We are in the domestic adoption process and have been in contact with a potential BM match. The BM herself is adopted and may have Charcot Marie Tooth syndrome. She has 5 other children ages 6-19 none of which have symptoms of this disorder according to her. I am having a difficult time deciding if we should match with her. She is set on us as adoptive parents but ultimately it will be our decision if we choose to match with her. Any advice regarding difficult adoption matches or experiences.
Well, the birthmother changed her mind. I am not sure exactly what her plans are. I have learned alot from your comments and thank you for your advice.
I am 42 years old and have CMT and am also adopted and I can't imagine my mother not "choosing" me to be her daughter because of a small muscle/nerve disorder. I am sorry if that sounded harsh, but CMT is very manageable and I think there is no greater gift than to adopt a child. So, that is my advice :)
Having CMT since birth, I ca say the biggest problems were in not understanding the problem nor having ready-made solutions. Knowing that the problem exists is going to resolve 1/2 or more of the problems.
If he is coming, he needs an understanding home life.
E.
This must be a difficult time for you... on the cusp of expanding your family while considering the risks associated with doing this. I don't have experience with this particular issue, although we did adopt our son a couple years ago. One thing that comforted me during the wait was knowing that we may never know diseases or tendencies of our children, whether they came to us through birth or adoption.
I wish you and your family all the best, however it turns out!
Hugs,
B.
My husband has Charcot Marie Tooth M.D. If she has it, she'd definantly know!! There is no "I don't know" about it. It is a degenerative muscle/nerve disorder, and she would be in pain. She would have no reflexes and lose feeling in feet and hands (my husband only has 30% feeling). Also, lack of balance is another thing. Anyhow, CMT is one of the M.D. that doesn't make your life expectancy shorter...just depending on the degree of it, it can make you hurt all the time. My husband's brother and mother both had to have multiple surgeries to help them walk. They still needed leg braces afterwards. My hubby doesn't need that, he is just always in pain. So, I don't really think you have anything to worry about...
hi-
what a very difficult decision. I would say that you need to research about it (e.g. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/charcot-marie-tooth-dise...) and decide that since it is a diagnosis that is passed on - how would you feel if your adopted child did have the diagnosis. Read about it and decide if it is something that you would be able to handle.
Good luck in your decision.
While this is 100% your decision, you are asking for opinions, so I am offering mine. We are in the process of adopting our second child who is due in 4 weeks. The birth mom has made a lot of bad decisions during her pregnancy that may put our child at risk for many complications/learning problems. Our daughter's b-mom was the same kind of story & did i.v. drugs in the first & second trimester. Our attitude is that there are no guarantees on any child- whether you carry the baby or adopt the baby. If you are ready to be a parent you have to be willing to deal with whatever God gives you. This baby will be born whether you chose to accept him into your family or not. The question you should ask yourselves as a couple is can you handle the challenges this syndrome might present? If not, it would be best to allow someone else to raise him who feels equipped to deal with it. I hope you can both explore what raising a child with this syndrome might be like and make an informed decision. Raising any child is a challenge! Good luck building your family! Adoption is the most wonderful gift anyone could ask for-- and I dont' mean the child adopted-- I mean the family who receives an adopted child!!!
To be honest, ANY child has possibilities of health issues whether you carry that baby yourself or whether you adopt. There are never any guarantees in life. What would you do if YOU were carrying this baby? To me, this would not be a deal breaker. Is there any way to test for this while she is still pregnant?
This is a difficult decision. I had never heard of Charcot Marie Tooth and just looked it up. Here are my feelings.
If I were a carrier there would be a 50/50 chance of my child developing this disease. If I had a child who had this, I would love and accept that child no matter what.
When you adopt a child, do you really think of this child as your own child before he/she is born? Are you going to accept EVERYTHING about that child or do you look for the PERFECT child? These are very hard questions to think about.
This is only something that you and your husband can decide. You will never know what else could happen with this child down the road of life ahead of time.
K. Voigtsberger
If something like this is troubling you, don't adopt. There are far greater things than Muscular Dystrophy that may come with adopting a child. I have an adopted child. I also have 2 biologicals. I love my adopted daughter unconditionally just as I do my bios, but she is VERY different from us, has had emotional problems since she was very young. It helped to get to know her bio-family after she reached the age of 18. We understood her more than we did before. Genetics plays about a 90% role in who a person is, so you are adopting another family when you adopt a child. If you aren't ready to accept whatever may be in that package, then don't adopt. Life is a gamble. A child doesn't need a half-hearted parent.
Praying that God will give you wisdom. Even if you are carrying the child there are no guarantees. I have one that has Type 1 and one that has Down Syndrome. God has been faithful to take care of all of our needs. We are blessed.
