Advancing Child from Kinder to 1St Grade Early

Updated on July 31, 2011
M.C. asks from Gilbert, AZ
22 answers

Hello, Moms!

DH and I are considering moving our son from K to 1st grade early. Last year we had debated on whether or not to enter him into K early (he has a late September birthday, and the cut-off date is September 1), but for various reasons we decided to wait until this year. Now that he is in K we are thinking that he may belong in first grade.

Our son has done 2 years of preschool at a Montessori school where he really excelled. By the time he completed his second year of preschool, he was reading books with sentences, solving single digit addition and subtraction, and understanding the concepts of multiplication, among other skills. His teachers told me he was already doing 1st grade material. He continued math and reading at home during the summer.

We have a meeting scheduled with his Kinder teacher to discuss our thoughts and to hear hers, but I would like to know if any of you have ever advanced your child from K to 1st, or skipped K altogether. Are you happy with your decision? Did your child miss anything from skipping K? Was it difficult for your child to be the youngest in his/her class? Did you notice a social/maturity gap? Etc.

I appreciate your input.

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So What Happened?

First I want to thank all you amazing moms for providing your input and perspective. You guys are the best!

My son is turning 6 at the end of September. If he skips to first grade, he would only be about 6 months younger than his peers. Social and emotional maturity is a major factor in this decision. In fact, it was one of the deciding factors for us last year to give him another year in preschool and let him enter Kindergarten "on time" according to the "5 by September 1st" rule. However, in the past year he has really grown, physically and emotionally. His maturity level actually matches or exceeds his older friends, and he tends to play more with the older kids in our circle of friends. However, I know that the correspondence between maturity level and age may vary and fluctuate as he gets older (as all kids get older), but it is very hard to guess how that will play out in the future. I honestly don't think that the gap will be so wide that it would cause him any issues in the future, but who knows.

I guess after weighing the factors, I am still leaning toward moving him ahead. I am really looking forward to hearing what his Kindergarten teacher has to say. I will let you all know what happens in the end. Again I appreciate all the helpful responses!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

It really effects the kids once they get in to sports and they are on teams according to when their birthdays are. It's really embarrassing to them to be with littler kids, the kids from the class that is lower, and not with their friends. It's also had when every other person in the school has a drivers license and they can't even take drivers ed yet.

It becomes hard for the parents when they send off a 16-17 year old high school graduate to college. It makes it hard too when the dorms won't accept them to live on campus.

Making a child advance before they are old enough can be a good idea but it boils down to the rules...the rules make everyone equal and if they make an exception for him they have to make the same exception for any other student that is in their district. That is why most schools won't allow kids to do stuff that they are not the proper age for.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

So it seems like he would be 3 weeks younger than the other kids in his class. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Someone will always be the youngest and oldest in the class.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

Hi M. C,

I'd like to share my perspective. My daughter has a LATE b'day. She is at the mid-Aug and the cutoff here is Sept 1. She is pretty academically advanced (plus she's tall) so she fits in GREAT with her peer group. There is one other girl in her class with the exact same b'day as her, and they are the youngest 2 in the class.

I thought this was not a big deal. She was extremely verbal as well as socially and academically on par with these kids.

However - there are kids in her class that are a full year and 1/2 OLDER than her. Kids who were held back, kids who have a Sept b'day after the cutoff etc. So immediately in Kindergarten she was 5 with kids who a month later started turning 6.

K/1st is not that big of a jump. But fast forward 2 years from now through the rest of high school.

In her 1st grade year, she had a split class due to enrollment. So when she had just turned 6 she was in 1st/2nd grade class with boys and girls who ranged from about to turn 7 to HAD ALREADY TURNED 8 when the school year started (for the 2nd graders). By spring some of these kids were having their 9th b'day. In a classroom with my 6 year old. Who could do all the assignments and was getting straight A's and making friends.

