J.W. asks from Kaneohe, HI on October 01, 2012
Absent Parents at Playground!?!
We all have seen the article on Mamapedia, or read the book that discusses the "helicopter parent" (which talks about letting kids 'figure things out by themselves') but I think some parents are taking it way too far. Last night, while I was taking our sick dog to the Animal ER, my husband took my son up to our neighborhood park. We visit the park almost every night to let our 3 year old play and are amazed at the lack of parents there with their children. I'm not talking about 12 year olds by themselves, but 4, 5, and 6 year olds! We live in a very nice, safe neighborhood, but the lack of parental supervision at the playground we witness on a daily basis has gotten out of hand!
Anyway, long story short, there was a little boy (6 years old at the most) at the park (unsupervised) as well as my husband and our 3 year old son. This little boy started swinging from the monkey bars, and then decided to try to skip every other bar. My husband could see the myriad of injuries that could result, and politely told him, "Be careful, buddy! I don't want you to get hurt!" The boy acknowledged my husband, but continued anyway.
Not more than three minutes later, the boy missed the bar he was going for and fell to the ground, arm outstretched to catch himself, and broke his arm VERY badly!! My husband of course, ran to him (after safely taking our son out of the swing on a nearby swingset) and tried calming him down enough to figure out where he lived. My husband was about to call 911, but luckily another neighborhood boy that is friends with the boy that got hurt, had just gotten to the park, witnessed what happened, and ran to get the boy's parents.
So my questions are: How old is "old enough" to go to the park/playground by yourself? Aren't parents worried about risks in addition to getting hurt? For example, being kidnapped??? Or have they become disconnected from being a parent all together?
How many of you witness the parent at the park (at least they are physically there) sitting on a bench, or pacing back and forth (completely disengaged with their kids) while talking on his/her cell phone and THEIR child is asking US to push them on the swing!?
It's very concerning to me...I am aware we can not protect our children from everything, but the idea that some parents have by letting their children "fend for themselves" blows my mind!
So What Happened?™
@Jo W.-Are you kidding me??? My "over the top intervention?" are you serious??? Would you have said that if he had been your son??? Saying, "that kid could have walked home or to a nearby friends house" is the most ridiculous statement I've heard! He was 6 years old at most!!!! The bones in his arm were clearly broken, and he was writhing in horrific pain, but yet you say, "walk home"! Unbelievable! This is exactly what kind of parent I'm talking about! Sure, we all have a sense of community around here too, and YES of course I give someone else's child a push on the swings, and yes we look after kids that are in our neighborhood whether parents are there or not, or if we have been asked to or not because children are so vulnerable and at that age are incapable of helping themselves in an emergency situation! But what if that child (God forbid) had broken his neck?? Would you have said then, oh walk home, kid?! I surely don't think so. Children are our greatest gift, and I will continue to be a responsible and active participant in my child's life.
Featured Answers
T.N. answers from Albany on October 02, 2012
Well, many children fall and break things every single day WHILE MOM OR DAD IS LOOKING RIGHT AT THEM. So I'd like to hear this boy's mom's side of the story before I judge.
I REALLY wish we could all just give each other a freaking break already.
:(
8 moms found this helpful
K.H. answers from Richmond on October 02, 2012
FINALLY!! another parent who isnt a member of the "let the kids fend for themselves club", unfortunately, because, the uninvolved parents vastly un number the involved parents, WE get the "gee, will you push me on the swing? will you help me? can i have a snack ?wheres my momma?", i cant tell you how many times i have been glared at by the un involved parents because i bring a snack for my child, pick her up when she slips and falls, STAY and PLAY with my child rather then walk off and leave her to fend for herself, she is TWO, not twelve. we walk a mile almost every day( with her in the stroller) to go to her favorite park, and i am supposedly supposed to just casually walk off and leave her???i am 43 years old and disabled, if i can walk a mile with my child to go the park and play with her, then why cant the un involved parents do at least that much?is that really asking too much?
K. h.
7 moms found this helpful
T.S. answers from Philadelphia on October 01, 2012
Who the hell does this to a child? My oldest is 4 and I don't even let him stand outside in the backyard by himself. If we are outside and I have to run inside to get something, I make him come with me and stand at the door. Playgrounds are hard because I am chasing my 21 month old daughter around but I always have my eye on my boy. And if I have my mom with me at the playground, we each take a kid to watch and I will follow my son around. I helicopter parent, I know it. But I also enjoy being with my kids. I don't know how old my kids will be when I am comfortable with them doing things without an adult, but it will be a long time!
7 moms found this helpful
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J.W. answers from St. Louis on October 02, 2012
I understand that helicopter parents need to justify their restrictive parenting but you are way off on this. That child would have either walked home or to their nearest friends house without your over the top intervention.
My kids ran around our subdivision since they were four. No one kidnapped them, they came home if they were hurt, and they never went in a friends house without calling first to give me the location.
