Adults and Children/teens Being Friends on Social Networks

T. you have every right to be cautious. I won't accept any kids on my Facebook page either. It's for adults period. With that said my coworker and I are both Mamasource readers and we are both wondering what "DD", "DS" and "DH" stand for? Our guess is dear daughter, dear son and dear husband? I need to catch up on the new lingo!

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First of all, I would NEVER allow my children to be on the social networks in the environment we live in today. I think many parents are ignorant of the dangers their children/teens are facing by having a social networking page. Once my children are teens I would consider allowing them on, but I would have to be able to monitor ALL their activity and who their friends were and who they showed pictures to etc... Its not overreacting, its PARENTING.

That said, I am friends with lots of teens that I know from church or when I was a TA. I am friends with them in real life, trying to mentor them and be there for them, so this is just another outlet for me. I have a personal burden for them (similar to your nieces) and wish to make an impact.

You certainly have the right to "friend" whoever you want to. My rule is that we have to be friends in real life, so I don't accept people who I don't really KNOW.

As far as student teacher relationships it certainly can be inappropriate. Probably it would be best to have a secondary page to interact with them on, and not include them into your general everyday posts, jokes, pictures, etc... Many people forget who all is looking at their page and don't keep the content appropriate. THAT is the key issue, not if you're friends but what things you're sharing with your underage friends.

Our society is definitely TOO casual. My husband is a physician and HATES the title of DOCTOR. As the youth leader at our church he allowed the teens to call him by his first name, something I would not have done, and so they assumed that they could call me by mine. When I was the TA at our church's school that all had to change and one girl in particular struggled with that. I did insist that she continue to call me MRS. but the inconsistency was confusing. As adults it is important to connect with the younger generations, children need good mentors that are not family, but we don't have to lower to their level to make an impact. We are not their friends - on the level that a peer would be - but rather role models, and we need to be intentional about that.

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T.; i thnk you are right to be cautious, in fact i dont like my kids either to be on those, it can also be dangerous for adults, if you are socialble online you may start to loose your socialability in real life, also ive watched some shows on tv like dr phil and he too guards against it, he mentioned that now a days when you fill out an application for a job they can look you up online and see what is said about you , or yet what you say about yourself, and who your freinds are can determine if you would be hired or not, its ok to not get into that part of the internet, and its ok to be balanced, monitor such things, we keep our computers in the living room, and they all have passwords on them that can only be accessed by the adults if the kids want online, they must finish their homework and chores, before we log them in, this has kept the house pretty clean too, hahahaha they still get 3 - 4 hours of it a day, since they get their stuff done, hahaahha it works well, being monitored is also key, if there is stuff on there you dont like , take it off, also get your kids passwords and codes for all their doings online, so you can check into it and see whats really going on too, ? this is not to be abused by you or them, balance is the key, if you do find something questionable, dont over react, talk to them about how wrong something can be, either way hope it helps have a great day. D. s

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I know you already posted your update, but I still wanted to add a few things. I'm on FB and have never accepted requests from my friends kids simply because I have no interest in policing myself (or anyone else) on my own page. I had a bit of a potty mouth and the adults that I interact with are aware of this, so its not shocking to them when I drop a cuss word. I AM careful about the things I say and the words that I use on other peoples pages, simply because they may allow kids to view their pages.

I have everyone from prior co-workers to my son's daycare staff to people I've met on other sites on my page. I actually don't mind potential employers were to view my page (though you can make your FB page private so that no one can see it without your accepting a friend request). I think its important that people know who the real you is, not the watered down version you paste on for the world.

Finally, if you ARE worried about conversations you might have that might not be quite PG enough for your daughter, you CAN make it viewable to only a select group of people or simply block her from seeing only that conversation. But keep in mind, she can also do the same on her page with YOU! Just giving you a heads up, because there may be some conversations that she's having that she CAN in fact block you from seeing.

However, the fact that she (and her friends) are happy to include you on their friends list is a pretty powerful statement. She's obviously a good kid with nothing to hide from you.

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I agree that kids and adults don't need to be friends on these sites, the conversations are sometimes not for their eyes. I hadn't thought about it until my friend's daughter got an account and I asked the mom to be ehr friend for benifit in one of the side games and she eais no and explained why and it made perfect sense, then I paid attention to the threads that happen and noticed some of the content being a little to adult so when my niece asked to be my firend I declined and explained to her mother why.

