Added to My Request from the Advice Ive Gotten

Hey B.,
I know how you're feeling. I've been engaged with my fiance for the past 2-3 years, we've been together for 4-5 years. He's got two wonderful boys, so I know it's not him. Yet, we've been trying to have a child together and yet no kid. I'm feeling the same way, he keeps saying he wants me to see the doctor to see if maybe they'll help us, yet I'm scared of what the doctors going to say for the same reasons and so I keep saying that we'll talk to the doctor at my yearly exam. I don't know how to help you on this one, but just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone on this one and I'm glade to see that I'm not also.
Good luck and let me know how things work out. Maybe I can learn from you.

Have you tried the ovulation "tests" that you can buy over the counter? I don't know how long you have been trying, but I know that when I was trying to get pregnant with my last child I was so tuned in to keeping track of everything and logging everything that it was totally stressing me out. Stress is not good when you are trying to get pregnant! Just relax and try to forget that you are "trying" to get pregnant. Good Luck!

Number one you should get married. Next you need to talk to your doctor and start testing to elimate problems. He also needs to be tested to amke sure he is not the source of the problem. Delaying and worryong to not make a baby!

B., I lived with my Husband for 2 years before we got married, we have been together a total of 8 1/2 years. We got engaged after a year of living together and we started living together the day we started going out. We started trying to get pregnant as soon as we got engaged and it didn't happen until we had been married for 2 years. There are things you can do like buy ovulation kits and check your temperature, but honestly everyone, myself included, thinks that living together is "just like being married". It's not! I assure you, once you have that piece of paper it's legal you can't just up and leave if you really want to, you have to get a divorce. Everything changes some good, some bad, but I don't know anyone who is married who says it is "just the same as when they were living together, or dating." We had to see a marriage counselor for a year after our Daughter was born, because even though she was totally planned and wanted and loved, it was a HUGE change. We still have issues and we didn't have any before, but I had energy to do everything before like go around picking up after him, and now I don't, and he still doesn't help, just know that he will remain the same, even if you don't, you will become a Mommy and become more responsible, He will become a Daddy, but more than likely, still want to do everything exactly as it has always been done, for example playing video games with his friends who don't have kids, and they,men, never understand why all the sudden them playing video games upsets you, it's because games are for children and Dad's are supposed to be men.

Have you been trying long? What I did don't remember the name but it's like a fertility test not invasive at all it was a scope/sonogram through the vagina to get a look at ovaries fallopian tubes to see if ther was a problem did't hurt at all I don't remeber the cost due to insurance picked up most of it.You'll know right then and there if there is an issue.Go and see your DR. do a Preconception visit and list your concern's,also start on a prenantal vitamin it'll be good for you tyo develop the folic acid.
sahm of 2

I also highly recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility. i learned so much! check out the website too http://www.tcoyf.com/

Hi B.

I've been married for 3 years now and trying for a baby about 4years.The #1 question is do you ovulate? Get some ovulation kits and check it for a month, or if you don't mind spending the money do it for more.Don't be scared to talk to your dr. You are not alone.I have had surgery to check everything out and I'm on clomid for the first time right now.If you go to the doc and you find out that for sure you can not get pregnant, then at least you know to find an other way to have a baby.(Have your man checked out too, there could be some problem also.)
Just put your mind at ease and have yourself checked out.
Good luck and baby dust for you.
E.

B. My advice it not to get pregnant until you are married
It is hard enought when you are married but too easy for him to walk away and whose name will the baby have. There are so many issues to consider. Why are you in not in a hurry to be married when you have been together for 4 years? I know that is probably not what you want to hear. But that is how I feel. Take Care M.

B.- It seems like a lot of people have choosen to comment on the fact you aren't married rather then your actual question of wanting to get pregnant. Although I am happily married and was before our son was born, I do not consider myself superior or morally better for making that choice. If you would like to have a child with this man, that is your choice, there is nothing wrong with being a single mother even if it didnt work out, and many married mothers end up in that very same position.

Whether or not you are married has no bearing on how much you love your child or how difficult parenting is. And trust me it isn't single parent families that have caused the issues in our society! They were created by years of people being narrow minded and afraid of change!

Regardless, of your marital status you should go get yourself checked out by your OBGYN just to be on the safe side. Don't forget that the issue may lie with your boyfriend as well. There are many fertility issues in men that get overlooked because the woman is usually the one more concerned since we carry the child. My best friend and her husband tried unsuccessfully for over a year and had all the tests run on her with nothing showing up as abnormal, before he finally was tested. Guess where the problem was! It was eaily corrected and now they are back to the trying stage.

Well I hope this helps, and don't forget only you can make the decision of whether or not you are ready for motherhood!

well B. putting off going to doctor will not change the out come on if u can get pregnant or not . best to fine out now than to drive ur self crazy not knowing .some times trying to hard will stop it from happen , mite need to just relax a bit , any way i would go to doctor also . as for not being married , if u already act like it why not do it . don't u think there should be a comment before u bring a child in to this world . i am old fashion and think god would want it that way . good luck i will pray for u E.

You can go to the drug store and buy ovulation kits. They are near the pregancy tests. Read the instructions...it will tell you to begin checkin your ovulation around day 12 of your cycle. Day one of your cylce is the first day of full flow of your period. These tests are just like a pregancy test...the pee on a stick kind. Once you get positive results you should ovulate 24-48 hours later. If you don't ever get positive results then you should talk to your Dr.

Good luck!

I highly recommend the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It's about charting your cycle and finding out when and if you are ovulating. It does have a lot about how to use this information to avoid pregnancy, but it also talks about how to use it to acheive pregnancy.

