November 16, 2008,
J.G. asks from Sturgis, SD on November 13, 2008
Adding to Family???
After my husband and I got married we always talked about having two kids. We are both from a two kid family & we thought two was a good even number. Well, our first was twins. So we got two right off the bat. Now that the boys are 18 months I'm starting to think I want another baby & my hubby goes back and forth depending on the day. I don't feel like I'm done... but I go back and forth a lot too. I'm hoping others in this situation or that had these feelings can help me out?!?
If my husband and I decide to have another, how many years apart would be the best for the kids? I don't want three in diapers but I also don't want them to be too far apart that they can't play together.
The boys are soooo busy right now that I can't imagin being pregnant... but I don't want to wait too long. I guess I want to know how others did it and how it is with 3 kids???
So What Happened?™
Thanks girlies for all your great input & suport! Having more kids has been on my mind a lot! My hubby & I've really talked it out and we both think we should have at least one more (or two, if twins again). We have decided to wait until this summer before REALLY thinking about adding on to the family. Our boys are crazy at 18 months but they already know sharing and helping out, so that will help me out a lot!!!
B.H. answers from Minneapolis on November 13, 2008
I just had my second child and my daughters are 7 years apart. I was worried about the space in ages but it's worked out to be just perfect. My 7 year old isn't jealous, is nice and helpful, independant, and goes to school all day long while I'm home with my newborn. I can't imagine ever having kids close enough in age where they're both in diapers or being pregnant right after another. I am really able to enjoy this baby and my pregnancy because it was spaced out nicely it was almost like a new experiance yet I remembered alot or it came back to me. I've gotten to go out and get all new baby stuff and wow has it changed or improved in 7years. My body didn't take this to hard either as there was so much time in between.
A.P. answers from Omaha on November 14, 2008
I say, if you feel like you aren't done then you aren't. You need to trust your womens intuition. There have been many times, almost every that I was correct and i feel that's the way with a lot of women, it's a talent we were all blessed with. As far as the length between if you got pregnant now it would be a little over two years, if youwant the kids to be close enought that they will still play good together get prego now. I heard, because I only have to kids, that three is the hardest and then after that you just add on to that. because you have twins it will be almost like having triplets while they are younger and potty training should be done before the next one comes because if you do it too close to the birth the twins will go back to having accidents because of the change in the home. If it were me I would let the twins grow up a little more and then work on having two more that can be pretty close so they both have someone to play with. I think if you have twins and one more that child could possibly feel left out because the twins are going to have a different kind of relationship then with their other siblings. anyway good luck it's hard to know and even when you plan to have so many kids it doesn't always work out the way you "plan" it. we wanted more than two but it isn't working so there is a lot to think about!
S.H. answers from Green Bay on November 14, 2008
different people different ideas. I would say 4 years, particularly since you have twins. JMO
Of course this is coming from a Mom of an only child who is 14.
homeschool mom and home business owner
A.S. answers from Davenport on November 14, 2008
Rather than thinking about if you and your husband want another baby you should think about if you want another child. A baby doesn't stay a baby long. As to spacing, my sister and I are 19 months apart and my mom wouldn't have had it any other way. My sister and sister-in-law both have 4 years between their kids and think it is great. I don't think there is any "right" spacing (I asked the same question and have been thinking about it for awhile). There are perks and downfalls no matter on what spacing you decide.
K.K. answers from Des Moines on November 14, 2008
Once you get that desire to have a baby, I don't think there is much you can do to stop it. I say go for it. However, I would wait a little longer. Twin 18 month old boys sound like PLENTY of work. I don't believe the age seperation determines if your kids get along. My son and daughter are 3 years apart. Obviously they didn't play well together until she got old enough to play. Now they are fine. We are expecting #3 now, which will make my daughter and the new baby almost 4 years. It is a WONDERFUL feeling to know my older 2 will somewhat be able to tend to themselves! My sister and I were 5 years apart and played just fine-endless hours of Barbies...
The being preggers part is good to think about too...I am constantly having to lay down and rest...don't think you can do that with twin 18 month old boys. That is getting to the "FUN" age (kidding), plus they are boys. They will probably get harder to take care of before they get easier!
H.B. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
Family planning is such a personal decision. When my husband and I had our first daughter, we actually considered for a long time not having any other children. We were content as a family of 3. Shortly after her second birthday, the conversation started again and at that time we decided that we didn't want her to grow up without a sibling. (not the case with twins, but).... at that point, we started trying and our kids are 3yrs and 1 week apart. I LOVE that age gap. We have a daughter and now an 8 week old son. She understood the process of being pregnant and what a new baby meant. She can help with things and be a "Big Girl" and I think that they are still close enough in age that they will be able to play and grow up together. Were I to do it over, I would aim for 2.5-3 years in age separation.
