First and foremost, you do not have to make any such choice and your horse way far ahead of your cart. You need an evalution and a treatment plan, and you need to understand ADHD, because you have heard some very popular myth that has led you to think that these are your choices. ADHD is not what you think.
Let me ask you, do you plan on offering your son treatment that is 20 or 30 years old for any medical condition that is making him miserable? You can't judge what happened to you husband as a real yard stick of appropriate ADHD treatment. There are many ways to treat ADHD, just like there are many ways to treat something like high colestorol. First, you find out that you really have high colestorol, and you see your doctor. Then, you try diet and exercise, and if that is not enough, you try medications; sometimes, the problem is so severe, that you try medications along with the other therapys as a first line treatment, but you do what your doctor tells you to do, based on current medical test and medical protocal that is up to date. Some people can't tolerate some medications well, and try new ones, and some don't find any benefit from one drug, when another does the trick. Some find that they cannot tolerate running as excercise, and have sore knees and have to try something different. But, we don't say, my dad tried a medication for his colestorol in 1980, and it was really bad, and the stationary bike he rode back then just fell apart, so I think I will just try to live with this problem....that is abserd, whouldn't you agree?
ADHD has several types, there is no longer an ADD (which should tell you how long ago your husband was treated, his diagnosis has not existed for more than a decade, close to two!) Some develop the "H" some do not. Some are not so Inatentive, and are more physical. Only a full evaluation by either a Developmental Pediatrician or a psychiatrist/ Neuropsychological evaluation combination will be able to tell you for sure. You can also go to a Neurologist, but I have found much better results from the other two combinations.
Brain cells don't touch. There is a tiny space in between each one called a synapes. When we think, our thoughts are carried as electrical impulses. When an impulse reaches the space, our bodies make electrochemicals called neurotransmitters that carry the impuslse to the next brain cell. It happens hundres of millions of times a second every day of our lives. It is completly molecular, and totatlly out of our voluntary control. If the person does not make enough neurotransmitters, or if the neurotransmitter receptors are damaged, we lose track of thoughts and have ADHD.
A child with ADHD cannot rely on his thoughts to travel through his brain with any predictablity. He may not have any trigger for impulse control, becuause the thought of (I should not do such and such because I will get in trouble again) just stops. He loses things even though he knows he won't get to go recess if he comes to class without a pencil. He does the homework, and does not turn it in, even though he knows that he will get a bad grade, and you will take his brother to get ice cream for good grades and leave him home again...and so on, and so on. He can't fix his brain dysfuction alone, so when he says he does not know why, he is telling you the truth, but he is also engaging in very typical ADHD behavior, which is to make light of it (which drives us crazy because we think that they don't care) or they say with defiance "I meant to do that, so..." both of which are easier than saying, "you keep telling me how smart I am, but I don't beleive you because I can't remember before it is too late...I am so stupid...why can't I keep from doing these things..."
Medications are a tool. They will help him to attend to all the very hard work he has to do, but they are never, never, never appropriate alone. Some times theraputic services are appropriate alone, but medication never is, and most often, ADHD pateints will do best wtih both and good, solid medical management that includes some combination of the following therapies: Cognative Behavioral therapy, play therapy, social skills classes, speech therapy, Occupational therapy, medical interventions, and educational/behavioral interventions. It is tons of hard work for his doctors, his therapists, his teachers, you and him. It is not the case that you "give him a pill" to make everyone's lives eaiser, your life is about to get really, really hard, but he will be successful and make incredible progress if you get him into many hours a week of standard treamtent and care.
Medication is so different than your husband remembers, there are litterally hundreds of choices now, many classes of medication to try, and one will probably work for your son, but every single one will not, just like any other illness or condition, you may have to try something to see if it will help. If he has a side effect, you stop, and you try something else. Something will help him.
The "Alternatives" you mentioned, I hope, were therapies, and not supplements, over the counter stuff, diet, or other treatments that are more DIY. These things will not be included in a standard treatment plan from a Developmental Pediatrican or a Psychiatrst. My advice is to try standard care, it is not flashy, it is not a cure, but it will produce progress.
Your school has made it easy for you. Write to them and ask for an evaluation because you suspect that your son has a disablity, you will sign a consent form, and you will have to provide the medical evidence from your evaluation that he has ADHD, the school cannot do this. They are there to evaluate him for his educational needs resulting form his disablity, not to diagnose and treat his disorder, which crosses the medical/educational boundaries. You should leran to advocate well (www.wrightslaw.com) and provide all that he needs privately that you cannot get from school. You should expect to provide more services than the school does. Ask for something called a Fuctional Behavioral Assessment to be done along with his evaluation. You need to get him a behavior plan as soon as you can so that he only gets possitive behavioral interventions and recieves supports for his behavior issues in school and does not have the issues fester.
Never know less than the school about your son, so get the private evaluation too. You need it to keep them honest and to know more about what your son needs than the school does.
Read anything by Dr. Mel Levine, or Dr. Russel Barkely. Look up CHADD in your area, and get a subcription to attitdues magazine. NAMI has great classes for care givers too, and remember to take good care of yourself, this can be a very stressful diagnosis.
M.