A 2 year span might not seem big.... but it is. The shows the older kids watched were different from what I wanted my 6 year old to hear about (ie Degrassi, Malcolm in the Middle, Oh and the movies.... Yikes.) I didn't even want her to HEAR about some of these topics in daily conversation. So I had to have "what does it mean to cheat on your boyfriend" and "Why can't I see xyz movie (PG13 movies)", and "When can I have a bra" and "why did Marie have her period so bad that she had blood all over and her mom had to come and give her new pants" conversations MUCH earlier than I had planned. I didn't want to have these conversations at 7.

But she was 7 in a 9 year old's world.

I ended up changing her school (for an unrelated issue) but it did get me thinking that she would have this peer group when she was 13 and they were in drivers ed about to get their drivers licenses. She about to turn 11 now - and I talk to mom's whose kids were in that class and some of these girls are dating and wearing makeup!!!!!!

It's not always about is your son ready socially. It's do you want him to have the experiences and frame of reference that someone older than him has naturally at the right time? You'll have to have conversations with him about kissing girls, and condoms, and why some of friends boy parts are doing stuff....... a year or 2 earlier than you otherwise would have to have these conversations.

Coincidentally, the school my daughter attends now - her class is the oldest class. She is still the youngest in that class, but there aren't kids 2 years older with whom she interacts daily. I prefer it. I give her academic support outside of the classroom and her school is based on an individualized curriculum, so she can go as fast and as deep into ACADEMICS as she is able.... without the pressures of going fast and deep into the teenage world when she's 11.

Good Luck

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

My niece has a November birthday, she is now 14. Her preschool convinced my sister that she was far ahead & would be bored in kindergarten. The elementary years were pretty good & she excelled in school. Then came the middle school years & she deteriorated rapidly. She got picked on a lot because she was *young minded*. The older kids were exactly their age & maturity level. She is now going to be a sophmore & every year just gets worse for her emotionally & academically. She really hates school now & she said the kids like to tease her about how much they know & how little she knows.

On that note my daughters birthday is late August. We decided she was not ready for kindergarten, her 5th birthday was on the day school started. I know she could have *made it*, although I think she had some academic issues, but I looked at the struggles my niece faces on a daily basis & didn't want my litle girl going thru all that pressure. If my daughter needs to take advanced classes in an area she excels in when she's older that's fine, and to me it's better than having her with kids that are way older.

Just think about the future & how awful kids can be to one another. Even a 6 month age difference can be a big difference, so what will a 1-1/2 yr age difference be like in high school years for your son.

Good luck with your decision, it's a hard one

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B.P.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter has an early September birthday (misses the cut-off by only days). She is also well ahead of her peers in reading and math. I feel confident that she could skip K and go into 1st grade academically. I toyed with the idea of sending her to K early and then decided to wait and send her "on time," which means she starts K this fall.

One thing I will say is that, as I was trying to make my decision about whether or not to send her early, I spoke to (or heard about) many moms who struggled with the decision in the past and now have much older children (high school or college age). The theme I heard from these moms was this: among those who sent their kids to K early, some regretted it; among those who didn't send them early and just kept them with their peers, NO ONE regretted it. It really left an impression on me.

The decision is really up to you and each kid really is so very different, it would be hard for us to say. I hope you're able to get some good information and ideas out of your meeting with the K teacher. Good luck!

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

My son has a late July birthday, and we have decided that he will begin kindergarten when he's 6. He also had 2 years of preschool, so he's going to a PreK type program for 1 year. I'm pretty sure he's academically ready, but I'm not so sure he's ready socially.

I've heard from so many parents that either they are so glad they waited the extra year for their son or they wish they had. I've heard a couple of parents say they sent their son right away and everything is working out just fine. I've never heard anyone say they regret not sending them sooner.

I've also heard from K and 1st grade teachers who say that children are really required to sit still and listen and that it's tough for many of the boys.