A.H. answers from Omaha on November 14, 2008
That mothering instinct is strong. Dontcha just love it! We waited until our daughter was 3. I'm currently due in January. She's out of diapers now. That was my goal. Two in diapers isn't ideal for us but if it happened we would of course be up for the challenge, but if you can plan it the other way then I say go for it. Especially if you have twins. Give them the attention they are going to be needing. Right now if I didn't know any better I would think my daughter could get her own place lol. She doesn't listen and tries to be Ms. Independent. Hopefully she'll keep the independence once her sister gets here.
But follow that feeling of "someone is missing" in this family. You know when your family is complete. I just knew I had to have another one. I always felt like all the ducks weren't there. You're still young and have time - Enjoy your twins and I'm sure your husband will come around once they get more indepenedent and he'll want another one every day not just every other day.
J.C. answers from Omaha on November 16, 2008
I don't really have an answer for you. I am actually commenting because I have twin girls that just turned 19 months old today and my husband and I are going through the same feelings you are. Some days I think I am crazy for wanting another baby and some days that is all I can think about. My husband is on the fence too. Some days he is all for it and others he is not sure. You have twins so you know what it is like to have more than 1 baby (as do I). My brother has a little girl that is only 3 months older than my girls and to be honest when I have her I find it isn't much more difficult. It is easy to just keep going down the line with diapers, etc. However, I too wonder what a baby will bring. My girls are getting so independent and are very close to potty training. Do I want to start over again? I am a lot older than you (35) so, I don't want to wait too long. I can't wait to see the responses so it can give me a little insight too. Thanks for asking the question! I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone! Congrats on your boys!
S.S. answers from Milwaukee on November 13, 2008
My husband and I also come from families with two children and thought we'd only have two...but after two I just didn't feel done and he agreed. I'm going in to be induced with #3 tomorrow morning. So although I can't tell you what the experience of three is like yet, I can relate to your decision making.
Our first two are 2 years and 2 months apart and it's been great. They play together and are interested in the same things for the most part. Our second and third children are going to be 2 and a half years apart which should be similar, I assume.
The other commenter had a good point that at 2, most kids begin potty training...although from my experience, my son (our first) was slower to get it than our daughter...so you may have diapers around for them until 3.
And as far as being pregnant with two busy kids...that I totally get! It's been different pregnant with 2 children than with none or even 1 because I have no time to think about if I'm tired or anything. :)
Best of luck in your decision making. And from my experience, whatever happens will feel right and be right for your family!
R.B. answers from La Crosse on November 13, 2008
my husband and i just had this talk this week! i have 3 boys from my first marriage. they get along great (as kids go!) and are close (ages 12,9,8). when we got married and chose to have more we said we wanted two more so that way he had his own kids and if it was only one it would have growen up more or less an only child being there is 7 years differnce. my son is 18mo and my daughter is 3 mo and i had an appt to get my tubes tied yesterday but i just couldn't go threw with it cause im not sure anymore if im done, its so final. its not that hard having more than two in diapers, plus if you chose to get pregnant now your son's will be over two and potty training so the diapers wont be an issue for very long. two years is a good gap and they will still be close. its wierd to think so but everything falls into place even with three. they play together and there is the agruements over one not getting to play but that happens with even two when one doesnt want to play with the other. personally its not really harder with three than two depending on the day! i found also after i had my third child that it was easier getting the one on one time with each of them. while i was with one the other two would keep each other busy with out wanting that attention from mom also. good luck with your choice!
C.H. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
My brother has twins that will be 4 in December. They also have a 2 year old...who wasn't planned. I think in hindsight they wish they would have waited longer to add a third child to the family. I have an almost 6 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old... and I feel like I could have waited a little longer for the third one, too. It was a harder transition to three because my middle boy was still kind of needy and wanted Mom more than my oldest did when his brother was born (they are 3 1/2 years apart). The boys are best buds even at 3 1/2 years apart.
But we are so blessed that it is only a fleeting thought.. you live and learn. Things will be different for everyone and you'll have to do what feels right for you... but you are young - you can probably take your time :)
S.G. answers from Rapid City on November 14, 2008
I have three children. There is 17 months between the first two and 4 years between the middle child and youngest. The two older children played wonderfully together and yes they had their fights also. When the youngest came along the oldest was in school and the middle in preschool so he wasn't sharing the attention as much but he also didn't have someone to play with during the day and had problems with the older two in school He is very close to his older brother who is the oldest and to his sister who is my middle child. They are all grown up now but when they were young it seemed someone was always getting left out. It was usually my oldest son because my daughter was able to get her little brother to play house and dolls with her.
