24 answers

Adult Son and Wife Do Not Give Me Birthday or Christmas Gifts or Cards.

My son and his wife live out of state. I send cash birthday and Christmas gifts to both of them including my step-granddaughter. I am single who lives on social security. It hurts me that I get nothing not even a card from them. My son does call on holidays but I never hear anything from my daughter-in-law. The worse part of this situation is my granddaughter who lives with me doesn't recieve gifts from her dad and step-mother either. She is 17 and a wonderful girl, never in trouble and makes good grades. There are no issues in the family that may cause this. My granddaughter lives with me due to her choice of college. Should I stop sending gifts that I really can't afford or just ignore the situation?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I want to thank all of you for your resposes. You have helped me make a decision. First just want to clear up some things. My son and daughter-in-law do celebrate birthdays and holidays. My son has a good relationship with his daughter, they text and talk quiet often. My granddaughter and I do exchange gifts. She works and she always sends her dad and stepmother gift cards for birthdays and Christmas. I feel my son can afford gifts because I see pictures on facebook of them celebrating at resturants or at home with birthday cakes. I don't care about the gift part for me, it is just the thought, a card would be fine. My granddaughter deserves more. Her mother is out of the picture so she receives nothing from either parent. Getting back to my decision, It is a new year so no more birthday gifts, cards only. I will tell my son what I think about him not sending his daughter gifts and leave it at that. He is my only child and I did not raise him to not be grateful.

Featured Answers

Hi J.,
I'm very sorry to hear this. Personally, I would stop with the gifts to them and send a card only.

5 moms found this helpful

Stop sending gifts you can't afford. It sounds like they are trying to give you a hint. You sound like a nice lady.

3 moms found this helpful

maybe they cant afford it? I never sent anything to my mom either although she sent me things. She could afford to, I could not. I always called though.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Stop sending gifts, they are adults. I do not send my parents anything but once in a blue moon or if something really spoke to me. I have a WONDERFUL relationship with my parents, I can not affoard to send gifts and I have always thought cards are annoying and a waste of resources - they know this.

6 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,
I'm very sorry to hear this. Personally, I would stop with the gifts to them and send a card only.

5 moms found this helpful

Whoa. First of all, if you can't afford the gifts--stop sending them!
As for a gift/card in return--I'm sure that's not why you give in the first place.
Your DIL sounds like a real dud.
Actually, I'm sorry, so does your son--who does not send *something* to his own child on her birthday? OR to his own mother?
Sounds to me like you're already "giving" him enough by taking care of your 17 yo grand daughter who lives with you.
In a word--yes--stop sending anything to them except one Christmas card to the entire household. The cost? One stamp.

3 moms found this helpful

J., I think you should tell them how you feel instead of just stopping the gifts. Hurting them won't stop your hurt. Try having a gentle, open dialogue with them and tell them that you feel ignored (or whatever you feel).

Don't stop sending them gifts. Make them smaller if you can't afford them, or let them know that you can't afford gifts so you will be unable to send them any longer.

It's very difficult for me to send gifts through the mail. I have so much on my plate that it's not even on my radar. It doesn't mean that I don't care, it just means that I am barely staying afloat with all the major things that I have to do. There might be several reasons that they don't send gifts and I encourage you to ask why instead of assuming that they don't care about you.

Peace!

3 moms found this helpful

My husband forgot his mom's birhtday once. He was 19. She cried on the phone when he did call, she gave him the rejected hurt cry. He will never let me forget her birthday.

I would start sending just cards. Let him know it is hurtful to you that he does not acknowlegde his own daughter. That you understand getting mom a card is difficult but his daughter deserves better treatment. Lay it on thick. You did not raise an ingrate. Let him have it for yoru granddaughter's sake. And tell him, even a gift card to Claire's or MAcy's is good.

3 moms found this helpful

My mother doesn't send me mothers day gifts or calls. Says since I'm not her mother she shouldn't need to. My ex never gave me a Mother's day card or gift...said I wasn't his mother.

On the other hand, I do send her, my MIL and Sister all Mother's Day cards, etc. I also do NOT send my mother a card on her Birthday, I send her flowers. Every year.

I would say, mention it. But in doing so kinda defeats the purpose of him just being a decent son and doing it on his own. I'd COMPLETELY disregard the DIL cause well, she is the DIL. I would ask if the granddaughter does anything for you? Tells you? Gets you a card, etc?

As a way to broach the subject with them tho (if you're headed that direction) I'd mention the gifts to his DAUGHTER or lack thereof and then lead into something like..."Hell, you don't even get me anything for my birthday either..." or something similar. (you can leave out the Hell if you want)

I'm sorry that he doesn't acknowledge you on those special days. Maybe it's time to forget them on those days. And when they ask...tell them that you gave it to the granddaughter instead...

Sending good thoughts your way.

3 moms found this helpful

Stop sending gifts you can't afford. It sounds like they are trying to give you a hint. You sound like a nice lady.

3 moms found this helpful

Gifts aren't or at least they shouldn't be given with anticipation of getting something in return. It is nice to exchange gifts but just because someone gives a gift does automatically mean that the recipient has to in turn give a gift. It is very nice and thoughtful of you to send gifts but you can't afford it so STOP doing it. If you still want to let them know you are thinking of them, call them or send a card. As for your granddaughter, maybe you can remind your son to at least acknowledge her birthday...it's not unreasonable.

Is it possible that your son, his wife, and her child do not celebrate birthdays and holidays? Even if he did before, they may not be now. I have a good friend who was raised celebrating all of these but he married a girl that was Jehovah Witness and they did not. When they had kids, they did not raise them to celebrate holidays and birthdays. If I purchased a gift, they accepted but I knew we weren't exchanging gifts. They would sometimes attend my son's birthday parties but usually did not as to not confuse their children. They did attend some of the family events but it was not easy.

2 moms found this helpful

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