26 answers

Activities for Husband / Wife to Do Together

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids 8, 6 and 1. We rarely go out and find it har to connect with each other when we are home (kids around or tired etc..) We need to work on our adult time together so we can work on our relationship and re-connect with each other! I recommended taking a dance class but he hates that. Do you have any other ideas of something we can do together as a couple to spend some quality time together? thanks!

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I have been married for 10 years and although we don't get out much without kids we rent movies on weekends and after kids are in bed we watch them together. On weeknights when all is done,homework, kids in bed, lunches done etc.we have working out together.I do tapes and weights and he does weights and helps me.It's hard to fit everything in we both work full time but it really helps to connect. T.

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I have a great idea! My husband and I started doing this about 3 years ago and you can rent the equipment. Paintballing. I know it sounds crazy, but my husband suggested we do it and I was kinda like IDK but then we did it and it was awesome. Its great excersise, completely safe, fun, and you get to shoot each other. I bet if you suggest that he would totally go for it. Then maybe you can get him to do dance classes. Its a win win situation. I love paintballing we go about 3 times a year and we have a blast. Try it you two just might fall in love with it. Good luck. The place we go to is in Bridgewater, Paintball heaven.

Ann-Marie

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I'm not sure where you live, but in the Bridgewater area there the (http://www.mahayogacenter.com/). They are offering a class in couples massage therapy. Where you learn how to massage each other. You may have similar things available to you in your area. My husband & I have also found other types of classes to take together. It gives us something else to share & discuss other than family issues.

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I have been married for 10 years and although we don't get out much without kids we rent movies on weekends and after kids are in bed we watch them together. On weeknights when all is done,homework, kids in bed, lunches done etc.we have working out together.I do tapes and weights and he does weights and helps me.It's hard to fit everything in we both work full time but it really helps to connect. T.

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My husband and I play board games. We have a set that are for older kids/adults that keeps our attention and interest. The need for play is central to the human condition at any age. We have found that we bond on a totally different level.

Good luck! Christy Y

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My husband and I usually go out to dinner with two other couples and have a good laugh...our ride to and from usually gives us a chance to chat and laugh. Economic times are rough for some and lately we've been taking turns going to one another's homes for a potluck dinner...it's a start and always makes for some interesting conversations. Try looking into doing something he has interest in...who knows you might like it too! I once went to a car show with my hubby...lol..interesting...at least I tried it and it wasn't so bad. Good luck! ;)

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Hi M.,I can only answer your pled for help by telling you that my daughter and son-in-law/son and daughter-in-law needs adult time to reconnect with themselves.I offer them a night a month for me to have grandparent spoil time with my grands and tell them to go out and take in a movie,walking in the park,go out on a date,just as they would do when they were dating.JUST make time and ask your own parents to help out.If not a parent then share time with another family and exchange adult time with them and watch their kids as well.Read to one another,answer questions from one another,let your mind take over and just enjoy yourselves.Life it tooo short to let it go by..............Rose M

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Check out the book, "1001 Ways to be Romantic" - lots of great ideas!
Hubby and I like to watch Phantom Gourmet together and than plan a date to one of the restaurants that gets a good review.

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Schedule regular date nights and don't break them! You can switch off deciding what to do - but make it a rule that the other one has go to along cheerfully. Until you know for sure what you will both enjoy, don't sign up for something long term like a class. My husband and I love to go to movies - we buy discount tickets thru AAA. However, sitting thru a movie isn't really "together time" because you aren't really talking/engaging so try to go to dinner afterwards and enjoy some wine, talk about the movie, etc. Try NOT to talk about the kids or your jobs.

We are big believers in laughter - medical studies show it makes a big difference in people's recovery from illness, avoiding depression, and so on. We've gone to some comedy clubs and just roared with laughter together - it's a great bonding experience! They have them at local hotels sometimes, and the Improv Asylum in the North End is really fun - great restaurants nearby, or just go for dessert to a place with great cannoli. If you're the type to get a little silly, try a karaoke place!

The Entertainment Books offer great coupons and they kind of force you to try new things, which is great. A lot of libraries offer free passes to museums, and often a museum membership qualifies you for free entrance to other museums.

A lot of organizations manage different open space areas which offer free hiking or cross country skiing. Sudbury Valley Trustees and the Audubon Society are 2 that come to mind. I know the weather isn't great right now but it's a way to plan for better days!

If you can afford a weekend away, our favorite romantic place is the Darby Field Inn just outside of North Conway, NH. It's run by a great couple and there are many types of rooms, from the older room filled with antiques to a recently renovated luxury suite with fireplace, sitting room and jacuzzi. There are great views of the mountains,and hiking/XC skiiing trails on the property. The food is aboslutely fantastic - country breakfasts and fabulous dinners, great wine list, really nice staff. There's a big country lviing room & fireplace, plus a small tavern attached. You can have all the privacy in the world, or you can hang out with the other guests. The owners are really good at suggesting things in the area - if you're not a skier (we're not), there are the North Conway outlets, scenic drives (the Kancamagus River is right there), and chairlifts you can just ride for the scenery!