Just my two cents, but I'd probably send him to kindergarten. Definitely listen carefully to what the teacher has to say. Good luck with your decision.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with WindyCityMom, you need to think way down the road. My daughter has a late birthday and is younger than many of her peers (who are now driving, dating and doing God knows what!)
School is about more than academics, it is a very social environment as well. I think your son would benefit so much from kindergarten. It is a wonderful transition into real school, it's not just about reading and writing, it's about learning how to make friends, how to cooperate in the classroom and on the playground and how to sit still, pay attention and follow directions.
Believe me, there will be other "advanced" kids in your son's class. Between K and 2nd grade there is a very wide range of abilities in the classroom and the teachers are specifically trained to make sure each child is doing the work appropriate to them.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

So how old is your son now????
So is he 6 or turning 6??
Since you held him back for Kinder last year?

I have friends, who's kids skipped a grade or grades.
Now that their kids are in Middle School and High School, they wished they did not have their kids skip grades.
It is... the maturity and age-related phases... that is not congruent with their kid's age, versus the grade they are in, now.

Academics, is not everything.
And, it can still be done, outside of school too.
With both of my kids, I ALWAYS still home school them, for example. EVEN if they do go to school. I teach them things, that are beyond their grade levels. Because, they can.

And, your son can always be in the Gifted and Talented program at school, too.

You mentioned how academically smart your son is.
BUT... you did not mention, how he is emotionally or about his maturity or social skills.... ?

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K.T.

answers from Los Angeles on

This is really hard to say, each kid is so different. Both of my girls were academically ready no doubt, but only one of them was ready maturity wise. One of my girls flew through school with no problem and the other had a terrible time relating to her peers by the 3rd grade. (ended up with her being bullied) So, I guess the question is, how is your cutie in the maturity department?

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M.B.

answers from Phoenix on

As a mother of a profoundly gifted child, I've struggled with these issues the entire time my son has been in school. My son was also reading, doing basic math and understood multiplication by the time he was 4. He has a late July birthday and so we started him when he had just turned 5 (one of the youngest in his class). He really struggles socially as I am very strict in what I allow him to watch and what video games he is allowed to play. He is now going into 6th grade and the age differences are really becoming more pronounced. Most of his classmates are allowed to watch and play more mature titles. It really bothers him because he is still into pokemon, and bakugan while his friends have moved on to "Call of Duty" Although my son could be doing high school work, we have kept him where he is and not advanced him due to the social aspect of school. We choose a charter program not a contained gifted program secondary to the social aspects as well. He really needs to learn how to function with children who "don't get it" academically as easy as he does. I have looked at all the programs in the area, even the gifted ones and felt he was in the best place, even though he still gets teased on occasion. I would listen to his teachers closely during the meeting. If his teacher feels that he would be better off in K then that is the place for him. If she sees that he is socially ready for 1st then that is fine. The social aspect is more important than the academic. You can always supplement the academic but can't always fix the social that can become a nightmare. Good luck with your decision.

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S.L.

answers from New York on

A good school will make sure to challenge him academically. Unless he is more mature than most kids with his birthday, I wouldn't let him skip. My two oldest were August and September babies and If I could go back in time I would have held them back due to emotional maturity levels despite their academic achievements. Look into what the school can do to challenge him academically without skipping

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A.C.

answers from Boston on

My opinion is it totally depends on his maturity level. My daughter is Sept 8th. The cut off here is Sept 30, so she just barely made it. Had she missed it I would have fought for her to attend because I felt that she was both academically and socially ready. While she is one of the youngest in her grade level, (she'll be a sophomore in the fall), she is not suffering at all for it, and I do not think holding her back so she would be older would have been good for her. She is academically ahead of most of her peers, and has many good friends. The only issue that I could possibly foresee is that she'll be one of the last to get a drivers license and honestly I'm A-OK with that.

