guys and it is not a scary procedure...they just play with them and talk and observe them (you can even be present). You could also try http://www.ocbiofeedback.com/ since you said you are from Orange County. It's testing is free...I would get two opinions :) I did and both were the same.

Also, I have a lot of information on ADHD from working in the schools, so if you do find out he really does have it, I will send you some information and websites, etc.

You will be in my prayers as I know what it is like to have difficult children whom you love and just want the best for,
H.

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D.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

....sounds like Michael Phelps. I would get him into some serious exercise program.

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L.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

My son has ADHD and his behavior was just as you described. The school did some testing and it was determined he did have that. You can ask them to do it so you know one way or the other. It wasn't a bad thing to find out since they simply provide the best learning styles for kids who are hyper such as chunk learning, taking homework in short sessions vs. get it all done then you are finished. The approaches are very helpful if he is and the one thing you will learn if he is or isn't is how to manage kids with high movement needs. It's managable! I simply keep my son in extra curricular activities, make sure he has plenty of time to relase all the energy and avoid situations that are hard for him to manage like bit family dinners out where we tend to be at a table for an extended time. If we need to attend a function like that I just prepare and let him take toys that will entertain him when he gets ansy. He is very bright, learning about tools and behavoior techniques for an active child really helped. Even if he is not ADHD it sound like he is an active boy so you can check out their web sites and some of the suggestions they offer will give you some useful tools to help him deal with the energy level he has. Boy are active my nature and we live in such a concrete restricted environment for the most part, given them activities and opportunities to release all that activity certainly will help. Don't worry... he sounds like a wonderful child and in any case it sounds like becoming more away of techniques that work best with active kids will help if he is simply a very active child. There are lots of parents who have experienced what you are experiencing and by becoming more aware of effective approches will ease your mind and provide him with an environment he will thrive in. Best wishes from a Mom of a very hyper boy who has learned how to manage it and maintain the quality in both of our lives. PS: My Pediatrician reminded me of some of the most significant contributors in society who were all deemed to be hyper children at one time!

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J.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Sounds to me like he is a typical boy. But if you feel his activity levels are above normal then it wouldn't hurt to get him assessed. Talk to your pediatrician and get a referal for him to be tested by a child psychologist. Then go see at least two more before you take into account what they say. ADHD is way over diagnosed in my opinion. Kids are supposed to fidget and be active, but there are some kids that are excessively active and need help. Also, have you tried adjusting his diet. I don't know a whole lot about the diet factor but I know that a lot of parents have seen huge improvements in behavior by changing the childs diet. Good luck!

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M.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

A.,
I feel your frustration. My son is 8. When he was just three people were telling me they thought he had ADHD or something. He had all the signs your talking about. I also was in tears often. There are places that specialize in testing just for ADHD. The place I took my son to was Attention Deficit Disorder treatment center. I know it sounds scary but they were really good. They take the time to really test the kids and my son had fun. They make it fun and interesting for the kids. You should consider it. It is located at 2007 Cedar ave Manhattan Beach Ca 90266 and the phone number is ###-###-####. I know this is a hard process but try to stay strong. I had to put my son on medication. I cried it was so hard. This will be a hard road for you but you will make it. Good luck

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C.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

A., the only way to know for sure the difference between true ADHD and an excessively energetic child is to have him tested by the school district. You can make a request formally with the school district. I am assuming that your child is in the Ocean View School District. If they give you any problems about arranging for testing, you can contact the Regional Center for Orange County. A psychologist who specializes in educational and learning issues should administer the tests over a series of days. These tests are a true measure of of ADHD. Don't let the school district bully you. You may need a private advocate to intervene in that case. Most school districts for financial reasons try to limit the number of special needs students. If you get a diagnosis of true ADHD, there are options besides drugs. There is behavior modification, which I think you probably should get into right now, even if your son does not have ADHD. There are parenting classes and groups available through HMO's, schools, etc. and you may have to search for them. You may need the school district to help you with the behavior modification, because everyone in charge of him must be on the same page, i.e., with the program. I agree with several of the others that exercise that diet and exercise might help. I used to send my boys out to run around the block as fast as they could, and THEN they could watch an educational video for 30 minutes. Since we live in such a nice climate there is no excuse for a 5 year old to watch more than 30 minutes a day of television etc. NO VIDEO GAMES. He might be interested in some sports programs through the HB recreation department, like soccer, PeeWee football, T-ball, martial arts. Interaction with other children at the sports activities might also help his social skills. Good luck and let us know what happens. I had a son with autism and ADD and one normal active boy and the two together were like dynamite.

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