Acting up at Restaurants

15 mos is right around the age that they learn they are unable to control MOST of their environment, so will try any way possible... Both of my boys went through this independent, fighting stage; including, BUT NOT LIMITED to strollers, diaper changes, high chairs, shopping carts... it is definately a stage that he will soon grow out of (then you will have an all new stage to adjust to :) I always had a small bag of toys they only saw at restaurants. I try to get the kids to interact w/ the server, that way, everytime they visit the table, the kids have something to smile about and look forward to. Let your little guy hold a big grown-up menu and show him the pictures and make yum-yum sounds. Right now, going to a restaurant is going to take a lot of energy from you JUST to keep the peace. I think now is a great time to set boundaries at home, but not so much in a restaurant (and believe me, I have no problem putting my three-year old in time-out in the freezer section at the store if I have to) but 15 months is a little young to understand how to behave in public. He wants to control his environment, so give him something that he can control. Maybe make getting into the highchair a GAME; maybe say, "I'm gonna throw this baby into the chair, (pull back,) 1 (pull back again) 2, 3! and pretend to toss him in; By the time he's done laughing, he'll be buckled in snugly. good luck!

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At a very young age, i started prepping my son in the car with the "good behavior" speech, its amazing what they really understand. The same thing every time. This is what good behavior is, you are a good boy, you will have good behavior etc. Then i would remind him when we sat down. But the main thing was to be prepared. At dinner, you can still make it structured with changing activities every so often. Catch him immemdiately being good, and reward him with a song, pat a cake etc. When is starts to act up, remind him what good behavior is. I also started explaining that mommy was going to sit and enjoy dinner too, and how everyone else is enjoying theirs. If there are other children being good, you can bring that to there attention too. Dont compare, just tell him that they are having good behavior, lets have good behavior too. It is somewhat annoying, and difficult to stick with, and sometimes you'll still need to ask for a to go box early. Then explain the reason for leaving, and prep again the next time. I have always liked to go out to eat once a week, and not taking my son is rarely an option (military), so this is what worked for us! good luck.

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We used to bring the booster seat from home with the snap-on tray. The kind you can strap to a chair. That helped us (also good at movies)

It also my be time to not go to restaurants for a while. Honor where your child is & remember it will never last long!

P

being a parent sometimes means making decisions that aren't your favorites. maybe you need to forgo the family eatouts until he's a little older and enjoys the experience as much as you do...??? good luck

Have you tried taking some crayons and a sheet or two of paper. Maybe some sort of small toys. Crayons seem to work with my son-or at least buy us enough time to finish dinner. We only eat out at buffets-we can get our food fast and finish when we need to. I don't remember the last time we actually sat and waited for our food. I think everyone has this problem, so don't feel to bad. It will pass-till then, eat fast. :o)

My son is 3.5, and we still don't take him to any restaurant where there is not a playland of some sort. Even at home, he will take a few bites, get up and do something, and then sit back down and take a few more bites. I have read that some children cannot sit still for mealtimes until about the age of 4.

The upside is that my husband and I have learned to be great cooks during this time. Now our friends would rather come over to our house than go out to eat! They bring their kids, and we let the whole gang play in the living room, while we enjoy some conversation with our meal.

Hi A. K! I don't know how much this will help bu maby if you try taking his favorite blanket or favorite toy or something that would capture his attention. Also Trying praying and beleive the Lord to Bless. Hope this will help. Agapelovegrace.

Oh A., I feel your pain. My son is 22 months old. He has never liked being "confined". Car seats, strollers, highchairs, etc. Just like your little guy.
My answer. Toys. Nothing expensive, nothing noisy, but they have saved the day for us.
Little cars & trains are great. We also bring little board books from the library. And the books make great tunnels for the cars!
The two items that have been winners and we always get asked by other parents about them: A peg board. It's a foam board with holes in it. It comes with all these chunky plastic pegs you can put in the holes or stack on top of each other.
The other item is a little wind up Thomas train and a circle of track.
Both of these items are for when we're out only. That way they stay "special".
Good luck!