Try to get away now and then so that you are not looking at your watches trying to get back to the kids. You'll relax more and enjoy each other.

Good luck and stick to it!

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My husband and I have two kids 8 1/2 and 5 1/2 and we usually put them to bed around 7:30 on Friday nights with a movie and a snack, this way my husband and I get quality time togethor without breaking out budget. We usually will play games, Phase 10 is a great card game or dominoes ($3.00 at your local Ocean State) or we watch a movie. The kids may come out if they need a drink but they are old enough now to know that Fri. night is mommy and daddy time. Good luck

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It sounds as if you have some babysitting available.
How about checking out local adult ed programs, and taking a partner massage class? They are usually only 2-5 classes, and not expensive. Do you enjoy games - board, card? You could go to the local library, and play there. Or perhaps get a couples book that would lead you thru various discussions. Don't set tme limits or expectations!
Be open, even try 'his' or 'her' choice nights! I've even heard of going to a local nail salon and having side by side couple pedicures!
Have fun! A. in Ashland

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I found that taking hikes is a good way to reconnect not only with each other but nature. Life takes on a different perspective when you are surrounded by God's work. It is free (but if you are going to do a lot of hiking you need to invest in good boots) and you are alone together. There are lots of books out there listing local hikes. This is also a good family activity when you want to involve the kids. In the spring, summer and fall you can bring along your lunch and have a picnic too.

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Hi M.,

My husband and I typically try to do outdoor things like hikes, cross-country ski, fishing etc. Before I met him, I didn't do much of any of those things but he's more into the outdoors and I found after trying them that they were actually fun and it gave us plenty of time to talk to each other. Plus, since I'm so willing to do those things with him, he's better at agreeing when I say "let's go to the museum" or something like that (or maybe even then he'd be willing to try the dance class :). You could also go to a comedy show - they have places in Worcester and Clinton as well as Boston. The Strand Theater in Clinton also has a food (pub type) and beer and wine so you can eat & drink while watching the comedy show or movie.

Another idea is to purchase an Entertainment Book. It has good ideas for places to go, things to do, and places to eat. It's also full of coupons and most of them are 'buy one get one free' or half off coupons. You can also use it for ideas for the family to do stuff and save money. Barnes-n-Nobles usually carries them and they have them for different regions so you can check it out before you buy it and it's usually only $20.

I'd also recommend that if you need a sitter, try to find another couple and offer to exchange babysitting nights (you watch their kids one time and the next time they do it for you).

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I know it is really hard to find time often for just yourself but what I find works best is picking a night when you can get a sitter as date night. So if you can every other month pick a saturday night as your date night and do all sorts of different things. One night go to dinner and have a nice bottle wine and enjoy conversation. Or get other couples to meet out for dinner with you. Go to a concert...if you like to do that or Movies, or a show. Sometimes my husband and I plan a night down at Foxwoods. We will go to dinner and play some games and then spend the night. We try to spend a night or weekend alone once a yr. Just try to find fun inexpensive things to do once in a while alone. I know it is hard to find time...and energy but it is really good for the both of you to have some alone time.

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Here's a suggestion that is inexpensive and requires no babysitter.

Wait until all the kids are asleep
Hop into bed...bring your favorite drinks, your favorite snacks, put on some good music

Bring some photo albums of when you and your husband were first together...Look through the photos together,snuggled up in bed. There are a lot of memories there - You will have tons of conversations that start with "Remember when...."

You will both remember those romantic times when you were just falling in love. Before you became really busy with kids and family life. I think this is the best way to reconnect...and much better, easier and cheaper than a dance class.

Enjoy

T., SAHM of three (8, almost 7 and 13 months)

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Hi M.,

I'm not sure how easy it would be to get out all that often with three little ones. But, my husband and I go biking and walking together weather permitting. We also go cross country skiing or show shoeing in the winter. These are sports that are not expensive, but a lot of fun. We have been married for 25 years and have one 12 year old. He sometimes comes biking and skiing with us. These are great family sports as well.
We also make it a point to go out to dinner once a month without our son. We don't go to the movies because we want to talk when it's our time.
If you can afford it, try to make a point of getting a sitter or family to watch the children so you can go out at least once a month. I am one of 7 and my parents went out once a week and stayed married all of their lives.

Good Luck

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M.,

You didn't say where you live but I will tell you what is in our area. Dave's fresh pasta (Davis Square, Somerville) has pasta sauce making classes as well as wine tasting and wine pairing nights you can go to. My husband and I really enjoy these.
For other ideas I would think about anything that interests one or both of you and try to find an activity around that where it be playing cards or talking a hike together.

Good luck,
L. M

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A comedy show and dinner is always fun, going into Fanieul Hall and walking around, even grabbing a cup of coffee and reading magazines at Barnes and Noble is fun for us! During the warmer months (when are those coming?), we'll enjoy a cocktail on the deck together, take a hike, go on a picnic, or hit a bike trail for rollerblading or biking. It is so hard to spend quality time together. My husband is a police officer and works most weekends, so I try to plan something nice for his occasional weekend off, especially since there are a million things around the house that need to be done!!!