M.K. answers from Sheboygan on November 14, 2008
I can't help you on the twins first, now what issue. But, I always wanted my kids about 3 years apart b/c of the diaper issue. Well, God and nature didn't "cooperate" and had other plans, and our daughters are 4 years apart and it's working GREAT!! But I'm sure you'll hear from a wide variety of moms with just as many "it's great" with whatever gap there is. I always figure you have to know yourself, your spouse, and your family dynamics, and then listen to your body/gut and how it reacts to all the options. Just remember, families have been making it work with all numbers of kids and all different age gaps "forever" Whatever you choose will work out great! (don't get me wrong, it will be hard work either way, but the rewards are even better!)
T.B. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
I am a mom of 4 and my first 3 were within 2 1/2 years of each other. And yes, all 3 were in diapers for awhile. It was sometimes chaotic, but the 3 of them were very close while they were growing up.Even now that they are 18, 17, & 16, they have a bond. However, then again my 16 & 12 are almost like twins and they are very close too. My oldest was 7 when I had my 4th child. It can be done, sometimes you have to juggle schedules, but with a good support team, it can be quite fun. Their dad was a tremundous (sp) help during this time, even if he did go hunting 2 weeks after the 3rd one was born. Good Luck!
B.M. answers from Appleton on November 14, 2008
I definately know what you're feeling. We have twin girls who are now 13, and our son just turned 7. We started trying when the girls were 4, but we encountered a few problems and it took a little while. I had always thought that I wanted 2 kids also, it just turned out that I wanted 2 pregnancies instead. However long you wait is up to you, there are pros and cons to everything. I just wanted to wait until the girls were "kids" instead of "toddlers". And we were told by the doctor there was a 50/50 chance of having twins again, so that factored into the decision too. For us it ended up being 6 and 1/2 years, but it really was perfect. Our girls were (and still are) really good helpers. And to tell you the truth, I was amazed at how much easier having just one baby was. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why people complained! Really, 3 kids isn't that much different than 2. The only down side is that when you travel, most things are set up for 2 adults and 2 kids. But good luck with whatever decisions you make!
C.O. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
My boys are a little more than 4 years apart. It was more space than we wanted between them, but it has worked out nicely. They are best friends and play very well together. Of course, they can fight but I think that will happen with any siblings.
I have another one on the way. There will only be 27 months between my current youngest and the baby. It's a little overwhelming to think about having a toddler and a newborn, but it will work out, I'm sure.
A.J. answers from Minneapolis on November 14, 2008
I can totally relate to your situation. I had boy/girl twins just over three years ago. They were from our third and final attempt at IVF. Since my husband and I didn't think we could get pregnant without medical intervention, we weren't careful and I actually ended up pregnant shortly after my twins turned two. That pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage which was sad but not horrible since we weren't actually trying. The ironic thing is that eight months later we were discussing whether or not we should see if it would happen again. I said I didn't want to because our life was "perfect" as it was... two healthy kids, a routine, etc. Not realizing at the time that I actually was pregnant again!! Because I had made up my mind that I didn't want more kids, I was not very excited about the news. However, as the pregnancy went on, I got more and more excited. Our baby was born when the twins were two years/6 months old. We had three in diapers but my daughter recently became potty trained. I can not imagine life now without our baby boy. It is so wonderful to take care of just one baby and experience a "normal" pregnancy, delivery, and caring for a newborn. My twins are wonderful toward their brother but I also think a lot of this has to do with how we prepped them for it. I suppose any age difference between kids works but I think 2.5 years is ideal. My hope is all three will be great friends and lots in common. I know that my sister and I are four years apart and never really got along. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. My two cents is that you would never regret having another baby. You would just regret not having another one if you're even considering it now.
E.M. answers from Omaha on November 16, 2008
We had twins first (girl and boy) then-- out of pure luck!-- had a third. They are exactly 2 years and 5 days apart. I can honestly tell you that though we use to talk about having another one-- just to see what having one baby at a time was like-- our last child was a surprise to us.
I was very worried at first that it would be too much. But I am happy to say that they are the best! I could not have imagined how 'easy' it would be to have 3! 'Easy' insofar as they all keep each other entertained most of the time. Granted, of course, you will be busy. But you are already a mother of twins. You can handle 3 (even if they are all in diapers at the same time... as they were with us for 6 months.)
I don't know if there is any perfect spacing. But a 2 year gap has worked for us!
-Best of luck!
S.H. answers from Milwaukee on November 14, 2008
My husband and I always planned on having three. After our second, who was difficult the first year, we decided we were done. About 6 months later we both started to feel like we wanted another child. We went back and forth about time, finances, etc and then just went for it. Our third is now a year old and I can't imagine a day without him. Seeing the other two growing up (ages 3 and 5) has reminded me to slow down with him and enjoy every minute of having a little one. My kids are all two years apart which has pros and cons, I think any age separation has issues, but we just try to do things as a family as much as possible so that they can form relationships with each other. My brother and sister-in-law had twin boys first too. They ended up having a little girl less than a year later. I know things were crazy for them for awhile with three little ones, especially diapers, etc, but now the kids seem to have so much fun being close to the same age.