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C.V.

answers from Phoenix on

I have worked in early childhood education for 32 years. As a preschool teacher and director, I have discussed many, many times the kindergarten readiness issue. I will tell you that there is NO advantage to being the youngest in your class. None! Your child has much more advantage being a bit older and academically advanced in his class! A good school will challenge and provide for his academic growth. Success in school is not based on academics alone. The social aspect is huge, and becomes more important as the child gets older. Give him the advantage of having the maturity to handle "life." Usually Kinder, grade 1 and grade 2 are easy for a child with the abilities you describe in your child. However, once they hit 3rd grade, there is much more abstract thinking involved (problem solving, predicting outcomes, etc.). Though he is very bright, developmentally he might not have those skills in place due to age. It's something to think about. Also, do you want your 14 year-old child getting in the car with 16-year-olds in high school? Going off to college at 17? May not seem like such a big deal now, but when you're there it's huge! My advice: keep him in Kinder this year and be pro-active as a mom to ensure that he is being academically challenged. Set him up for success! He'll thank you later!

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L.H.

answers from Phoenix on

Wow- lots of opinions out there. Well my daughter was in a similar position. Her birthday is Dec 2nd. I wasn't planning on having her skip kindergarten because there were so many negative feelings about it. We went to kindergarten orientation and the teacher was explaining that they'd be gluing apple jacks on the letter A - and similar things. Well I resigned myself to the fact that she was going to waste a year in kindergarten because she was already reading well by herself. Well the principal called me a week after school started and recommended that she go into 1st grade. I was surprised, but happy. She did well in school and is now in her 2nd year in college. Driving later than everyone was not much of an issue. Going to dances in junior high at 12 did bother me a little bit. Going to college at 17 only had a few small issues - we had to sign something for hr to stay in the dorms - and there were some things she couldn't do until she was 18. However asking her- she said there isnt a whole lot of benefit to skipping kindergarten- just more issues when you get older. (for example not being able to see R rated movies when all your friends are17) My concern for a boy would be him being teased for his size in jr high and high school.

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K.H.

answers from Phoenix on

I would also schedule a meeting with the teacher in charge of the gifted and talented program there at your school (I'm assuming the school has one but they all call it something different). If you can't do that, try the district office. At that meeting, discuss the social needs of your child. Gifted children, and it sounds as if your child might be, are often treated as if they are much older because they have cognitive skills beyond those of most of their peers. However, emotionally, they are still very much a child (in some cases, are less mature than their peers). Advancing may not be the best option for him (it's hard to say but you and his teachers would know best). If you all decide that Kinder would really help him with his emotional development, then talk to your school about different options for academics. Many schools offer "walk to reading" or "walk to math" programs. This if for kids who stay in the same grade for most of their studies but for those areas where they are above grade level, they "walk" to an older grade and do math or reading with them. If your school doesn't offer it, propose it to them and ask them to consider it. It definitely will take some logistical work, but it's not terribly complicated (I'm a middle school teacher and I know some of our elementary schools do this with a lot of success). Be an advocate for yourself.

Also, I recently read some research about the effects of grade skipping on kids. Many people assumed that it would be harmful for kids due to a lack of maturity, development, etc. After a longitudinal study (a study done over a number of years) on a group of kids, there was no evidence of adverse effects on those kids. Kinder is an important year for a lot more than academics, but if you feel that your child is emotionally ready, I don't see why he would be harmed by it. Good luck!

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K.D.

answers from Phoenix on

I live in Chandler, but my daugther goes to school at San Tan Learning Center at Ray and Higley. She is in the Gifted program, so all her classes are one year ahead - ie my daugther did 1st grade math in K, etc. Some kids are doing math 2 grades ahead. Ask your local school or call STLC, and ask for your son to take the CogAt test. STLC requires a 95% in one area and Chandler requires a 97% in one area. I am sure other schools, especially charter schools, would have the ability to challenge your son without skipping a grade. I am moving my son to New Vistas, as he is going into 3rd grade but doing 7th grade math. If you can do it, as far as drive and tuition costs, New Vistas lets the kids advance as fast as they are able. Both my kids went to pre-school there and both were reading and doing math 2-3 grades above when starting K. Good luck as picking the right school never seems to be an easy decision.

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D.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'd go with the maturity side too. My son is the youngest in his class (oct bday with dec cut off) and at least half of the kids in his class for K and 1st were "red shirted" - started kinder closer at 6 rather then 5.