I can't speak for a park because there are no parks within walking distance. My ex's new house backs up to a park, had we lived there I would have had no problem letting my kids play there with their friends.
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The biggest difference between now and then, well it is still this way in my subdivision, is we looked out for each other's kids without making anyone feel bad if their kid happened to get the biggest injury of the day.
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Um, yeah, walking home, wasn't like it was his leg though I am pretty sure my kids would have figured out how to get home with a broken leg as well.
You are attributing your personality and that of your kids to a child you don't know. Not every kid is like yours, thankfully most of us know our kids ability. Just because it looks wrong to you doesn't mean it is in fact wrong.
What has always floored me about helicopters is that they have no problems telling us everything we do wrong yet I have yet to see anyone like me go up to a helicopter and say you are hovering! Keep your attitude to yourself and I can assure you people will keep theirs to themselves as well.
11 moms found this helpful
T.N. answers from Albany on October 02, 2012
Well, many children fall and break things every single day WHILE MOM OR DAD IS LOOKING RIGHT AT THEM. So I'd like to hear this boy's mom's side of the story before I judge.
I REALLY wish we could all just give each other a freaking break already.
:(
8 moms found this helpful
S.T. answers from Washington DC on October 02, 2012
i'm so tired of the battle lines.
we can all find extreme examples to support our parenting styles. and everyone is feels just so justified and so very RIGHT by pointing out how awful all *those* parents are.
you just don't know. you don't know if that little boy's parents just got the news that one of them has terminal cancer and they were sitting there in shock. their attention got distracted for a second and off he went. kids do that.
you don't know if that mom on the cell phone not pushing her kid on the swing is talking to her mortgage company who is getting ready to foreclose on her house.
my son broke his wrist on a friend's trampoline, a block away. he broke it again driving his go-kart in our backyard. i was not right there for the one, and standing right there for the other.
i wish everyone would stop putting themselves on pedestals about what wonderful parents they are. i'll bet i did dozens of things that even you who like me wouldn't do. and i have zero doubt that i could pick holes in any single one of your parenting styles.
just knock it off.
khairete
S.
7 moms found this helpful
C.R. answers from Seattle on October 01, 2012
I called 911 for the very first time over the summer because there was a 3 year old little girl at the park by herself. She was there for AT LEAST an hour before people started leaving and I realized none of the moms were hers. It was getting late, dark and chilly. I had put a coat on my daughter and hung out a good 30 minutes longer than I wanted to. Not 5 minutes before the cop got there her dad came down from nearby apartments and took her home, telling me this was the third time she'd "snuck out" in the last few months. Really?? Snuck out??? Yeah, those 3 year olds are stealthy... C'mon!
7 moms found this helpful
T.S. answers from Philadelphia on October 01, 2012
Who the hell does this to a child? My oldest is 4 and I don't even let him stand outside in the backyard by himself. If we are outside and I have to run inside to get something, I make him come with me and stand at the door. Playgrounds are hard because I am chasing my 21 month old daughter around but I always have my eye on my boy. And if I have my mom with me at the playground, we each take a kid to watch and I will follow my son around. I helicopter parent, I know it. But I also enjoy being with my kids. I don't know how old my kids will be when I am comfortable with them doing things without an adult, but it will be a long time!
7 moms found this helpful
T.S. answers from San Francisco on October 01, 2012
My parents (mom) never came with me to the park/playground.
I either walked or took the bus to/from school.
This was rural/suburban Iowa, in the 70's.
Back when they still had kiddie/wading pools in the park.
Sure there were creeps and weirdos but I suppose my friends and I had what a lot of kids lack these days: common sense!!!
I don't think I left my kids alone in a park until they were at least 8 or 9 but they sure as Hell knew how to spot a creepy character. I made sure of that from day one.
7 moms found this helpful
K.H. answers from Richmond on October 02, 2012
FINALLY!! another parent who isnt a member of the "let the kids fend for themselves club", unfortunately, because, the uninvolved parents vastly un number the involved parents, WE get the "gee, will you push me on the swing? will you help me? can i have a snack ?wheres my momma?", i cant tell you how many times i have been glared at by the un involved parents because i bring a snack for my child, pick her up when she slips and falls, STAY and PLAY with my child rather then walk off and leave her to fend for herself, she is TWO, not twelve. we walk a mile almost every day( with her in the stroller) to go to her favorite park, and i am supposedly supposed to just casually walk off and leave her???i am 43 years old and disabled, if i can walk a mile with my child to go the park and play with her, then why cant the un involved parents do at least that much?is that really asking too much?
K. h.
7 moms found this helpful
✿.*. answers from Los Angeles on October 01, 2012
Helicopter parent or not, I think think it's important to be present at the park. Too many weirdos and they can get hurt! I wish more parents had this mindset and would intervene when kids are "trying to work things out", most of the time they need guidance on how to work it out. Ugh, don't get me started :)
PS: I've encountered the pushing on the swing requests too and I usually comply.
6 moms found this helpful
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