Adoption - Valley Cottage,NY

We started trying just before I turned 30. To make a very long story short we adopted our son through an agency at the age of 39. After a year or two I kept getting these strong urges to adopt a baby from China. Nothing was stopping these desires. We ended up adopting our daughter at 45. Then I lost all desire to have any more. Will be 50 on the 13th and are starting to think babies are cute again, but no more for us! I think it is different when you can't have your own. You think it should be so natural to get pregnant, but it really isn't. I even went to a counselor to have her talk me out of it. My beautiful daughter is truly a gift from God.

Take care
J.

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Dude, 40 is the new 30. If you want another baby/child then there is one out there for you waiting. :)

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I started trying to have children at 33. 5 1/2 years later, two failed adoptions with cousins baby (same baby). She kept taking him back. Had my own baby at 40 with artificial insemination. Now 42 and would absolutely love to have another child. Its not just because of my age. I do still have that desire and would like my child to have a sibling.
From your letter, couldn't tell if the feeling had been going on for a while or temporary since turning 40. If temporary, give it a little time. I don't think you are greedy at all. When you have a desire to have children, no one can take that feeling away. You are not too old!!!!

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You are a mom and you want another baby. If you can adopt, do it. I am now wishing I had done that as I waited and waited to have another baby and never did. So if you can, oh do it. If you love being a mom and enjoy your little one, why not? That is not selfish, it is totally completely unselfish as you know that is what a mom has to be. Just because you cannot physically have another doesn't mean God didn't put that yearning into you. So no, not greedy, it is totally unselfish and wonderful.!

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NORMAL! I will probably be 80 and having those thoughts.
**P.S. Name one things selfish thing about wanting to give a baby who needs a home a wonderful family? It's a win-win.

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What is making you hesitate? If you want a second child and can provide for one...what is holding you back? I know lots of people who had babies at 40 and 2 kids is a reasonable family size (most of the time, LOL). It sounds like you need to think on it and see if you and your husband are sure.

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Hi. First time I answered one of these.If your husband and you both feel the same way and would like to adopt and you both feel phyically and mentally you could handle it.I don,t think it,s greedy but be sure.My sons are 32,21,&13.I am 47. The only thing I noticed as I got older patience are shorter and not as much energy as when younger. If you do adopt you will make a wonderful difference in a childs life.Good luck whatever you do.

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I read Colleen's post about having less patience and energy than when they were older. I'm 66, I have more patience, tho less energy. If I were younger I would consider adoption. I love babies and children. Fortunately I have grandchildren.

Anyway, I was in my forties when I took in a 7 yo foster child. I felt like I had more patience then I would have had in my thirties. I'm really higher in patience as a grandmother. I think patience is something learned and that once you've had a child and have not felt overwhelmed you are able to be more patient even tho you are older.

If I were you, I'd adopt a baby. Your desire could be hormones, the last turning of the clock hands. It could be triggered by the other pregnancies. But it's not greedy. There are many babies and children needing parents. If you enjoyed and are still enjoying your first child, it's reasonable to want to have another one. Forty is young!

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One thing you have to remember is a baby is only a baby for 2 or 3 years at most. Do you want another baby to cuddle and rock or do you want another child to raise for the next 18 years or so? Actually you never get done raising your child. LOL Consider foster care or volunteering at a hospital neonatal room. Bigger hospitals often need volunteers to help feed and cuddle sick or needy babies. You might be able to get over your need that way. Or you might realize you want a child to raise.

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Hi T.,
No that is not being greedy, that's just being a mom :)
If you can do it and want to do it, by all means go ahead and do it. It is a wonderful thing to be able to bless a child with a family; that otherwise he/she would never have. You could adopt another baby, or one that is about your little girl's age, so they can relate to one another better. But it's all up to you. I have three children, two boys and a girl. And every so often my girl (8yrs old) asks me to adopt a little girl so she can have a sister. If it wasn't so expensive I would. I just can't afford the expenses that go with it. But I would love to be able to share our family with a little girl that needs one.
So, in other words if your husband and you both would like to have another one; go for it!!!
Blessings,
I.

Why does it matter why? If you and your husband want to do it, then do it. Don't wait though -- you're getting up there age-wise.

It sounds like you're not done yet. We adopted our son privately 8 years ago. It was a fantastic experience and we are very blessed, but I always felt our family wasn't finished. We now have twin girls, 18 mo. old. They have the best big brother in the world, and now I feel "done" with babies. Good Luck.

Why would this be greedy? Lots of people have two or more kids. I have two kids. If you want to add to your family, there's no reason not to try adoption again and see if there is a baby out there waiting for you to be his/her family.
Good luck!

Hi. I think your feelings are totally normal, and if you and your husband want to have another child, how lucky would that child be to have you as parents. I don't think you are selfish. Are hormones playing a role? I don't know, but I when I was 39 or 40, I had the same feelings as you. It was an unreal craving like I never experienced before and lasted a long time. I'm 44 now and we have 3 beautiful children. Our last were twins when I was 35 and we went through, what I will call, the eye of the storm over and over to have these babies. I cannot have children. The weekend of my 40th bd, my husband and I discussed our options, and realized that with 3 we are extremely blessed and to go through trying to have another baby would not be fair to take us away from our 3 children. When we had the 1 child, I had a lot of help from my mom, as I had to leave for an entire day, sometimes 2 or 3 days at a time. Good luck to you!
JB

T.,

I have a biological son, and then an adopted daughter and son. I just turned 39 and have a strong desire for another despite our crazy life now. The want just does not seem to go away. I personally do not feel it is greedy at all. Good luck sorting out your feelings. Trust your gut!

Girl, why is it greedy??? If both you and your husband what another one ....why not? You might want to see if there are any " pregnancy homes" in your area. We have one close by where girls come who are preg and have nowhere to go. They help them with prenatal care, classes and decide if they want to keep the baby or go for adoption. ( Not long ago they had a 10 year old who came to them preg)
best wishes!!!!!!!

Not being selfish just normal. If that is what you want, go for it! Good
luck.

You're not being selfish. You just love babies/kids. I fail to see the differences between adopting at 40 or having a child at 40. That's the age my mom was when she had me and my sister when she had a baby. I find older parents to be more mature and to have more time to spend on their child, making the child more mature. The best kids are the ones with the older parent, because they have the best set of values.....Yes, there are younger parents as well that are great parents too. There will always be pluses and minuses to every age.