My little guy was in the top 10% academically in his class last year. Reading the second grade books in the first group about april. Really I think he reads closer to 3rd or 4th grade now although he's not that big on reading (We just finished reading the first harry potter book as a family and he could read most of it himself if he chose).

That said... There are times where he does "become" the younger immature child when he feels he isn't getting his way, cried when a classmate told him that his picture was ugly or dumb, got angry when someone else "won", ect ect. Its not an always factor, as he is the "baby" of our family and so has always dealt with siblings older then him, but it does happen. But his teacher always said that it was the age and he wasn't the only one (course he isn't the only "youngest" in class either, there were another 4 kids that had their 6th bday after school started in sept, just this year he was the last to turn 6 while others were already turning 7)

See if your school is doing "combo" classes where the teacher has a split class with two grade (in your case it would be a k/1 class). My parents were able to do that with one of my brothers years ago instead of having him skip K. That way if he can keep up with the first graders, the school might be more willing to let him jump a grade. And as the kids get older the maturity difference isn't as great. Just a thought.

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W.B.

answers from Phoenix on

With boys especially, the social difference happens when 4th grade hits and beyond that. I have two September birthdays and they started Kinder essentially at 6. They have always been academically ahead. Both were reading prior to kinder. It was my job to make sure they remained academically challenged, whether by the teacher or myself. My now sophomore has told me he is so grateful I didn't push him forward. He likes being the oldest, the first to drive and the more mature. He has told me that his summer birthday friends (the young kids in class) have trouble socially. It is my opinion that academics always work themselves out. But the social scene, especially now days, is BRUTAL. I would rather give my kid the advantage there. He will never be teased if he chooses to relate to and have friends in the grade above him. He will be ridiculed for relating to and choosing friends in the grade below. IMHO

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S.F.

answers from Phoenix on

I taught 1st grade and had a child skip into my class. While he was academically ready, he was not socially ready and had a hard time making friends. Make sure your child is socially ready as that's more important. You can always make sure he's challenged academically by the teacher or by you outside of school.

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S.S.

answers from Santa Fe on

I am a first grade teacher and this year I have a student who was held back because of his age. He was like your son in that he is very smart and was doing work WAY beyond kindergarten level, so last year, they put him in 1st grade and it was a disaster. Although he was the smartest kid in the class, he was not on the same social development level as the others and they teased him relentlessly for being so young. His self-esteem really suffered and he began acting out. He even ran from the class a few times. (I was not his teacher last year.) He and his mother made the decision to keep him back a year so he would be with kids his own age.
When they are this young, the difference in social development is quite large from year to year and if you feel that your son is "mature for his age" (not academically speaking) and gets along best with older children, it may be a good idea to put him in 1st grade. But if he is on the same social level as the other kindergartners and gets along best with them., putting him into first grade too soon may end up being detrimental to him.
But I see from your updated response that you feel that he is more mature, so putting him in first grade may be a good idea for him.

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K.H.

answers from Phoenix on

As a teacher and I have often met with a group of professionals to consider advancing a student, it is usually not recommended because of social issues. We almost never advanced a child to the next level. What we have done is let a child go to the next grade for reading or math, etc. if they excel in that subject, which may be possible when he gets to the elementary level, depending on your school. They may be academically advance, but may have social issues with not fitting into a class with different aged children, especially with boys, who are generally mature slower than girls.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

My daughter has an April birthday and skipped 2nd. She has done fine.
She got a little ribbing for not having a license yet but not much, plus two other girls didn't have their's either. Now they aren't worried about how old anyone is, just who can get the better scores on the SAT and who can get the 5's on the AP exams.
She was teased in 4th grade, then we moved, military. Then new school kids didn't ask or care. She sailed through middle school with no issues.
It is really my hangup with her age. She will start college at 17. She will leave before I am ready. She is ready and that is what matters.

I have a son whom I homeschool. He is working a grade ahead. I do not want to skip him when he returns to public school next year, 2012. Boys mature differently than girls and right now he is very much 10 years old.

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