This is simply what 15 month olds do. This is not bad behavior, but AGE-APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR and should not be punished. He's way too young to expect him to sit thru dinner like an older kid can. You should, of course, still try to show him what behavior you expect from him in a restaurant. Just don't expect it to stick. Same way you are probably telling him "no," "hitting is not nice," "gentle touches" over and over at home and he's just not getting it yet. He's still too young to comprehend what you're telling him, understand it and put it away in his little memory bank so he can remember it in the future. I know other moms will probably tell you to make him "get it" but honestly, he's still too young. This is why we no longer eat out in restaurants if our toddler is with us. And if he is with us, we choose a place with quick service, maybe a buffet. So we can get in and out fast. When he's finished eating, he's finished. Ready to play. Let's go. Why are we still sitting here. Because he is a toddler, not a 5 year old. And if we need him to give us more time, yes, we use food to keep him in his seat or we take turns walking him around so we don't disturb other diners. When a mom asked Dr Sears how to handle a similiar mealtime problem, this was his answer. I loved it!
"While it is important to exercise parental authority, a constant struggle like this won’t help strengthen her respect for you (especially if you usually lose this struggle). The limits you set should be consistently enforced: she is NEVER allowed to run out into the street, she is NEVER allowed to handle a steak knife, etc. But to try and keep her sitting in a high chair while you are trying to eat dinner seems like a battle I wouldn’t want to fight."
There can be so many battles with a toddler, I say get a sitter and skip this battle :)

FORGET the high chair. I have 5 kids and the oldest is 6, we are able to go out to eat for a pretty peaceful dinner.
I always like to sit in a booth, both parents on the ends kids inside. Use crayons, travel draw things, matchbox cars to play with. Get something that you use just at restraunts so it's special. Also, don't hesitate to ask for crackers, etc. while you wait for your food.
Also, as I do with whereever we go, set the ground rules before you go in. In the car, let your child know what you expect of him and what punishment for him to expect if he doesn't follow the rules. He may only be 15 mo. old but can understand much more than you think.
Good luck and happy dining!

When our two older boys were little we gave up on trying to eat out in restaurants. It was not worth it! We ordered "take out." We have had "take out" food from all the best restaurants in Nashville! We even ordered "take out" when we went on vacation to the beach. By the time our two younger children came along the older children showed them by example how to act in restaurants. Our younger children were much easier to take out to dinner. You can find menus for most restaurants online. Call ahead. Most restaurants will let you order "take out." I would call in the order and my husband would pick it up on his way home from work. I didn't even want to drag two kids in to pick up "take out"! They are little for such a short time, so this too will pass.

My son was ADHD as he grew up and still is but when he was small it was nearly impossible to take him to a restaurant for a while until I learned to take him a handful of small toys to play with while I did the ordering and got the food there for us to eat. IT was his favorite things that he played with all the time. They weren't small enough to swallow but just the right size for his little chubby hands and he would play with them, sometimes with a bit of help from his sister or me. There are many small soft little things now that don't make noise and are wonderful to take with you to the "outside world". Choose a variety for they sometimes get bored. Things that light up or do little things are wonderful fot they keep the attention the best. Hope this helps.
S.

Hi A.,

I have the perfect solution! :) Sometimes I feel like I should write a book with all of my great teaching training. Sorry I get so carried away. ;0)

#1 Have a plan.
#2 Be consistent and stick to it.

Before you ever go, think to yourself what will work for you and him. Set up in your mind and/or write it on paper exactly what you want to happen. So, A) He will sit in his chair correctly. Then B.) what will happen if he doesn't? (know ahead of time) like you are going to carry him out to the car... or carry him to the bathroom, or have a time out pillow with you, etc. Whatever will work for you, but like I said PLAN for any response he may give you. That way you are ready and surprise him instead of him catching you off guard.
Also, in your PLAN come up with positives. I think this is most important!!! Like give him a chart with the opportunity to fill it up each time he sits quietly. Then make sure to really reward him for doing any little good behavior... maybe his first could be from walking nicely to his chair...talking in a restaraunt voice, using good manners, etc. whatever as long as he is immediately rewarded. If he fills up his chart then he gets extra food, or a treat, a new toy... do cheap things like a box of crayons or a new $1 coloring book. As long as you act like it is the coolest prize ever, he will think that too.

You could do a sticker chart or do smiley faces. (If a chart is too much just have some M & M's handy--give one out each time he is good.) Sometimes I see teachers do a chart for one day and have the child try and earn as many sticker possible. Then the next time you go, see if he can beat his record. Again it is focusing on all the positives he is doing.

You can even staple like 5 pieces of paper together and bring it with you for him to draw on while you all wait. Maybe he has to wait to go to the next page until you acknowledge another positive behavior. Even do like a bonus double reward if the waitress notices how good he is.

I would use this system for anything and everything you do... like going to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, church, airport, in the car, movies, etc. As long as you have a plan and stick to it. You will be good. The child learns what to expect and how to be rewarded for good behavior. Obviously it can change as he grows up.

Good luck, sorry again that I write so much! I know your little one is only 15 months, but he understands. Plus this is the PERFECT age to start setting limits and sticking to them. If you think he is old enough, try going over the 'plan' before you take him out to dinner. That way he will know what to expect also and he knows it is his choice.