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OMG, can so relate. have three 9/6/3 and have been together for over 20 years. Of you get some good ideas please share!!
P.

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With three kids, you probably don't have loads of extra money to spend, so how about just going to McDonald's the two of you? It's cheap and it IS a restaurant! :) ALSO: How about a walk on the beach? Even in winter, it is nice. Or how about a walk through Essex, CT (if you live around that area). You can then just stop in for a drink in one of the places (Griswold Inn or the Black Seal or whatever that little place is on the main street). Good luck and have fun.

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Hi M.,

You all can go to Borders/Barnes&Nobles together. Have a coffee at Starbucks, or go to dinner. Contemporary Art Museum is great, as well as just exploring downtown on foot. These are some of the things we like to do as a couple...

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I wish I wrote this!!! I will wait to see what the Ladies will say, I could use some help in this area!!

1 mom found this helpful

Bummer! My husband never wants to do dancing classes either!

We've been married 16-1/2 years and 11-14 years of marriage was a tough period for us. Now things are smoother but it takes some effort...and it takes some time to remember to relax!

One thing my brother and sister-in-law do, that I think is awesome, is they have a surprise outing that each one of them plans sometime in the year. Whoever is planning the next one, reserves the weekend with the other to make sure there is not a time conflict, and then the planner makes all of the arrangements. It may be as simple as a camping trip with some hiking, it might be a tour of some obscure place with a nice dinner somewhere, or it might be a B&B trip planned for an entire weekend.They trade off making the plans, so they don't get into a rut of one person always doing all of the work. And it has become a long-standing adventure of surprises for them as a couple.

My husband and I have a funny little tradition that we started on our honeymoon. We have a running rummy game that is one continuous game that we've played for 16+ years. Our totals are in the 1000s. So, every once in a while, we pull out the "book" with our tallies and play a few more games. It's funny how a rummy game can be a little romantic interlude, but it actually is for us. It's just kind of a reminder of keeping it simple, even if it gets late.

Another thing we sometimes used to do, when our son was younger, was to have some special time with him. Then after he went to bed, we would set up some candles and just hang out together in the living room. In the beginning, we would just sit there because we'd forgotten how to talk with each other. But don't force it. Now, we've cultivated the candle thing so that we can relax and catch up with each other. Or a nice quiet sit by the fireplace creates the same relaxed setting.

We've never really had the option of relatives taking care of our son, to give us a night off, so it comes down to working with friends or babysitters. If sitters get too expensive, then see if you can arrange things with friends, parsing your kids to different homes or to one family that enjoys a crowd...their own kids, plus yours. (Just make sure you feel comfortable that your kids are safe, whatever route you take.)

As your kids get older, you may find that they begin to go to overnights at friends' homes. If you begin cultivating periodic overnights at your house now, you may find that you can coordinate with friends' families so that you can have an occasional night to yourselves, whether it is at home or on the town. (The old "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" kind of thing.) In the last year or two, we've found ourselves enjoying several quiet nights at home to ourselves. What a novel thing!

I can't stress how important it is to remember that you are a couple as well as a family with kids. One is essential for the other to work, either direction.

Best of luck and enjoy!

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Letterboxing or geocashing!

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I have a great idea! My husband and I started doing this about 3 years ago and you can rent the equipment. Paintballing. I know it sounds crazy, but my husband suggested we do it and I was kinda like IDK but then we did it and it was awesome. Its great excersise, completely safe, fun, and you get to shoot each other. I bet if you suggest that he would totally go for it. Then maybe you can get him to do dance classes. Its a win win situation. I love paintballing we go about 3 times a year and we have a blast. Try it you two just might fall in love with it. Good luck. The place we go to is in Bridgewater, Paintball heaven.

Ann-Marie

1 mom found this helpful

Hello M., This may seem elementary, but how about starting out simple with a movie night...some film perhaps you and your husband can critique afterward? There are some pretty great films out there all of a sudden. Who knows? Perhaps a suggesting for a 'bite to eat' may pop up. If so, I suggest you put your mind and body to rest and practice 'presence' in the moment. Don't try to force conversation(s)between the two of you and cover every subject you can think of...just 'BE'. Acknowledging you need time is the first step. The rest will follow naturally if you allow yourself the gift of time and space to b r e a t h e . There are sooooo many 'relationship' books out there. If you like Oprah, she has an amazing Soul Series online. You can download webcasts for free. This week she also happens to be offering a free download on sexuality by the way...along with other topics;) I think there may be something there that can help you with relationships, at any rate. Good luck! Be Peace, N.

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I'm going to echo what many have said here, cross country skiing or a hike. It's inexpensive, especially if you own the skis or if you go for a hike. Make a date night and stick to it too. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I have 4 kids and me and my husband cant do anything without getting interrupted but last weekend me and him went hiking in the woods while the kids were at there friends houses. It was really fun!!!!!!!!!!!

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