B.,

I have a friend that used a monitor that would tell her when she was ovulating. I know they are pretty expensive ($200) new, but you can often get them on ebay. I think you use it everyday, and it will tell you 1) that you ARE ovulating, and 2) when your best chances of conception are. It was accurate for her.

Good Luck! Meg

do not have kid's until you are married what will you do if he decide's to just up and leave it will be easy to do not being married and after you do get married stop trying so hard don't think about it and it will happen. i didn't want kid's but after being married 7 year's i got a suprise and my son is great he is my life.

Please please please buy this book!!!!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition : The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health
by Toni Weschler

It's A-mazing! There were three basic principles that you had to do but I only did two, I took my temperature, and I checked my discharge-- gross, yes, but my two boys were worth it! I LOVE this book.. and I am even getting ready to take my iud out just so that I can do natural birth control which is explained in this also! It may seem a little overwhelming at first, but basically if you check your temperature and chart it (they give you a blank chart in the back of the book that you can photo copy and enlarge) that will give you the greatest advantage.. then you are able to start knowing your body and when you are going to ovulate. That combined w/ checking your discharge I knew exactly when I was ovulating and I was pregnant on my first month of doing this! (maybe rare, but there are so many people that swear by this book!) You will NOT regret the money spent buying it I promise you!! All my friends have went out and bought it and one is prego and 2 just started reading it after seeing the positive results!

Good luck!!
N.

Hi. Get an ovulation kit and find out when you ovulate. This only happens for 48 hours out of the month. Keep good track of your periods. You should ovulate about 7 days before your period, but every woman is different and maybe irregular. The ovulation kit will give you precise instructions on how to figure it all out. When you are ovualting, it is time for romance. Good Luck.

I agree with the previous poster who recommended taking your Basal Body Temperature. Charting your temperature, cervical fluid and cervical position can all be very helpful to help monitor your cycle and see if you're ovulating. Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPKs) can also be helpful, but I think they should be used along with charting because they can sometimes be confusing and hard to use correctly.

After a few cycles of charting, if you still haven't gotten pregnant, you should definitely schedule an appointment with your doctor. Bring your chart with you and it will be very helpful for your doctor to see what exactly is going on with your cycle.

There is no shame in scheduling an appointment. It's better to find out (for better or worse) sooner than later.

How long have you been trying? If you've been unsuccessful for 1 year, I definitely think you should make an appointment.

Check out http://www.fertilityfriend.com. It's a great fertility website, it teaches you all about charting, your basal body temperature, and how to recognize your fertility signs. You can even sign up for a course (completely free) to learn more about it.

I know how frustrating it can be waiting to get pregnant. Just keep trying, take care of yourself, and get in to see a doctor. Good luck!

Hi. I was having miscarriages and was wanting to get pregnant. my doctor told me to do this and it worked for me as well as for some of my friends. When you start your period, write on a calender day 1. then number the day until 17. Most women ovulate between days 13-17. I know this is not for all women - but it has worked for me. I have a beautiful baby boy and having 3 miscarriages! Good Luck!

Hi B.,
I am answering this because my daughter also is in your position. They have been trying 10 months with no success.
Her doctor said after 1 year they would do some fertility testing. I am asking that any advice you receive, could you pass it on to me so I can pass it on to my daughter? Good luck and hopefully someone will have some good advice for both of you!
J. N.

I have been through infertility. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, my doctor prescribed Clomid. I did get pregnant, but miscarried 6 weeks later. My doctor wasn't very helpful, so I made a change. I went to Mid-Missouri Reproductive Medicine in Columbia. Dr. Penney and his staff are wonderful. His website is www.missourifertility.com and has useful information. I highly recommend going to the doctor and having everything checked out. It could be something very simple, but just knowing will help set your mind at ease. Have your partner checked out too.
My husband and I now have 15 month old twins. Every hill you have to climb is totally worth it to have a baby. Keep your chin up. Good luck!

Hi B.,
Your message is a little confusing to me because why would you want to have a baby with someone you are not willing to make the commitment to marriage with???
Our society has enough one parent families and why you would want to add another one is beyond me.
Whether you can have kids or not should not define who you are as a woman.
Children are a life time commitment (do you understand 24/7 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week for life)?? In my opinion you need to decide if you are willing to share that much of yourself to properly care for a child and having a spouse (Husband) to help/share the burden is a good thing!

Hi B.:
First just a litle about me. I'm 47 and have been very happily un-married to my partner of 8 years. Tho, his Mom refers to me as her daughter in law. Everyone thinks of us as married, since we have everything but that little piece of paper.

A: Make sure you are legally covered. I am my partners Power of Attorney, if something should happen to him (he is 10 years older then me).

If you are not comfortable talking with your Doctor, give it another shot, if still not comfortable then find another one. Don't be afraid about being judged, as all Doc's I know have heard and seen it all.

You will want to get a full check up and your partner also.

There are many fine GYN's in the Kansas City Area, I especially like Lintecum and Nickel Group over at Saint Lukes, as far as I'm concerned they are the best of the best, and you can be sure of not being judged.

Good luck
jeannie

B.,

STOP TRYING! I cant tell you how many people I know that went through the same thng. The STress you place on yourself is what creates the problem of No conception! Release the thought, stop thinking about it so much. If it is meant to happen, it will! My sister and her husband tried for over 15 years to have a child. The doctor told her it was impossible. So, finally she gave up, excepted that it would no happen and a year later she found out she was pregnant! Now, she has 2 kids!