(one more thing! sorry!) If you do have to do consequences only make time out last one minute. It should only be one minute for their age. 1year-1 min. 2 years-2 min. 3 years-3 min. etc. There attention span is too short. Which is also why it is crucial to do immediate reinforcement (positive or negative) when the behavior occures.

okay I'm done! ;)
A.
Let me know if you have any questions.

portable DVD player...'nuf said!

I have a 20 month old that has never sat in the highchair for more then 5 minutes never would go in the swing always wants to be free. What works for me is to get a booth everytime we go out to eat and put him on the inside next to you or dad. This works wonders for my son. However if we are their more then an hour he gets annoyed and has to get up. Hope this helps. I still myself have not figured out how to get my son to stop dumping throwing and stomping his food at home we we try to eat.

I have a 27 month old boy that is also very strong willed. He, like your son, acts up in resturants and just about every where else. We have just had to continue taking him out and dealing with his actions.If you were to stop taking him out he would never learn how to act when in public. He is somewhat out growing these tandrums now, but what we did to help him at that age was we bought several small toys (trucks, cars,motorcycles ect)we would leave them in a small diaper bag in the car and the only time he got to play with them was in the resturant, that way they were new to him everytime we went to eat. He would then sit in the high chair and play with the toys. But like any toddler boy, his attention span is not very long so dont get discouraged if he only plays for a little while. Usually my son would play just long enough for the food to arrive..then back in the bag the toys would go until next time we went out to eat. Just keep in mind, no toddler boy wants to sit still or be confined to one place, they are by nature little explorers! But it does get a little better with age and anyone that has ever had a boy will know exactly what you and your child are going through and will understand.

With 4 kids, I can see your delima, but when my daughter hit that stage we bagan taking some things along with us, anythng that would attract attention. I play peek-a-boo with them and even use some of the sweetener packets to my advantage. It's all about using your imagination. Since I have started using these little things, we have been compimented on how great our kids are in public.

I understand the desire to go out to resturants as a family and there will be plenty of time to do that when your son is older. for now, i would suggest you hire a babysitter and have a nice dinner out with your husband. Or order take-out and put a special table cloth on your table and make it seem like you are eating out. i have twin toddlers and a newborn. the idea of going out to dinner is just a joke to us. we tried it one time when the twins were about 15 months old and we had to get our food to go (after siting for only 15 minutes). it was a miserable experience for everyone (including the other customers). when your son is 2 or 3, he will probably be able to handle eating out. and wouldn't a nice dinner with your husband sans a squirmy toddler be great?

Join the club. If you figure that one out let me know.
I have a 23 month old and she goes in the high chair fine but in 5 minutes .... (WAY BEFORE THE FOOD COMES), she is ready to get out and she will stand up and fuss about it too.
I just bribe with food and sometimes just get ugly. It never really works. Seems like we are always gushing down our food to get out of there which isn't enjoyable at all. I would rather just stay home and eat.
So... you aren't alone; just their nature.
Good luck.

my daughter is 5, and right now is perfect in restaurants. but she wasn't always. she went through phases were she just could not go. if we wanted to eat out, we got a sitter and she stayed home. but then a month or two latter we would try her again, and she would do really well. if he cant behave and sit still, he just cant go. i have two children, and i can tolerate a lot from other peoples children, but i would not want to listen to your son scream while i was eating. it is probably just a phase that he will outgrow, mine did. good luck.

My son went through a similar stage around this age. It is a very difficult age b/c it is not easy to discipline due to the fact that they really don't comprehend what they did to get in trouble. My husband agreed to avoid eating out for a couple of months, at least in places that are not family friendly. It probably won't last long. Other than that, I found that trying to move his attention on to something else worked better than anything else.

Good luck and remember it will pass!

Jessi

I bring a portable dvd player for my 2 yr old to watch at restaurants.

Feed him before you go. Once he has a full belly, just offer up little toys, snacks to have to entertain him with.

I think that timing is the key. He is a toddler- the worst age for having to sit still. I would make plans to go, but run his buns off before you go, so he is tired. You can't have your cake and eat it too, at this age. Go to a kid friendly place, lots of noise, where he won't bother anyone. To me, when mine were that age, it wasn't worth it. I got a sitter once a week, and had quiet time with my husband. Put him to bed early and order out, have family and friens in. You are an adult and can sit, 15molds can't.

try getting a booth and letting him sit with you in the booth (on the inside, so you can controi wandering) or let him sit on your lap. He may just not like the high chair. Get one of those seats that attaches to the table - maybe he'd like that - just probably wants to be where the big people are. it may work and it may not, you'll just have to experiment. it is just a phase, though, as all of the moms have said....

We only go to family-friendly restaurants where I know there will be a lot of kids! If we go to a nice restaurant, it's only my husband and me - we leave the kids with their Nonni.

