Adjusting to New Baby? Help!

My cousin got her first spanking ever when she threw her baby sister, she never did it again.

Positive reinforcement for 'helping' baby not get into things the 'right' way. When I was a nanny the 4 year old boy did this with his 7 month old sibling. Rewards for good helping must be immediate and celebrated. Discipline must be immediate with very little attention given...no talking beyond 'no hitting', walked to a time out, no talking until time is up. Time out was in a boring corner with no toys and a kid chair. If he stood up or walked away the clock started over. Still, NO talking to him, just firmly (not angry) saying no hitting, time-out starts over for 3 minutes...then walk away. No eye contact, nothing. Then when the time out was over, I had him 'show' me how to be a 'good helper'. He did and then got an immediate reward for remembering how to be a good helper. This took about 4 days and wasn't a problem afterwards.

I hope this technique works for you as well:) The parents were very upset about this, understandibly so! But their negative feelings seemed to be feeding into whatever was going on...sibling jealousy? This approach helped them to see their older 'baby' was still lovable and 'good', just in need of positive attention, inclusion, and needing to know his role with his younger baby brother.

Good luck!

Edit* One final note: it is important for both of your children to feel safe. When older brother hits and kicks, even though HE is the one acting aggressive, his emotional experience is that of insecurity. He's too young to be so agressive and feel good at the same time. Helping him learn different ways to channel his agression will help him feel more safe as well as afford his baby brother safety as well. As Maya Angelo says, when we know better we do better. This applies to children as well, so view this as a learning opportunity to help your eldest to 'know' better:)

My little ones are very close in age at almost 3 1/2, 2 and 9 months old. My first two are girls and my youngest is a boy. Now that he is started to get more mobile and investigative, he has picked up a few things of theirs and they have gotten mad at him, but NEVER have they hit him. We have tried to teach them that even if they speak meanly to him it is not acceptable reminding them that he is just a baby. IF they were to hit him, it is automatic grounds for spanking. Our guidelines are Intentional Disobedience, Injury to Another or, or Blatent Disrespect warant spanking.

can the 3.5 old have a special place that the baby can't get into(like his room or something with a gate up). So he has some space without the baby getting into his stuff and some control over his own environment. It really can be frustrating to have a little brother always "bugging" you when you just want to play. Maybe if he feels he has some control over his surrounding when he wants to do something without his baby brother or if he is getting frustrated, maybe he can take the toy he is playing with and bring it into his own "special fun area".

Also if he is taking on the role of a parent by correcting him if he gets into something, maybe you just need to let him know that you will take care of it and he just needs to take care of himself etc.
also trying to teach him what he should do when he is frustrated, upset or angry. Instead of don't "hit your brother' say, when you are angry use your words, walk away, tell me or whatever other choices you want to use. Maybe your 3.5 year old can learn to give his baby brother another toy instead, or to help him with xy or z.

good luck

Sorry, that's grounds for a spanking. Some offenses just move discipline to the next level. I caught my son trying to push our baby in her exersaucer. He got the belt from his daddy, and the problem was solved. I don't know if you do that or not, but at least he will understand fully how it feels.

There are several threads running right now that involve the issue of spanking.
You mentioned in your 'what happened' that you find it hypocritical... but I don't really believe that it is. Hitting is not hitting is not hitting. Just like shooting an intruder in your home in self defense is not the same as shooting someone on the street for no reason.

YOU (and Dad) make the rules in the house. Your rules say what your son can and cannot do and what the baby can and cannot do. Your son does NOT have authority over his brother. He can't tell him not to do something or TO do something and punish if the baby doesn't do what he wants. He does not have that authority. You do. With the authority to set the rules, comes the responsibility to enforce them.

At 3.5, he can understand (if you explain it to him this way) that the baby is just as much a part of the household as HE is and that he is not allowed to hurt him (hit him, pinch him, push him, bite him, throw things at him, et al). That you love the baby just like you love him, and that as a parent, your job is to take care of the baby and protect the baby from harm; JUST LIKE it is your job as a parent to take care of HIM and protect HIM from harm. As part of the family, it is also HIS job to help protect the baby. That intentional injury to the baby is the opposite of what he should be doing and is completely unacceptable. Doing so is outright disrespect to you and Dad and your family. You would NEVER allow an outsider to hurt him or his brother or Dad, and you will defend each of the members of the family from danger and harm.

Most kids understand the "Mama protection mode". Explain that it applies not just to him but also to his little brother. And try to use terminology that reflects that he has a relationship with him. i.e, not "the baby", but "your little brother".

So, if your son chooses to damage his own family (by hitting the baby), then he will receive the punishment appropriate to that infraction.

See if having a "grown up" conversation with him helps him. It did with our son when his little sister was born. And he NEVER hurt her. He was 3 when she was born. They are best buds even today.

If you do end up spanking him, it probably won't take more than once for him to "get it".

Oh man, it's hard, isn't it. My daughter likes to bite her brother. No clue why, she just does!

I have a special toy box. When baby goes down for nap, she gets to have extra special fun. I also find that the more one on one time I have with her, the more well behaved she is with her brother. And yes, with every new trick, she acts up (sitting, crawling, walking, talking).

I do TOs, but what I find works better is sending her to her room. I make it very clear that there is no tolerance for hitting/biting, etc. When she hurts her brother, she has to go to her room, while we go do something fun together without her. The isolating her from the fun seems to work. I've actually told her a few times "you aren't being nice, we aren't going to play with you." She immediately starts being nice. Maybe something like that will work?