November 16, 2008,
J.G. asks from Sturgis, SD on November 13, 2008
Adding to Family???
After my husband and I got married we always talked about having two kids. We are both from a two kid family & we thought two was a good even number. Well, our first was twins. So we got two right off the bat. Now that the boys are 18 months I'm starting to think I want another baby & my hubby goes back and forth depending on the day. I don't feel like I'm done... but I go back and forth a lot too. I'm hoping others in this situation or that had these feelings can help me out?!?
If my husband and I decide to have another, how many years apart would be the best for the kids? I don't want three in diapers but I also don't want them to be too far apart that they can't play together.
The boys are soooo busy right now that I can't imagin being pregnant... but I don't want to wait too long. I guess I want to know how others did it and how it is with 3 kids???
So What Happened?™
Thanks girlies for all your great input & suport! Having more kids has been on my mind a lot! My hubby & I've really talked it out and we both think we should have at least one more (or two, if twins again). We have decided to wait until this summer before REALLY thinking about adding on to the family. Our boys are crazy at 18 months but they already know sharing and helping out, so that will help me out a lot!!!
B.H. answers from Minneapolis on November 13, 2008
I just had my second child and my daughters are 7 years apart. I was worried about the space in ages but it's worked out to be just perfect. My 7 year old isn't jealous, is nice and helpful, independant, and goes to school all day long while I'm home with my newborn. I can't imagine ever having kids close enough in age where they're both in diapers or being pregnant right after another. I am really able to enjoy this baby and my pregnancy because it was spaced out nicely it was almost like a new experiance yet I remembered alot or it came back to me. I've gotten to go out and get all new baby stuff and wow has it changed or improved in 7years. My body didn't take this to hard either as there was so much time in between.
A.P. answers from Omaha on November 14, 2008
I say, if you feel like you aren't done then you aren't. You need to trust your womens intuition. There have been many times, almost every that I was correct and i feel that's the way with a lot of women, it's a talent we were all blessed with. As far as the length between if you got pregnant now it would be a little over two years, if youwant the kids to be close enought that they will still play good together get prego now. I heard, because I only have to kids, that three is the hardest and then after that you just add on to that. because you have twins it will be almost like having triplets while they are younger and potty training should be done before the next one comes because if you do it too close to the birth the twins will go back to having accidents because of the change in the home. If it were me I would let the twins grow up a little more and then work on having two more that can be pretty close so they both have someone to play with. I think if you have twins and one more that child could possibly feel left out because the twins are going to have a different kind of relationship then with their other siblings. anyway good luck it's hard to know and even when you plan to have so many kids it doesn't always work out the way you "plan" it. we wanted more than two but it isn't working so there is a lot to think about!
S.H. answers from Green Bay on November 14, 2008
different people different ideas. I would say 4 years, particularly since you have twins. JMO
Of course this is coming from a Mom of an only child who is 14.
homeschool mom and home business owner
A.S. answers from Davenport on November 14, 2008
Rather than thinking about if you and your husband want another baby you should think about if you want another child. A baby doesn't stay a baby long. As to spacing, my sister and I are 19 months apart and my mom wouldn't have had it any other way. My sister and sister-in-law both have 4 years between their kids and think it is great. I don't think there is any "right" spacing (I asked the same question and have been thinking about it for awhile). There are perks and downfalls no matter on what spacing you decide.
K.K. answers from Des Moines on November 14, 2008
Once you get that desire to have a baby, I don't think there is much you can do to stop it. I say go for it. However, I would wait a little longer. Twin 18 month old boys sound like PLENTY of work. I don't believe the age seperation determines if your kids get along. My son and daughter are 3 years apart. Obviously they didn't play well together until she got old enough to play. Now they are fine. We are expecting #3 now, which will make my daughter and the new baby almost 4 years. It is a WONDERFUL feeling to know my older 2 will somewhat be able to tend to themselves! My sister and I were 5 years apart and played just fine-endless hours of Barbies...
The being preggers part is good to think about too...I am constantly having to lay down and rest...don't think you can do that with twin 18 month old boys. That is getting to the "FUN" age (kidding), plus they are boys. They will probably get harder to take care of before they get easier!
H.B. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
Family planning is such a personal decision. When my husband and I had our first daughter, we actually considered for a long time not having any other children. We were content as a family of 3. Shortly after her second birthday, the conversation started again and at that time we decided that we didn't want her to grow up without a sibling. (not the case with twins, but).... at that point, we started trying and our kids are 3yrs and 1 week apart. I LOVE that age gap. We have a daughter and now an 8 week old son. She understood the process of being pregnant and what a new baby meant. She can help with things and be a "Big Girl" and I think that they are still close enough in age that they will be able to play and grow up together. Were I to do it over, I would aim for 2.5-3 years in age separation.
A.H. answers from Omaha on November 14, 2008
That mothering instinct is strong. Dontcha just love it! We waited until our daughter was 3. I'm currently due in January. She's out of diapers now. That was my goal. Two in diapers isn't ideal for us but if it happened we would of course be up for the challenge, but if you can plan it the other way then I say go for it. Especially if you have twins. Give them the attention they are going to be needing. Right now if I didn't know any better I would think my daughter could get her own place lol. She doesn't listen and tries to be Ms. Independent. Hopefully she'll keep the independence once her sister gets here.
But follow that feeling of "someone is missing" in this family. You know when your family is complete. I just knew I had to have another one. I always felt like all the ducks weren't there. You're still young and have time - Enjoy your twins and I'm sure your husband will come around once they get more indepenedent and he'll want another one every day not just every other day.
J.C. answers from Omaha on November 16, 2008
I don't really have an answer for you. I am actually commenting because I have twin girls that just turned 19 months old today and my husband and I are going through the same feelings you are. Some days I think I am crazy for wanting another baby and some days that is all I can think about. My husband is on the fence too. Some days he is all for it and others he is not sure. You have twins so you know what it is like to have more than 1 baby (as do I). My brother has a little girl that is only 3 months older than my girls and to be honest when I have her I find it isn't much more difficult. It is easy to just keep going down the line with diapers, etc. However, I too wonder what a baby will bring. My girls are getting so independent and are very close to potty training. Do I want to start over again? I am a lot older than you (35) so, I don't want to wait too long. I can't wait to see the responses so it can give me a little insight too. Thanks for asking the question! I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! Congrats on your boys!