Hi A.,

I agree that this is age-appropriate behavior for a toddler. I also agree that it is better to go to family restaurants and keep him as close to you as possible. Books, toys, especially those he only gets to play with in restaurants may help.

Though not all will agree with me here, I always thought in terms of trying hard not to punish other people in a restaurant if my kids were tired, not able to wait for their food, or having a really bad behavior day. Sometimes I'd just ask the wait person to get our food to-go. And sometimes I'd just wait a few months to try again. They will finally get out of this stage, and eventually they'll act better, as long as you expect it of them.

Good luck and happy dining!
D.

Does he sit in his high chair at home okay? If he has to sit in his high chair at home for meals it should be no different for restaurants. Dinner time is dinner time. I would take a board book or small toys while you wait. Something he has to sit down to get. My in-laws always wanted to pick them up and walk around the restaurant. They learn that if they cry/scream they get to get up. Be consistent, it will get better.

You may want to try using a booster seat and let him be a big boy. I would keep the high chair at the table as well and let him know that if he can't be a big boy in the booster seat he will have to go into the highchair. I would also make sure you have plenty of his toys to keep him occupied while you are waiting for the food. Another thing alot of people do that my husband and I hated was getting your child's food before everyone elses. The way we looked at it once he was done with his meal ours would be getting there and then he would be bored and would never sit still long enough for us to enjoy our meals......GL

Fisher Price makes a booster seat with toys on it. That is what we use when we go out. We keep it in the van in case we go to a friends house who doesn't have a high chair.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2861762

Hi A.~
It's getting more difficult to take our 12 month old out for meals as well. We have reluctantly resorted to take out. And then we reserve special dinners for nights when we can get a babysitter. It may be a few years yet before we start bringing him back out. Good luck!
P.

I understand having to bribe with food, I myself have done that with my son and you're right, it's not a good habit to start. And I don't want to seem rude...but you may just need to stop eating out as a family for a while. Wait until he's older. I know it sounds harsh but with him acting up it's not fun for you or others around you so for now just dine as a family at home.

I have the same issue with my 2 year old since he was about that age. We quit putting him in highchairs and let him sit in either the booster seat or just the normal seat like a "big boy". He does better this way. We also bring toys just for restaurants (ones that he does not play with much at home but does enjoy playing with when he has them) and we let him play while we are eating. Sometimes we will also ask one of our friends to watch our kids while we go eat so my husband and I can have a peaceful dinner every once in a while.

I have a 19 month old and he started acting the same way around 15 months. I think it is a phase and we limit eating out temporarily or get a sitter. It's impossible to enjoy a meal with him.

My only advice is to make sure he is not overtired when you go to eat, feed him a little prior and then more during your meal. You may want to put him in a booster, next to you, so that he does not feel confined.

Good luck!

Have you considered a toy that he only gets at restaurants? If he can associate some special favorite thing for him with dining out, he might grow to accept it.

Also, I don't know that it's wrong to "bribe" with food in this situation. When our son was that age, we always took along a little cup of applesauce or something to the restaurant and fed it to him while we waited for the rest of the food. It helped keep him occupied instead of having to be hungry and wait.

I agree with taking what you can to keep his attention, It is very hard espically when it takes forever to get your food, while your waiting on your food I would get him out of the high chair and play with in your lap. wait intil they are 4 and can get up and run around. Ha Good Luck Jennifer

I haven't read through all of the responses, but a special bag of toys, coloring books, etc. that only comes out at restaurants is definitely a good idea (and when your son is older fill a plastic egg with playdough and keep it in your purse--my kids always loved it). Also try the idea of taking along a cup of applesauce or a cup of canned fruit (mandarin oranges, pears, pineapple--I used to dump the juice and then give the cup to my kids to cut down on sticky mess).

Some other things to consider: go out to eat when your child is not overly tired, hungry but not too hungry. Pick family-friendly restuarants and go early to avoid long waits for food. You and your husband should also be prepared to take turns walking your child around after he's finished eating (does the place have a fish tank, video games, sidewalk, etc?). Most kids that age just can't sit for the time it takes adults to eat a restaurant meal, and if your kid is particularly high-energy, you have to work with that. Ask for your check when your food comes and go ahead and pay because you should be prepared to leave if your child just can't stick it out. We need to consistently teach our children how to behave in public, but fifteen months is a hard age. I'm all for taking kids out into the world so they can learn what to do, but I don't think it's fair to do that at everyone else's expense, so if your kid isn't up to cooperating, ask for boxes and go home. Your kid will eventually get the idea that his behavior is not okay and will not be tolerated. It won't be fun for you at first, but if you keep it up, one day you'll have one of those polite kids I always admire in public, and your whole family will be able to enjoy a meal out. Good luck--it does get better!