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I have children the same age. I also just attended a workshop put on by the Michigan State Police. He said that if your children are going to be on a social network to definitely be listed as a friend. I am listed as a friend of many of my daughter's classmates. Since you need to be invited they are better than chat rooms. Chat rooms and on line gaming are the most dangerous. He told us that he has not had any incidents with Facebook, Twitter type networks. Just make your children aware that whatever they put on these sites could be viewed by potential employers...several years down the road.

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just wanted to add, look at it this way at least you know your kids have good friends because if they had something to hide they would not want to be friends with their friends MOM.

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I agree that teachers shouldn't be friends. But I am friends with my daughter who is 18, a few of her friends that she has known since grade school and my babysitter. I like to keep track of what is going on with my daughter. It is also good to know what kind of person is watching your kids. Good Luck. :)

If it were my son's friends, yes... I would not mind this and I would welcome it. It is nice to be aware of what is happening in their world as there is more and more cyberspace bullying going on, and the posts left on pages can hurt the kids more than things said in school. (It was shocking to see a commercial about this on Disney - one of the first times I saw it, too. But it is true, it happens and it is hurtful.)

I see no reason to not accept requests from neighborhood kid or classmates. There is no reason to converse with them daily - you can wish them happy holidays or whatever depending on how close your child is to them (or how often you see them.); you can probably set up sleep-overs or other events as well. Or don't chat with them - just monitor them for the safety of your own kids.

I do feel if you act adversely to it - it can only impact it in a negative fashion later for you or your children as they pick up on it.

EDIT: As for my language on my sites... As I am very good about making sure I do not use bad language or (sexual) innuendos around my son (he's only five), this carries over into my posts as well. Not to mention, I have a few business sites that point to my community sites, so I watch what I say - my site is tame for most young kids. (not that I seek them out in any way or have them on there now.).
As for teachers and kids - I still see nothing wrong with this if everyone behaves themselves, and the parent stays connected for monitoring.
Guess I look at things in a completely different light.

My teenagers all have facebook accounts and I have them on my friends lists along with some of their friends that I know in the neighborhood. My teenagers are 14, 15, and 16, but in a few months the 14 yr old will be 15. The 14, and 16 yr old are my step daughters so pretty much it really what their mother allows them to do. My 15 yr has an account but he really only uses it for the purpose of playing the games they have on their and isn't really into the whole network thing. I do not mind having their friends on my list so that I know and can monitor what is going on. I have to keep them from using inappropriate language on their well the abbreviations that is. I told them I will have them deleted if they can not be responsible while online.

Maybe a different perspective? You aren't obligated to accept to be anyone's friend. And to be perfectly honest, I just the other day decided to disconnect with some people from high school just because I didn't hang out with them then, I don't send them messages or anything, so it's a waste. However, I do have nieces, nephews, kids' friends etc that do seem to think enough of me to want to be 'friends', and sometimes it's just nice to be able to encourage them in their lives. So, you can always be there as encouragement. What you're otherwise saying is that a student can't look up to a teacher, because a friendship between teacher and student is wrong. There are and should be boundaries, but there's also the occasional instance where a kid really NEEDS a friend, teacher, mentor, and a teacher can step in. People need balance and I think you're overlooking balance. Connecting can also mean being able to communicate a little about you.
Your other option is to get your high school/college friends' email and keep in touch that way; then you don't have to be on these social networks and get bombarded with friend requests.

U have a good point. Since u feel as strongly as u do, delete your young friends and sign in your profile under your maiden name as my friend does, so that students cannot find her.

I think it depends on the relationship you have with THAT specific child. I do have some of my friends kids on my FB account as friends... But those are the older kids that I talk to on a regular basis.

If it is a random child requesting you, I would deny it also. Most kids don't care who their friends are as long as the numbers are going up... :-) Its a popularity thing for them. They don't even keep track of who they are requesting...

I agree with you on not having random children on an adults site... But its a case by case basis. (Ask the childs parent first! They may not know their kids are asking adults)

(added: No matter how careful YOU are about the content on the page... Noone can control what OTHERS comment and IF you can catch it BEFORE a child sees it...I know there are posts I put up or see on friends sites that the responders have their own back and forth in the comments area... Most of these happen over night so I am greeted by a whole string of posts in the morning... A lot of kids stay up later than I do or check first thing while I am getting MY kids out the door to school. I do not run the chance of exposing them to OTHERS idiocracy or issues/ comments/innuendo/etc that they do not need to think about as young kids.)