Adoption an Older Child

I think it's a great idea - how wonderful that you're considering it!

I have two different sets of friends who adopted older kids a couple of years ago and all are happy and doing well.
My one friend adopted a pair of 5 and 7 year old brothers, they are 11 and 13 now.
My other pair of friends adopted a little girl who was three, and then a year later adopted a second little girl who was one. They are now 6 and 9.

Just a plug, if you can afford it, consider adopting a pair of siblings - it is *so* difficult for older kids in the 'system' to keep in touch with their siblings and almost impossible to place them together.

Kudos to you and your DH!
Good luck!

My daughter came into our lives when she was 14. Many people are scared of older kids, especially teens. Older kids do come with trauma or issues, but it is not necessarily the end or the world and doesn't mean that will definitely have issues that are dangerous or can't be worked through. Working with older kids can be challenging, but worth every bit of it.

By the way, one of the responses talked about affording adoption. If you adopt from your local services agency, adoption is usually free. Often there are subsidies to help pay for continuing support after the adoption. If you have any questions about it, let me know.

So many people pass over the older children - that is awesome the you are willing to do this!! My neighbor had two older step-children and adopted a brother/sister that were 3 and 6, I believe (maybe 1 year younger..?). They have adjusted well and she is one of the best moms I know. The kids call her mom and are very good friends with my kids. There are always challenges being a mom even if they are your own, as you know - and it will have it's trials, but it will also be rewarding and they will be better off having you for a mom. The other kids are old enough to help out and know what's going on, but just make sure they are on the same page as you are and explain how it's going to work out - especially for the 12 year old. Also - not sure if this counts, but I have 2 step-children myself, but full-time. I cannot adopt them because their mom is still kind of in the picture, even though she only spends a few hours a year with them, but I consider them mine any way. I have known them since they were 3 and 6 - then married their father when they were 5 and 8 (3 years ago). They had some adjustments moving in with me because they were older and had gotten used to certain ways, but 3 years later we are doing fine....DSS is in counseling for some emotional issues, but he is a great student and responsible, etc. They call me by my first name, but refer to me as 'Mom' to others. I am about to have a baby, so it is opposite of you having your bio-kids first, but I'm sure we will all adjust well given time. And the great thing is, when you adopt, they will call you Mom!! As long as you are willing to go the distance with them, it will work out. Good luck!!

my mother was adopted at the age of twelve by my
grandmothers second husband, my mother repaid him
by getting pregnant at thirteen, he was truly a great guy
who was never truly appreciated for what he did. before you go through with this adoption, find out absolutely everything about the child.. its tough to say, but the vast majority of these children have been abused in some way, physical,sexual or mental. if social services refuses to open their files on the child so that you can know what you are dealing with, tell them NO.
K. h.

I'm sorry I don't have any first hand experience. My friend adopted two brothers at 13 and 24 months, it was hard at first, but they are the happiest kids I know now (at 4 and 6 yres).
If you find a child to love, then love them totally!

Again, no advice, just wanted to tell you that you really are an "A."! How awesome! I think people shy away from the older children because they think they can bond better with/not have to deal with the baggage of an "older" child. Maybe you could foster at first. A lot of people end up adopting the children they foster...just an idea. Be ready for a very long (and never really guaranteed)process though (which is why a lot of people adopt outside of the US).

Hi A.. I also do not have any experience here but would like to when either first my own get on their own or we are able to purchase a larger home. (family of 5 in small rancher now - no basement!) : ) But I've listened to a Dr. Ray Guarendi who is a clinical psychologist and Catholic speaker and has adopted I believe it is 10 children. Here is info on a book he wrote:
Adoption: Choosing It, Living It, Loving It; Straight Answers to Hearfelt Questions by Ray Guarendi (Author)

He has great advise on many family subjects and a quirky sense of humor. Hopefully this could be of some help to you. Like others have said, God bless you for wanting to accept into your home all the love you can. : )

A.